My head is throbbing from the moment we enter. Everywhere I look is another magicae with some kind of glamor charm and trying to manipulate one another into laughing louder, agreeing with, or complimenting them. It almost makes me turn around and leave.

Tom seems to sense it as he smiles apologetically at me. "Trust me, I don't want to be here either, but duty calls." He pauses for a moment, his voice and features soft as he says, "You look beautiful, by the way."

"I'm pretty sure you're only saying that because it's the first time you've seen me in a dress instead of armor." I tease and follow his lead around the edge of the ballroom. Tom stays silent as the blood creeps up his neck and cheeks. "And judging by the many shades of pink you are right now, I suppose I'm right."

Tom opens his mouth to say something, but he doesn't get the chance to as a woman around our age in a glimmering red gown approaches with a snake-like smile. "Tommy, I'm so glad to see you here." She cheers before noticing my arm linked through his and realizing what I am. "And I see you brought a pet."

"Actually, Nimera, she's my guest for the event." Tom replies with a diplomatic smile, but there's no warmth in it like usual. "This is Xenia."

Nimera offers me only a glare a a snarky, "Aren't you going to say it's a pleasure to meet me?"

"I prefer not to lie."

She huffs and seethes, "Well, at least, I'm not a filthy, soulless folamh." I keep my expression neutral as she turns to Tom, but that changes as soon as she reaches for his arms. It all happens on instinct as I hit on the pressure point in her hand and hold her arm. "Get your hands off of me!"

"Not until you agree to keep yours to yourself."

"Fine. Now let go." She screeches and runs away with a nasty glare over her shoulder the moment I do.

"Before you ask, no."

"'No' what?" Tom questions as I return to my spot and continue to survey the room. "I didn't say anything."

"It wasn't because of what she said. She moved towards you, and I reacted on instinct as if it was a threat." I tell him quite to avoid drawing any more attention. "I apologize if I overreacted, but I assure you, neither she or anyone else can call me a name I haven't heard before."

"I'm sorry." He whispers softly. I simply nod and pretend to not notice the way his hand brushes my own. "And no need to apologize, she's always been unbearable."

"At least you get to see her with the glamor charms. I don't think this room is half as pretty as it must be to you."

"I don't think anything could make it pretty with everything I know about these people." Tom whispers conspiratorially. "For example, do you see that guy? He's got about fifteen cats at home, and every one of them has rabies"

I give him a disbelieving look and shake my head as I continue to monitor the room.

"I'm serious. If you don't believe me, go ask about his cats." Tom tells me with a teasing grin, and it starts the next round of the game Tom's been playing to make me laugh of even smile. He points out people to me and tells me the wildest stories about them, which I don't know if they're true or not.

"That girl over there has been trying to get me to marry her for past five years."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

"Well, she just wants my money. Has nothing to do with my charm or dashing good looks." I can't help the scoffing laugh that escapes me before I can think better of it. My hand immediately clamps over my mouth, and I resume my neutral expression pretending it never happened. "I'd be offended if I didn't just win."

"Don't get cocky, Holland." I tell him with a half smile.

"I feel like after three weeks of trying to get you to laugh, I deserve to be at least a little bit smug about it." He beams like a child, "Although, now I'm upset I didn't accomplish it sooner. Because it's only now that I find out you have a beautiful laugh as well."

"Just like with the dress, you're only saying that because you've never heard me laugh before." This time, Tom doesn't blush or back down. Instead, he keep smiling and looking at me in a way I don't think anyone ever has before. "What are you looking at me like that for?"

It's only now that Tom seems to break out of his daze as he shakes his head, which dislodges a couple curls loose and tumbling across his forehead. I swear, I hear a few women in the ballroom audibly sigh at it—not that I can blame them. He's quite handsome—with or without those chocolate curls hanging over his brow.

I shake my head to dispel the thought and ask him again. "I don't know what look you're talking about." He replies with that same gentle daze in his eyes. "This is the same way I always look at you."

"That's exactly what I'm talking about." I sigh and dare a glance at the other partygoers. "Don't you see the looks we're getting—that I'm getting and are extended to you just by being near me? So why do you look at me differently than them?"

"Because I've never believed what others say about people like you, and I think you're different than any of these people or I know." Tom tells me before his brows scrunch together. "Is that really so hard for you to believe? That someone can do anything other than look down upon you for who you are?"

"You don't even know who I am. None of these people do." I avoid looking at him, "And before you ask, I doubt it would change anything if they did."

"What about if it was just me?" He questions with wide eyes that remind me of Kandra when she was a pup. "Would that be so terrible?"

The song ends, and I am relieved to step back from the dance floor. There's plenty of noble magicae women in their extravagant gowns waiting for a song with dance. "If you'll excuse me, I think it's time I step back to perform my duties from afar."

Tom nods politely and whispers something to the waiting magicae women as I step away. It's a few minutes of him making idle conversation before he approaches me. "Actually, I think I'm going to dismiss myself early. I'm not really up for it all right now."

"If that's what you want." I tell him without daring to look at him. It stays quiet between us as we climb into the carriage and ride back to the mansion. Tom keeps glancing over at me, and I know he's trying to figure out a way to start the conversation again.

I almost break the quiet. That is right before the carriage lurches to a stop. My hand reaches for one of my daggers hidden in my dress as the other places a finger over my lips to tell Tom to be quiet. It's tense in the cabin as we both stay quiet and listen.

"I don't hear the driver. We need to move. If someone is out there, we'll be cornered." I whisper and look back to Tom, "Just stay close and do exactly as I say."

Tom nods, and I take his hand tube sure he stays close. My feet hit the rough dirt, and it's clear something isn't right. The only thing visible in the moonlight is the cluster of trees surrounding us and the lack of a driver anywhere.

I don't like this. We weren't supposed to take any path through the woods, and the eerie silence is enough to make my stomach churn. It feels like pins pricking every inch of my skin.

Wait, that's not the silence. It's magic.

Immediately, I turn and tug Tom behind me. There's a flash as I do so and a split second after, pain flares through my shoulder. I pull it out and press my own dagger into Tom's hand and whisper through gritted teeth. "Watch my back. I'm taking this idiot down."

The strangers cloak ripples as their arms flail in pointless attempts to cast spells to slow me down. When they realize it's not working, the game changes to fists. My opponent swings with all their might, but overcompensates and exposes their shoulder to me. I use it to return their little gift from seconds ago.

An odd scream bubbles up from them, and they lunge for my waist to knock me back into a tree. It pushes the breathe from my chest. Still, I bring a knee up to where I assume their face is, and I'm proven right by the crack that resounds through the silence.

It's enough to make the attacker let go and hastily make space between them and I. The air crackles with energy as they prepare a spell. I shift their dagger in my hand and throw it right for their sternum, but it buries itself in the side of the carriage as they disappear in a crackle and flash of light.

"Coward." I hiss at the space they once occupied. It's only a second after that the adrenaline fades and my body starts to sway, yet I stumble forward and yank the attacker's dagger from the carriage.

My knees buckle under me, and Tom just barely manages to catch me. "Xenia, are you okay? Why—why would you even do that?"

"Because that's literally my job!"

"Okay, yeah, you got me there." His hand puts pressure on the wound with a handkerchief, and I hiss at the fresh wave of pain that makes my head spin and eyes flutter almost closed.. "Xenia? You're bleeding really badly. Just hold on, Xenia. Please, hold on."

"Please, stop. It's not that bad, even if it hurts a lot. Worst case scenario, they put poison on the blade." I tell him and replace his hand with mine to keep pressure on the wound.

"Poison? Xenia, you're not indestructible." Tom screeches, and it's only now I realize just how panicked he is that I won't make it.

"I know, but most poisons used are enhanced by magic. I promise, I've seen worse." I take his hand and wait for him to look at me. "And it's—it's Y/N, by the way."

"What?"

"My name—my real name—is Y/N." I avoid his eyes as I struggle to my feet. "Just in case something does end up happening, which I doubt it will, I suppose someone should know my real name."

"Wait, so you're saying, no one knows your real name?" He questions, and I bite my lip wondering if I should even answer.

"Not anymore. I doubt my parents could recognize me, even if they tried, and everyone else since has known me as Xenia." I keep a solid grip on the assassin's dagger and start to walk. "I'd appreciate if it stayed between you and I though."

"Of—of course." He stutters, likely knowing that if he says anything he'll never know anything else about me. So, instead, he changes the topic altogether. "What do you think happened to our driver?"

I look up to the perch where the poor chap would have been when our would-be assassin attacked. In his place is a pile of dust, which is likely all that's left of him. "Poor bloke didn't stand much of a chance. Probably was caught by surprise."

"His name was Philip."

"Yeah, well, I hate to say it, but he might have been a part of this." I offer Tom a sad look. "There's no other reason he would have driven us into an area I specifically told him not to. Plus, you can see the flakes of nickel and gold. It looks like he had a few fake coins in his pockets. The attacker probably just vaporized him since they knew they didn't have any value."

"But how would someone even know he was going to be my driver tonight? It's changed all the time. Even I don't know who it will be until shortly before."

"I know. That's what concerns me." I bite my lip in thought as I untether the horses. "Hopefully your parents won't mind if we leave the carriage, but we have to move quickly."

"Well, you're not riding a horse by yourself." Tom says as he helps me up on a horse and climbs up right behind me. "Don't even try to argue with me."

"I wasn't planning to. It would waste too much time." I tell him and urge the horse on. It's tense as we rush back to the Holland mansion. By the time we get there, Tom's handkerchief is soaked and stained, but the bleeding has finally stopped. "We need to find your parents."

"No, we need to get you medical attention." Tom argues, but I shake my head and continue on my search. "Xenia, please."

"Tom, my job is to keep you safe, and that is my priority. So I need to speak to your parents; then I'll patch myself up. Please." I give him the same imploring look he's giving me, and it only takes him a moment before he nods and leads the way.

When we find them, Mrs. Holland immediately begins to fret over us when she notices the blood on my dress. "What happened? Are you both okay?"

I immediately answer 'yes' as Tom says 'no," which I offer him a glare for. "It's nothing I can't handle. There's a more pressing matter to discuss right now." I explain what happened to them, which makes both Dom and Nikki's eyes widen in panic. "In light of the situation, I would like to speak with you about an alternative option to ensure Tom's safety."

"Of course, whatever it takes." Nikki tells me. "What would you suggest?"

"For safety reasons, I can't give details, but it's the place I grew up. Most people don't know the exact location, which means it's very likely whoever is after Tom won't either, and I can guarantee you everyone there will protect him as fiercely as I will."

"Would you be able to have him back in time for his induction?" Nikki asks, and I nod. "Then, I suppose it's up to Tom, but you have my full support either way."

Tom turns to me looking for reassurance, but whatever he's looking for, he finds it almost immediately. "I trust her." He tells his parents before speaking to me, "When do we leave?"

"As soon as you can pack a bag with the utmost essentials. We need to be as far away as we can before sunrise." I give him and his parents a quick nod before leaving to patch myself up and gather my things.

Kandra yowls as I enter, likely questioning what happened or screeching at me if she could actually speak to me like she can other magicae. "Ne tah." It's nothing, I tell her. "Tu depar por montresh." We're going to be leaving soon for the monastery.

This makes her wag her tail in excitement. It's been a years since we left, but I know she loves that place like home. I suppose because to her, it always was.

It takes me a few minutes to get out of the dress and into my regular clothes, and I barely manage to tug my top down before a knock echoes through the door before a familiar head of brown curls peers in. "You can come in."

"So, where exactly are we going?" Tom asks as he enters and begins to put together a bag.

"You'll find out when we get there, but it's gonna be a long trip, so pack accordingly." I tell him as my gaze returns to the ruined dress in my hands. "Remember, essentials only."

"What was it like—where you grew up?" Tom asks as he closes his bag.

"Depends. Are you asking about where I spent my early years? Or where I spent most of my life?" I tell him as I close my own bag. "Not that I'll tell you either way, I'm just curious."

"Well, I suppose I'll find out about one of those when we get there, huh?"

"Mhm. Where's the servant's entrance to the house?" I question as I peer out the window to see a barely lit night. "And what time do they usually leave or go to sleep?"

"They've probably gone to sleep already. I normally take care of myself on nights when I have to attend a party, and follow me."

We stay quiet until we're miles from the mansion; it's only broken by me when I notice Kandra and Tom lagging behind quite a bit. "What are you two doing?" Tom's cheeks flush at the question. The realization dawns on me, and I look between them. "Are you two talking about me?"

"Kandra said I should ask you about the day you found her?"

My gaze snaps to Kandra, "Traitor." Kandra just nudges my hand before taking the lead. "What did she tell you?"

"Not much. She just said that you found her in the snow on a trip like this."

"Than you already know more than you should." I tell him and walk a little faster. "Why is it that you're always asking questions about me? I know you're gonna say you think I'm interesting or something like that, but I don't believe that for a second. So tell me why and maybe—just maybe, I'll give you an answer."

"Because—" Tom pauses and looks down at the leaves crunching under his boots, "—because when I met you, you put up a front that you're tough and emotionless. Then when we were talking that night, I saw this crack in the armor and got a glimpse of someone entirely different. So yeah, I've spent every moment since then trying to get to know the person beneath all that armor."

I actually stop and stare at him as the words leave him. It brings all the feelings I've been pretend weren't there come rushing to the surface, and I suddenly remember how much it hurts to feel. "Okay," I whisper and avoid looking at him in hopes he won't see the tears brimming, "I'll tell you about the day I found Kandra. I'm not ready to share anything more."

"I wouldn't ask you to until you're ready."

The comment makes me feel a little giddy in a way I never knew I could feel. "Anyway, it was the dead of the coldest winter I can remember. I—I was" I suck in a deep breath and search for the words, "—I had just left my home for reasons I won't—can't—talk about just yet. My hands, feet, and face had long since gone numb from the cold, and I was walking this path—thinking that this was it, that I was gonna die out here.

"I stumbled over a tree's roots and laid in the snow praying for the smallest ounce of strength to just get back up and keep going. But I just couldn't do it. I remember thinking about how every inch of my body felt so cold it burned, and then I heard this tiny yip.

"When I finally pushed myself up, I looked around to see what it was and saw a bundle of grey fur. It was Kandra, obviously. She was so tiny and as cold as I was, and since none of her pack was in sight, I carried her in my jumper so we could keep each other warm. It was the first time in my life I didn't feel so alone."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"That you ever had to feel alone and for whatever made you have to come out here in the first place." Tom says with a sad look on his face.

"Honestly, there's a point where you just become numb. Then eventually it all just goes numb." I tell him, "And for the reason I left, there's not much anyone could have done differently."

"Still, you're stronger than I am." He whispers as his hand absently brushes mine as we walk. "I don't think I could endure half of what you have without breaking."

"Who said I didn't?" I retort, "Trust me, I'm more broken than you know."

"No, you're not. At least, not any more than I or anybody else is."

"How can you sound so sure when you barely know anything about me?"

"I just know. Maybe it's because I've seen the important parts of you." Tom whispers and lets his fingers grasp mine in the most delicate way. It makes my palms get all sweaty and my heart pick up its pace.

Then I come to my senses, and I pull my hand back. "We shouldn't—we can't—never mind. Let's just keep moving. We still have a long way to go." I mumble and avoid looking at him for fear that his brown eyes will make me cave.

Kandra lags behind, and I glance back to see her nudging Tom's hand and likely offering him some sort of encouragement. Her eyes meet mine, and even though I can't hear her voice like I'm told she does with others on occasion, I know she's scolding me for giving into old fears.

No, I can't. If anything were to happen between us, his life—reputation, relationships, everything—would be ruined merely by association with me and what I am. As much as he chips away at my armor and convinces my heart otherwise, I can't give into it.