I tuck my legs beneath me as I flip the page to another borrowed novel. It's my greatest escape. Because the longer I live, the more I forget. Day by day, the memories of childhood fade, and years blur together in the monotony of days since the curse.

My phone vibrates next to me with my alarm reminding me to start packing up. Ben or Lila will be coming to walk me home soon. I close the book, placing it back on the shelf with the countless other copies and take one last glance into the cafe.

He didn't show up today, which is odd. I've never seen him miss a Monday at the shop, and it makes me wonder if something could have happened to the brown eyed boy. Lila and Ben always tell me I worry to much, but I can't help it.

Peter Parker is different. I can't explain how, except that he was nice to me. Even from the very first time he came into the shop, I had my phone with the programed voice responses. It was another long shift, and I wasn't in the greatest mood.

Lila and I had fought the night before about a hundred different things and spent nearly an hour throwing tantrums and fits at each other. I was exhausted, bags under my eyes, and barely managing a smile. Then I looked up and there he was-- the brown eyed boy with the most beautiful smile I had seen in my whole life.

The best part was when I tapped the buttons and the monotone voice spilled out of the speaker, he didn't flinch. Instead, he smiled wider and looked at me like I was a marvel to behold. It made my heart patter in my chest in a way that it only does when I dance. After that, I watched for the rest of the week for that mess of curls.

Week after week, he would come in, order the same thing, and sit in the same seat while he studied. It became a highlight for me. Something to break up the days and add a little something extra to the long shifts.

My phone buzzes again in my pocket, this time a text from Lila. "Sorry, sis. I'm gonna be late today. Boss needed me to stay and help out again." A pause and then a second message. "Wait for me at the cafe, get yourself something (on me), and under no circumstances leave before I get there."

I sigh and roll my eyes. Of course, she's running late. Lila usually operates outside of the normal constraints of time. I purchase the novel and head into my coffee shop. My coworkers smile at me as they prep my usual order. I slide into a seat, novel propped open, and soon enough a coffee in hand.

My coffee dwindles, and I get so wrapped up into the story that I nearly miss someone sliding into the seat across from me. All I see at first is fidgeting hands a top a blue notebook.

I initially assume it's Ben, here to walk me in home in Lila's delayed absence. But instead, I find an oversize blue sweatshirt and a familiar--slightly nervous--smile beneath my favorite brown eyes.

A smile makes its way across my face before I can even think about it. Right in front of me, unsure of himself and shifting in his seat, is Peter Parker. He returns the smile and nervously lifts his hands in a wave before forming his hands into familiar shapes.

"Hi, I'm Peter." He signs and speaks the words aloud as he struggles to form each sign.

There's a rush of blood to my cheeks as I watch him, this boy that I've admired for the past couple months working so hard to communicate with me in my language. "Hi, Peter. I'm Y/N. It's nice to finally meet you." I reply slowly and watch him to make sure there's no confusion.

"Y/N" He whispers as if to test the sound of it on his lips. "It's nice to finally know your name. I've been working up the nerve to talk to you and to learn how to sign. I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable." Peter signs painstakingly slow as he speaks the words, and I nudge his hand down with my own.

"You don't have to sign everything." I reply as I open up the speech app on my phone and switch to it. "Sign Language isn't easy to learn, and I don't mind talking like this if people aren't entirely comfortable with signing."

There's a pause as I bite my lip and watch him before continuing. "It's sweet of you to learn--even if it wasn't just to talk to me. I don't want to make any assumptions. And if you want, I can teach you sometime? If you're still interested in learning, that is."

It's Peter's turn to blush now. "I--I'd really like that." He stutters, clearly still nervous around me. "So, do you mind if I ask you more about yourself? I've been wanting get to know you for a while now. In fact, I'm pretty sure my best friend, Ned is kind of sick of hearing about it."

"Of course, I'd love to get to know you too." I smile and bite my lip as a giddy excitement and happiness overcomes me. "Ned's your friend that you bring in here on Thursday's, right? Not trying to sound creepy, I just notice things."

Peter laughs, and I swear, there's never been a melody that's sounded sweeter than the sound. "Yeah, that's Ned." He tells me, and I listen intently to every word he says as we talk about anything and everything.

I can't remember laughing this much since I first met Ben and Lila, when they were determined to spend a whole week trying to cheer me up after the transition. It surprises me, how it feels so easy to smile right now. My cheeks actually hurt from it, but I can't bring myself to stop.

The bell over the door rings, and I freeze when I hear the familiar clicking of heels on the tile floor. My shoulders and hopes drop instantly as Lila comes into view. "That's my sister, here to walk me home. I'll see you later?" I type, not quite willing to give Lila an opportunity to cut in and change my words.

"Yeah, I'll see you later, Y/N." Peter confirms with a smile, which I return without a thought. I offer him a shy goodbye wave before practically dashing out the door before he can see my trembling hands and most likely horrendously red cheeks, or before Lila can catch up with me.

I barely catch a glance at her through the cafe window before I continue to power walk down the street. This is the one of many times that I wish I walked home alone, but still, New York is too dangerous for me to go by myself. The only place I can go alone is school, and that's because everyone is working at those times.

"Y/N." Lila calls as her heels clack against the pavement. I keep my head down and try to memorize every scuff on my sneakers. "Y/N, who was that?" She questions, and I can hear the edge of worry in her voice. "Was that a friend from school?"

I shake my head. "No, he's a regular at the shop. His name is Peter, and he--well--he wanted to get to know me so he learned sign language."

"And?" She presses, and I feel a knot forming in my stomach. Lila's always been a protective person since the day we've met. But she's gotten paranoid these past few years. I worry that her Sorrow has made her lose hope.

There are times when I leave my room in the middle of the night or extra early for school, and I find her sitting there, staring at her reflection like she's a monster.

I think that's when we truly become the monsters those people wanted us to be, when we lose our faith and hope. "And he's nice. Is it so bad to want a friend?" I snap, wondering why she has to push her fears on me. And I barely finish signing before I regret it all completely. "Sorry, I'm just--tired."

"It's okay. I get it." She sighs as we enter our apartment building. "Sometimes I forget you're still young. Well, young-ish." I chuckle at the comment.

Her eyes light up at the sound, and for a moment, she looks like the Lila I met years ago. Untouched by the havoc of her Sorrow, which has caused her to fall over and over again, only to be broken by the wandering eyes that won't stop until she finds her Hope.

"Speaking of age--" She continues with a growing smirk, "your birthday is coming up." I roll my eyes and let out a groan; birthdays are one of my least favorite things. So since I became a part of the family, it's become a mission to make it the best day of every year. "Don't complain yet, just listen. Ben and I talked it over, and we think maybe this year, we could have a real party."

I give her a puzzled look, wondering who on earth has replaces my sister. "Define 'real.'"

"Ben said the pub is gonna be closed for a few nights because the owner is wanting to do a full inspection, and he agreed to let us have it for a night. So long as we don't trash it, of course." She pauses as she turns the key in the lock, "Just think about it. We get a cake, have music, invite your friends from school, coworkers, whoever you want. You deserve to feel seventeen again, for at least one night."

"Can I think about it?" I question and bite my lip in concentration. Of course, my thoughts aren't on the party, as hard as I try to focus on it.

Instead, they deviate and loop back around to the no-longer-mysterious Peter Parker. My chest warms the longer I think of our interaction. All I've dreamed of these long years is finding my Hope, which I've been told is just like finding a soulmate.

There have been so many times I swore I found it, this love I was created to find, but each time it ended like Lila's Sorrows, in a painful heartbreak of something that never should have been allowed. It always ends in empty gazes and too-wide smiles from the euphoria of my song.

My fingertips hover over a familiar contact on my phone; one that I haven't dared to press in ages. Why should I? She's happy now, and she probably wants to forget everything that's happened before now. Lila and Ben told me she's engaged and even invited us to the wedding.

The only thing holding me back is my own petty pride. I want so badly to hate her, to pretend like she wasn't part of our family, and to act like she never existed.

But it's not true. I envy her. She found everything we've only dreamed of. Tabby found her Hope when she met Bradley, and nothing was the same in our family after that.

We started feeling a little more desperate for our chances–myself most of all. It's been nearly a year, though. I've followed that tugging from behind my sternum. It led us all the way here–to New York–then to my job–and where to next I don't know. Just another piece of the mystery.

I fall onto my bed, drowning myself in the fluffy white duvet as I think about Peter and the idea of a real birthday party for the first time in my life. It would be something to try. But I'm at a loss for who would even show up.

The tears create salty tracks down my cheeks the deeper I fall into my own thoughts. It drowns me in tumbling waves and swallows me whole until I fall asleep thinking of a hundred different things and images of Peter Parker's smile.