I'm sad
But feel guilty
You don't want me to feel sad

But I've become used to sadness and tears
Not happiness and smiles

I'm no longer used to being happy all the time
It doesn't feel natural

I'm used to

Crying
All the way home

Missing you
From the moment we say goodbye

Hours in my room
Alone, depressed, moody, hating it when other people bother me

Weeks on end
Crying every day

Being with friends
Only feeling truly happy with a few

Pain, emotional and physical
Every day

Texting you
Hurting because the conversation is one sided

Collapsing
Under the weight of everything

Alone in everything
Crying out for relief

•••

Nothing is the same

Being with you no longer feels real
Because I'm not used to it anymore

Being happy all the time
Feels wrong
Unnatural

•••

So I'm sorry
But that's not who I am anymore
I can't be happy the way you want me to
I can't be your Sunshine half the time

But I hope you still want me the same
I hope nothing's changed

Because when I'm with you
I feel hope

Hope that maybe one day things will be normal again
Maybe one day