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I waited for him to talk...

"It's beautiful, isn't it? She is fearless too" he concluded.

I wanted to ask him how he knew the gender but I missed his voice too much to interrupt his rants, if my stilled stature keeps him near me for long, I don't mind being silent for a lifetime. The deer came a little close to me and nuzzled his nose on my palms.

"I like a deer for a pet, its innocence is heartwarming, what's your favorite pet Ele?"

"Horses-

"White horses?" He assumed.

"How do you know?" I inquired instead.

"You like white things, daisies and white roses to vanilla ice cream. You like the innocence of white, it suits you" he replied, I wanted him to keep talking, anything and everything.

I missed him, I missed his voice and constantly touching hands but this time he kept his distance, I felt his warmth, the giddiness but he was feet or two away from me and that hurts.

If only I could freeze time, this will be the moment.

"I missed you Ele, I really did" his voice was serene and sad.

"I miss you too" I confessed, my body itching to turn and look at his face but somewhere inside of my mind I knew that this was a dream and the moment I turn to take a glance at him, he might disappear or worse I would be thrown out of my dream and away from my dream lover, I dared not lose him again.

"I'm sorry-

"-shh my girl, it's okay, I have and will always love you, no matter what" he uttered solemnly, his voice fading in the background and I realized I was left alone in the wilderness, turning to the place his voice came from, I went closer to his feet imprint, his voice crystal clear in my ears, I crouched down to the ground with a smile on my lips and silent years trailing down my cheek.

I love him, sadly deep.

The realization was deep, also self-shattering.

The deer muzzled at my wet cheeks, looked me in the eye, and ran in the opposite direction, it was as if the deer was too giving me his goodbye kiss but I was proven wrong when it stopped in a distance and wobbled its head in the front. I followed it in a trance for a little distance until I caught sight of the familiar figure moving forward into the deep.

My pace became faster and shortly I started running after him, the surrounding dazing into a foggy hue, rapidly breaking out of my dream and I was left staring at the empty ceiling of my bedroom.

Just as if it was in my dream, I was once again left with a small smile and silent tears decorating my features, and the only word that occupied my mind was- why?

Too many why's and too few answers.

I glanced at the clock which read three fifteen, reminding me that there was a lot more time to school and my sleep has abandoned me to the hands of the dark.

I closed my eyes and tried to play dead but I wasn't able to do just that. I was happy that I could still find my dream lover in my mythical jungle but I wasn't happy about chasing him every time only to fall out of dreamland when I almost caught a glimpse of him.

The pain of loss was excruciating but I wondered if I'm being hypocritical towards myself, this feeling of love and loss was taking a toll on me. I love Aiden, truly but on the other hand I cannot afford to let go of my dream lover, what does this make me?

I was sure of one thing, this triangular love story, which im not sure how I ended up in this kind of dilemma wasn't a matter of what my heart and mind want, this was as if what my heart and soul want. If I know better I know my heart wants Aiden while my soul only craves for the presence of my dream lover.

Can anyone love abundantly knowing the fact that it could destroy you with the slightest of its touch?

Why does anyone love only to get hurt?

Human emotions are a mystery, craving for what it cannot have is the real torture but why? Why was my question? Why should this happen to me?

With all the uncertainties claiming my system, I decided I couldn't find sleep so I got up from my bed and walked downstairs into the kitchen. Grabbing a glass of milk, I went towards my mother's room and twisted the knob without making a noise. She was sound asleep, meaning I was alone.

I couldn't call Aiden, we spoke over the call till one at night, disturbing him now would be inappropriate but the real reason will be of what I would tell him, that Im upset about not seeing my dream lovers face or about my dream lover keeping his distance from me? This is all so messed up and I'm the only one to blame.

I could call Liz but there's a high chance that she will be planning my murder for disturbing her beauty sleep and finding solace in Cole is a no-go, with fewer chances that he would even pick up the call, some friends.

That left me with one person, I settled on my couch and sent a

Hi
And waited for his reply, his response was instant, my phone vibrated with two immediate messages.

Hey!

you okay?

His attention brought an involuntary smile to my face, I replied to him with

Yes Nathan, I'm okay, relax.

Why are you texting me at this hour then?

Why shouldn't I text you at this hour now Nathan?

Don't you have a boyfriend?

He sounds right, doesn't he? What am I supposed to say to him for that? But I was called out of my reverie by his other question.

Why are you awake at this hour?

I couldn't sleep, why are you not asleep?
It was true, a genuine reply and I was glad that he sent another question to distract my deep self vengeance thoughts.

I can't sleep

What do you mean you can't sleep?

Why do you care?

Don't you think being friends is a reason enough?

Okay.

What do you mean okay?

Are we going to argue about everything? Is this what you wanted to chat about?

I wondered why I always fight with Nathan, the urge to argue was strong whenever I'm with him or texting him, I wasn't the girl trying to play nice neither was I icing any cakes when I'm with him, I'm me in all honesty and I like that. Thinking this now, I realized that Nathan never takes my insults to his heart, instead he tags along with me, and I like that about him. But I like myself more when I'm with him.

What is happening? A voice constantly asked me when I'm talking to Nathan, but it wasn't anything strange, I mean we are friends and friends argue all the time. I sent him a quick reply, without making him wait any longer.

No, I didn't want to argue, but your very existence makes me want to fight with you.

Aw, Ele who is falling to my charms?

Right!

Stop daydreaming golden king, I still hate you.

There is a very thin line between love and hate, don't you think?

How the heck did I get myself here? Wasn't my love triangle problematic enough? I'm not willing to get myself into a love freaking square.

We are friends, and that was all, moreover you douchebag, I have a boyfriend.

Good night Ele, I'll meet you at school.

What? Why are you bailing on me?

Nathan...

Nathan?

Fine, freaking bye.

This boy can go from an absolute best friend to worst enemy in a matter of seconds, irritate me with simple messages, and annoy me with his very existence but what baffled me was why I'm being constantly drawn to him? Is my social circle that small that I have no choice but to talk to him? A part of it is true, but still...

These thoughts hurt my brain, wait, correction, Nathans's thoughts hurts my brain. I gulped down the glass of milk and walked to my room, laid flat on my bed, and unlocked the few photos I had of Aiden, he was beautiful and the last memory I had before falling asleep was the face of the person I call my boyfriend.

Word count - 1450

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