(Unedited)

Dear Helen,

It's no wonder I missed you in my dreams, although I knew you weren't mine, I still wished you to be.

I should have known your feeling by our little dumb dress choice. This will be my last letter to you.
Live your life, you deserve it!

Yours
Anonymous.

Tears streamed down my face, although I didn't understand why? A voice inside of me mocked you wanted this, didn't you?

I fell on the couch involuntarily, despair settling in my heart. I sat there, glued to the couch despite the time. I heard the door click open and my mom walked in. I heard a cluck and the lights came on. My mom came rushing to me, I was able to witness my mom's arrival and her concerned screams but my body doesn't want me to react or to answer them.

"Ele, Ele? Speak something" my mom yelled, shaking me fiercely.

I snapped out of my trance and uttered in a small voice "look at this" and passed the letter to mom.

I looked at my mom, she gave me a puzzled look and said "it's okay, you have to move on Ele, you're almost in a relationship, you can't be in a relationship with two guys".

I knew she was right but why wouldn't my heart listen? It keeps asking for the impossible.

"I love Aiden" I confessed out loud, my mom patted my back with an approving look.

I kept chanting inside my head, "I love Aiden, I love Aiden, I love Aiden...", nodded at her and walked to my room, locked the door, and settled on my bed spontaneously.

I stared at the ceiling for hours, not knowing what I was supposed to do. I crushed the letter, tears stroking my chin. I looked at the crushed paper and thought to myself "everything I wanted", although I didn't regret falling in love with Aiden, this hurt too.

I heard my phone ring in my pocket, I let it ring. It rang for a long time, I picked it, cleared my throat, and spoke somewhat casually, without checking the dialer "hello".

"Why aren't you replying to my messages? Do you think I'm an idiot? Of course, that's what you think, I'm trying not to be rude here Ele!" I heard the yelling from the other side.

"Hello to you too Nathan, I'm fine, thanks for asking" I replied, irritated at his tendencies.

"You think it's funny? No one ever dares to..." He kept yelling, infuriating my already numbed senses.

I hanged his call, his rants wanted me to punch him in the face, with so much on my plate, I didn't know what else to do, I tried to be polite despite the state I was in.

He kept ringing, enraging my hurt state, I picked and yelled, although tears welled from my eyes, I knew he wouldn't be able to witness it. So I screamed "listen here golden king, I have no time for your shits! I have been nice to you, you douchebag, well, if no one dares to reject your calls, go running to them and do whatever the fuck you wanted to do. Stop enraging me!".

I hanged the call once again, falling back to numb. I heard a rap on the door but I was too caught up in my thoughts to go open it. My mom kept knocking now and then but I stayed glued to my bed.

I woke up to someone stroking my forehead, I didn't realize I have fallen asleep. It was dark, my night light came on. I saw Aiden absentmindedly stroking my forehead, his eyes half-closed, he was trying so hard to not fall asleep.

I tried not to move, the stroking stopped after few minutes and his head fell to the pillow. I placed his hands from my head to the mattress carefully, got up from the bed, and wrapped him with a blanket. I switched on the air conditioner, grabbed a pair of PJs and a tee, and walked to take a wash, I was on my jogging suit all along.

After a wash, I changed into my PJs in the bathroom itself, it was a painful process to not let the dress fall on the water. I walked out afresh, settled myself on the bed, and stared at Aiden with mixed feelings. My mind chanted on its own "I love Aiden..." Trying to bring me back to my senses.

My eyes drooped on their own accord, I hunched next to Aiden and slept.

I woke up earlier than my usual routine, Aiden was fast asleep on the other side, his right hand holding mine. I shamelessly oogled at Aiden, blowing to the few strands of hair from his face, I placed a light kiss on his cheek and walked down.

The house was empty, I found a note on the refrigerator about my mother's departure to the hospital, another stick in note read about breakfast in the refrigerator.

I found a bowl of eggs, sausages, and a plate of toast plated it, and arranged it on the tray with a jug of orange juice and two glasses.

Aiden was still asleep when I entered in with the tray. I secured it on my study table, with a mischievous smile on my face, I got on the bed and ran my fingers on Aiden's face. A small smile spread on his face. I poked on his cheek, he patted my hand away, I poked again, inserting a little pressure.

"What the fuck Cole? Let me sleep!" He groaned sleepily, turned to the other side, and started drifting off.

I crouched closer and wrapped my arms in his waist, cuddled a little closer, and spoke softly "wake up or I will pour water on you".

"Go away girly, I need my beauty sleep" he mocked, although I couldn't see his face, the smile was visible from his voice.

"Wake up sleepy head or the water is coming right up" I cooed and tried to get up and fetch the water.

He turned to my side, engulfed me in a tight hug, I struggled to move "I'm definitely pouring water on you!" I squealed.

"Stay girly!" He said and cuddled closer, a small smile spreading on my face, I stayed still.

"I have to tell you something," I said, a numbing pain revoking my heart.

"You know the letters... I rec... Received one yest..." I stuttered, Aiden shushed me.

An unsettling feeling rumbled my stomach, he placed the crushed letter on my hands "I read it" he replied slowly.

Tears welled in my eyes "I'm sorry Aiden, I didn't what I was thinking" I uttered uncontrollably.

"Shh... I know, I understand your feelings girly. That's why I agreed to give some time to our relationship, it's okay" he convinced.

I looked at him with astonishment "you are supposed to be angry at me" I stated.

"You love him" it wasn't a question, he stated it, not willing to lie to him, I nodded in agreement.

"I'm sorry" I repeated, "I don't know what else to say but sorry".

"Do you still love him?" He asked, face a complete blank, but he retrieved his hands from the waist, his eyes closed, which made things much worse.

"I don't know Aiden, he was everything I wanted for years until you came into my life. I love you Aiden" I confessed, and closed my eyes, unable to confront his reaction.

"You tell me that now? Seriously?" He asked but did not answer my confession, doubt seeped through me so was my tears with no barrier.

"Hey, why are you crying?" He asked, panic clear in his voice. I didn't dare to open my eyes.

I shook my head, unable to voice my thoughts. I hastily got up from the bed and tried to walk away. Aiden grabbed my hands, stopping me from my move.

"Open your eyes" he stiffly asserted, I shook my head again in disagreement.

"Girly open your eyes" he commanded.

I opened my eyes and peeked at his blank face, I waited for the worse to come, I knew I deserve it.

I accepted my rejection mentally, stifled my sob, and looked directly at his eyes, I wanted it to at least have closure so I waited patiently for his reply, hopelessly this time.

"Ele...

Hey guys

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-haf