I don't know about you but I am personally petrified of life events that I don't have control over. Like losing family. I lost my childhood dog a few months ago and i still cry about it far too often. We got a new dog roughly 2 months ago and i didn't want it. I wasn't ready for it but I didn't have a say in it. What else is new. I haven't been able to give it much love, it feels like a replacement for Shelby, my dog. Today it got into my room and chewed up a foamboard prop gun that i made. The first thing I made that I'm, or rather was, proud of. Now I really can't stand the dumb dog. So my dad asked me why I'm so "mean" to it. I told him the first reason that came to mind, because I honestly had no idea besides it being an obvious replacement family pet, but I knew that wasn't an acceptable answer. It turns out the random excuse I came out with was a lot more true than I thought. I said I didn't want to grow attached to it. He understood pretty quickly what I meant by that. In a failed attempt to comfort me he said, "why? Because she will die eventually? I'm going to die someday too." One of my, actually my biggest fear, is losing someone I love. Me and my dad don't have the greatest relationship, often getting into arguments and such. But I still love him, even if I don't show it. And him saying that, so calmly saying he will die someday, made me start crying right away. I could tell he felt bad so I tried pulling myself together as quickly as I could. But it unfortunately got me thinking about losing family, which I have never had to go through besides my mother losing my little brother last year a month or two before he was to be born. I've never lost someone ive had a relationship with besides my dog. Which I'm still far from over. The thought of family dying completely shattered me. I would willingly die today to keep my loved ones alive. I don't think I'll ever be able to cope with the thought of it, and it will be even worse when I have to go through it. I'm not an emotionally strong person, and I really can't handle any sort of loss. I still get sad when I remember I lost a dollar store action figures gun down the tub drain as a child. The only good thing to come out of tonight was I realized why ive been so reluctant about being nice to our new dog. I guess it goes to show that you really need to get to the root of your problems if you ever expect to move on. I know personally that I'll try to forgive the puppy for chewing up my prop and try to be nice to her. And there have been multiple circumstances lately where a similar situation took place. You need to face your fears, or problems, or thoughts, and try to beat them to grow as a person. I guess that's the only real lesson I can gather from this rant that i needed to write to get my emotions out.