broken.

The word itself can be taken in a lot of different ways. Maybe you feel broken, or you've broken someone else. Maybe its a broken promise, or a broken heart. Whatever it is, I know you can relate one way or another. Hell, a certain moment or feeling probably hit you as soon as you started reading. Its funny how easily your brain can trigger a moment or feeling with one word. For me, the word broken reminds me of a lot of different things. Years ago before it had any true feeling, more recently, fixing my broken loved ones. Friends family, complete strangers. I was that guy for a long time. You have a problem, you come to me and I try to help. Then it started taking its toll. The more I helped, the more I started breaking myself. People have their own problems, I can't put mine onto them to. If I can help others I can help myself. But more recently, the word has a whole new meaning. Not of helping broken friends, now about breaking friends. Breaking loved ones. And breaking myself. Then back to my razor. It doesn't even help me. I guess I'm just hoping it will start to. Broken heart, then broken mind, now broken body. Writing doesn't help. I just hate seeing any book die. That goes for this one too. So I just continue breaking myself. What else can I do? I'm practically killing the people I love most. Nearly literally a few times. I don't care about myself at this point. I don't care about being fixed. I just want everyone out of my life. I can't keep hurting them. But I can't keep going without them. I can't help but run back to them. I let on I'm such a strong, tough guy who can take whatever life throws at them. But I'm dying. Just before I started writing, I thought about throwing myself over this balcony. Then I figured this was worth a try. I guess it sorta worked. Not like it used to. It doesn't help because I can get my feelings out. It helps because I get lost. Just like if I was writing or reading any other story. It's just distracting. Nothing more. Its all I can really do. There's no fixing me anymore. I'm broken.

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