You make my heart  s h a k e
Bend and  b r e a k

• • •

GOOD Morning texts were definitely something San could get used to. He starred at the words longer than he needed and didn't close the chat with the one person who made him feel like he was something special even after he had replied. San was still laying in bed, almost covered entirely by his blanket so Yeosang had no chance of getting a glare at the message and was unusually late for getting ready for school. After they got back home yesterday and San had to keep walking up the stairs while Wooyoung vanished behind the door of his room, he just didn't want to sleep. In fact if he could turn back time he would relive this day over again and again. But somewhere between him laying in his bed, still smiling like a idiot and thinking about everything that happened he did fall asleep. And now the snow had melted over night, so there was no excuse for missing another school day, as his roommate had informed him basically the moment he had opened his eyes. San didn't really have anything against going to school today though, because it meant that he could stare at Wooyoung in class without it being to obvious. And maybe they would finally use their secret hiding spot behind the building for something different than to just silently sit in front of each other, while they were minding their own business. San secretly hoped that Wooyoung would open up to him even more after yesterday and that maybe some answers for all these questions in his head were on their way. He genuinely wanted to listen to everything Wooyoung may had to say.

The thought of Wooyoung's sweet tasting kisses made San jump out of bed, but not before locking his phone safely of course. When he turned around to rush to the bathroom he found Yeosang starring at him with an raised eyebrow. »What made you so eager to get out of bed all of the sudden?«, he asked, while starting to pack everything he needed for school today. San tried to drop his exited smile casually before answering. »I don't have much of a choice«, he said, with his voice sounding more rude than intended. Yeosang looked up from his books surprised and then shook his shoulders while sighting frustrated. »Whatever, I was just asking«, he said defensive, before continuing to pack his bag and not looking up at him again. San starred at the boy silently for a few seconds, but left his brother behind to get to the shower without saying anything in the end. There was nothing he could tell Yeosang to explain his actions and mood swings these past few weeks anyways. What was the happiest thing in Choi San's life right now, was also the most forbidden and complicated one at the same time. Of course San didn't intend being rude to him, but he just didn't know how to handle this situation differently.

Today he didn't mind that his brothers were being late with getting ready once again, because that meant he had a few moments with Wooyoung alone in the car, before they had to act like normal foster brothers in front of other people all day. The gray haired boy was sitting in the back row, as always, and was starring back at him in the rear view mirror. This was a habit they had already picked up the first time Wooyoung drove to school with them. Both of them were still too tired to say much to each other, but sharing some smiles was enough for them right now. Soon his foster brothers joined them in the car though and they were on their way to another normal day in school. It was almost like yesterday was just a dream, only that it wasn't. When San closed his eyes in the car this morning, to listen to the music that was being played on the radio, he could still feel Wooyoung's warm fingers on his body and hear his sweet whispers clearly. And San felt like nothing or no one could take this tingly feeling away from him. He didn't care about that the others were anything but happy to drive to school today, as Yunho and Mingi loud complained at least three times on their way, or that the teachers were so stressed to get the grades ready before the Christmas break, that they didn't even do any real studying anymore. As long as he could just be with Wooyoung without anyone coming between them, he was happy.

Since their classes all just consisted of repeating old topics or basically just of doing what you wanted, San used his time before the first break to finish the Christmas gifts list he started and never finished. He really didn't want to buy anything big or expensive and even if he wanted to he couldn't, since he had so many brothers they could form a basketball team. San put more value into making little gifts with a story or a thought behind them anyways though, so he didn't lose any thought about how much he would spend in the end. Especially for Yeosang he wanted to think of something special, since this was his first Christmas with them and he also felt very guilty of treating the usually rather quiet boy wrong. And then of course there was Wooyoung. It was crazy that a few days ago San had thought the gray haired boy and he would just ignore each other until he would disappear out of Choi San's life again and now he was also planning a gift for him, to put under the big Christmas tree they decorated every year. Life just seemed to have something different in store for him everyday these days and San couldn't wait to see what the Christmas break, which would finally be in one week, would bring him.

At the end of the second class San had almost written down a idea behind all of the eight names on his list and left the spot for Wooyoung empty after he couldn't think of anything to gift him. He came to the conclusion that he would just look for something while he was getting the stuff for the others, since he basically still didn't know the boy at all. He really wanted to change this fact so when the bell finally signaled the first break for today he quickly stood up from his chair, as all of his classmates around him. The only one who was still seated was Wooyoung, who seemed to be lost in his thoughts. The moment San started to walk past the three rows that stood between them to get to him Yunho popped his head into the classroom. »San, we're having a family meeting in the car«, he said, which genuinely caught San out of guard. The only times his foster brothers and him ever had family meetings was when... something was wrong with Halmoni. His heart started raising immediately. If it wasn't for Yunho, who was in front of him suddenly and reached for his hand, he wouldn't have made it to the car without loosing his mind from all these worries going through his head. San didn't even mange to keep up with if Wooyoung was following them as well.

When they reached the car the sliding door was open and everyone inside silently starred at Hoongjoong, who was walking up and down in front of the car with his phone pressed against his ear. »What's going on?«, San immediately asked, but Hongjoong just raised his hand to signal him to wait a little longer, until he had finished the call. Yunho managed to get San to sit in the car with them while they waited for an explanation to the meeting Hongjoong had called for. San tried calming down with softs breathes and then automatically looked for Wooyoung, because he knew that it would help him just sharing silent words with the gray haired boy, but he couldn't find him. Wooyoung hadn't followed them to the car, which made his upcoming headache bigger. He should be here with them, even though San didn't want anything less than to call him one of his foster brothers. But if he wanted it to be true or not, Wooyoung was a part of their group right now and he should also know what was going on with the woman who took care of all of them. The moment San had thought about if Yunho even called for the gray haired boy as well, Hongjoong lowered the phone and walked up to the door. All of them immediately sat up straight, waiting for answers.

»Okay so first of all: Halmoni is fine«, he said to calm everyone down, but he looked straight at San while saying it. Immediately you could hear all of them breath out in relief. »She wasn't feeling so good the whole morning and then she stumbled over something and fell down to the floor. She then managed to call the neighbor next door, which I had on the phone right now, and she drove her to the nearest hospital. Her blood pressure could be better and she praised her right hand in a attempt to catch herself, but like I said, over all she is just fine. I'm sorry I scared you.. I was scared«, Hongjoond explained, before squadding down to calm down himself as well. Yeosang jumped out of the car to squad next to him and caress his back softly. »It's okay, Joong«, he almost whispered. »Yeah, everything is okay«, Mingi quickly added louder, in an attempt to make the whole situation better and brighten up the mood, just like he always did. After a few seconds, which everyone still needed to get over the shock, Hongjoong stood back up and passed Yunho the keys to the car. »Hwa is on his way to pick me up with his parents car and we're gonna go check up on her and hopefully take her home«, he said, which now made San jump out of the car as well. »I'm coming with you I-«, he started, but Hongjoong immediately shook his head. »You are staying in school, all of you. You know how she is. That's the most important thing to her. We are most important to her.«

»And she is most important to me«, San emphasized. Hongjoong nodded knowingly, while the others started to get out of the car one by one. »But I'm the oldest, San. And you don't have to take care of everything all the time. So please, go to class. When you come home we can all do something for her, okay?«, he said and looked at all of them once now. »Take better care of your own stuff and clean up more around the house for example«, he stated, which made him sound like a real big brother. Everyone nodded and let him go without another word after Seonghwa drove up to them. Then Mingi and Yunho walked towards the building of their classroom and Jongho and Yeosang did the same after a few moments. San reached for his phone to only now notice that the break was long over, but even then he didn't spend one thought of going back into the classroom only to write another stupid list. He should've checked up on his grandmother this morning and that was the only thing he could think about right now. His feet brought him to the secret hiding spot behind this one special building all from themselves and when he noticed the gray haired boy, who was leaning against a tree while smoking a cigarette, he straight up laughed out loud. Out of all the coincidences in the world they of course found each other right here once again.

Wooyoung immediately dropped the cigarette to the ground when he saw Choi San walking up to him and then, as he seemed to like doing, walked up the last meters to him as well. »I told the teacher I was going to the bathroom so I can look for you here, after you didn't come back to class. What's going on?«, he asked, but didn't sound that worried. San knew that it would be really unfair of him to get mad at him for this, because Wooyoung just couldn't know what family meeting meant and it was also mean to hold against him, that he didn't follow them to the car, but San couldn't help it for a few seconds. He just looked at the boy without any expression, while Wooyoung tried to read his stares. The questions he asked the boy in silent were the same he had asked himself the last few days and weeks. Why are you always trying to not be apart of something? Why can't you open up to me more? Why do I always have to run after you? San felt really exhausted all of the sudden. To exhausted, to explain anything that was going on right now and the last thing he wanted was to make Wooyoung upset with his questions too. So he forced a smile and shook his head. »Everything is okay. It was just a joke from Yunho and Mingi, you know how they are«, San said, before sitting down. Wooyoung only nodded and sat down as well, so now they sat in fron of each other like always. He too didn't have any intention to get back to class. At least not before the next break.

First they didn't use the time they had together for anything else but to close their eyes and sit silently in front of each other, because San was still not over the shock that had taken over his body and Wooyoung was just being Wooyoung. Being lost in his head, smoking one cigarette after another and silently being on his phone. San didn't lose one thought about who he was texting in this very moment. They only had fifteen minutes left when San relaxed a little and started to caress Wooyoung's hand slowly, which made the boy kiss him shortly after. It wasn't anything you could compare to yesterday, but it was still nice and San felt save after having a break from thinking about his Halmoni the whole time. After the second break was also over both of them went back into class with the hope that nobody had noticed them being missing. The first twenty minutes or so it did seem like that, but just as San was looking down on his phone to read the updates Hongjoong was sending him, the voice of the principal chimed through the classroom. And the person he was asking to make there way to his office right away was none other than Jung Wooyoung. The gray haired boy looked like it was not the first time he got called out of the classroom from the principal, San thought. He just stood up casually and walked out of the room with his hands in the pockets of his jeans, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

He came back sooner than expected, maybe ten minutes after he had left, just grabbed his backpack, turned around and left without saying anything at all. Since their classmates all minded their own business only a few looked up to see what was going on and quickly went back to whatever they were doing, so San didn't think that anyone would notice if he would leave right after Wooyoung. He tried going out of the room as casually as possible, before fastening his steps when he was out of sight. Where the hell was Wooyoung going? His feet brought him out of the building, the way he usually took to walk to the car after school and he immediately saw Wooyoung walking towards the gate since literally no one else was here. »Wooyoung, wait«, he screamed out, before once again running after the boy. »What did the principal say? Was it because of us missing two classes?«, he asked a little out of breath. Wooyoung turned around to him with the most emotionless look in his eyes ever and San recognized it immediately. It was the same look Wooyoung had gave him after they had first kissed in the bathroom next to the old playground. »Can't you just stop with all of these damn questions for once?«, he asked bitter.

San immediately made a step back, while looking at him totally disturbed. No. No this just couldn't happen again. »I just... I thought you got in trouble because of me, I just wanted to help«, he quickly explained and then actually tried to grab his hand, even though he knew what was going to happen. Wooyoung didn't let him and pulled his hand away quickly. San didn't understand what was happening at all. This morning everything was fine. Shit, they even kissed like under thirty minutes ago. »All you should do is to keep out of my fucking business. Go search for somebody else you can pity«, Wooyoung said, before turning around and starting to walk away from the school and him again. San shook his head, because he was not able to leave the situation like this and sprinted in front of him. »Wooyoung, please don't do this. Just tell me-«, he tried, but he got cut off once more today. »Do what exactly, San?«, he asked. »What exactly do you think this is, huh? Do you think I like you or something?«, he kept going. San's stare was just blank at this point, but he wasn't ready to let go of yesterday and would even look over Wooyoung's last words, if the gray haired boy would just stop right now. »We were okay this morning, I don't understand«, he almost whispered.

»Then let me explain: This«, he said, while pointing first at San and then himself. »Is nothing.«

»And the person you have in front of you right now is me.«

With that he walked passed Choi San, who was so lost with what was happening again, that this time not even a single tear rolled down his face, while he was watching the boy who kept on breaking his heart get into a old, shabby car with a man who didn't seem anything near trust worthy.