Always thought I'm on my  o w n
Now I know that you're my  h o m e

•••

»WOO!«, San giggled from under the others body. »He will realize the door is closed. We need to be careful, remember?«. The black haired boy above him didn't seem stressed at all though. He just kept kissing his boyfriend around his neck and collarbone like it was the most normal thing in the world, and they've been doing this since forever. In reality, it had only been four days since the ice-cold day in the park, but since then time felt differently to San. Since then every minute he had spent with Wooyoung had felt like an hour and every second like a minute. It was like they were stuck in a different world as soon as their eyes met. Probably because they internally knew that they couldn't pretend like they could do this forever again. Like the actual forever. So every time they still could, they tried to make the best out of every moment. They still haven't talked about the bitter truth even after they spoke about everything else but this time they were in the same boat at least. This time they knew they liked each other equally and that hurting the other wasn't something that would ever happen again. Besides the talk they had to have together they also needed to talk to someone else.

Yeosang definitely knew, that the conversation he initiated between them went well, because San couldn't stop smiling since that evening and so there was no hiding his happiness from the slightly older boy since they shared a room. But all three of them hadn't lost a word about it. Everyone had been so busy these last few days with doing the annual winter cleaning and Christmas shopping that there just wasn't the time or the right place to do it. Also, San was more than scared to. Yeosang had wanted San and Wooyoung to talk it out but probably just that. He knew his roommate too well now not to know, that he wasn't a person who wanted to break the rules or get in trouble and usually that's what he communicated with his brothers as well. So it wasn't even a question if he would condone the fact that they were kinda together now or not. To tell the truth San couldn't think of one person in the house that would find liking in that. Hongjoong was still very unsure about Wooyoung in general after everything, Mingi and Yunho didn't want to admit it, but they were very disappointed that Wooyoung had left them hanging like that after he hung out with them for a while and Jongho.. well maybe he wouldn't have as much against it as the others, besides the fact, that it was just weird that two of your foster brothers were dating. And his Halmoni- No. No, that wasn't something San even wanted to think about. Luckily he would never have to find out what the others would actually think about it though, because they would never find out.

Right now they were back at the place where the fireworks had exploded in San last time they were here together. His back was pressing against what felt like a thousand pillows while Wooyoung's body held him warm from above. The movie on the screen was the only thing shining some light in the room, because the boy that pressed his body against his had turned off all the fairy lights, so they could hide in the darkness. Today there were a lot of kids and teenagers in the sanctuary since it was finally Christmas break and a lot of kids didn't have somewhere else to be. »He and all the others are occupied with all the kids in the other rooms, don't worry about it«, Wooyoung whispered back after some more kisses, sounding a little out of breath now. He was of course Mr. Yang who was working on the front desk. San couldn't even look him in the eyes when they arrived here about two hours ago. What could he say to him anyways? That they are foster brothers, Wooyoung went missing and that they were kinda together now, but nobody could know and that's why he had to lie? There would only more lies come out of Choi San's mouth and Mr. Yang would most likely not believe the new ones either, so he didn't plan saying anything at all to him anymore. At least for now. Maybe he could win back his trust in the future, because San really enjoyed being here, and it would be awkward to always have to escape his questioning stares.

»But the kids«, San whispered now. The door had been opened a few times already and was always closed as fast again as soon as they had spotted them together on one of the many couches. It was not like they could clearly see who was laying here anyways though and there lived a strict no tell rule between the teenagers here which is why Wooyoung was so chill with this situation. The black haired boy groaned reluctant now after finally releasing his lips from his body for good and let himself fall on his back right next to him. »Fine. We have to get going anyways, or we'll make Yeosang wait«. The new thought about the talk they had to have with Yeosang made San feel very unsure again. It was not only the anxiety that reinforced the bad feeling in his stomach, but also the not knowing how their foster brother was really going to react to their words and how that would affect Wooyoung's and his relationship again. San immediately turned over on his side to look at his boyfriends side profile. It was like he wanted to make sure to take every moment he could to look at him. Just in case something would happen again. The boy next to him turned his head over while having a genuine smile on his lips. »It's okay, Sani«, he whispered. »I'm not going anywhere«, the black haired boy insured. He tried smiling back before letting his hand glide gently through the other's hair, but it felt like a lie to put on a big smile right now. »What are we going to tell Yeosang?«, San asked, now really letting the other hear how scared he really was. He directly got closer to him and leaned his forehead reassuringly against his. »What he deserves«, Jung Wooyoung told him and didn't have to explain any more because San knew what he meant. The only thing they could tell the boy that had led them to speak about everything and who they had to thank for laying here right now, was the truth. If the truth would finally set them free or tore them apart after all only time could tell.

On the way to the place they were going to meet Kang Yeosang at San only took his eyes of his boyfriend when they had to cross the street. It was true that San was shocked at first after Wooyoung had changed his signature gray hair to black but in between all the snow outside the black hair looked like royalty on him. Especially when you could stare at him from the side and could see the little snowflakes on his hair and long eyelashes. The contrast between the black and white matched perfectly. It was the perfect picture like the sun and the beach or the moon and the stars. Or like Wooyoung and San. One brighter than the sun and one hidden behind scars of the past. While San didn't take his eyes off him Wooyoung was the one making sure that they were as near as possible while they were walking. They still didn't hold hands but unlike the last time they walked somewhere together he walked directly next to him and their arms and legs touched each other over and over again. It was like every time their bodies touched it was a reminder that they were in this together. They decided to meet Yeosang somewhere in public, so the situation couldn't escalate even though none of them expected an emotional outburst from the quiet boy anyways. The Comic Café wasn't a possibility anymore since their foster brothers could find them there now, so they chose this new café near Wooyoung's favorite place. They walked about twenty minutes while it was snowing before they arrived at the chosen place. San spotted Yeosang sitting at a round table next to the window from the outside and immediately made his way to the waiting boy after stepping through the door. When he sat down he didn't even realize that Wooyoung wasn't straight behind him.

»Hi«, San shyly greeted his foster brother, while dramatically rubbing his frozen hands to try to overplay how anxious he was. Yeosang only nodded back at him, because he was chewing on a piece of the cake in front of him. Probably because he was anxious too, San realized. Yeosang always ate snacks when he found himself in uncomfortable situations. San couldn't even lie, he sounded like he was meeting Kang Yeosang for the first time, so nervous and quiet he had spoken. Strangers would probably never consider that they were roommates nor foster brothers, as tense as they were looking at each other. Before Yeosang finished his cake, and they actually had to speak to one another, Wooyoung suddenly appeared again, which was the moment San realized he had been gone for a few minutes. The black haired boy sat down on the chair next to him, with two mugs of hot chocolate in his hand. Of course that immediately gave San flashbacks of the day Wooyoung and he drank hot chocolates in the Comic Café and cuddled under the ceiling full of quotes from his favorite heroes. Without saying a word Wooyoung pushed one of the mugs in front of Choi San and kept the other one in front of himself. Thankful San smiled at him and immediately grabbed the mug, so he had something his hands could hold on to and also somewhere they could truly warm up a little. Yeosang and Wooyoung only nodded at each other as well and for a moment, which probably was only about a minute, but what felt like forever, every one of them was silently occupied with their hot chocolate or cake. Wooyoung, the most courageous but youngest out of the three, was the one who broke the ice. And the way he did it, made San's heart beat in the rhythm of his favorite song.

He was so happy, that the black haired boy finally showed his real personality, that for a second he forgot about how scared he was in this very moment. San had already described the boy next to him in what felt like a hundred different words. Broken, mysterious, angry, sexy. Right now the words that came to mind were sincere, intense, fearless. The way he was looking at Yeosang was welcoming and kind, but San, who had spent a lot of time staring at the boy, could tell that no matter what Yeosang was going to say about their relationship, he would do everything to try to make the boy understand, that they weren't playing around with this. This wasn't a game or a simple crush. Right now wasn't the first time San realized, that what he felt for this special, intelligent, beautiful boy, was love. He had realized it every time they had been close and Wooyoung had pushed him away and every time he now looked at him. Because the feeling that overtook his body, when Wooyoung wasn't around, was like what hell must feel like. And every time Wooyoung smiled, he had to smile too. And every word Wooyoung said San wanted to hear. He didn't know the exact moment he fell in love with Jung Wooyoung, but he did know that this kind of love could be a blessing and a curse at the same time. San already had to experience what it felt like to have it all ripped away from him. Right now he realized, that he too will not let anyone take their love away again, at least not without putting on a fight. So he sat up taller in his chair and reassuringly looked at Wooyoung, while he was starting one of the most important conversations San ever had to have.

»We don't have to sugarcoat this«, Wooyoung had started, which forced Yeosang to put down his fork and stop acting like he was actually enjoying eating this cake right now. »You guys know I'm not the type for small talk and stuff like that anyways, even though I do actually care how you guys are feeling today«, the boy joked around a little, to loosen up the situation. Yeosang gifted him with a thankful smile and San did the same. This didn't have to be a long, tense conversation, is what Wooyoung wanted to express with his words, San translated in his head. They were a family and family should be able to talk about unpleasant topics without having to feel scared. They should be able to talk about this in a kind, settled manner, no matter what the outcome of this was. Wise, was the word he would describe his boyfriend with at this very moment. »I'm sure you already know what we wanted to talk to you about«, Wooyoung continued, before turning his head to San, while having the same insuring smile on his lips, that San gifted him a few moments before. San immediately knew why he did that. Wooyoung was asking him if he wanted to take over. They all knew that this conversation they had to have is more between Yeosang and San and not Wooyoung and Yeosang, even tough the black haired boy was a big part of the story of course. It was just that Yeosang and San had a special relationship as foster brothers and as roommates, and it was very important to San, to have a chance to win back his trust. Wooyoung knew how important Yeosang was to San, so he wanted to make sure, that Yeosang would hear his words. San nodded a little to signal the black haired boy his agreement and almost immediately Jung Wooyoung leaned back in his chair to leave the lead to San. He also turned his gaze down to his hands, to make San feel more comfortable while talking, because he knew by now, that San didn't like being the center of attention. After admiring how considerate his boyfriend was Choi San turned his head to look at his older brother and found an expression on the others face, that matched the one he had in the bathroom, after San had kissed him and had checked if Wooyoung was still in the hallway. He already knew, San thought. How couldn't he? The way Wooyoung and San were only communicating with glares had probably only confirmed what he already knew even more.

Even tough he had realized that he didn't have to be scared while talking to Yeosang San still had to take a deep breath before starting to talk. »We want to thank you, Yeosang«, he started, sounding still a little quiet but not as nervous anymore. »I want to thank you«, he corrected himself, even though "I" or "We" between Wooyoung and him didn't matter anymore. He just really wanted to make sure, that Yeosang knew, that this were his words. Wooyoung nodded to underline that statement and to assure San, that he was doing a very good job with keeping calm. »I know when you talked to Wooyoung about everything it was to help me find some kind of closure with this«, he continued sorting his thoughts out loud. »I also know that you probably don't agree with what we're doing, but what I need you to know is that we are really serious about this«. Yeosang's expression didn't change at all while listening to his words. He was looking back and forth between the two boys like he was trying to process what he wanted to say as well. After Yeosang didn't say anything San looked at Wooyoung looking for help after all. It made him anxious that Yeosang wasn't saying anything at all. Immediately Wooyoung sat taller in his chair again and took over. »We really like each other«, he stated honestly. Hearing Wooyoung admit that to someone else besides himself made Sans heart flutter. »San.. San brought me back to life«, Wooyoung breathed out. He was the one talking quiet all of a sudden, almost whispering. »I will not hurt him again. And we won't make any trouble, I swear. We just stick to ourselves anyways. We just want to be together«, the black haired boy kept speaking out the truth, just like he had told San what they needed to do. San nodded before finding his words again. »I know this must all seem absolutely crazy to you, but I promise, we promise, that everything is going to go back to normal now. I'm not heartbroken anymore and Wooyoung is not going to disappear again«, he promised Kang Yeosang. And he intended to keep that promise with everything he got. They would not let history repeat itself.

Yeosang's expression changed suddenly and for a moment San thought his eyes played mind games with him, but then he clearly saw the single tear falling down the boys cheek. Wooyoung and San reacted almost in the exact same moment, both leaning forward in their seat and asking if every thing was alright with him. Yeosang nodded confirming, but couldn't speak for another minute or so. San was dying to learn the boys thoughts by now. »I know you guys are being sincere«, Yeosang finally breathed out. San felt some pressure fall of his shoulders. »I can see it in the way you look at each other, the way you talked to me about each other and the way you now are looking at me«. San was thankful that Yeosang didn't try to play down their feelings for each other, but the way his sad expression starred right at him gave him chills. Yeosang's feelings about them being together were just the way San expected them to be. »But it wouldn't be right for me to act like this is okay. I truly respect our family, Halmoni and the home she gave me, and this is not in our best favor«, Yeosang explained. San felt his body turn as stiff as when he was talking with Wooyoung in front of the ice-cold river again. He turned to Wooyoung for another insuring, lifting smile, but when he looked at his boyfriend for a second he looked like the dark, broken boy again, who would hurt his feelings. His expression had changed to this gaze that let everyone knew that his mind wasn't actually here with them. »I really appreciate you guys talking honestly to me though«, Yeosang started talking again after a few moments of silence. »And as your friend.. as your brother, I will not say anything to anyone«. These words freed San and Wooyoung from the numbness that had overtaken their bodies, and automatically they found each others relieved eyes. »I will not say anything«, Yeosang repeated after a short pause. »But if someone asks me, especially Halmoni, I will not lie for you«, he made clear, looking down to his hands now, because he wasn't sure how Wooyoung, nor San, would react to him being this direct. 

San couldn't be mad at Yeosang for thinking that way. Yeosang came to live with them a little over a year ago after he ran away from his last foster home. He didn't know all the details, but he knew, that Yeosang had been treated very badly. Halmoni gave him a home that was loving and save. Who would want to risk that? San and Wooyoung had already gotten him mixed up in their mess enough. »I understand«, San told him. And this time he didn't sound nervous or scared. His words were as truthful as they hadn't been towards Yeosang for a while, and he spoke loud and clear. »I'm sorry for everything«, he continued. »I never wanted to get you involved in all of this and make you choose between what is right and what is wrong«. This time Yeosang nodded after his brothers words and his expression changed to a small but honest smile. »It's okay. I just hope I get my brother back now«, he said, which made San's heart hurt a little. Since he already apologized and didn't know what else to say, he got up from his chair and walked around the chair Wooyoung was sitting on, to wrap his arms around Yeosang. Yeosang immediately wrapped his arms around San's waist as well. They hugged for a while and when San realized, that he had closed his eyes, he opened them again to look at Wooyoung. The boy still sat in his chair, now smiling from ear to ear. To not disturb the sweet moment he only gave him a quiet thumbs up. And even though he didn't speak San heard Jung Wooyoung's voice ringing through his head. Something like "You did awesome, Choi San", he would probably say. 

After all of them shared a big piece of the recommendation of the day, the peanut butter chocolate cheesecake, Yeosang made his way home and Wooyoung and San kept strolling through the streets. It was still snowing when they exited the café and kept walking in the opposite direction of Wooyoung's favorite place. This time without a destination in mind so their steps were a lot smaller and they weren't rushing to get anywhere at all. It was easier for San to watch Wooyoung while walking this time. The sun was already setting, so this time not only the snowflakes were complementing his looks, but also the fiery colors of the sunset were reflecting on his far too perfect skin and eyes. San forget his thoughts when suddenly he felt a warm hand holding his. He looked down to find Wooyoung holding his hand right here in public, for what San had wished for since they went on their first date. Wooyoung wasn't looking at him, but San could still clearly see the satisfying smirk on the others lips. San didn't have to tell Wooyoung how much this meant to him for him to know, so he didn't. All he did was hold his hand very, very tight, like he never held something so important before. If it wasn't for the gloves they were wearing others would probably be able to see their knuckles turn white, so tight they were holding on to each other. 

• • •

A/N:

As an apology for taking so long to upload again and as a thank you for 60k reads, the next chapter is going to be extra fluff. Hope all of you are healthy!