I thought that I'd never bring up the...situation from when I was 22.

I'd never spoken about it before to anyone, and I figured it would always remain that way.

However, with Tuesday next to me, asking about my sexuality, everything came rushing back to me, as if it had just happened yesterday.

I looked over at Tuesday, and she was already looking at me.

My heart raced as I said to her, "I've never spoken about this with anyone before."

"You really don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. No pressure at all."

I let out a shaky sigh, "I don't know. It might actually be good for me to finally tell someone about it."

"I'm all ears, Julia."

I paused before speaking, wondering how I should even start this out. Finally, I said, "When I was 22, I had a...situation with another woman for about 9 months or so."

Tuesday nodded, encouraging me to keep on speaking.

"A little background, I went to school to become an esthetician when I was 22. I have a bachelor's degree in psychology, but I realized I didn't want to do anything with it. So, I decided on an esthetician program that was a little less than a year long. In that program I met Aria. She was the same age as me, and we became fast friends. However, something was always different about that friendship than my others. There was a certain...tension between us all the time," I explained, "When I was in college, I kissed some of my friends when we would drink for fun. I always got enjoyment out of it. I found myself thinking about doing that with Aria when we would spend time together, which freaked me out."

"Was Aria gay?" Tuesday asked me.

"Bisexual. Openly bisexual, I found out only about a week after meeting her. Aria was...interesting to say the least. She was super friendly and charismatic, but also a bit all over the place. She was always talking to or hooking up with someone new, and was also a major flirt. I think she picked up on my attraction to her, because she started to flirt with me subtlety about a month after we started to hangout outside of school. And I...well, I would always get flustered when she would make those quick, flirtatious comments."

Tuesday was still looking at me as I continued to speak. My mouth was dry, and my heart still thumped, but I kept going.

"There was one night when we went out together to a club. I don't really like clubs, but Aria loved them and also loved dancing. I got pretty drunk, and I guess my true inhibitions came out, because Aria and I started to dance together, and we were pretty much all over each other. I couldn't help it. Her hands were all over me, and I loved it. I wanted more. That night when we went back to her apartment, we hooked up. I wanted it just as much as she did. I told myself that it was just going to be a one time thing, but that wasn't the case at all. Aria had this way of pulling me in, and as much as I didn't want to admit it to myself, I loved hooking up with her. It was my deepest secret and guiltiest pleasure all at once."

"And it lasted 9 months?" Tuesday asked me.

I nodded, "Pretty much the whole time we were in school together. It was a really complicated, and honestly toxic situation. It started off just as friends having fun and hooking up, but somewhere along the way, I caught feelings for her. But at the same time, I knew I didn't want full out date a woman, so it was internally such a battle. Aria, on the other hand, was still playing the field and talking to other people. I couldn't blame her, I wasn't going to get into a relationship with, but she also didn't want one. She enjoyed being single. It created a lot of jealously and confusion on my end, when she would tell me about hooking up with someone and then in the same breath, tell me that she wanted me. Eventually, around the time when we graduated, I had to end the friendship. It had just gotten to the point where it was really unhealthy, and we both knew it. Needless to say, it wasn't easy. After that, I just thought my sexuality was something I would bury for good. I met Sean about a year later, and while I would still think about what happened with Aria...more than I'd like to admit...I figured it wouldn't be something I ever revisited again, or spoke of."

I then sighed, "Wow. Sorry for rambling."

"Julia, don't apologize. You could have spoken for hours longer and I would have listened to every word. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"What made you not want to explore your sexuality further, even during your friendship with Aria? It sounds like it was hard for you to grasp that you had feelings for another woman."

"It wasn't what I pictured for myself. I pictured being married to a man one day, having a family. Not that two women can't have a family, of course. I just thought all of that would happen for me with a man. Part of me really disliked the fact that I knew I was attracted to women as well. It was something I wanted to bury."

Tuesday paused before asking me, "Do you still want to keep it buried?"

As I looked at Tuesday, I knew my answer to that question.

"I'm honestly not sure if I'm going to be able to."

There was something between us, and we both knew it.

That same urge that I used to get to kiss Aria, I was feeling for Tuesday. However, I knew I couldn't go there.

Not yet, at least.

"What makes you say that?" Tuesday asked, tilting her head slightly at me. Her gaze was dead set on me, and in all honesty, I didn't want her to stop looking at me the way she was.

"I think you know what makes me say that," I replied, feeling something shift between us.

"So it's not all in my imagination, huh?" she chuckled softly.

"Definitely not."

"Well, that's good to know," Tuesday said to me, and her gaze then flickered down to my lips for a split second, as if she wanted to kiss me.

I wanted to make a move, however something was holding me back.

Not yet.

Tuesday looked hesitant at first, but she slowly moved her hand to my knee and squeezed it gently, which sent electricity through my veins.

Oh my...if I feel that much just from a simple touch imagine how I'd feel if she touched me in other places.

My breath hitched, and I said to her, "Look, I want to act upon how I'm feeling right now. Badly. But...I can't. Not yet, at least."

Tuesday's hand lingered on my knee for a moment more, and she then removed it and said, "No pressure. I'd like to hangout and build our friendship, though. If you want, of course! We can just see where it goes."

"I'd like nothing more, Tuesday."

She flashed me a smile and nodded, "Glad to hear it. If you don't mind me saying it, I think you need more people in your life who are truly there for you. I'd like to be that."

I smiled back, "That's really sweet of you to say."

For the rest of the time that Tuesday was at my apartment, there was a lingering tension between us.

I don't know how exactly I'm going to manage just being friends with her for now, but I'm going to have to.

She left at around 1 AM, and I walked her out to her car.

"I really appreciate you coming over tonight," I said to her, "Thank you."

"Call me anytime, Julia. You know I'd love to see you again soon."

"I feel the exact same."

I then found myself pulling Tuesday in for a hug. Her hands lingered on the small of my back, and when we pulled apart, I wanted nothing more than to pull her back in and close the distance between us, but I chose not to give in to my true desires.

"Drive safe," I said to her.

Tuesday flashed me one more smile and then got into her car.

I watched as she drove off, and I then went back up to my apartment. After I locked up, even though I was alone, I felt much less lonely.

I had some trouble falling asleep, as thoughts swirled around my mind that night.

I never expected to share what happened with Aria to anyone, ever. Not even my closest friends. They would likely judge me anyway.

Even when I was with Sean, the thoughts always lingered in the back of my mind about being with a woman. Part of me missed it, though the moment a thought like that would appear, I'd immediately shut it down.

With Tuesday in the picture, that didn't seem to me a possibility anymore.

For the first time in months, I fell asleep that night with something other than Sean fucking me over on my mind.

That was until I woke up the next morning to a text message from Sean's mom, Vanessa.

She knew what Sean did to me, and thankfully, she was not the kind of mother who just automatically backed up her son and supported whatever he did.

She was angry with him. Really angry with him for cheating on me and essentially ruining our relationship.

In the end, I was going to miss her more than him in some ways.

The text message said: Hey, Jul. I know you moved out of the house yesterday, and I hope that you're settling into your new apartment well. Just know that I wish nothing but the best for you, sweetie.

A lump immediately formed in my throat as I read that text message from her.

I thought she was going to be my mother in law.

My life looks so much different now than I expected it to.

Figures that she would reach out to me and Sean wouldn't.

I stared at the text for a moment and then sent her a message back saying that I was settling in well so far, and I really appreciated her texting me.

I got ready for the day, and as I was finishing up my makeup, Emily called me.

I hesitantly answered. I wasn't too happy with her for ditching me yesterday.

"Hey girl," she said, "I'm sorry for not showing up yesterday."

"It's okay," I lied, "Do you still want to hang out today?"

"Of course. How about I come over later? You can show me your new place."

"Sounds good, Em," I said to her.

While I was glad that Emily pulled through to hangout, at the same time, the night before had left a bad taste in my mouth.

Not that I wasn't used to it from my friends.

Until Emily came over, I decided to grab myself an iced latte from a local coffee shop nearby my apartment and then walk around Target to see if I could find some pieces for my apartment to make it feel more like home.

As I was strolling around Target, my phone vibrated, and I saw that I had a text message from Tuesday.

My heart skipped a beat, and I opened the message.

It said: Hey! I hope you're having a good day. I know it's only Sunday, but I was wondering if you're busy next Saturday? A few of my friends and I were going to go out, and I wanted to invite you along.

I texted her back letting her know that I was free, and that I would be happy to see her.

I wonder what that'll bring?