This may be a while, so get some snacks, pull up a comfy chair, and get paper and a pencil. The topic of this chapter is... love!

Love, it's probably the most important four-letter word ever to exist.

The problem with this word is, that not many people know what it is, and yet they think they do and that they feel it. Granted, there are all kinds of love; Love for a mother, sister, daughter, brother, best friend, and significant other.

Usually, we understand the love that comes from blood or a bond that you gain from a best friend, but more honestly, people do not understand the love for a significant other. Now, of course, to understand the feeling of something, you have to grasp its meaning of it first. The true definition of love is "an intense feeling of affection." Which to me... is really vague!

*Clears throat* I said affection, not sex. They are not the same thing!!

One major problem is people claim they feel this way when in reality, they confuse this feeling for lust. This is also an "L" word which is why love and lust become "one in the same" to some. Lust typically means "a strong sexual desire." The catch with lust is, that you don't have to be in love to feel this.

What most people don't realize is you can't rush or look for love. It comes at random and is usually unexpected, which makes it even more wonderful! Do you think you have feelings for someone? Great, now take it easy!!

I'm not saying  "Ignore them and get on with life!" Finding love is so rare and precious that it should be dealt with caution. What I am saying is, don't all of a sudden press down on the gas pedal. Time can only truly tell how deep those feelings are, and if they are any feelings at all. Believe it or not, our brains can trick us!

During the teenage stages of life, we tend to get more hormonal than we average. These are called bipolar hormones, and they play a major role during development. Examples are dopamine and oxytocin, and usually, they can't be controlled, hence the lust feelings (yay for biology!) As teens mature, these levels decrease as experience increases. People want to rush this tedious process of finding that one soul mate when really it doesn't work that way.

But don't think adults are off the hook! The hormone levels might simmer, but the thrill of getting high is still relevant. Some studies show that our hormones can send a very similar signal that drugs and alcohol products, which results in very high dopamine levels as well. But after a while, these feelings tend to subside. Because of this, many are convinced to end the relationship and start scrolling again!

Really then, the big question that needs to be asked is, "HOW WILL I KNOW?" If you're like me and love to ask questions, I'm sure you've asked this particular question many times. I'm sure you've probably gotten the same answer as me;

"You'll just know!"

If you also are surrounded by the same people as me, you'll also know that many people who said they "knew" they were in love, and it didn't go too well for them. Were they lying to themselves? Wanted it to be true love, and then watched it fall apart? Did they seriously think that person was "the one" and then hell literally broke loose? There are a few reasons why this happens, and in many cases, it's mostly because people fall in love with the idea of love. They seem infatuated by someone who does certain things that may make them feel secure, but to truly love someone, you need to accept yourself and be content with who you are first. This doesn't mean you need to be perfect and have all your demons in cages, but it does mean that to find love, you need to stop looking and do you. 

Another typical trend is falling into the "flow" of things. "Hey, we've been together for a few years, I guess now we need to move in together." "Wow, it's been a little bit, I guess we need to get married." This natural progression isn't necessarily bad, but it's the idea of "we have to do this now" that can damage a relationship. Being in a relationship and in love is not a socially acceptable progression, it's the progression of two people who want to stay together, and are not afraid of commitment. 

But a LOT of what I see now is the "I need someone in order to be happy" desire. Think of it this way: If you're lonely, depressed, and in need of company, your standards lower, your logical brain turns off, and then you make excuses for the person of interest when they are doing questionable things. My advice to all this is don't get into a relationship when you yourself are not stable enough to commit. If you can't enjoy your own company if you're confused or going through a breakup, or if all you want is a rush and some attention, stay single and stay away from temptation. Because if not, you're bound to fall in love with the idea of love dressed as a person, and it never ends well. Emotionally strong people attract emotionally strong people. Just like confused desperate people attract confused and desperate people. We attract who we are (in most cases.) Wanna see a change? Change yourself. Be better for yourself. And yeah it's okay to want the company to battle depression and loneliness, but that doesn't mean you can't have friends or take up a new hobby. The reality is jumping into a relationship with that kind of mindset is unhealthy and leads to many issues. You have no idea how many relationship stories end horribly this way, or that drag on way too long because "we have a connection" despite the person cheating three times or being completely toxic and wrong for them. But again, the idea of love is very appealing and some try too hard for the wrong people.

Despite all that, love is worth it. It's worth crying over and having trouble with. It's worth every thought that one special person stole from your mind. But love is also transforming, it's not always burning fires and butterflies (which in many cases are NOT a good sign.) In fact, people fear after the first few months of the burning love phase, that once that feeling is over... the relationship needs to end (like mentioned before). This does not mean that the love has ended! It only means it's progressing. I think the media is to blame for most of this issue since they glamorize these types of relationships that start out as a spark and never die out. Love is waking up every day and choosing to love that person.

Love isn't about who has the best body or who fits your needs at the moment. This isn't about flirting your way into someone's heart or forcing anything on anyone. This ISN'T about sleeping with a bunch of people or mindless scrolling to find "the one".

And you know what, this isn't even about a heart, it's about a soul. The way that person cares for you, and how genuine they seem. How their eyes glow when they see you, and their actions line up with their words. You just fit together. Lust doesn't last forever, love does. And love is only half the battle. Compatability is separate but equally important in a relationship. You can be in love with someone, but find out you're not compatible and vice versa. 

I'm not saying I'm a love expert, but I think the best way to tell is with time. Time and analysis. Go with the flow and let God (or whatever you believe in) lead you to what's truly right. Your gut is usually the best answer, so don't psych yourself out or lie to get what you think you want. Red flags are red flags, so take those rose colors sunglasses off and pay attention. Be in love, but be mindful too. 

Some people fall in love more than once, or with the wrong person. When that's the case, you need to ask yourself why. Most of the time it's the loneliness, fear, depression, or need for attention or company like I said before. Analyze yourself and your feelings, and don't let the emotions get to you. Listen to what your friends have to say, an outsider's perspective is very eye-opening. At the very least, take their thoughts into consideration. And if you feel like the situation is bad, it probably is. Even then, eventually, the truth will come out, and you'll need to decide, "do I want to keep living my life this way" and that's a choice someone will have to make for themselves. 

A pretty good indicator that someone is good for you: If that person brings something more to your life, a purpose, a meaning, you're on the better path to possibly fall in love.

Okay! That was a lot! Quick recap, everybody:

Don't fall into the trap of sexual desires. That isn't what defines love. Let things flow, because love finds you, not the other way around. Be emotionally and mentally strong before getting into a relationship, because most times we fall in love with the wrong things. Keep doing reality checks and following red flags. Stop stressing about finding the perfect person and start working on yourself. You attract people who are emotionally and mentally like you. Finally, understand that love and lust are separate and take your time figuring out your feelings.

Love is accepting one's imperfections and seeing past the surface to who they really are, and knowing that they are good for you. This person isn't just your happiness, they add to it. Love sees into your soul and binds you with the other person. Love is precious and a gift. 

Love is one of the purest, deepest emotions you'll ever have, and when you truly find it: Keep it, cherish it, and be happy for it. 

Love is the only magic on Earth!

Hope you enjoyed this article on love! This was a bit more serious than expected, and I sorta went on a tangent there.... but I hope it was still worthy to read, and didn't waste too much of your time!

Have a burning idea that you'd like me to explain? Please don't hesitate to comment!   

I'll be going now. Bye lovely readers!

*Drops mic*