Chapter 13: Tattoo

NAGPATULOY ang mga araw nang hindi pa rin nawawala ang issue. Nadadagdagan pa ito kada oras. Kada may masasabi sila ay idinadagdag nila iyon sa kwento. Kahit opinion lang naman. They should know that in every words that they stated, there should be an evidence. Matalinong tao lamang ang maniniwala sa totoo at ang mga walang ambag pa sa kasalukuyan ang siyang maniniwala sa kwentong walang basehan.

I stayed calm. I wanted to cry but I promised myself not to do it anymore.

Why would I cry if I'm not the one whose at fault?

They said that it's better to hide when you have an issue. But, I will not hide because I didn't do something wrong. I am the victim and I need them to realize that not everything you see and hear is the truth. There's always a side story.

I realized that I should be stronger. My little self told me to stay, and I don't want to break her words.

A fulfilling future belongs to those with strong vision and resilence. It doesn't matter where you might be now, starting well and finishing strong is what counts. 

As a Psychology  student, you should not judge, you should understand. 

Someone said that if we desire to blossom like a rose in the garden, then we must learn the art of adjusting with the thorns. Difficulties will make you shine. So quickly act on advice of the able person which makes everything fine.

Three weeks have passed since I decided to get rid of my thought regarding suicide. I went to my psychologist for counselling sessions. I also went to a psychiatrist for medications. He said that there's no cure for mental disorders because it's our thoughts, but there's a theraphy for it. I wanted to apply to myself all the things that I learned about Psychology. May it be the defense mechanisms or the things that will make myself a more effective person.

Gusto kong pumasok bukas para ipakita sa kanila na matatag ako. Kapag nagpaapekto kasi ako, ako ang magiging talo. So, why not give my younger self the satisfaction of seeing me alive and kicking!

I alerted myself for everything's that going to happen. Alam kong marami na naman ang mambabato ng kung ano-ano, salita man o bagay. Marami rin ang mang-iinsulto kaya dapat lang na maging handa ako sa ano mang sasabihin nila. Alam ko namang hindi totoo ang mga sinasabi nila— kaya bakit ako magpapaapekto?

It takes a lot of courage to do this.

Hinanda ko rin ang sarili ko sa mga bagay na ginawa nila para sa akin. Mga bagay na ginawa nila to satisfy themselves. But, there's no way I'll follow the bad things that they want me to do.

Isang araw na lang at lunes na naman. Papasok na ulit sa isang unibersidad, na hindi ko alam kung bakit ang mga tao ay naniniwala sa isang sabi lang kahit na mataas naman ang pinag-aralan nila. School sucks if the environment and the people are toxic.

I decided to go to a place where drawings are made. I know a good artist but I don't know if he can make tattoos.

I checked his account and there I saw the address of his shop. I went there without him knowing..

It was a studio type place. A one storey shop for drawings and comission. There was also a part where merchandise with their arts engraved was offered. It is like an art exhibit or a museum full of arts. It is serene and elegant.

I knocked at the door and then he was shocked.

"Hi, can you draw something for me?" I asked, not sure if he will agree.

"A-Ah!" he stuttered.

"I know that you know about the issue, but I came here as a client."

"N-No! I mean— you can come!"

Pumasok siya sa loob ng isang kwarto kaya sumunod ako sa kaniya. Namangha ako sa mga features na nakalagay sa loob nito.

"You helped me achieve all of these, and I also don't want to believe the issues going around because I know that you're not like that,"

"All I did was post your commissions, these success was all because of your hardwork."

"Thank you."

He placed himself on a single sofa and motion me to sit down on the chair in front of him.

"So, I don't want to talk about your issues here because it can make you feel uncomfortable. Anyways, what do you want me to draw for you?"

"Actually, I was thinking of having a tattoo. Can you do it for me?"

"But, I don't know how! I can draw what you want, but I can't tattoo on someone,"

I heaved a sigh. I knew he won't do it because he's not a tattoo artist, but I still tried my luck. Now I know that I'm out of luck!

"W-Well, my brother can." he stated.

I immediately tilt my head to the side and utter a thanks.

"Anyways, where can I find him?" tanong ko. Nilibot ko ang aking paningin sa aking paligid pero hindi ko makita ang tinutukoy niyang kapatid.

"Here!" a man suddenly said.

I looked at the man standing beside the door. He leaned at the side and said, "What do you want me to tattoo to you, Miss?

"I want something that will make me feel..."

He went to sit beside his brother but his younger brother left the room. Maybe because he don't want to bother me with the way he looked at me.

"Are you sure you want to have a tattoo? Many people are coming back and forth here because apparently, they want to remove the tattoo that I inflicted to them. Specifically 'yung mga taong nagpatattoo ng pangalan ng kasintahan nila. And, you have a nice skin, you should not destroy it."

"I know, but I really wanted this tattoo, because it will make me feel that I wasn't the one whose at fault. It will strengthen me and make me feel perfectly imperfect."

He heaved a sigh, a sign that he agrees, I guess.

"Come with me, I'll show you the designs."

He went to a room full of incredible artworks. There are faces of celebrities, faces of influential people, animes, names, art that symbolizes somthing and some crafts that will surely blow every people's mind.

Maliit lang ang kwarto pero puno iyon ng mga gamit at drawings. May apat na upuan para sa clients at apat din na upuan sa katapat nito para naman sa mga tattoo artist. May dalawang long couch din sa gilid para siguro sa waiting area. Ang astig tingnan ng kabuoan. Sigurado akong maraming pumupunta rito dahil sa ambiance at magagandang drawings na makikita.

Ito ang tattoo place na hindi amoy sigarilyo ang loob, hindi katatakutan ang mga tao at mga nakalagay na drawings. Lugar kung saan, walang bisyo na makikita. Ito rin ay lugar kung saan magiging kumportable dahil sa lambot ng mga upuan. This is the place of artworks.

"Do you have something in your mind?"

Napabalik ako sa kasalukuyan nang marinig ko siyang magsalita.

"Yes, I want something in particular."

"What particular thing is that?"

I looked around every corner of the place until I saw what I want.

I pointed my finger at that one symbolic art.

"You must be out of your mind! That's symbolizes—"

He looked at me while pointing his finger towards the drawing. He looked at me with so much emotions. He became speechless and I ran out of words.

"A-Are you sure?"

"Yes."

He was about to hug me when he saw my face. I don't like their pity. I have to be strong.

"I'm s-sorry."

"No, you shouldn't."

It became a little awkward because of that. I looked at the chair that's meant for clients.

"You should sit." he said. Napansin niya sigurong nakatingin ako sa upuan kaya pinaupo niya ako.

I sat down at that chair and calmed myself.

"Kukunin ko lang 'yung mga gamit."

I nod. He looked at me once again before storming out of the room.

Minutes have passed and he came back with three metallic suitcase. Napatayo ako nang buksan niya ang pinto.

Lumapit siya sa akin para ilagay sa katabing table ang mga tools na gagamitin niya.

"I want you to sign these papers first."

I looked at the paper. The words written were about the tattoo design, where the artist will put it and such details about not being a minor. I wrote my name down and informations about me and what tattoo will I get.

Habang ginagawa ko iyon ay sinimulan na niyang ayusin ang mga kagamitan. May kinabit siyang mga tools at ink para sa material na pangtattoo.

Ilang minuto lang matapos niya mag-ayos ng gamit ay tiningnan niya ako. Kinuha niya ang mga papel at binasa niya iyon.

"This will hurt," he said, holding the tattoo machine thingy with his hands.

"I'm ready,"

"I want a Medusa Tattoo."