The next few days seemed surreal. We never talked about the future or what was going to come. I focused more in the now than ever before. We also didn't spend every minute together, since Chris had work and I had...my sisters.

I was still waiting for him to open up, though. There were times when he stood quiet, completely lost in his thoughts. I didn't want to push him and even if it killed me, I was trying to give him space whenever he seemed to need it. There were roughly two weeks left before I leave, and I was just hoping that we could talk it out before.

My excitement for the weekend increased when Chris asked me if he could invite himself to go to New York too. He didn't have to ask twice. I was leaving on Friday and he'd catch up with us on Saturday morning, since he had to finish something from work.

Cassie and I had been talking over the phone for the last few days and she was planning a whole bunch on things. We were going to the theater, the Guggenheim, the Museum on natural history, the Empire State building and more.

I honestly didn't know how were we going to pull that off in such a little span of time, but Cassie was really excited and sounded confident that we would.

On Wednesday, Caitlin insisted that we meet up at the karaoke bar. Since I didn't have anything else to do and the week seemed to be passing too slow, I agreed. However, I did ask her not to invite Tyrell. The guy gave me the creeps.

I also warned her that I was not going to sing for everyone else's benefit. She agreed to everything after sending me the address. We were to meet at eight. I googled the place and it wasn't hard to locate.

Chris disappeared after class without saying much. It was one of those moments where he was quiet and more to himself. That didn't mean that we hadn't made out or that he hadn't teased me to no end for screaming like a little girl when he grabbed a toad and urged me to take it in my hands. For the Frog Prince, he'd said. Idiot. He had laughed his ass out at my expense.

Having free time, I started to work on the portfolio Michael had asked us to send him after the weekend. He was exposing in an art gallery, but he also wanted to present his student's accomplishments. It was sort of a graduation thing. Out of the five of us, he was going to choose one picture from each, but as a prize, he wanted to expose one person's full portfolio. Thus, we were to send out best work.

I spent two hours trying to find my finest shots. When my neck started to hurt, I called it a night. I turned off my computer and stepped outside the room into the hallway. Mom's bedroom door was open. The sound of fake laughing reached my ears. My lips curved up. That could only mean one thing, she was watching one of the old comedy shows she loved.

I peeked my head through the door. She was laying on bed, watching reruns. She smiled at my sight and patted the empty space next to her. "Did you finish?" she asked absentmindedly, her eyes on the TV, as I laid beside her.

"Almost. I think." My brows furrowed. "I hope."

She squeezed lightly my arm. "I'm sure you'll do well."

Scrunching up my nose, I turned my eyes to the screen in front of us. "Mom? Can I ask you something?" I don't know what she sensed in my voice tone because she sat up and gazed at me with utter concern. "What would you say if I wanted to transfer from California to New York?" I asked, feigning nonchalance.

It was something that had been roaming in my mind through the last couple of days. I wasn't thinking about it because of Chris. Yes, he was part of it, but I also missed my family and friends. I needed to this for myself. Being away for a year had been harsh. I wanted to be close, so we could visit each other, but not in the same city. I'd also appreciated the independence.

"Why would you say that? Your dream has always been Berkeley," she tilted her head, studying me closely.

Breathing out slowly, I sat up as well. I crossed my legs as I looked at her. "I know, but being away from you all hasn't been easy. I feel like I'm missing a lot of things."

Mom's blue eyes stared at me for a moment. "What about Chris? Are you doing it for him too?"

I gnawed on my lip. "Not really."

She pursed her lips, clearly not convinced. "We will support you in any choice you make, honey. Just make sure that you're doing it for you, and only you."

"I know." I swallowed hard. "I'm not sure yet." I casted my eyes down as my palm traced the soft duvet on the bed.

"I think you should talk to your father about it too." My heart sank at her words. I glanced at her with a wry expression on my face. I knew Dad had worked really hard to support me in California over the last year. That was definitely not a talk I'd like to have with him. I didn't want to disappoint him or make him feel like I didn't value his effort. Mom sighed. "I'll talk to him first, but only if you make up your mind about it, okay?"

I nodded, thankful for her intervention. "Thank you. I don't want to hurt him."

She patted my arm before turning back to the TV. "I know, honey."

We watched the show for an hour. Then, it was time to get dinner ready. We all worked together, my sisters included, and dinner was ready in no-time. We chatted about petty subjects like the weather or who was winning the next baseball game, and such.

After cleaning up, I went to my room to get ready for the night. I didn't know what kind of bar it was, but I figured I could go casual. Mom didn't want me to drive her car in case I drank a beer. She told me to get an uber, but I chose to ride the bus first, to save some money for New York.

The outside was painted in a dark hue; the only bright color was the name, but it had two large windows where you could look inside. It was rather small and quite packed already. I couldn't see my friend from the outside, so I decided to venture through the crowd. Laughter, loud music and the stench of beer greeted me as I stepped inside.

The walls were painted in bright red and there were two large tables on the front, and when I say large, I mean it, they were huge; ready to serve over fifteen people in each. I wasn't feeling like sitting in one of those, and hoped to snatch one of the rustic booths stuck to the walls. I noticed the screen over the small scenario on the right corner. It was empty now, but probably not for much.

Inwardly grimacing at the dreaded place, I searched over the people to find Caitlin. Thankfully, I didn't have to search long. She was sitting on the second booth next to the scenario. A little too close to it, for my taste, but the place was completely swamped.

"Hey," my face broke into a half-smile at her sight.

Two beers were set on the table. As soon as I sat down, she passed me one. "This one's on me," she winked. She was looking great in jeans and a red tank; a striped silky scarf was tied around her neck giving her a casual look. Feeling self-conscious, I looked down at my washed sweater and ripped jeans. As if reading my thought, she gestured at me dismissively, "You look fine!"

"Thanks," I murmured unconvinced while grabbing my beer and taking a sip. I scrunched up my nose at the bitter taste, making Caitlin laugh at me. "Do you come here often?"

She shrugged. "I came last week with a guy and it was so much fun laughing at the people singing!"

I raised an eyebrow. "A guy?"

She ignored my question. Instead, a coy smile played on her lips. "So, what's the deal between you and Chris?"

I blinked at her. I might be imagining things, but her words seemed laced with sourness. Warily, I took another sip on the beer, swallowing the bitter drink and hoping that it wouldn't make me feel all blown up like it usually did. "What do you mean?" I played dumb, uneasiness washing over me.

What is her deal? Is that why she invited me here?

Caitlin set the beer on the table. She licked her lips. "Chris is fun to hang out with. I just thought that you should know that he's not into the whole dating thing."

My eyes narrowed, as, I shifted on my seat. "Have you—" She smirked. She fucking smirked. My stomach rolled as I leaned back on my seat. She had. They had. "I see..."

She flipped her hair back, nonchalant. "As I said, he's fun to hang out with." A giggle left her lips. "We've had fun more than once," she shrugged; as if her words didn't mean anything, as if she wasn't breaking my heart.

I didn't know what to say. I felt like pouring all the contents of my drink on her and telling her off. I wanted to ask her when did it happen? How many times had it happened? Had it been one of those days when Chris wasn't with me?

My heart felt tight, each thump felt like a punch, and the worst part was that he could have slept with every girl in the darn world and I couldn't say anything. We weren't a couple. Not for over a year, probably not now.

The karaoke was about to start. There was already a line-up of brave contestants written on the blackboard next to the barman station. My eyes trained on the names scribbled in white when the letters started to blur from the tears that were clouding my vision.

"I'm sorry, Farah. Did you think you two were serious?" Caitlin added in a frivolous tone. "Then, I'm glad I told you this before it escalated." I couldn't look at her without picturing myself smashing the bottle to her head. My right foot started to tap under the table while my hands clenched in fists.

A brunette was starting to sing, when I got up. "I'll be right back." I made sure to grab my purse. Without looking at her, I made my way through the crowd. My eyes stung as I walked towards the restroom sign I'd seen next to the front doors. It was getting difficult to breathe with every step.

Fuck this. I'm not giving her the satisfaction of letting her see me like this.

As soon as I walked out of the venue, I leaned on my knees, a sob coming out of my mouth. Tears rolled down my cheeks. A couple of girls that were about to enter, stopped by me. They asked if I was alright or if I needed anything. Brushing the back of my palm on my eyes, I stood up shaking my head. Without saying anything else, I started walking, eager to get the hell away from Caitlin and her devious so-called friendship.

My feet moved mindlessly as the breeze caressed my cheeks, a few strands of hair got in my face and I brushed them away. It was cold and the sky was darkening with each step. I stopped a cab and hopped inside giving him my home address before losing myself in memories.

Like the first time we kissed and the first time we were together. Chris wasn't a virgin, but I was. It happened at his house. Luke was out for the evening and we had stayed in watching a movie. He'd been so sweet and caring, even when I didn't want him to look at me as I walked to the bathroom afterward. I felt awkward and shy crossing my arms on my chest and wearing only cotton panties to get out of the room, and Chris didn't laugh at me, even if I knew well that he wanted to.

My heart sank as reality crashed down on me. A tear rolled down my cheek as the car cruised through town. I couldn't say anything, could I? I'd broken up with him. I'd made sure to block him out of my life. Chris was free to fuck every other girl for all I cared.

Only that I did care.

And it hurt.

It hurt like a bitch.

Dadwas stepping down the stairs when I walked inside the house. His brown eyesclouded with worry the moment I crossed the threshold. Suddenly, I felt like alittle girl running to her father's arms, hoping that he could make it better.He hugged me for a moment before I fell apart. I cried for everything andanything.

I hated the fact that I felt so uncertain about Chris. Or that I couldn't say anything if he had indeed slept around or not. Or the fact that I so wanted things to work out between us, even though he didn't trust me enough to tell me what was going on with his life. I cried over the fact that I wanted to be closer to home. I'd enjoyed California, but I loved my family.

I didn't want to go back.

Warmness and safety encased me as I cried on my father's shoulders. He made soothing circles on my back as I let it all go. Mom appeared by my side too. She passed her arm across my shoulders too.

"Sweetie, what happened? We're getting worried," her tone was soft yet strained at the same time.

Sniffling, I pulled apart. "I think I'm getting my period." I didn't want to worry them. Especially Dad. I felt like I was betraying him if I decided to stay.

"Farah." Mom's tone was firm. So were her eyes.

I rubbed my eyes with the back of my palm. My jaw quivered. "Everything is wrong. Everything," my voice broke at the last word.

Mom glanced at Dad. "Come, take a seat on the sofa. I'll bring you some tea." I dragged my feet in semi-automatic motion towards the living room. Mom left us to set the tea, but Dad sat beside me.

"How can I help you Farah?" his voice was serious but not angry. I cut my eyes at him. His eyes were soft. "Your mother talked to me. She mentioned you were interested in moving closer." My stomach swirled uneasily. "Is that correct?"

Biting my lip, I nodded. "Yes." I closed my eyes for a second before looking back at him. "I'm so sorry, Dad. I like California, but I don't love it. I don't feel at home and I miss you all so much, I don't want to be down there for a whole year again." My voice broke as tears rolled down my cheeks.

He stared at me for a long time, seriousness drawn on his face. "Farah. I think I haven't been clear with you." My stomach sank. I knew where this was going. He was about to tell me how hard it had been for the whole family, but that it had always been my life-dream. He would have been right, too. "You are my daughter and an adult. You can make your own decisions and we will always support you, no matter what." My lips parted as his words, my sight was blurry once more as he patted me on the knee. "We got your back, kiddo." I pressed my lips together trying to control another sob.

I did, however, launch myself over my father. "I love you Daddy."

His strong arms encased me. "I love you too Farah." His voice was raw with emotion as well.

I felt as if someone had lifted a burden off my shoulders. I figured that I'd probably will have a hard time switching colleges, but in that moment, I didn't mind.

When Mom came back with the tea, we were already talking about all the documents I'd need. Dad mentioned that I might have to take the next semester in California while we arranged everything to switch universities.

Spending six months in Berkeley didn't sound bad. I could also give notice at my job and I'd be home for Christmas. Aunt Sophie had been great to me, but there was nothing like spending time with my immediate family. I loved them to death and I'd been missing them like crazy for a long time.

Well after midnight, Dad called it a night. He needed to be up early the next day. I helped to clean up by taking the mugs back to the kitchen. Mom trailed after me. "What happened with Chris, sweetie?"

I pursed my lips, casting my eyes down. "I didn't see him tonight."

"But?" she pressed on, knowing full-well with that spidey sense all Mothers have that something was bothering me.

Brooding, I took a deep breath while crossing my arms and leaning on the counter next to the sink. Glancing at her, I told her everything Caitlin had told me. She listened intently, bobbing her head once or twice as I finished retelling my night.

We both stayed quiet. The night was silent, other than the sound of a cricket chirping on the backyard. Mom stepped closer and leaned beside me. Sighing, she gazed at me. "You can't blame him," she murmured softly, her blue eyes assessing my reaction.

Swallowing hard, I nodded. "That is the most frustrating thing in the world." I blame me. Breaking up with him had been the worst decision ever.

Her face broke with a half-smile. "He was just trying to move on, honey."

My eyes teared up as my chest felt tight again. "I screwed up, Mom."

"No, Farah. You didn't. You did what you thought was best for you and it was the right choice at the moment. Who knows? Maybe you would have broken up by now and you wouldn't be able to stand each other." A tear rolled up my cheek, but I brushed it away, listening to her. "There are no ifs, honey. You can't assume that you would still be together. Maybe you would. Probably, you wouldn't. You'll never know and that's okay. You're here, and things are starting to move on with you two. However, it doesn't mean that you'll end up together. You have to follow your heart, always, and do whatever feels right for you."

"But Chris is so obtuse right now. I feel like there's a part of him that I don't know at all."

She sighed. "Sweetie, you never will. Your father still surprises me, and we've been together for ages. Literally." She made a face and playfully rolled her eyes, making me chuckle. "And Farah, he's close, isn't he? Remember that actions speak louder than words."

Pressing my lips together, I gazed at her. "Thank you. I do think I'm hormonal, though."

She cracked up at that and gave me a light hug. "I'm glad you're going to be closer. We missed you. I missed you." Her eyes brimmed with tears as she pulled me closer for a side-hug. "Good night, honey. Try to get some sleep, okay?"

I nodded. I pecked her on the cheek before we turned off the light and went up to our rooms.

Lying in bed, I thought about it all. She was right. Of course she was. At the end of the day, we are the result of the decisions we make each day. I guessed we were bound to screw up from time to time, but that also made us who we are.

Still, I fell asleep with a heavy heart, hoping that tomorrow would be a better day. 

Thank you for reading me!