KUNMI

"Mummy, look at my future wife!!!"

My brother screamed like a maniac immediately we stepped into the office space and he started running towards where the mannequins were stacked together, shocking the three of us out of our reverie, especially Mayowa who nearly tripped on her feet at the impact of his voice.

"Look at my future wife, she's so pretty." He screamed before he threw his arms tightly around a mannequin as if his life depended on it.

A mannequin.

That's what my brother was calling his future wife. That's what he was hugging as if his life depended on it. That's what he was calling pretty.

One would think he just stumbled upon Deepika Padukone but it was a mannequin.

A mannequin.

Well, not just any mannequin.

It was a fat mannequin.

My breathing hitched up as I looked around, looked carefully at where the mannequins were stalked to see well, mannequins I've never seen before.

The mannequins were in various sizes, from having big tummies to big ass to fat thighs and chubby legs and cheeks and...

What's this?

I looked away, suddenly feeling too self conscious of myself, of the mannequins because that was like seeing myself.

That was like being completely bare.

I looked away too quickly from the mannequins that my eyes landed on Mayowa who was looking at me with some sort of skeptical look on her face.

"Awwwn, Awwwn, she's so fine." My brother gushed, stepping back from the mannequin and looking up at the figure with a total look of admiration on his face.

God! What's happening to my younger brother nitori oloun?

"Junior, are you okay?? That's a doll you're admiring oo. Abi what kind of child is this ehn?"

That was mom to him and she was quick to walk up to him as if to yank him away from the mannequin.

Beside me, Mayowa burst into laughter and she muttered "You were the one that was looking for a male child oo when you already have two beautiful daughters and now, God has given you the perfect son so why are you complaining?"

I knew she was sort of looking at me when she was talking but I ignored her, just like I was going to ignore all of them till it was time to go home.

I didn't even want to come here.

We were done with our WAEC and we've started another round of intensive coaching for NECO. That was when Aminah also stopped coming to school. She hasn't shown up for any of our tutorial classes and also, I did not see her on the last day of our WAEC exams.

I wasn't sure if I was just overthinking things or being paranoid but I was sure her chair had remained empty throughout the duration of the exam.

A civic education exam.

A compulsory exam.

I tried to ignore the anxiety that had started knotting at the pit of my stomach since that day at their studio.

I've been trying but I've just not being able to get the sight of her swollen feet out of my mind.

Why did they look that bloated with that many bruises and blisters?

Why was she even dancing when the state of her feet were like that?

Or was... Was she doing something else in there?

That was actually like the only logical conclusion I could come up with.

Everything about her was just bizarre.

On the other hand, everything at home had been about Mayowa and her upcoming fashion house. I could see the pride and glow in mom's and dad's eyes whenever Mayowa talked about her fashion house, the kind of diversity she was planning on bringing into the game. She was also not so subtly including me in the conversations.

A conversation that I wasn't even nowhere interested in.

We were only here because she and mom finally found the perfect office space and she wanted us, her immediate family to come and see what the shop looked like before the grand opening.

I wouldn't even have followed them if not that I didn't want mom to start following me around the house like I needed exorcism.

And now I was here, in this strange office. It was spacious, very spacious and there was like... I wasn't sure but like a 100 weird looking mannequins in the here with nothing less than 10 sewing machines, cutting machines and weaving machines.

It was... Well, it was looking good.

"Most of the equipments are still not here." She was saying but I wasn't even paying attention to her. I was focused instead on Junior who was now dancing around the mannequin, his future wife, with his two hands at the back of his head.

He was dancing excitedly around the mannequin as if he just won a lottery and mom was looking at him like: What kind of child is this for goodness sake?

I was also confused because I simply did not understand how someone will be like this.

Maybe it'd have made sense if he was Sophia's brother and not mine.

"So, have you finally decided on a name?" Mom asked Mayowa after we were done looking around the store and were sitting down on the couches.

My brother was still busy admiring his future wife and her friends.

"Yes, I've picked a name," Mayowa was quick to answer and I could actually feel the excitement radiating from her body.

Must be nice to be actualizing your dreams.

"All Bodies." She concluded and my interest picked up. I knew she was creating a diverse fashion line that was going to cater for the needs of women of all sizes and the name was very befitting.

You inspired me for my fashion house idea.

"I think the name is perfect," She was still saying while I focused on my hands that were clamped together on my tile. "The goal is to have women and girls of all body types to enter the store and find themselves well represented in fashion.

I've always seen it as stupid anyway," Shd continued, "The fact that mannequins always look a particular way. It's like the we're telling females that you're supposed to look this particular way and that thing with mannequins is like representing the whole fashion industry. That's always how it works. Designers hardly create designs with fat people in mind."

She wouldn't stop rambling and rambling and I wouldn't stop staring at my fingers as if they were the single most fascinating thing in the room. Easy for her, it has always been easy for people like her to talk about fat people and the fat community as if they really know what's going on with them.

"I'm impressed," Mom started and I couldn't even miss the hint of pride in her voice, "You can even use Kunmi as a model."

1

2

3

"Yeah, that's... I want to do that. I've gotten a couple of other girls I want to use with her."

Well, you guys can keep making plans about me without my knowledge.

"Abi Kunmi, what do you think?" That was Mayowa to me and the first reply that came to my head was 'I don't think anything.'

"I don't like standing in front of the camera." I simply replied while still focusing on my fingers and wishing that I had brought my phone with me.

I remembered that I still haven't turned it on since then and I made a mental note to turn it on immediately we get back home.

"It's not going to be that..." Mayowa started to say before she trailed off abruptly, "I mean, it's going to be a very comfortable shoot and I'm sure you'll enjoy it."

"Of course, it'll also make you come out of your comfort zone a little." Mom was quick to add in an overly soothing zone. She had been like that these days, always eager to say something to me, always eager please me, always eager for me to come out of my shell.

"You'll do it, shey? For me." Mayowa said and she reached out to touch my two hands that were on my thighs.

I shrugged her off as if scalded by an hot iron.

At the same time my brother screamed maniacally as if in terror.

"What? What's it? What happened?" Mom kept asking as she stood up from the couch and she ran to where Junior was standing behind the mannequin and pointing out of the top to floor window.

Mayowa followed suit but I remained where I was. I knew my brother was an alarmist and whatever he was screaming at was nothing.

"What's it?" Mayowa asked too and I watched as she and mom bent to his level and I found myself following their lead to look at what Junior was pointing at outside.

A man was getting off a logistics bike.

"Our Pizza is here."

He announced as if he was announcing the winner of Grammy and the abara mom gave him was enough for him to cry for the rest of the day.

He was not even able to eat from the Pizza.

**********

I've been staring into space.

I've just not being able to stop my thoughts from going into a thousand direction.

Aminah still wasn't showing up in school for any of our tutorial classes and I couldn't help but getting worried about her even though I did not want to.

And then two days ago, Dele, the guy that was in the choreographer club with her had walked up to me when I was reading in the library.

"Hey."

When I looked up and I saw that he was the one, I instantly wanted to stand up and leave the library because I knew he was going to talk about but I still stayed back because I was actually interested in hearing about her.

"So Aminah left something behind the last time I saw her..." He started saying and my interest got even more piqued. "She hasn't been showing up in school and she hasn't been showing up in..." He trailed off suddenly as if he had decided not to tell me that last bit of information.

"Anyway, I'd have gone to her house to personally give it to her but our last encounter wasn't..." He trailed off again and I mentally heaved a sigh. I just wanted him to get over this story and leave me alone.

"So, can you just help me give this to her?" He asked and I mentally started saying God forbid when he brought out something from his pocket and he stretched it towards me.

I recoiled, momentarily concluding that it was another diary sort of thing and momentarily concluding that I'd never collect it.

"We're not on talking terms again so you should just give it to her yourself you see her."

His reply was to drop it on my table.

It was a gym membership card.

But why does it look this big?

"My parents run a gym and Aminah and her mom are regulars there but she forgot this on the last day she showed up to cancel her membership."

To cancel her membership?

I looked away from the bizarre card in front of me to the guy looming above me and I kept thinking to myself: Does this boy even know how dumb he's sounding right now?

"If she forgot her card on the day she showed up to cancel her membership, then why are you hell bent on returning it to her? Is it not useless now?"

He was quiet for 1, 2, 3...40 seconds before he ran his left hand through his curly hair.

"It'll make sense when she gets it, hmm? You just have to get this across to her, okay?

He did not even wait for my reply before he turned back and walked off.

And what did I do with the card? I dumped it where I dumped her diary too, in my drawer. The reason why I still brought the diary home was what I couldn't understand but still, I had no interest of going through it.

Never.

It was exactly a week to NECO. We were officially done with tutorials but we were also free to show up in school if we wanted to. I wasn't even interested in showing up in school till our exams were officially starting but Sophia had shown up in our house and dragged me here and that was the only reason why I was sitting beside her and in front of Gab in the Love Garden now.

We were supposed to be talking about Prom and Variety Night and Graduation but I wasn't even paying the least bit of attention.

"Coz, I've decided on the type of cloth I want to wear for Prom."

I turned to look at Sophia who was in turn looking at her cousin as if she had grown three heads.

"Don't start talking about all those turtle nights or stupid bagging clothes that won't show even the tiniest skin."

"Of course not, I'm a changed girl now," Gab too replied her and she went ahead to flip her non existent hair.

What are these two cousins?

"I want any dress that'd make Alex do a double take when he see me. I want something that will make him go crazy and basically thoughtless for the rest of the night."

Aah. God! What...

Beside me, Sophia screamed like a maniac and she was quick to high-five Gab who matched her excitement with equal energy.

Only God can help these two.

"I'm already thinking of the perfect style you can wear, something that'll make Alex speechless for the night. Oh God! I can't wait... This is going to be so interesting... And baby Kay too for Adam. I'm picturing you girls in my head right now and it's epic as hell." She kept rambling and rambling and I kept feeling incredibly sorry for her because what exactly is this girl?

"Don't worry girls, I'll be sponsoring all the things we'll need for both prom and our variety but I'm not sure what fashion house we should go for." She turned towards me abruptly, almost shocking me out of the chair, "Baby Kay, I know your sister is opening her fashion house soon. Why don't you beg her to help us make our dresses?"

Hian?

Beg my sister, an upcoming fashion designer to make the gown Sophia Williams was going to wear to the highlight of her secondary school days?

Does this girl really not know how many established and extremely popular fashion designers will jump into an opportunity to make her gowns?

Or was she just... Well, humble to a fault?

"I can help her model her designs on my page if she wants oo."

"Coz, stop being this humble. Everybody will jump at the opportunity for you to tag them on your page. Are you really that humble or do you really have no idea how influential you're?"

Sophia was saying something in response to Gab but I wasn't really focusing. My thoughts kept straying off to Aminah, to what she was probably up to.

"Baby Kay, you've been lost in thought since we got here. Are you thinking about Adam or are you thinking about how to show up for Prom?"

I dragged a hiss underneath my breath at the last part of Sophia's sentence. Prom ko, Prom ni. I wasn't even interested in showing up for any of those nights.

"Or are you worried about Aminah?" She continued and that really grabbed my attention. It seemed to grab Gab's attention
too because she was now looking at me.

But really, Sophia was talking about Aminah? That was a first and I wasn't even the only person that looked surprised.

Gab's expression was surprise itself.

"I mean, it's okay to be worried and you should probably call her or something if you want to know what's up with her."

Gab was looking at her as if she was staring at the devil itself. I, on the other hand was just beyond flabbergasted.

"I've been trying her numbers these days and it has been going straight to voicemails." She said casually as if that was like the most normal sentence to make. Gab exchanged a worried glance with me.

"Sophia, are you alright? You've been calling Aminah? Is there something we're missing here?"

Sophia's reply was just a casual shrug, "I mean..." She darted a worried glance at me, "I just want to hear from her. I want to see if everything would make sense from her own part."

It would never make sense. That just isn't possible.

"This isn't you."

"Exactly Coz, this isn't me and even though, I'm just honoring Stephanie's request, it still doesn't make sense that I'm actually trying to reach out to to her."

Oh wow.

Was the prospect of them becoming friends going to happen now?

Gab heaved a very long sigh before running her hands through her hair and face.

"I guess, you're human after all."

"I guess so," Sophia's asserted, leaving me more worried than ever because well, what's going on?

"So tell us Gab, what did you know about Aminah? I mean, you've always hated her because she broke Alex's heart when he was at his lowest, you've always hated her because of how she has been treating me with her relationship with... Ehmm... Kunle so what happened? Why the sudden change of heart? You must have discovered something."

Yes... She must have discovered something. What exactly is going on with Aminah? The girl in question just wiped her mouth clean of the cookies she had been eating while looking as uncomfortable as possible.

"Guys, it's not like I discovered something momentarily big about her," She started and my heart sank before picking up again because I knew if wasn't momentarily big, at least it was still something.

"But you guys remember the Mental Health Awareness, I happened to be go to the toilet after Aminah excused herself to use the toilet..."

I found my interest picking up. I remember... I remembered how Aminah had excused herself during the seminar and how she did not show up till it was over.

"So, I saw her there and... She was crying."

Ehn??

"I mean, it's absurd for someone to just go to the toilet to cry but it's even more bizarre that she left in the middle of a mental health talk to cry in the bathroom."

I... I... I wasn't getting any of this. She went to cry in the bathroom?

"She must have gotten triggered by something she heard during the talk."

"Exactly, Sophia." Gab was quick to agree with Sophia. "I mean, she must have heard something that hit too close to home during the talk and mehn, she was..." She wrapped her hands around herself and I could have sworn that she actually shivered.

"I've never seen anyone cry like that before. It was scary and eerie as fuck. She was legit grabbing and pulling her hair as if she wanted to rip it all out and she kept clutching and grabbing her heart as if she wanted to rip it out too for hurting that much and she wouldn't stop screaming." Gab looked like she was reliving the memory of that day again and she looked horrified as hell.

As for me, I was just beyond confused. Aminah left the hall to cry in the toilet? But she was... She was fine... She was also fine afterwards when I saw her.

"And Guys, do you know the scariest part? When she came out of the toilet minutes later, she looked as calm and as collected as possible. She looked posh as if she just... As if she wasn't the one that was crying as if she was going to an emotional turmoil that's beyond human comprehension. She legit smiled and complimented on a Junior's hairstyle."

Wow... What the fuck is Aminah?? I did not know the girl Gab was describing at all.

Beside me, Sophia had gone eerily quiet and still. She was just looking at Gab, face ashen with shock.

She knows something.

"It was the first time I saw beneath her facade and I'm sure she's more than all those smiles and all the things we've discovered from her diary. To me, she's not normal or sane at all."

I still did not know what to make of all this. Who exactly is Aminah?

What exactly does real face look like?

Who is even the real person here?

"I think something is terribly wrong with that girl." Sophia finally spoke, face still ashen with shock.

I'm starting to think the same thing too.

"Let's go and see her." Sophia said suddenly, surprising me and surprising Gab more.

Sophia was suggesting that we should go and see Aminah?

"Let's go and see her after school today." She continued and Gab nearly fell out of the bench in shock.

"Wait, Coz, do you know any other thing about Aminah because what I just told you can't be enough for you to say we should go and see her."

I was thinking the same thing.

"Nooo, not exactly. I just... Oh fuck!" She sat up straighter on the bench. "I just remembered I'm flying out of the country by 3pm and this is 12pm already." She partially covered her face with her hands before she stood up as if she was being compelled by some sort of internal forces.

"Let's just go now. It's not like we'll be sneaking out of the school anyways, we are free to leave anytime we want to."

I thought she was joking... I honestly thought she was until I realised she wasn't. She was legit looking at Gab and I as if she doesn't understand why we were still sitting down.

"You really want us to leave school and go to Aminah's house? Really? I... I don't understand." I was forced to speak up because this wasn't Sophia at all.

"Yes, Baby Kay, we'll just confirm if she's fine and leave." She stopped talking before she continued like an after thought, "I'm sure Gab wants to come but you don't have to come if you don't want to. This is Aminah we're..."

"I want to."

I found myself interrupting because I honesty wanted to.

It was impossible for us to go back to being friends but maybe, just maybe I could forgive her.

************

It's 2am and I've been unable to sleep since last night.

We left school to go to Aminah's house but she wasn't at home. Infact, no one was. Their gate was locked and their gate keeper was nowhere to be found so we couldn't even enter the compound.

Sophia made us loiter around for more than 2 hours with the hope that maybe just even their gate keeper would return.

But it was all in vain.

And eventually we had to leave when it was almost time time for Sophia's flight. She was travelling to New York for a fashion show and she would be there for a week.

I had gotten home very late, around 6pm and since then, I had stayed holed up in my room under the pretense of reading while in all honesty, I couldn't even read and assimilate a single alphabet.

My thoughts had been going all over the place, spiralling out of my control.

My stomach kept tightening into hard knots and the worry I was feeling was threatening to cripple my entire body and the anxiety I was feeling was enough to make me lose my breath.

I couldn't get what Gab had said out of my mind just like I couldn't get my own perception of what had happened on the day of our Mental Health Awareness out of her mind. Aminah had excused herself from the hall with the biggest smile on her face and she had return to us, she still had that big smile on her face but she did not even to use the toilet or anything, she went there to have a mental breakdown.

A mental and emotional breakdown!

And she came back to us with that huge and contagious smile on her face but what exactly...

And just how many times had that happened? Having that kind of nervous and mental breakdown behind our backs and smiling and acting like everything is perfectly fine in her world whenever she was with us?

What exactly is going on with her?

And how on earth was it possible that we did not notice anything?

None of us noticed a single thing about her.

To me, she had always been an energy personified, a small girl with little or no worry in the world. Give Aminah free WiFi to stalk hot girls and boys on Instagram, give her free foods and junks, give her free pass to shopping and that's all.

She was going to be happy for the rest of her life.

That's what I thought, what I knew about her but I was fast realising that that's just little about her. She was way deeper than that.

I mean, there's the issue with the things she wrote in her diary which was even by the way right now.

By the way right now.

But then, I just wanted to make sure that she was fine so that I'd tell her that I wasn't bearing any grudge against her.

I was going to try to forgive her if that would make her feel better.

But even with that resolution, I couldn't stop tossing and turning on my bed, I couldn't stop worrying, I couldn't stop the anxiety that was threatening to cripple me.

I was unable to fall asleep till the clock struck 2am.

I sat up on my bed in a start and without pausing or stopping for even the briefest moment, I stood up from the bed and walked to the drawer where I kept the diary and the card Dele gave to me.

I know I shouldn't be reading her diary. It was against common etiquettes and it wasn't going to be pretty for my own mental health.

I wasn't sure I could handle her writing any other horrible thing about me but I wasn't also sure I could continue lying on my bed and wondering what's up with her when the diary could give me the much needed answers.

I was dying to know what's up with her and I was sure you all are too.

************

These diary entries would haunt me for life.

That was the thought that floated to my mind immediately I opened the carton-colored diary and even the pages of the diary were in brown color making it seems like the ancient books sort of thing.

I flipped through the initial pages of the diary, initial pages that were filled with entries of how she was feeling satisfied watching Sophia feel uncomfortable whenever she was with Kunle, how my insecurities were the loudest thing about me.

I flipped through those pages, careful not to read or dwell on those entries too much because I don't want to remember them.

I feel sick, doing all these things.

That was the first entry that made me stop. It was the entry that made my fingers trail over the words in the black ink of Aminah's handwriting.

She felt sick doing all those things? What things?

What things??

I checked the date of the entry to see that it was around March, a few weeks after our sport but by all these things, was she talking about the things she was doing to us?

And why even feel bad, when she was the one that made a conscious decision to be that manipulative?

I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself.

I felt the hair at the back of my neck standing up as I read those words. What the...

Those were the only sentence she wrote for like three weeks straight in the diary and that was when my heart started this unrealistic rhythm in my chest.

It wouldn't stop pounding and pounding and pounding and beating heavily.

I could feel my heart threatening to burst out of my chest, could feel a panic attack brewing from deep within me.

I imagined her, smiling at everyone in school, bursting around with so much energy and vigor only to get home late at night to write this about herself.

It lasted for two weeks, Kunle's infatuation with me. The girl he likes is Sophia. I can see it in his eyes, I can feel it in his words. She's the first person he'd seek out whenever he enters a room. She's literally holding his world in her hands and meeee, me, no matter how much I manipulate him, no matter how much I have to do these things to make him like me, it's her, it has always been her.

I've seen how Sophia looks at Kunmi, how she likes and genuinely wants to be her friend. I've been trying to get her to notice me since our JSS1 days but I've been failing woefully and what? The least girl I thought Sophia would ever like is fast becoming her favourite. I guess I'm just as no one can ever truly like me. I'm that worthless.

Jesus!!

What's this??

What the fuck is all these?

Worthless??

My heart skipped a thousand painful beats.

Aminah thinks she's worthless? She wasn't...

I started flipping through the pages to get to the day we did the MHAC. I was sure the entry of that day will shed light on all of these because I don't understand. I simply wasn't understanding anything again.

I wasn't...

I stopped flipping through the pages when I saw an entry that nearly choked me.

Because I felt I've been losing Kunle. He kept slipping out of my fingers. He kept gravitating towards Sophia no matter how much I tried to keep him so I did this today. I provoked her, knowing fully she doesn't want to talk about her birthday, knowing fully well that she's already angry at me for indirectly making Kunmi feel bad earlier. I provoked her, pushed her over her limit, made her lose her cool and talk down to me. It was the first time Kunle will flare up at her. I was satisfied, knowing fully well that this will make him stick with me for another couple of week but Sophia knows what I did and the way she looked at me before storming off, it was so full of hatred. Undisguised hatred. She hates me and it's killing me. I hate myself too.

The voices got louder today from the moment Sophia walked out of the dinning. I couldn't breathe and function properly for the rest of the day and I had to lock myself and curl up in a corner of my bathroom while willing them to stop but they won't. They won't stop telling me I'm despicable and a monster for hurting other people. They won't stop telling me how horrible, how unlovable I am, that I'm nothing and that I deserve nothing. The voices wouldn't stop and I did not know even know when I picked the razor from my mirror and I was cutting my upper thigh. It was a startling pain. One that drove out the voices, one that dulled the emotional pain, one that felt like calm and peace and I welcomed it.

I backed away from the diary.

I backed away.

There was a huge drumming in my ears, a burning sensation in my eyes and my heart, I knew it was just a matter of time before it bursts out of my chest.

She... She cuts...

Aminah was cutting herself? She...

Jesus!!

A strangled sob escaped my lips when it dawned on me what I had seen on her tights during The Olympia.

Those horrible lines on her upper thighs. She one she claimed she couldn't remember how she got it. That was lie. She had been cutting herself. Inflicting pain on her body.

Aminah was... My friend was doing that to herself and...

I literally just stopped, clamped my hands over my mouth as if that would stop me from crying out loud around 3am in the morning.

This has to be some sort of sick joke. A very big joke.

Aminah would never... Can never be this mentally unstable. No way.

I stated at the diary, illuminated by the blue and red neon light that kept flashing from the walls in my room and I just kept staring at it.

This can't be happening.

I couldn't handle reading more entries, couldn't handle seeing her in that light... I couldn't...

I let out a strangled sob just like I started to shake involuntarily.

What's this?

What the fuck is all these things Aminah was writing about herself?

Kunmi is so pretty. She's honestly so pretty and adorable and when she smiles, God! I feel so jealous of her. In the end, I lies I felt about it weren't even true, I'm just the horrible one to look at.

I've always been jealous of Sophia. I've always thought she has it all. The looks, the stature, the body, the face, the popularity, the friends who will always have her back while I'm just literally nothing. I've always wanted her to notice me, to like me and when she wouldn't, I wanted to be her, I wanted to take away from her, to be the one in her position so I hurt her, by using Kunle, by using anything that'd hurt her but today, Kunmi told me her sister is battling with cancer. The girl I've always thought had it all was going through that king of pain and me, being the kind of despicable monster that I am had been adding to her pain. How much I hate myself, how much I can't stand seeing myself...

The tears I had been trying to push back were streaming down my face now. It was uncontrollable. What kind of girl was Aminah? How exactly was she wired? How...

Dear Diary,
I am my greatest enemy. I keep hurting others just to make myself feel better. I hate the girl I'm becoming. I hate the monster staring back from the mirror. I hate myself and I'm so afraid. How can I live in fear of my own self? What is going to happen to me, Diary?

At this point, my tears wouldn't stop falling, my heart wouldn't stop pounding. There was so much sadness on the pages of this diary, so much sadness and emptiness and voidness.

What exactly happened to Aminah? What broke her?

I'm done. I'm tired. I literally have no one, no friends. I'm just there. I'm not barely existing, I'm not existing at all. I want this all to stop. I don't want this pain. This ugliness, this wickedness, this monster anymore.

I opened the page to the last entry she wrote before Tolase stole her diary.

In the end, I'm just all alone and lonely like I deserve to be.

I wonder what I have to do to make it all go away, the voices, the pain, everything. I want them all gone.

I can't do this anymore...

Nooo... Please... Nooo. It can't be...

No way... It can't be what I'm thinking. It can't be.

Aminah would never... Never!!!

I was standing up from the bed and running to where I kept my phone in my drawer.

I switched it on.

Then sat down at the corner of my bed while waiting for the phone to come on.

But my heart wouldn't stop pounding, wouldn't stop feeling too heavy for my body.

I wouldn't stop shaking.

The phone came on and the speed I used to dial her number surprised me.

My heart picked up the pace when her phone started ringing and I found myself biting my nails nervously.

Please pick up, Aminah, pick up and tell me you're fine.

But she did not pick, not when I tried her number like 20 more times.

Aminah wasn't picking up.

She wasn't picking up.

And I was about to die from my heart pounding too much, way too much that my body couldn't handle it.

I turned my data on and was immediately assaulted my thousands of messages.

My phone actually hung for more than 30 minutes and within that 30 minutes, I lost my mind countless times, I've bitten down my right hand fingernails to the lowest.

I actually felt like I was going to lose it until all the messages finished entering.

I had more than 500 messages from Aminah.

I didn't think twice before opening it.

Every single one was full of apologies. She kept begging, apologising profusely and I kept tearing up as I read the first ones.

I skipped to the last message which was just sent last night around 11pm.

Hey babe. Lol. I know I don't have the right to call you babe again. I know. I know. I'm really sorry about everything that had happened. I wasn't... I really liked you and you were like my best friend. I'm sorry things ended between us the way it did and...

I stopped reading.

Just like I stopped breathing for the briefest moment too. What's this? What's this message sounding like?

Why is this message sounding like this?

What's Aminah...

What's Aminah planning?

Why...

My heart started pounding again and I found myself standing up from the bed. The diary and my phone and the card fell out of my laps. The card opened on hitting the floor.

What's this? Was my thought as I bent down to get a proper look at the content of the card.

The card that did not even look like a card...

It looked more like...

My phone started vibrating on the floor, shocking me with the sudden and loud noise.

I was quick to pick it from the floor, thinking it was Aminah because it could only be Aminah that was calling back at 4am in the morning.

Except that it was Gab.

Gabriella.

My heart went straight to my mouth.

Gab has no reason to be calling me at 4am.

Gab has no reason to be calling me at all.

With heart pounding, hands shaking, body almost convulsing, I clicked on the red icon and pressed the phone against my ears.

"Gab?"

"Kunmi, it's Aminah."

And my feet gave way.

It wasn't even the words, it was the way she said them.

That panic and terror and fright filled tone.

Omoh. Writing this chapter mehn 😪😪😪😪

What do you think Gab means by "It's Aminah"? What do you think is going on?

Scroll down 👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾

You're wrong. I'm almost 101% sure that it's not what you're thinking. That it's far from what you're thinking... I might as well just bent into two if you can successfully guess what it is and still, I've always hinted towards it since the beginning of this book and I think I went all out on this particular chapter.

We'll see sha in the next update which might not be coming up till after Eid.

And please, what the fuck is wrong with Junior? 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣💔💔💔 And contrary to what most people guessed on my status, Junior wasn't talking about Aminah, he was talking about a plastic mannequin 😂😂💔💔

African mothers and brain resetting Abara 💔💔💔😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

And I wanted to say something about Mayowa's fashion idea but I figure out we all ain't in the mood for that so till later.

See you guys when I see you.

And spoiler alert, what Kunmi read in Aminah's diary are the prettiest things 😪😪💔💔