Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette,
A lifeless face that you'll soon forget,
My eyes are damp from the words you left,
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest

I glare across the room at my phone, buzzing loudly with messages that are no doubt from Milan and Bambi.

It's Sunday and I'm practicing my routine for ballet in the upstairs studio of my house. 

The ache is absent from my toes as I stand on their tips, sent away by years of practice and superhuman powers. I begin spinning, trying to keep my eyes level in the same spot.

Ding ding!

My phone ringing throws me off balance. Glaring at nothing I stamp towards it, not bothering to stop the music. I pick up my phone to see Milan tying to video call me.

"What!?" I snap when I answer, walking over to the stereo and pressing pause. On screen she seems to be outside, the others talking loudly.

"It's twelve! You said you'd come after practice."

"I'm not done, Milan! I've only done six hours," I reply, sinking to the floor.

"Do the other two tonight. C'mon, everyone's here," she loses her whiny tone in favour of a gentler one.

"No," I snap, hanging up.

I press play again and wait for Chopin's Nocturne in C Sharp Minor to start, getting into position. When it begins, I start my solo.

As if I want to spend my Sunday at someone's house watching McKenzie and Tim whilst Milan questions me over going to the movies with the guys with Riley and Perrie whispering about it in the corner.

No thanks.

Those thoughts reflect in my dancing as I stumble slightly in my double. I stop, allowing myself to breathe as the music plays on without me.

Without me. 

I begin again, pushing everything away and just listening to the music. I move with it, watching my own reflection in the floor-ceiling mirror as it curls, leaps and twirls. The room feels humid even with the AC blasting. 

I work and I work for another hour or so until everything comes to a dizzying stop as I drop to the floor at the end of the song, chest rising and falling, skin damp with exertion.

My phone is buzzing again which only makes me grunt in annoyance. I let it ring out until whoever it is hangs up. I'm still laying in the same spot when a text comes through. I suppose I can't ignore them forever.

I bring myself up gracefully and grab a towel, wiping the back of my neck as I pick up the phone. The text is from Lucas, asking if I'm okay. I wonder if Milan's seen that?

I shoot back 'Fine, just need to practice.'

At least one of them cares, not that there's anything to care about. I'm going to see them all six hours a day for the next five days, so what's the point of see them now?

Just as I go to place my phone back down, it buzzes in my hand.

Timmers: Everything alright?

Hah. I haven't even changed his name in my phone, or the contact photo of us in the pool. I can't believe I still even have his number. 

He's asking if I'm alright.

My own fingers are typing 'like you care' before I realise. Thumb hovering over the send button, I contemplate the reaction. Someone else will see the message, no doubt. They'll shout it out and everyone will start talking about me behind my back.

I hit the delete button, erasing the words, before going to Tim's contact and removing it from my phone.

◊

◊

Monday after school, I find myself walking with Lucas and Jake up to the dance studio for Hip Hop Crew. 

The big competition is coming up soon. Gotham Academy are currently the reigning champions. We're a little bit larger this year and I know Ellery is super excited about that; she has more to work with.

"Where's your keeper?" Jake asks Lucas as we begin up the stairs. I smirk at the remark. I'm glad it's no secret that Milan is a controlling and possessive girlfriend.

"Library. She'll be in there for the whole lesson."

I start to laugh at that, but refrain upon the realisation that he's not even going to complain about us calling her his keeper.

Jake glances at me from the side when Lucas is distracted. His expression is one I can't read, but he has been looking at me like that a lot recently. Perhaps we're catching onto the same thing.

The doors to the large studio are open and the three of us enter. There are about twenty people sitting down already. Jake, myself and Lucas drift to the back to put our bags up against the mirrors.

We split, going into the bathrooms to change. Upon Ellery's request and my stepfather's recommendation to the school, we had been given Hip Hop jackets.

They're black on the torso with white sleeves. Written in blue embroidery and patterns across our backs are Gotham Academy Knights Hip Hop Crew, with a name underneath it.

Mine just says Adelaide. Ellery's says Ell.

Beneath that we choose our own black clothes, any shoes and normally a snapback. I wear black short shorts, an elbow-length black top and black and white Nike Airs.

Back in the studio, everyone is seated and ready to listen to Ellery and her assistant choreographer Dante. I drop next to Jake, ignoring the larger space next to Lucas.

"Before we get into warm-up, we obviously have to discuss Showcase. For the hip hop section, we are allowed one mixed duo, one female duo, one male duo, a group of eight or under and one large group."

Everyone leans over to their friends, whispering about who wants what.

"Dante and I have been discussing who we want to take part in these. In the end the decision was simple; an audition process will be held for female duos, the male duos and the group of eight. After a serious talk though, Dante and I have decided that Lucas and Adelaide will be our mixed duo."

My blood runs cold and I go completely rigid, staring at my sister with hard eyes. Lucas smiles at me, leaning past Jake and that same worried expression. Why on Earth would she do that? If she wants victory she should put me with Jake!

Throughout the room people either congratulate me and talk about how good we'll be, or lean over to their friends and express their anger and jealousy.

"It's no secret the two of you always dance in synch. It's that type of unison that scored Dante and I the gold the two years in a row in this category. Since it's in the junior category it needs to be Freshmen or Sophomores."

Milan will want to tear me to shreds. Lucas is attractive and her second grip on the popularity cluster. This may be her chance to try and take my throne; she'll rally the others behind her. Not because they like her better or because they think it's bad I'll be intimately dancing with her boyfriend, but because all the others want to be the most popular as well.

Which means getting rid of me. Or, trying to anyway. All it takes is one look and probably a few sentences and I can have them all replaced.

{And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones // 'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs}

"Auditions will be held in a month. Everyone good with that?"

A chorus of yeses spread through the room as Dante begins handing out audition forms. Lucas leans past Jake like he wants to talk to me.

I just want to run.

As soon as a sheet is in my hand I jump to my feet, manoeuvring my way through the dance crew who, as per usual, split apart for me like I'm parting the red sea. My sister is talking to another girl in her year when I reach her.

"Don't complain," she says immediately without even glancing my way as she turns to search through more papers on the table. I keep a stern face, trying to give off as much anger as I can. 

"You're going to make me look like I'm the kind of girl who gets in with her friends' boyfriends," I growl, "Or, like I'm trying to make Tim jealous."

Ellery sighs dramatically, finally glancing over her shoulder to give me a dull look. That look then shifts to the whole room and she whistles loudly, catching everyone's attention whilst hurting my ears.

"Listen up! I'm banning outsiders from observing practice. Yes, Lucas, that means Milan. Where is she?"

"Library."

"Go and tell her she is not to come in."

He glances at Jake, who avoids the stare, before standing up and leaving his paper behind. When he reaches the door he looks over his shoulder at me. My head snaps back to my sister quickly, then he leaves.

"You two dance together well. The fact that he's dating that air-head to get closer to you is irrelevant. Don't you want to win?"

There's that desire... to win.

Perfection. 

"Of course I want to win. I just..." Ellery waits for me to speak. With a deep breath, I draw back into Spanish. "Can you not picture them whispering about me? Riley, McKenzie, Perrie?"

She looks at me like I'm stupid.

"Like you're intimidated by them. There's a reason everyone loves you and not those three cows. Run along now, sign up for the small group."

The rest of the session is spent discussing song choices. We narrow it down to a DJ Snake remix for the large group. The large group will consist of the whole crew.

Ellery chooses three songs for myself and Lucas to listen to together. We have to choose one within the week and allow her and Dante to begin choreographing.

When Lucas had returned he looked unaffected, almost glad that Milan had to stay away. Jake looks more uncomfortable than ever for the rest of the lesson.

Ellery makes us stand up in height order. Thank the stars that the order puts about eleven people between myself and Lucas. I'm the tallest of my friends, but he's abnormally tall and lanky, leaving him at the end of the line with seniors. Jake is four people behind me.

Dante instructs us on our starting formation. We're in a diamond with a senior girl front and centre. I'm to her left in the middle of the line. 

The music starts and Dante gives an example of the moves. They're energetic and jarring; I enjoy the shift from the gentle movements of ballet.

By the time our hour is up, we're thirty seconds into the song. My sister is impressed with the effort and allows everyone to sneak out of the school without changing back into their uniforms. I'm sure their decision to make her Performing Arts Captain was brilliantly thought out.

Jake comes over and I hug him as a goodbye. That's pretty normal for just the two of is. When I glance over his shoulder I see Lucas watching us with a low expression.

"It's a problem," Jake whispers.

"For another day," I add on.

He gives me a sympathetic smile before backing towards the door. I have to wait for Ell since she's driving us home. She always leaves last, making sure everyone is okay. He leaves alone.

"I've got to talk to Dante about a couple of things. Take the keys and get in the car," Ellery calls out, throwing the keys to me. Without my powers they would have bitten into my hand as I catch the harsh throw.

Clearly she thinks I'm being selfish.

I pick up my bag and walk out the door, only to find Lucas leaning against the stair rail.

"Hey!" His smile brightens when he sees me. It makes my heart hurt without how pitiful he is.

"Hi," I say awkwardly as we descend the stairs together. He's suddenly handing me earbuds connected to his iPhone. I try to hide my hesitation as I take them.

"Of all the songs, I like this one," he says, pressing play on one called Ease My Mind by Skrillex. It's slower than I want and I imagine the dance would be some sort of sensual hip hop.

We're nearly at the bottom floor where I'll be home free. I guess I'll just play along.

"I could lift you here. Oh and- this part has this kind of slow drop. Maybe you could-"

Lucas stops blabbing on about his dull plans when I stop on the top step. I meet cerulean eyes that are looking up at us in surprise. He's on the case beneath us.

"Hey Tim," Lucas says. I feel a mocking in the tone of his voice and I want to turn and knee him where the sun doesn't shine. Don't talk to him like that.

 Tim's locker is on the second floor. He must have been helping Brett with his studies in the library because today isn't Mathletes day. From the bottom of the stairs, his eyes fall on the earphones we are sharing. I pull mine out and let it drop, Lucas barely catching it.

"I have to go," I say stoically, staring straight ahead as I descend the steps. I brush past Tim when I get to the bottom and head straight for the door.

Please, please don't think anything of it. 

The Volvo Reece bought for my sister is within view through the glass panels. I push the door open and start walking out into the chilly weather.

"Adelaide?"

If it were anyone else I'd pretend I can't hear them, or just ignore them entirely. Not when it's him though. Not Tim. The door is swinging shut behind him when I turn around.

"Did you get my text yesterday?" He asks with a small frown, readjusting his bag like a nervous habit.

In my mind I see the flash of his message on my screen, asking if everything is okay. I stare at him blankly as I try to decide which path to take. Honesty and self-sacrifice or a little lie.

I feel we both have the same expressions; confusion and hidden want.

"Nothing's okay, Tim," I hear myself say before I can even decide. I guess I'm going with honesty since I just verbally responded to his text. His expression is wiped clean and replaced with concern.

"Do you-"

"Delete my number. Please." 

The wind drifts between us like a shoujo scene as we both stare on with fading emotion turning to the blank looks we are both known for. Such dramatic people. We're daring one another to make the next move. 

That's when Brett and Aiden suddenly appear from the side, calling out to both Tim and I as they near. I ignore them in favour of turning around and continuing to the car.

They whisk him away as we move in opposite directions, symbolic to how things are always going to be as such.

And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one,
'Cause most of us are bitter over someone
Setting fire to our insides for fun,
To distract our hearts from ever missing them
But I'm forever missing him