It hurts to breathe because every breath I take proves I can't live without you.

Cameron Asher
Chapter 37

Break up; a separation of the heartstrings of love that were intertwined between two people, that was supposed to bring them closer but snapped instead.

The only thing I could do at this point was simply staring, staring towards the blankness of the walls in my own room while I just sat in a corner.

That's how my heart was feeling right now; blank and most likely numb. I mean what else was I supposed to do? It wasn't like anyone expected anything from me anymore, and even if someone did, why would they even care?

I always claimed to know how it was to feel pain, to know how it was to be in such a deep pain, but the truth was that I didn't until today. Because I felt a sharp knife piercing through my heartstrings, knowing that I let someone in to break them all over again.

Another crack appeared in my walls as another tear fell from my eye, without me bothering to wipe it away.

That was the worst kind of pain. You weren't supposed to feel something or just anything; whenever you were empty or numb and you don't. It was nothing compared to psychical pain, in fact, psychical pain may hurt more than emotional pain, but emotional pain had so much more power than psychical pain could ever have. That was the problem.

You felt nothing and it was still considered as pain, because it started with that pain and when you ended up being numb. You just knew that you were screwed.

You know why?

You were capable of everything and anything whenever you felt nothing. Capable of murder, getting addicted to some bad stuff and the most important one, you could commit suicide.

There went another tear.

I find it scary when you were capable of that kind of stuff, but the honest truth was that we were all capable of stuff like that. You can say and think things like 'I would never do that'.

I bet that you were thinking like that right now, but that was all a lie. At some point, everyone can do that it just depended on how long you could stay this strong.

And another tear.

When are you about to give up Cameron?

All I could do was cry, that would be the last thing that a guy would usually do. But in a situation like this, you would. My feelings may be white and blank, but my thought weren't, they were all over the place and that made everything seem cruel.

My heart shattered onto the cold hard ground along with the memories of my soulmate, that flashed through my mind with high speed. A depression clammed itself around my body like a tornado that winded everything up into a mess. I fell back from a cliff, seeing the depths of the darkness whilst that one light I had, vanished away in a blink; nor knowing where to go or what to do.

And after all this time those ocean blue eyes kept following me inside my mind, no matter how damaged I was, I still went weak as I saw them. My body was used to his tingles and electricity that had been created with every single touch. I wanted to kiss his hair, wrap my arms around his small body and feel him against me.

That's what ruined me even more.

The scene kept replaying over and over in my head, many more times than I ever wanted it to. I wanted to stop it, but I couldn't. He screwed me over, left me confused as I made excuses in my head for what he did. I wanted to believe in the good that was inside of Skylar, because that was what love could do with you.

I fell too hard into this, because I knew I started to love him, in ways that others weren't supposed to.

Love wasn't all about being happy and giddy inside; feeling or exploring new kinds of things with someone you trusted dearly. No, it could literally and simply fuck you up, tearing you apart when things turned out badly.

It had its good ways and its bad ways. It could feel so good, it could make you forget about everything, your problems and past. But then again, it could make you do stuff that you definitely would regret, it could make you go insane and turn you into an entire different person.

It could fuck you up and I think that was what just happened to me.

I think that this was it, this was the moment that I would get my karma back. I was a bad person to everyone. For always being rude to people, acting like an arrogant spoiled brat that would get everything that he wanted and for using innocent girls, I may not have done it as much as other people at this school, but I was still guilty of it. Nothing ever stopped me before.

Till I met him.

I was still mean to him at the very beginning yet that's where it all started. He couldn't take it anymore and he wanted to finally do something against it. He made me fall in love with him, hard, that was the only way to hurt me; to give me back what I deserved. He used that power of love against me. He wanted to get to me so I could get what I deserved and I did.

I got what I deserved, I probably deserved much worse and I knew that everything what I've done was so wrong and I did regret everything.

I didn't deserve to be on this earth.

I silently hugged myself still sitting in the corner while whispering some not understandable words. I felt like I was going crazy. I didn't knew what to do anymore or how to hold my things together.

I didn't feel anything at this point and I didn't think I was worth the living anymore.

The next thing I knew were two warm hands on my cheeks and some words a familiar voice, but it faded away in the background and before I knew it I finally fell into a dark hole.

The dark hole where I deserved to be.

Not all stories have a happy ending and I think that my story belonged to one of them.