Any man who can keep a secret may be wise, but the truth is, he's not half as bright as a man with no secrets to keep.

So, now the choice is mine. Do I tell Tawny everything I know? Or do I keep it all inside as I've done in the past?

This situation alone brings me back to the day my best friend asked me not to say a word about what I knew and when I lost him as a friend.

I hid Stevie's secret for months after walking in on him, shooting heroin into his arm, and it ended up biting me in the ass the day he overdosed. And it's been killing me ever since—killing me; I never said anything about Stevie using drugs to his parents, as well as mine, as I desperately wanted to. But because I promised Stevie I'd never tell a soul, in exchange, he got help. I said nothing.

And I've regretted it ever since.

I should have said something. Had I done so, Stevie would probably still be here today.

Yesterday, Roman asked me not to tell Tawny about what he talked to me about, fearing she'll never want to talk to or see him again, and I'm not so sure I can keep anything from her.

Not this.

Tawny deserves to know everything.

I never did give Roman my word. I only assured him that everything would work out. Hopefully, that'll be the case. Because I've decided it'll be best not to keep what I know about Tawny's mother and father.

My only problem is, I don't know how or when I should tell her. Do I tell her now and ruin the rest of the day? Or do I wait until after I enjoy my day with her? As I contemplated what to do, I sat quietly watching Tawny take a bite of her strawberry as she looked out the window, watching the people walk to and from their cars. Since leaving her trailer, she hasn't said a word, and I don't blame her.

Tawny knows I'm about to drop a bomb on her.

"How's your breakfast?" I asked, hoping to hear her speak, finally.

"It's good, thanks," she quietly said, still looking out the window.

My lips twisted, and then I bit my bottom lip, thinking about what I should say to get her to look at me. "Remind me to pick up some strawberries later." Maybe that wasn't the best thing I could have said, but it got her to look at me, anyway.

"Why?"

I pointed at her plate. "Because you seem to like them. All that's left on your plate are the ends. Plus, I was thinking we could have some fun with those strawberries later," I winked, hoping to get a smile out of her. Unfortunately, I didn't get one, so I continued pushing. "Along with some whipped cream."

Finally, I got a smile. It was only a small one, but I'll take it.

"Sounds fun, but I think I'll take a rain check."

And just like that, her smile was gone.

Crap...

I reached across the table, grabbed hold of her hands, and looked into her saddened eyes. "Tawny, about yesterday..." I sighed. Thankfully, she cut me off. Because I was seconds away from telling everything I knew, most likely ruining what I had planned for us next.

"I know. You already apologized, and I thank you for doing so. But that hasn't stopped me from thinking about why you still couldn't have sent me a simple text saying you were busy and that you'd talk to me later."

"I know, and you're right. That's something I should have done. But I'm here now, and I'm ready to make it up to you."

"But I also can't stop thinking about who you were busy with."

Shit... Shit... Shit...

"My gut has been telling me the reason you were ignoring me was that you're afraid to say to me my father broke out of the treatment center again and that he's back to using."

I leaned closer, squeezed her hands firmer, and smiled an assuring smile. "I can honestly say your father is still in the treatment center and that he's still not using. And to ease your mind even more, the last time he used was the day we found him buried face down into the ground."

A lone tear strolled down her left cheek, along with a sigh of relief exiting her lips, "Thank God."

I know I need to say more to her, but now isn't the right time or place to say what I know. So instead, I brought her hands to my lips and kissed the tops of them, saying, "Your dad loves you, Tawny. He knows what he put you through and knows how much he hurt you. Your letter opened his eyes, and they opened further by having him where he is. He also made a promise to me with a promise to you that he would never use again."

"He told you that?"

"Yes. Roman's damn near healed to the point where the doctor mentioned how close he was to release and allow him to come home. There's just one more thing the doctor needs to work on with him before that happens."

"What would that be?"

I had to be honest without telling her the entire story in front of all these people and said, "The one major issue that caused his drug use to get as bad as it did."

"Oh," she exhaled, letting go of my hands and looking disappointed I didn't elaborate more on the details.

Now's the time to change the subject. I looked at my watch, saw the time, and then waved our waitress over while saying, "Are you done eating, or are you ready to go?"

"I'm ready to leave."

"Great, because we have somewhere to be, and we're running a little behind."

"Did you two need anything?" The waitress asked.

"Just the bill, thank you."

Hopefully, Tawny enjoys where I'm taking her next. A place where I know her mind will be able to go free, where it'll make her smile when the wind breezes against her face, and a place where it'll make her think she'll have a chance at kicking my ass.

"Where are you taking me, anyway?"

"Somewhere, I know you'll have a blast."

"Where? You've been driving for almost an hour."

I smiled while turning my head her way. "We're almost there."

"What will we be doing?"

"Ohh. We'll be doing a little of this. And a little of that," I teased, then chuckled after seeing the frustration grow on Tawny's face.

"You know, last time you surprised me, it was a day of pampering," she groaned. "Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed that day, and I thank you for what you did. But I'm in no mood for anything like that today."

I quietly chuckled. "Good. Although, I'm glad to hear you enjoyed that special day. But there will be none of that happening today."

I felt Tawny's eyes move away from me. So, I looked at her out of the corner of my eye. She had her arms crossed against her chest, and she looked like she was thinking about what to say next. Then, quietly, she said, "This morning, you mentioned you were going to tell me what you were doing yesterday," she paused, then shifted her body, facing me. "When are you going to tell me?"

Soon, baby girl, soon...

As I crossed the busy highway to pull into the parking lot, I said, "I did promise you that, and I will. But first, we're going to have a little fun."

Tawny's eyes have been glued on me since we were on the highway, and she hasn't even looked away once to see where I brought her.

"You're avoiding telling me," she scowled, then huffed, "and by you evading what I'd like to know, that must mean you were out doing something you shouldn't have been."

"Tawny, I'm not avoiding anything. When I said, I'd tell you. I meant it." I pointed to the windshield, wishing she'd look to see where we were. But her eyes still stayed on mine. "Will you please look to see where we are?"

"No. Not until you tell me what you were up to," Tawny hissed.

I reached over to her, cupping her face in my hands, and looked her in the eye. "I can promise you; I was not out doing anything that would jeopardize our relationship. I wouldn't do that to the woman I love. I love you, Tawny."

Her eyes wandered back and forth as she looked into my eyes. "Then what were you doing?"

"I was out doing important things to make sure you remained happy because the last thing I need on my plate is another woman in my life hurt and pissed off. So now, can we have some fun?"

It may not have been the response she was hoping to hear. But it was good enough for her to turn away from me and to the window, looking to see where I'd brought her. And then her beautiful sugary tasting lips curved upward into the smile I'd been waiting all morning to see.

"It's not the biggest park in the area, but it's big enough for us to have a little fun. Something different, something exciting, and something for me to see what other skills you have."

I quickly opened my door, got out, then rushed around the car to open Tawny's door. "I never imagined there'd be a kid in you," she said, smiling wide and looking amazed as I helped her out of the vehicle.

I rested my hand on the small of her back and started walking her to the entrance. "What's the point of being an adult if you can't give rein to the kid inside you now and then?"

She giggled. "True." Then Tawny looked behind us. "Are they even open? There's nobody here."

A mischievous grin crossed my face, proudly saying, "The place is all ours until you've had enough, my dear."

Her head snapped around. "You rented the place out?"

"Yep. It's just you and me horsing around all day without anyone getting in our way."

One of the employees met Tawny and me at the entrance, and after confirming who we were, she asked what we'd like to do first. Tawny looked around; then, with a shit-eating grin, she looked at me, poking me in the gut. "I'd like to beat you on the race track."

"You can beat me anytime you'd like. But not on the tracks," I bantered, then looked at the young girl, smiling. "Go-karting it is."

Tawny rushed to the track she wanted to start with, chose her go-kart, and as she hopped in, she looked at me and teased, "I'm kicking your ass."

"We'll see about that."

Even though I haven't gone go-karting since I was about twelve years old, these little machines are easy to control—they're like racing one of my sports cars on the freeway. Tawny immediately put the pedal to the metal and squealed when the light turned green. She may have been ahead of me, but I was quickly gaining up to her. And she knew it.

I was coming up alongside her. She turned her head, and the second I saw the smile on her face, my heart instantly melted, warming me all over. Seeing that smile and hearing her giggle was all it took to forget I was trying to pass her.

That was, until Tawny shoved me into the wall of tires.

I snapped out of the trance I was in, pressed the pedal to the floor, and then I raced off to catch up to her. It didn't take long, and once she realized I was on her tail, she waved the go-kart from side to side, blocking me from going around her.

The entire time, she laughed, shrieked, and did everything she could to taunt me until our last lap warning. Then Tawny got serious. And so did I.

Finally, I got past her and was ahead of her for a bit until we started nearing the finish line. Then I looked over to my right, saw the serious look on her face, and did what I felt was right.

I let up on the pedal to let her pass me to win.

And she did.

"Booyah!" Tawny happily squealed. "I told you I'd kick your ass!" she burst with joy.

"That's fine, I'll get you next time," I amusingly said while picking her up and throwing her over my shoulder. I playfully swatted her ass and chuckled. "Now, it's my turn to beat you in a game of mini-golf."

"You're on, sucker!"

Tawny and I taunted and picked on one another throughout the day, with us also enjoying what we both hadn't done in years. And it's been exhilarating. Go-karting, playing mini-golf, and horsing around like two young teenagers in love while bringing out the inner child in us both, has me understanding this day was not only what she needed, but something I needed too.

The bright yellow sun illuminating the clear blue sky, the scent of the earth, the smell of the northern woods, and the hot summer air breezing against my face, along with Tawny's smile and laughter every time she beat me, had me feeling high-spirited.

And I've never felt so alive.

While standing still, watching Tawny concentrate on putting the final golf ball into the eighteenth hole, I can't help but think about the novel I was near finishing and the subtle hints my mother hoped I'd gather from reading her book. And it has me reflecting on my younger years and perceiving how I hadn't had fun like this since I was fifteen and not since Stevie succumbed to drugs.

That's fifteen years of being an asshole. And fifteen years of being someone my mother raised me not to be.

All because of a goal I had set for myself when I was a child.

I was determined and desperate to fulfill the childhood dream of becoming a billionaire and wishing to give everyone in my life the life they dreamed of having that I worked my ass off. So after taking over my father's resort, I worked long hours, seven days a week, and never allowed myself any free time.

A year later, I wasn't just running the family business; I also owned an art museum. I was then doing everything to give everyone in my life everything they wanted and make them happy. Then, a few years after buying the museum, I purchased the infamous club—one I know would break my mother's heart if she were ever to find out.

After observing all the money I was earning and finally becoming who I wished to be, I became pivotal, profound, and greedy—forgetting who I was and that I, too, have a life.

If it weren't for my mother's novel or spending this fun-filled day with Tawny, I never would have realized how much of a mess I've been, or how I became that typical money-hungry angry asshole everyone despises.

Now, after seeing the light and taking in what I have, I'm afraid of telling Tawny what her father admitted to me—fearing she'll assume I only took her out to have fun because of what I know. It also worries me I'll lose the one woman who satisfies me and my heart.

"You've been quiet since we left the park. Are you upset you lost that many times to me or what?"

I shook my head. "No. It just reminded me of how much I suck at playing mini-golf. And as for you beating me on the tracks, I relished the moments of glory seeing how happy it made you, that I suck at racing too," I admitted, even though most of the races I allowed her to win.

"Why are you so quiet, then?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be." I pulled into a parking spot—the last place I had planned for us. "You like ice cream, right?"

"Of course, I do. But not for the reasons you assumed I would," Tawny hinted, reminding me about the time when we bantered back and forth, and I bought her a tub of ice cream, thinking she'd need it for when it was her time of the month.

I leaned towards her, stole a taste of her lips, then smiled after getting the sugary taste I'd been craving for the last hour. "Good, because this place has the best ice cream up here in Hackensack."

She sighed while looking me in the eye. "You seem to be avoiding answering all my questions today. Why?"

"I didn't avoid the question. I was only making sure you liked ice cream before we headed inside. So, to answer your question, I was quiet because I was taking in this spectacular day we spent together. Seeing you enjoying yourself made me happy. You had me feeling things I hadn't felt in a long time."

"Like?" she asked, a curious look on her face.

"Life," I was quick to say. "Something I forgot I had. And I enjoyed it immensely. I was also thinking about how pleased I would be to spend more days like this with you."

I've gotten to know Tawny pretty well and well enough to know that Tawny's not stupid. She may have accepted my response, somewhat relieving my nerves. However, Tawny still didn't hide the expression on her face, knowing there was something else coming. "Let's get our ice cream," she quietly said.

Tawny walked back and forth for twenty minutes, looking at all the flavors, before finally deciding what she wanted. After hearing her order a large waffle cone with three different scoops of flavors, it's now more apparent she knows there's a bomb about to hit her.

And I'm dreading the thought of telling her.

We walked outside with our cones, and just as she started walking to an open table, I stopped her. "Let's go for a walk. There's a lake right behind the building where, if you were interested, we could find a spot on the beach to eat our ice cream, watch the sunset, and talk."

"Okay," she said, her tongue held out, licking up the ice cream melting down her cone.

We got to the beach sooner than hoped, activating nerves I never knew I had. I've always claimed that nothing ever makes me nervous to everyone who knows me.

Well, that was a lie.

Because right now, it's pretty obvious, I'm nervous as fuck.

"What is it that you've been keeping from me?" Tawny asked, her eyes heavily focused on the waves coming towards us. "You know, it's kinda ironic that we're sitting here watching the waves ripple toward us. I say this because last night, I had a dream of a tidal wave coming towards me." She paused, looked at me with sadness in her eye, and sighed. "Usually, what that means is that there's a problem, danger, or even trouble heading into your life. And as we sit here, it has me thinking about today and your actions. I can't help but sense that storm is here, and it's ready to hit me square in the face."

My shoulders suddenly became numb, causing me to slump in shame. As much as I told myself that it wasn't my intention to make sure Tawny was in a good mood before dropping the bomb on her, my selfish self is telling me that's exactly what I did. Hoping it would lessen the chances of losing her.

Well, here it goes...

"Everything I said today was true. But there's also something you need to know. And all day, I've been trying to figure out how to tell you."

"What?"

"I got a call the other night that your father was missing." Her face instantly turned white. Then, I held up my hand, stopping her from trying to speak. "And before you suspect your father left, looking to get high. I can honestly tell you that's not the case."

"Then why did he go missing?"

"Let me continue," I sighed. "For hours, I searched for Roman, and after having no such luck, I contacted Skye for help."

"Skye?" she squealed, surprised.

"Yes, and please don't get upset with her. I asked her not to say anything, that I wanted to be the one to tell you."

"She never hides anything from me!"

"I bribed her," I said quickly. "However, she denied my offer, saying she wanted to continue seeing you happy. So our deal was, if I told you everything, she'd keep her mouth shut."

"That bitch!"

"Tawny, listen. Your friend did what I asked. So please don't be upset with her. Be upset with me. Please."

"Spit it out," she snapped. "What was my father doing?"

"He was visiting your mother—apologizing to her."

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, then said, "Your father apologized for putting her where she is."

"What? What does that mean?"

"Roman claimed your mother's depression was caused by him after years of his unfaithfulness."

A look of shock painted her face, and in barely a whisper, she asked, "What?"

"One night, while you were away in college, your parents had a surprise visit from a teenage girl looking to talk to her father. Your mother was the one who answered the door, telling her she had the wrong house. But that wasn't the case. She was at the right house."

My eyes closed as I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Apparently, you have a sister and two brothers your father had hidden from you and your mother."

Tawny violently shook her head. "No. No. No. That's not right. A few years after I was born, my father was in a bad accident, causing him never to be able to have kids."

"That was a lie, Tawny. Your mother wasn't able to give him any more children. And because of that, instead of him leaving your mother, your father strayed. Your mom knew about his infidelity, but she never knew he had other children out there, with the youngest only being six years old."

Tawny's quietness, along with the tears racing down her beautiful delicate cheeks, the further I explained her father's admission, was breaking me. I was hurting for her. Especially for what I'm about to tell her next.

I reached for her, wishing to hold her, but she refused my embrace. "Please, don't. I don't want to be touched or held. Are we done here? Because I'd like to go."

I covered my mouth with both hands and slowly shook my head. "There's one more thing I need to tell you. The biggest reason your father started doing the harsher drugs, wishing to be where your mother is."

"You might as well just say it. It's not like you can break me more than you already have."

"Just know, your father is very apologetic for the damage he caused, claiming if he could take it all back, he would do it in a heartbeat." Tawny remained quiet, and she had a look on her face that had me swallowing hard and wishing Roman never told me any of this bombshell information. "Anyway," I said quietly, looking down at the ground, not wanting to say to her what I knew.

"After your mother found out about your other three siblings, she went off the rails. She grabbed a butcher knife and chased your father around the house, threatening to kill him. After an hour or so, your father finally took away the knife from her and calmed her down. But she didn't stay calm for long, threatening to take her life. Instead of talking her out of ending her life. He admitted to helping contribute to her death by giving her a pill on top of the diazepam she'd taken moments earlier—LSD, causing her to hallucinate and disconnect from reality." 

Hopefully the chapter was okay 🤞🤞 I still seem to be having some issues trying to write.