Dedicated to magicallycursed because her book Prodigy of the Heart gave me so much FEELS <3

[J A X ' S   P O V]

I take Blaire's advice. I pack up most of my things and head back to Boston.

Baxton had been thrilled. He too agreed that I need to get out of this place. LA was never good for me; he knew it and that's why he tried to keep me away from it. But I never listened; I had been convinced that my dad was delusional and I was meant to be there with him. Now I know all too well how hectic and crazy life can be there.

When I touch down, I grab my things and head back to my apartment. It's been far too long since I stepped foot in here. A lot of memories had been made—some good, others bad. Memories of passion, love and betrayal and memories of anger, confusion and pain. There had been too many to count—too many things that have gone wrong here and too many to gain forgiveness for.

But one person that keeps plaguing my thoughts and my dreams.

     The one person that for the past three years my life had been centered around.

     The one person that I've bent, snapped, broken and never put together again.

     The one person who I loved, thought I loved, hated and missed for a very long time. And the one person who've I've been dying to meet ever since I arrived back in Boston.

Sienna.

Just the thought of her causes my chest to hurt, as if my heart had been compressed by two huge hands. There's a lot of feelings surrounding her—guilt, pain, sorrow—all have been bubbling within the depths of me for months now. After all, she was the reason I ended up in LA in the first place. I thought I could escape her. I thought I could finally put her behind me.

I was wrong.

I need to face her. Blaire's right—I need to talk to her again, to settle things between her once and for all. The last time I talked to her, I hadn't yet felt the peace of mind I was hoping to find. I've left things quite... open-ended between us and there's still uncertainty when it comes to her.

     I don't know if she loves me or hates me. I don't know if she still holds a grudge on me or has forgiven me. I'm hoping that when I see her again, I'll be able to know all of those answers, regardless of whether they're going to hurt me.

So I wait. I wait for her at Caffeinated, my fingers drumming loudly against the mahogany coffee table, watching the door like a hawk, hoping that she would show up. I sent her a text a few hours ago, asking her if she would meet me today for coffee. She replied half an hour later, saying that she promised she would.

I'm hoping that she'll uphold her promise and show up today.

I take a sip of my coffee, taking in the hot liquid, and after placing it down, wipe my mouth with the back of my sleeve. I take a deep, shaky breath and close my eyes, hoping that I'll squeeze out all the nerves that are running through my entire body. My hands are shaking—I don't think I've ever been this nervous before, not even for a fight. Maybe it's because regardless of who's on the other side of that ring, I know I'll win.

This time, however, I'm not so sure I can.

I hear the soft whoosh of the door opening and my eyes quickly dart up. My heart is caught off guard by the sight of her that it pauses, skipping a beat. Her mess of a blonde hair is tied into a slick high ponytail. Her attire—loose tank top, long black pants and sports shoes—all suggest that she just arrived from the gym. A small towel hangs loosely around her neck and she grabs it to stuff it in her bag.

Just before she can enter the cafe, a hand clamps on her wrist and pulls her back. She whirls around and smiles as her boyfriend, Kayden, grabs the bag from her and slings it on his shoulder. He laces his fingers with hers and talks to her in low tones, his eyes serious and focused.

I smirk. I know what he's telling her. He's probably warning her to be careful around me. I don't blame him though; I've done some pretty fucked up things to the both of them, things I'm not proud of. So I get why he's protective of her. As if on cue, his eyes lift and meet mine. When he sees me, his lips fall unto a scowl.

I smile back.

He rolls his eyes.

Sienna turns around to see who her boyfriend is staring at and when her eyes connect with mine, the corners of her lips tug upwards slightly. I wave her over and she nods, then quickly turns to Kayden, mumbles a few words and plants a kiss on his lips. When she pulls away and turns on her heel to walk towards me, I hear Kayden shout, "wait!"

And he pulls her back and mashes his lips with hers again. They kiss for a long time, tongues and all that. Kayden slides his hands down her butt, then squeezes, and then his eyes find mine and narrow, as if telling me that she's taken so don't try anything with her.

I snort. What a fucking idiot.

"There," he whispers to his girlfriend, brushing his thumb over her cheek so tenderly, as if he hadn't just gone the whole possessive-boyfriend route mere seconds before.

Sienna knows what's up though. She turns to look at me and then glares at Kayden. "You're such an asshole."

"I'm sorry. I love you," he says, grinning, his teeth gleaming under the afternoon sunlight.

"I love you," she grumbles and after quickly kissing him on the cheek again, she leaves him behind and heads straight towards me."Hey, Jax. Sorry about that. Kayden's being a dick."

"It's fine," I stand up and help her in her seat. When she sits down, she looks at me with pure shock.

"What?" I ask her.

"It's just that—" She pauses and then shrugs. "Back when we dated, you never helped me in my seat."

"Damn, I must have been a real asshole back then."

"Back then?" She echoes. "Are you implying that you're...different now?"

"Yeah." I say without hesitation. "I am actually."

She stares at me, blinking. Eventually she breaks into a smile. "We'll see about that."

A grin forms on my face. Fine. If she doesn't believe me, I'll prove it to her.

    "So... what the hell are you doing?" She eyes me warily.

    "What do you mean?" 

"You're all over the news... I couldn't catch a damn break." She tears her gaze from me and takes out her phone and thrusts the screen at me, flipping through all of the news websites that she'd screenshot. There are some outdated articles about Blaire and I getting together and more recent ones, covering Blaire's trial. When she reaches to her last article, Sienna slides the phone back into her pocket and crosses her arms across her chest. "You're really famous now, aren't you?"

I shake my head. "Don't get me started on that."

"You know, when I suggested you go to LA to getaway from here, I assumed that it implied keeping a low profile." Sienna smirks. "I'm actually really surprised that you did the total opposite of that. You've got yourself involved with quite a lot, haven't you?"

"You don't know the half of it, princess." Oh, she has a lot to catch up on.

"I think I already know the gist of it," she says. "Kayden keeps up with the news more than me and he's been telling me about what's going on with you." She leans forward, folding her arms on the table, her lips pressed into a mischievous grin. "Did you seriously hook up with your own bodyguard?"

I almost choke on my coffee. "It wasn't a hook up."

A small laugh escapes her. "The picture with your hand under her shirt proves otherwise."

"It's not like that," I mumble. "Sienna, I'm in love with her."

A long pause ensues. The grin falls off Sienna's lips and her face grow serious. She leans back, blush tinting her cheeks, as if ashamed of her accusation.

"Sienna..." My voice trails off. "There's a lot you don't know."

Her lip quivers. "Tell me."

And so I do. I tell her all about coming to LA only to find that moving states didn't exactly make me a saint like I hoped. I tell her about Blaire and how I encountered her—a katana sword pointed at my face in Baxton's mansion—and how I was so damn attracted to her that my balls were so tired of being blue—though I didn't exactly tell Sienna the details, just merely how I lusted for Blaire— and I tell her about how that attraction started morphing from lust to something that I never thought I'd ever feel again after being with Sienna.

     I tell her how I felt every time I was with Blaire and how she made me so goddamn happy that when she turned herself in to the police, she took all that happiness away and I feel so hollow without her. And I tell her about how much Blaire's presence has altered my life and how she made me seek for my redemption, something I feel I'm almost ready to receive.

When I'm done, Sienna blows out a long breath and leans back against her chair. "Well, damn," she whistles. "Never thought I would see the day that you'd be head over heels in love with another girl."

"Come on, princess. When you put it that way, you make me sound sappy as fuck."

"But you are sappy as fuck!" She exclaims. "It's not a horrible thing though. I actually think it's really cute!"

I roll my eyes.

"Seriously, I mean it." She reaches forward to place her hand on top of mine. "I think it's good that you have her, even though you have to wait seven more months until you can really be with her in the way you want to again. She really did make a huge impact on your life, no matter how little she had been in it."

"Yeah, she did." Thinking about how much she has done for me makes me feel really grateful that Sienna pushed me to the direction of LA. Because if I had been stubborn and stayed here, I would have never met Blaire.

Sienna offers me a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry that your girlfriend's in jail, Jax. "

"It's fine. I'll deal." It's true. I try not to think about it that much anymore. I try to stay optimistic now; I have a calendar in my room to mark down the days until she gets released. And I know I can visit her whenever I want to. It's honestly not as bad as I thought it would be. I cup Sienna's hand in mine and smile. "And don't call me that. Call me Jackson."

"Jackson?" She says, utterly baffled. "You said to never call you that—"

"Yeah, fuck what I said last time. Please, call me Jackson." I tell her. "I hate Jax. Jax can go screw himself."

"Yeah, I hated that bastard too." She laughs.

"Actually, that's why I called you here in the first place." I say. "I didn't really like the way that I—Jax left things between us. When I was in LA, I had a lot of time to think about what happened a few months ago with you and me. And to be honest, I think about you a lot. More than I care to admit." Her eyebrows furrow in confusion. I suddenly realized how that must have sounded. "Fuck, no, I mean not in that way."

Relief floods in her eyes. "Oh, thank god."

"What I mean is... I feel fucking terrible about what I did to you," I say, sliding my thumb back and forth across the back of her hand. "Everything. From cheating on you with Beth. For hurting you, emotionally and physically..." I think back to the final fight with Kayden where she stepped into the ring and my fist connected with her face. That memory had elicited so much guilt from me. I shudder. "I hadn't been in my right mind for a long time now, Sienna. I did horrible things—and got away with all of them. And I never stopped to think of the consequences—of how much pain and suffering I've inflicted on others. I was fucked up—really fucked up and I hate myself so much because of it. And I completely understand if you still hate me because of it."

"Jesus, Jackson," she swears. "If you think I still hate you after all these months, then you really don't know me at all." Her eyes shift from our hands back to my face. Then, she smiles. "I don't hate you, Jax. I used to but I don't now. I'm so tired of holding unto grudges and I certainly don't hold a grudge over you anymore. I know you a lot better than I ever did three years ago. And I know that you're just a damaged soul, waiting for time to save you. And I'm happy that you finally found someone who can help you with that."

"Thanks, princess," I say. "And I have a feeling you're saying that from experience."

     "Yeah, well..." She shrugs. "A little bit."

"I hadn't realized the both of you had gotten back together." I drag my hand away from hers and this time, cross both of my arms over my chest. "You and Kayden."

She shrugs, her lips thinning. "To be fair, you missed out on a lot of things since you left two months ago."

"I sure did," I say. "Did he at least apologize for leaving you, though?"

"He never fails to do it everyday," she murmurs, her gaze stretching, as if she's remembering her more cherished and private moments between her and Kayden. I wait for jealousy to arrive, jealousy of her having something so beautiful with someone without ever being parted from them, but nothing comes. Instead, I feel contentment.

"Good," I leaned back, pleased. "Make him work for it."

She laughs—a beautiful sound. "That's horrible. And besides, I'm not that kind of person anymore. If I was, I would make you work for it too. After all, he wasn't just the only one who'd hurt me."

Dammit. She's right.

"Fine," I grumble. "I'm just saying that because I still hate his guts."

"Remind me again, why?" She leans forward, eyebrows questioning. "And do not tell me it's because—"

"—I just do."

"Jesus," Sienna mutters. "That's exactly what he said too. You know, the both of you are more alike than you guys would care to admit."

I gasp. "How dare you say that. We're nothing alike-"

"You're both bad boys, you're both stubborn as hell, in some ways you both talk the same and you're also both underground circuit fighters."

"There's one difference though," I point out. "I'm a better fighter."

She throws her head back and laughs, like I've just said the funniest joke. "Yeah, sure."

I clench my jaw. "It's true."

"He's gotten better now. He could take you down in thirty seconds flat. No joke."

"Is that a challenge, Sienna?" I say sharply.

"Maybe."

"Well, I'm not leaving Boston anytime soon so I'm expecting a call from you about organizing a match between me and Kayden."

"Friendly match," she corrects me. "No more underground shit. Kayden already quit."

My eyes widen. "Seriously?" She nods. "Damn princess, you're right. I have missed out on a lot of stuff ever since I left. Tell me what else I missed."

Sienna's lips curl into a smile.

She does as I say and updates me on what has been going on in the past couple of months in Boston. Ever since breaking up and getting back together again, Kayden and Sienna are still trying to figure out their relationship. They're both more mature people now and she claims their relationship is better the second time around.

     They're still living in Kayden's apartment in the meantime but Sienna wants them to get another one, given that there was so much history that happened in his apartment and she felt like they both need a fresh start. They're both looking for bigger and better options, preferably somewhere near BU, where the both of them are currently attending classes at.

I ask about her family and she tells me that they're doing fine. Her mom is happily married to her long-time Puerto Rican boyfriend. And her stepmom, Alyson and her dad, are expecting and she's really excited about having another sister.

"Speaking of sisters..." My voice trails off. "How's Beth?"

     The other Lane sister I'd screwed over. Literally.

"She's doing alright," Sienna says. "But it took her a long time to move past what she had with you."

"That's good. I know I'm a pretty hard guy to get over."

"Don't I know it," she mutters. "But you did burn her, Jackson. Really bad. Probably more than you burned me. You manipulated her and made her think you loved her. That's not something you can get over really quickly."

That earned a deep frown from me.

"I think sometimes you forget about what you did to her," she says. "Have you approached her and tried to bury the hatchet with her?"

"Um.... not really."

She sighs. "You should, you know. I think both of you really need that closure. Besides, I'm pretty damn sure you can't get your redemption unless you smooth it over with Beth."

"You think you know all about redemption, do you?"

"Pretty much." She nods. "All of us—we've done it. It ain't easy, but we have. It's just that there's different forms of redemption. Mine just happens to be forgiveness."

"Of course. Nobody can ever forget that," I drawl. "Look, do I really have to talk to Beth? Why not I pass the message to her through you-"

"Nice try but you ain't getting out of this one." She reaches over to pat on my back. "You can do this, Jackson. Make Blaire proud. I know she'll be once you mend things with my sister." She grabs her phone and types something on it. "I'm sending you her address and let her know that you're coming over."

"Fine," I mutter. "Thanks."

"No problem." She smiles at me and starts to gather her things. "Look, I have to go. Kayden and I are going apartment hunting in an hour and I really got to be back to shower and everything." She stands up and I follow her as she makes her way to the door.

      Before she leaves, she whirls around and does something that I never expected she would do. She throws her arms around me and embraces me.

Her cheek rests on my shoulder as she murmurs, "I'm glad we met up today, Jackson."

"Me too, princess," I murmur back. I end up wounding my arms around her waist. Nothing about this embrace feels romantic—and for once, I'm glad. "Me too."

"One more thing," she says as she pulls away from me. "Any chance I can get you to drop my nickname?"

"What? Princess?"

She nods and I chuckle.

"Never. You're always going to be my princess, Sienna. Even if you are Kayden's Lucky."

She rolls her eyes. I think she knows that I'm never dropping the nickname, no matter what.

"Ugrh," she groans. "Nicknames. I'll never understand you men."

I tilt my head sideways and purse my lips. "There is one way you can get me to drop it though."

When the words leave my mouth, Sienna's eyes blaze with hope. "Really? Name it."

"You can help me tell Beth for me that I'm sorry-"

Immediately, Sienna flips me off and trudges out the cafe cursing under her breath, causing me to chuckle loudly.

******

After another two hours wasting time away in Caffeinated, I finally pluck up the courage to head over to Beth's apartment.

I got to admit, I feel more nervous about meeting with Beth than I felt meeting with Sienna. Perhaps it's because I hadn't talked to her since we broke up and that break up wasn't exactly a happy one. It ended up with her yelling profanities at me and hitting my chest with ugly tears streaming down her face. Needless to say, I highly doubt she'll be very happy to see me again.

But I should at least try to mend things with her. Sienna's right—I have forgotten about the pain and suffering that I've inflicted on Beth. And I feel kinda awful about it. Beth didn't mean much to me but she's someone too. A person.

And I've treated her like trash.

I head up the stairs and when I reach her door, I knock on the door. I hear her yell, "coming!" from the other side of the door and her footsteps grow louder as she approaches it. The doorknob twists and the door opens to reveal a familiar blonde.

Unlike her sister, Beth's features are slightly more softer, delicate and toned down. Her face is more rounded, her cheeks more flushed and her lips a plump pink color. Her eyes are a deep kohl color, and the ember in her eyes gleam with recognition when she sees me.

"Jax," her tone was curious.

"Hello, Beth," I say. "Care to invite me in?"

******

There was a lot of china in her apartment. I think it's an accomplishment that I made it through an entire three hours with Beth without her needing to throw them at me.

I must have done something right because she didn't seem mad at me at all. In fact, I could have sworn at one point, her lips pulled into a small smile when I told her that I was really sorry about the way I treated her during the time I was with her.

     I think she genuinely believed me when I said that I'm a different man now and that Blaire has made an honest man out of me. I expected her to blow her shit up when I told her I was in a committed relationship now with a girl I really love, but to my surprise, she didn't. Like Sienna, she seemed almost... supportive of me.

I can tell Beth really matured too. She told me that she's been spending an increasingly amount of time with Sienna now. She's still trying to mend things with her and though it's still awkward at times, she doesn't let it bother her too much. They've been talking a lot about me as well as what happened between the both of them and she says that Sienna's advice is really helping her become a stronger and better person.

And I do see it. There's strength in her eyes and she wears her confidence like an armor now. She also lost her stutter; now she speaks clearly and voices out her opinion with much assertion now.

I got to admit, part of the reason why I slept with Beth was because she was weak and willing—an easy target—and knowing that she came out of the breakup much tougher than she had been before that makes me feel a lot better now.

She forgave me too. Said that she used to be really mad at me for a long time but she learnt to let it go. And she said that me coming over was a good thing. She really needed to see me one last time to gain her closure.

"So what do we do now?" I asked awkwardly. "I mean you're a really nice person and everything but..."

"Yeah, let's just not see each other again," she said. "It's too weird."

"I agree." We were both at her door. I hugged her quickly and pat on her shoulder. "You take care, Beth."

"You too," she said. "Good luck with the whole... Blaire thing."

"Thanks."

And that was that.

It was much easier than I thought it would be.

After I left Beth's apartment, I felt a huge burden lift off my shoulders. I realized that telling Blaire that I wanted to gain my redemption didn't do jack shit for me. I needed to take the initiative to make amends with the people that I've hurt and only then I can allow myself to leave the past behind and redeem myself.

It also makes me understand why Blaire had to turn herself in too. And I love her even more because of it.

I think about her when I'm perched on the balcony of my apartment. The night sky holds itself still above me, the stars the only thing accompanying me tonight.

Sienna had wanted to come over after I told her I was staying in on a Saturday night, but I reminded her that her boyfriend, Kayden wouldn't be all too happy with her spending the night with me. To which she replied: I don't care about what he thinks. He'll just have the deal the fuck with it. I'm coming over.

I told her that it's not just that. I was fine—she didn't need to feel obligated to babysit me—and I needed to be myself tonight. It took a lot of convincing for Sienna to finally back down, but she finally did and told her that I could call her anytime I wanted if I needed someone to talk to. I said will do.

I'm glad that I can finally be in that place with Sienna where I can be friends with her again. I missed her so much when I was in LA. I craved her company and her advice. Although we aren't together anymore, it doesn't feel right—cutting all ties with her. I convince myself that I will benefit a lot more if I stayed friends with her rather than keep my distance.

I wonder if Blaire will approve of me being friends with my ex-girlfriend. I shrug. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Now, I take a swing from my bottle of Corona, the light wind lightly teasing the back of my neck, causing my hair to curl at the ends. I rest my arms against the balcony railing and stare hard at the beer bottle, smiling to myself. I'm reminded of the night that I shared this with Blaire—the night that I saved her from that police officer. It had been the first night we shared a decent conversation.

I remembered looking at her that night and saw the fearlessness in her eyes and ferocity burning alive in her body. I remembered thinking that the insults she spit on me had been just a shield to protect herself from vulnerability. And I remembered wanting to strip her of her shield and pry inside her mind and her heart, wanting so badly to see beyond the brave, tough girl who hated the world just as I had and did everything in her willpower to make sure that it didn't win; that she would.

And I did. And she's just as breathtaking from the inside as she is on the outside. And getting to see both sides of her makes me value her even more.

So I think about her, about what we have, for the entire night. There is an ache in my chest that I have grown accustomed to ever since Blaire left me and turned herself in, but tonight, it doesn't hurt as much anymore. Knowing that she'll be a plane ride away—and tickets will be paid in full by my father—makes it better.

And besides, when the time comes where she'll no longer be in handcuffs and there's no barrier between us any longer, she'll get to see the man she always wanted me to become—the man who no longer was held down by his past and his mistakes and the man who would be undeniably loyal to her.

I'll wait for her. I will. I'll count down the days, minutes and seconds until I can have her in my arms again and when I do, I'll make it all worthwhile.

I'll chase you however long it takes, darling. To the stars and back.

******

A/N: Can you believe that the next chapter of Perfect Redemption is THE EPILOGUE? I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT READY TO LET JAIRE GO YET. FUCK, WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO ATTACHED TO MY CHARACTERS SOBS

I'M GONNA MISS THEM SO MUCH. I REALLY AM. I absolutely love writing about them. They're crude, blunt and their dynamic is just so EPIC.

What do you think is gonna happen in the epilogue? Let me know in the comments section below!

Btw, I met up with Desirae Clarke (@yabookprincess) and Ellie Pindolia (@tahliepurvis) in London last week! If you want to see what I did with them, check out my Youtube video:

https://youtu.be/f_LsJD_PN0c

See you guys on the following Friday guys! Last Perfect Redemption chapter ever! GET READY DEM TISSUES

Love, Claudia.