Remember to follow, vote and comment!

[ B L A I R E ' S P O V ]

      Blood pound in my ears when we climb over the gate and I land on my two feet with the help of Jax. His fingers link with mine and he propels forward, tugging me along with him. I let him take me, because I'm really in no state to lead. My mind still spinning from what had just happened.

    I can't believe I got away with that. I can't believe it. The world has gone crazy.

    When we're finally out of range from the house, Jax slows down, pulls me behind some bushes, his hands gripping my body tight. Worry and concern both cross his face as he searches mine for answers. His eyes are bright, sharp, and they're staring at me, waiting for me to say something—anything.

    "What the fuck just happened?" He says, still trying to catch his breath. "Did you get caught?"

    "Yes," I murmur.

    "Fuck!" he hisses. "They're going to report you?"

    "No." I shake my head.

    "I knew you were going to get caught, Blaire. I told you that you shouldn't do this but did you listen to me? No—of course you don't. You never listen to anybody! Now you're going to go to jail and I'm just going to be left alone and-" He pauses for a while. "Wait. Did you just say 'no'?"

    I nod. "No. They're not going to report me, Jackson."

    "What?" The disbelief that crosses his face is almost humoring.

    With shaky fingers, I slide my phone out of my hoodie and I show him the picture. His eyes widen out of shock when he sees it.

    "What is this?" He breathes.

    "When I went upstairs, I realized that I wasn't alone," I say, sliding the phone back into the pocket of the hoodie. "I found Mr. Jenkins lounging in bed together. And the woman he was in bed with is definitely not his wife."

    Jax lets out a low laugh-a mixture of disbelief and shock.

    "They hadn't spotted me yet since they were too... preoccupied so I took that opportunity to snap some pictures," I say, feeling a smile creeping on my cheeks. "I guess I wasn't fast enough. The woman caught my eye and she screamed but I pulled my dagger from my boot and aimed it straight at her before she could even say anything."

    "I may have told Mr. Jenkins that I was going to send those pictures to his wife if he didn't give me what I wanted. I also told him that if he dared to file a police report about it, the pictures would go straight to Mrs. Jenkins,"I tell him. "And he said he'd give me money to make all of it go away. I told him I would happily take it."

    "Fuck, Blaire," Jax curses under his breath. "Shit, Blaire. This-this is insane."

    "No, this is," I unhook the bag from my shoulders and unzipped it, then showed him the contents. "Three grand, Jax.  Three grand of cold hard cash, right here."

    "Why didn't you ask for more?"

    "I didn't think he was going to give more to me." I shake my head. "I thought it was a fair deal. My silence in exchange for three grand and his silence."

    "You're crazy." He tells me. "This is crazy. Absolutely fucking crazy."

    "I know. I'm having a hard time believing it myself."

    "What if he didn't comply with you, Blaire?" His eyes are cold, foreign. "What if he reported you anyway? Did you think about that?"

    "He won't." I shake my head. "I made sure of that. He wouldn't-he couldn't risk these pictures getting out. It would ruin him."

    "And you're so sure of that?" He scoffs. "Jesus, Blaire. I can't-this is absolutely insane. A lot of fucking things can go wrong. I'm... scared for you, Blaire." His voice sounds so small, so... vulnerable when he says that last sentence. My heart almost does a mini somersault in my chest.

    He's... scared for me. Wow. Jax Deneris is capable of feeling for another human being other than himself.

    "I know... there's still a possibility that something can go wrong..." My voice trails off. I pull off my mask and weave my fingers through my hair. My hands are still shaky—an after effect of what had happened—and Jax definitely notices them. He sighs out of frustration. "But... I can't do anything about it. The only thing I can do right now is just hope for the best."

    "You scared the shit out of me, Blaire." He murmurs, sliding his hand over my cheek, leveling our faces together. I gulp, daring to look up at him. His eyes are swimming with so much worry. Nobody has looked at me like that. Nobody has ever wanted to protect me like this before. Of all the months I've been out on the streets, nobody even gave two shits about me.

    But Jax... he looks at me like he's genuinely worried about what is going to happen to me.

    And I like it. A foreign feeling crawls into my chest and warms my heart, causing my breath quicken.

    "I'm sorry," I mumble. "But I have it handled. I think."

    "You think," he chuckles, echoing my words, mimicking my voice. "Shit, Blaire. You're going to ruin me. Seriously."

    I want to ruin you. I want to ruin you so bad that you'll never be the same again.

    Jax's eyes trail down to the cash in front of us, breaking eye contact between us. This allows me to take a step back, trying to collect what's left of my sanity.

    "This money better be worth everything you'd just risk, Blaire. It better be." He tells me.

    I glance at the cash. I already imagine what's going to happen during these next few months. Everything's going to change-for the better. Mr. Forman taking my case, helping me win custody of Eden. Having Eden to myself, without having to worry about his adoptive parents. Us building a great life together.

    This-this future is worth everything.

    And I'll do anything to secure it.

    Even if it means risking my damn life.

☸☸☸☸☸☸

    I think Jax is kind of scarred by the whole ordeal because the moment we reach home, he says goodnight and heads straight to his room. I don't stop him—what happened tonight was scary.

    Scary and thrilling.

    But I wasn't going to admit that to him. Or anybody in fact.

    Sure, if things had not played out my way, I would be behind bars right now. But for some fucked up reason, I would do it all over again. Because I love the feeling of danger—the adrenaline pulsing through my veins. I'm addicted to the thrill, the madness, the risks. I want it all. Back when I was doing minor thieving on the streets, I remembered how much I liked it.

    Now, it's all I can think about.

    I like the danger of knowing that I might caught. I like how every time I steal, I feel like I've just hit the damn jackpot. I like that exhilaration that comes along with it—the fear that something might or will go wrong.

    I'm a little warped but I can't deny that I enjoy thieving a little too much.

    I try to get some sleep, but my mind is still tossing and turning, same as my body. Maybe I'm still feeling the after—effects of what happened. So much emotions run through my mind and a large pit of energy is still threatening to grow inside of me. I sigh, turning on the light, and figured that maybe I could kill time by using my phone.

    I turned it on and a slur of messages attack my screen. All of them are from Ben.

    What the hell happened?!! Status update!!

    Did you get caught?!?

    Was it my fault?!!

    Blaire, pick up the fucking phone!!!!

    Please, Blaire. I can't stand the silence.

    If you don't answer me, I'm coming RIGHT OVER!!

    Well, shit.

    I quickly dial Ben's number. He answers on the first ring.

    "Oh thank god," he breathes a sigh of relief. "What the fuck happened? You promised to call me when you were done. I saw you running with Jax—what happened? You looked like you got into trouble! Please tell me you didn't!"

    "I didn't." I clutch the phone closer to my ear. "I'm fine. So is Jax. We're okay. Something... weird happened."

    I proceed to tell him all about Mr. Jenkins and his secret lover, and how I blackmailed him into giving me the money in exchange for my silence. Ben doesn't once interrupt me when I'm talking, listening patiently, but I can tell from his heavy breaths, he's pissed about it. When I'm finally done, my predictions came true.

    "You—you—I can't believe you did that!" Ben yells. "You sure he's not going to tell?"

    "I'm mostly sure." I nod. "Keep an eye on him for me, will you? Just in case he does?"

    "Yeah," he mutters. "I'll—I'll try."

    "Can I ask you something?" I ask. "When you disabled the cameras, you didn't think to I don't know—look inside the house first before telling me that there was no one home?" I hiss the last part.

    "I did, I swear, Blaire." He rushes. "But the security cameras only go as far as the ground floor. None upstairs. And plus, the footage for the past few hours before you came have been erased. I thought it was a system glitch. And I didn't think think too much about it—the house was dark and I was pretty damn sure nobody was home."

    "Well, somebody really didn't want to be caught, then."

    "Yeah," Ben croaks out. "But, Blaire—shit. Please don't do that again. You can't expect to do it again and not get caught."

"I'm sorry," I murmur. "I'll be more careful next time. We gotta do more planning, that's all."

      "There's going to be a next time?" Ben lets out a tsunami of curse words. "No. No way. I can't let you do this anymore. This is crazy shit, Blaire. One way or another, you are bound to get caught. How are you going to save Eden when you're in jail?"

    "How am I going to save Eden at all if I don't do this?" I counter back. "I saw him last weekend, Ben. He misses me. He wants to be with me. I promised my parents I'll do right by him—my parents knew I had the ability to take care of him. And I want to. I need to. Or... or I have nothing left."

    Ben stays silent.

    "I love Eden, Ben. So damn much." I say, a tear leaking down my eye. Ache has a hold on my heart and my throat. I feel both constricting, releasing the pain and devastation. "It's... so hard to be separated from him. He's my brother. My blood. I've already lost my parents. I... I can't lose him too. I won't bear it."

    He gulps, feeling the effect of my words, then sighs. "I get it, Blaire. I understand how you feel."

    "You're lucky that you still have Belle," I say quietly. "At least she wasn't taken away from you like Eden was taken away from me."

    "Yeah," he croaks out. "I understand why you're doing what you're doing, Blaire. But I don't know if I should let you do this. I keep worrying about whether you're okay—whether it's going to be the last time I see you without handcuffs. I'm so scared—scared for you."

    "I know." I purse my lips. "But I'll risk it. All for him."

    He groans. "I hate your stubbornness. Seriously. How does Jax even put up with it?"

    "He doesn't."

    "Good. At least he's more of a man than me."

    That earned a smile from me. "Listen... can I come over?"

    "What? Now?"

    "I can't sleep," I say. "And... I need... I need to release some stress. I feel like I'm going out of my mind."

    "You're always out of your mind, Blaire." He chuckles quietly. "And sure. Belle's asleep, though. So if you want to talk to her, you're out of luck."

    I shake my head. "No. That's okay. I can't-she doesn't know what's going on. I need you. Please."

    The groan that escapes from him makes me grin. "I'll leave the door open for you."

    "Get ready for me." I say, then hang up the phone.

    I slip into my jeans and tank top, then slip out of the mansion.

☸☸☸☸☸☸

    Sex without emotions is easy.

    I kiss without feeling. There is nothing loving or sentimental about my touch. I'm not careful in bed-I'm wild. Untamed. Uncontrolled. Careless. I always want more, more, more, because I want the pleasure to consume me-every inch of me—till I forget my own name.

    I don't do well with feelings—never have, never well. I tend to get sporadic when I catch them. It screws up my mind, making me feel things I never ever deserve to feel. So I push the feelings away. I push people away.

Ever since my parents died, I've taught myself that love is not worth it. It never is.

    If I can't get love, I'll get sex.

    Because sex is way easier.

    An hour later, I fall back from the clouds, looping Ben's arm around my waist so I can snuggle closer to him. Sex with Ben has always been fun. Carefree. It's simple and I don't have to look into it because I know there's nothing going on between us. It's always been like this and I wouldn't have it any other way.

    I feel Ben let out a breath. I smile against his chest and he tightens his arm around me, pulling me closer.

    "Feeling better now?" he whispers.

    I nod. "Yes, thank you."

    "Did you just thank me for fucking you?"

    "I believe I just did." A small laugh tears out of me, though it's a weak one. I'm too exhausted from the bedroom activities that have just occurred between us. "Do you feel better?"

    "Well, lately I've been a lot more agitated since you've been really busy being Jax's bodyguard so..." He shrugs. "It has not been easy. I missed this a lot. And also, my right hand can only do so much."

    I laugh against his chest. "I'm sorry I didn't have time to Netflix and Chill with you. Being Jax's bodyguard is so... time-consuming."

    "It's okay," he murmurs. "You need the money."

    "I do," I nod. "I still need more, though. This job will only last me for three months. The paychecks that are coming in from that job should be enough to sustain me and Eden for a while after I get him. But I need to start thinking long term—need to figure out how to get more money."

    "Uh, how about... get a job?" He chuckles.

    "Have you even seen any job openings lately?" I glare at him. "Hell, even McDonalds has a waiting list. And I didn't even go to college. Nobody is going to hire me anywhere else. Let's face it: I'm basically doomed."

    He presses his cheek on my forehead and strokes my back. "I'm really sorry, Blaire."

    "Don't be." I shake my head. "My life has turned to shit ever since my parents died. I've learnt to live with it."

    "At least you have a roof over your head," Ben says. "Your life right now is a lot better than it was compared to a few months ago."

    I smile at just the thought of that. "I'm so grateful for Baxton. And Jax."

    "Speaking of Jax..." Ben's voice trails off, shifting himself slightly so his head is propped up one elbow and he's facing me. "How's he doing? The paparazzi have been all over him this whole week. His face is plastered everywhere. On the magazines, blogs, websites. It must be crazy for him to get this kind of attention. Especially when he's been in hiding in Boston for most of his life."

    "He's adjusting," I tell Ben. "I think he's tired of the media. But it's not like he can do anything about it. His dad just wants him to go with the flow right now. Please everybody. It will look bad on Baxton if Jax doesn't."

    "True." Ben nods. "Good publicity will be good for Baxton. Ever since The Ringer got cancelled, he's been auditioning for anything that he can find. With Jax in town, it will make him more relevant."

    "Yeah, but... that doesn't seem fair to Jax, you know?" I say, a frown on my lips. "He's... a decent person. He should be able to do what he wants."

    "Decent?" Ben says in disbelief. "The last time we talked about him, you didn't seem to like the guy."

    "I know him better now. And... maybe he's starting to grow on me."

    A little too much.

    "You... like him?" Ben asks hesitantly. I look up at him. His eyes look serious. "Jax? You have feelings for him?"

I'm taken aback by his question.

    How do I even begin to answer this? Things have been too complicated between Jax and I. I don't even know how to label the thing that we have. I know that I'm attracted to him, but I highly doubt I have any feelings for him. But... I don't know. I'm too confused.

    "Ben." I say as a warning. "Don't."

    "What? Don't I at least deserve to know?" He says.

    "Why?" My face scrunches up in confusion. "Why do you deserve to know?"

    "Because!" He raises his voice, then releases his hold on me, pulling himself into a sitting position. "Because..."

    "Because what?" I raise my eyebrows in confusion. "Look. Can we just not talk about this? You seem upset."

    "That's because I am!" He seems agitated. Or mad. At me.

      What the fuck. Why?

    "Why on earth would you be upset about that?" I snap. "I don't know. I don't know if I have feelings for him. But then again, why do you care? It's not like we're together or anything."

    Right?

    He blinks at me a couple of times, his lips parted open. It's finally then I get to look at him—really look at him. The realization hits me so hard that I lose my breath.

    Ben has feelings for me.

    "Oh my god," I whisper. "Oh my god."

    "Blaire," he whispers my name, his hand reaching for me, but I jerk away from him, looking utterly shocked.

    "When?" I ask, propping myself into a sitting position."When did you start to have feelings for me?"

    "I don't know when it happened, or how. But I just know that I do," he whispers, his voice now laced with adoration.

    I close my eyes, mentally cursing myself for being so stupid-so blind. How could I not see it?

    "Blaire, please," he starts off, realizing how much this revelation had affected me. "It doesn't—it doesn't have to change anything. This-this thing that we're doing—I don't want it to end."

    "I don't want it to end either," I say, "but we agreed that if shit got too real, this thing has to."

    "No," he shakes his head. "I can't—I need this. I need you. I can't end this with you. I may have feelings for you Blaire, but I'll learn to deal with it. I have for a long time. It doesn't have to change whatever that's going on between us."

    "You're... you're not going to ask me if I have feelings for you too?" I ask, my eyebrows lifted.

    "No." He shakes his head. "Because I know that you don't. You have feelings for him. Whether you want to admit it or not."

    "Ben..."

    "Look, let's just not talk about this anymore," he whispers. "I want to just stay in bed with you and hold you in my arms. I just want this. Us. At least for a little while."

    I nod wordlessly, scooting closer to him. I can feel it now-the change that is happening between us. It's doing it's damage bit by bit, slowly breaking this connection we have apart. I try to cling unto it but it's crumbling in my hands.

    Ben lets me rest my head on his chest. He tugs me into my arms, placing his head above mine. I can hear his heavy breaths accompany mine as the both of us try to fall asleep. But there's too much going on right now—it's impossible to do just that. Not when Ben's feelings for me are now out in the open.

    "We're okay?" he whispers, stroking my hair.

    I tug the sheets higher, covering our bodies. I sigh against his chest. "We're okay."

    And for the night, we let ourselves believe that. Even though we both know that deep down, this is the beginning of the end.

☸☸☸☸☸☸

A/N: So I almost forgot to update today LOL. Too busy watching Zalfie videos.

This chapter is dedicated to one of my babe, StrangerSight. I apologize for not replying to kik. But I still love you. <3

So.... the Ben X Blaire ship has sunk. Not that it was a ship anyway, but it still died. LOL.

Anyways, how are we doing on JAIRE? GOOD?

Please please PLEASE remember to add the Mistletoe & Mischief Christmas Anthology into your libraries if you want to read the Perfect Christmas Short Story! Yes, there will be KAYNA, BREVANS, DALEX AND CAMON too! So don't miss out! The short story drops TOMORROW at 1AM EST (don't ask me why it drops at such a weird time. LOL. I'm not in charge of the publishing)

Here is the link! If you can't access the link, it is in my bio too!

https://www.wattpad.com/story/53917648-mistletoe-and-mischief-a-wattpad-romance-anthology

Next Redemption update: Friday (you guessed it!)

But I'll see you tomorrow for the Anthology! I'm so excited to share it with you guys!

Love, Claudia.