Life is too deep for words, so don't try to describe it, just live it – C.S. Lewis

Meara

            "There is nothing to worry, Mrs. Azaceta. Your boy is already out of danger. The swelling in his brain is already gone and treated. His injuries will heal in time. I am reassuring you that there won't be any side effect on him. He will be normal."

            Pakiramdam ko ay hulog ng langit ang doctor na kumakausap sa akin habang ipinapaliwanag ang kalagayan ni River. Ayaw ko maniwala sa mga sinasabi niya dahil sa nakikita kong kalagayan ng anak ko. Balot ng benda ang ulo, napakaraming galos at bugbog ang katawan. Pati ang mukha ni River ay puno din noon. Kahit sinong makakita ay hindi maniniwalang magiging okay ang anak ko. Pero ipinakita ng doctor sa akin ang lahat ng resulta ng operasyon at tests na ginawa kay River. Wala siyang internal injuries. Nabagok man ang ulo niya pero siniguro ng doctor na hindi iyon makaka-apekto sa anak ko.

            "Siyempre sa ngayon ay hindi pa natin makikita ang lahat. Bugbog pa ang katawan niya and he is still under medication and sedatives para sa pain but rest assured that your son will be okay." Ngumiti na ito sa akin at idinantay ang kamay sa balikat ko bago nagpaalam at tuluyang umalis.

            Lumapit ako sa kama kung saan nakahiga si River at marahan kong hinaplos ang ulo ng anak ko. Hindi na siya intubated. Humihinga na siya ng sarili niya. Maramil lang nakakabit na tubes sa katawan niya pero kakapit ako sa sinasabi ng doctor na magiging okay siya.

            Bumukas ang pinto ng silid at nakita kong si Eli ang pumapasok doon at may bitbit na paper bag. Halatang pagkain ang laman dahil nakita ko ang logo. Napakalaki ng pasasalamat ko kay Eli. Siya ang tumulong sa akin dito noong mga panahong litong/lito ako at hindi ko malaman kung ano ang gagawin. Siya din ang nakikipag-usap sa mga pulis sa investigation dahil hit and run ang nangyari kay River. Unfortunately, hindi pa namin nalalaman kung sino ang nakabangga sa anak ko. Lumapit siya kay River at napangiti.

            "He looks good now." Komento niya at ibinaba ang mga dala. Inilabas doon ang laman na mga pagkain at inilagay sa mesa. "I have food. I am sure you are starving. Hospital food is never a good food." Natatawang sabi pa niya at kinuha ang isang container at iniabot sa akin pero umiling lang ako.

            "I don't want to eat." Mahinang sagot ko at nanatiling nakatingin kay River.

            "You need to eat. Ilang araw ka ng walang matinong kain. Sigurado ako wala ka pa ring matinong ligo. Why don't you go home and take a bath then rest for a while? Ako na muna ang bahala dito."

            Umiling ako. "I don't want to leave my son. I want to be here when he opened his eyes."

            "He will be okay, Meara. Sinabi naman iyon ng mga doctor. He is already out of danger. Nakabuti talaga na na-operahan siya agad at na-drain ang blood clot sa utak niya."

            Hindi ako sumagot. Totoo iyon. Iyon din ang sinasabi ng doctor sa akin na nagligtas sa anak ko. Ang pagkakaopera niya agad at naagapan ang mas matinding kumplikasyon ng pagkakabagok ng ulo niya. And it happened because Riel was there. He became the blood donor for my son since River's blood type was hard to find.

            Agad na namuo ang luha sa mga mata ko. Guilt and pain struck my heart while looking at my son. The man that I hated became the savior of my son.

            "He never left."

            Nang tumingin ako kay Eli ay inaayos pa rin niya ang mga pagkain na dala niya. Hindi ako sumagot. Alam ko kung sino ang tinutukoy niya.

            "He waited until he knows that River is out of danger." Napahinga siya ng malalim. "I don't know if I need to tell this to you. But Riel made a decision."

            Kumunot ang noo ko at nagtatanong na tumingin sa kanya.

            "He is in jail right now."

            "What?" Gulat na bulalas ko. Jail? Nasa kulungan si Riel?

            "He surrendered himself. He confessed to a series of murders. He said he killed Morris Francisco and former chief."

            "Who? Morris?" I remembered that name. "I knew that was Perry's friend. The one who found dead in the hotel."

            "Actually, he did it for you."

            Pareho kaming napatingin ni Eli sa pinto dahil naroon nakatayo ang isang may-edad na lalaki. Naka-suit at lumakad paloob ng silid na parang pamilyar na pamilyar siya dito. Nagpapalit-palit ang tingin ko sa kanilang dalawa ni Eli. Paano ito nakapasok na lang dito nang hindi man lang namin namamalayan? Kilala ba ni Eli ang lalaking ito? Bakit hindi man lang niya sinasaway?

            Nang tumingin ako sa may-edad na lalaki at siguro ay nakita niya ang pagtataka sa mukha ko ay ngumiti siya at inilahad ang kamay.  

            "Where are my manners? I am Greg Laxamana. Friend of Riel."

            Alanganin akong tumingin kay Eli at tumango sa akin. "He is a friend, Meara."

            "You know him?" Paniniguro ko.

            "I work for him." Naupo na si Eli at dinampot ang isang plastic container at binuksan. Umalingasaw ang amoy ng spaghetti sa paligid at nagsimulang kumain.

            Doon ko lang iniabot ang kamay ng lalaki at nakipag-kamay.

            "I heard your son is out of danger. That is a good thing to hear." Sabi pa niya at tumingin sa couch na naroon at marahang pinagpag bago tuluyang naupo. "And you heard Eli right. Riel is in jail. He surrendered himself and admitted to the murders that he did."

            "Murders? He is in jail? Why? I d-don't believe that he can kill-"

            "You don't know what he can do for you." Malamig na putol ng lalaki sa sinasabi ko. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit pakiramdam ko ay gumagapang ang kilabot sa buong katawan ko sa paraan pa lang ng pagsasalita ng may-edad na lalaki. His voice was cold. He looked soulless. I couldn't feel any emotions from him. It was like everything that he would do or say was like a business deal.

            "Why he is in jail?" Naguguluhang tanong ko.   

            Umangat ang kilay niya. "Isn't that what you want? You hated him. But let me tell what he did for you. He protected you from everyone who tried to hurt you. You know the reason why he killed Morris Francisco? It was because your ex-husband told Morris that it was okay to fuck you." Walang emosyong sabi niya.

            Wala sa loob na napahawak ako sa dibdib ko. Ang lakas ng kabog noon sa kaba.

            "Remember when you had a quick vacation? Your ex-husband told you to go because he had a plan. He had a business deal with Morris Francisco. A huge sum of money in exchange of having one night with you."

            Napalunok ako at napailing. "No. That's not true. Morris died because he killed himself. I-I remember I woke up alone in my bed. Nothing happened to me." Katwiran ko.     

            Ngumisi ang may-edad na lalaki. "Because that's what Riel did. He made it look like a suicide." Umangat pa ang kilay niya. "He found Morris on your bed ready to rape you and he killed him."

            Agad na namuo ang luha sa mga mata ko kaya mabilis kong pinahid iyon. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa naririnig ko.

            "And he started investigating what happened to you after he arrested you ten years ago. He really worked hard to find out but all of your files were gone. But he didn't stop. He continued to find out who did that. He killed people just to know details of what happened to your case. Riel's hands were full of blood because his conscience was bugging him. He was blaming himself for what happened to you."

            Hindi ako nakasagot at nanatiling nakatingin lang sa lalaki. Nang tapunan ko ng tingin si Eli ay nagkibit lang ito ng balikat at patuloy sa pagkain. Hindi pinapansin ang lalaking kausap ko.

            "You suffered for years? He suffered long enough by the guilt he was feeling because he wasn't able to save his mother. He suffered long enough by killing his stepfather. Then you came and you happened. I am not blaming you. But, let me tell you this. If you are suffering, if you are hurt, have you tried asking what is going on with Riel? Have you asked what does he feel right now?"

            Napalunok ako at halos hindi makahinga dahil pakiramdam ko ay may nakabarang kung ano sa lalamunan ko.

            "You don't know what kind of sacrifices he did for you. Your freedom from Perry. He did that. He saved you so many times." Umangat ang kilay niya at tumingin sa gawi ni River sa kama. "And if it's not for him, I don't think your son, his brother will survive."

            Napayuko ako at tuluyang napaiyak. Umaalog ang balikat ko sa impit na paghagulgol.

            "If you are hurting, Mrs. Azaceta. If you think that life is so unfair to you because of what happened to your life, it is the same thing that is happening to Riel. Life has not been good to him but he chose to put you up above anyone else."

            Napasinok-sinok ako sa pagpipigil ng iyak ko. Impit na impit ang hagulgol ko at ang galit na nararamdaman ko para kay Riel ay napalitan ng awa. Masyado akong nabulag sa galit na naramdaman ko dahil sa mga nalaman ko. Hindi ko inisip na maging si Riel ay nahihirapan din tanggapin ang katotohanan dahil sa totoong pagkatao niya.

            "He loves you. You and your son. I am not saying that you two get back together. I cannot do anything; Riel cannot do anything if you choose to live without him in your life. I am just telling the truth to you because I think Riel deserves to be the hero in his own life story. Because he is for all those people that he helped. And I think that includes you." Sabi pa ng may-edad na lalaki. Mayamaya ay nakita ko siyang tumayo at inayos ang suot niyang suit. "I need to go. I am wishing for your son's speedy recovery." Tinungo na ng lalaki ang pinto at kumaway pa kay Eli.

            "W-wait." Habol ko. Tumingin siya sa gawi ko at mabilis kong pinahid ang luha ko. "What will happen to Riel?"

            Napa-hmm siya at napakibit ng balikat. "What will happen to Riel? He doesn't want to have an attorney. He said he is just going to wait for his trial. He will plead guilty and he is ready to serve jail time for the rest of his life. There's nothing I can do with his decision. You choose, he chooses. Stories of your lives. Have a good day, Mrs. Azaceta."

            Kanina pa nakaalis ang may-edad na lalaking iyon pero pakiramdam ko ay damang-daman ko pa ang presensiya niya. Napatingin ako kay Eli at nakatingin lang siya sa akin. Pakiramdam ko ay nanghihina akong napaupo sa couch habang hawak ang dibdib ko. Tumayo si Eli at inabutan ako ng tubig.

            "Come on. Let it out," sabi niya ay marahang hinagod-hagod ang likod ko.

            Doon ako tuluyag bumigay. Humagulgol ako ng sobra dahil sa nararamdaman ko. Galit na galit ako kay Riel dahil nalaman ko na siya ang arresting officer ko noon. Sinisisi ko siya dahil sa nangyari sa buhay ko pero tama naman ang sinabi ng lalaking iyon. Riel had been helping me from the start. I didn't know that he even killed because of me. And now, I was hating him. Told him many things that I knew hurt him so much.

            "I hurt him." Umiiyak na sabi ko. "But still he saved my son."

            "It's his choice, Meara. That is Riel's nature. He wanted to save everyone he could. But little did he know, there is no one who will save him in the end." Tumawa ng pagak si Eli. "I guess he was hoping that you will save him but... as I can see, it won't be happening."

            Hindi ako nakasagot at nagpatuloy lang ako sa pag-iyak.

            "I offered my services to him but he declined. He decided to do jail time and it will not be good for him inside. If those criminals know that he is used to be a police officer, his days are numbered. They are going to kill him inside." Walang anuman na paliwanag ni Eli.

            Gulat akong napatingin sa kanya. "What?"

            Malungkot na tumango si Eli. "Ganyan ang ginagawa sa mga pulis sa loob. Palalabasin lang nilang aksidente ang pagkamatay ng nakakulong na pulis. Riel is not safe there."

            "Bakit ayaw niyang lumabas? Ano bang pumasok sa utak niya at naisip niyang magpakulong? Is he stupid?" mabilis kong pinahid ang mga luha ko at lumapit kay River. Hinaplos ko ang ulo ng anak ko tapos ay hinalikan iyon. Dinampot ko ang bag ko at tinungo ang pinto.

            "Where are you going?" Taka ni Eli.

            "You said you're going to look after River. Do it. I just need to do something." Nanginginig ang boses na sabi ko.

            "What? What are you going to do, Meara?"

            "I am going to save Riel."

-----------------

Please like and follow HELENE MENDOZA'S STORIES FB PAGE to know story updates. You can also message the page to know how to subscribe and read the exclusive stories.