#NewClassicPFL

Chapter 27
Confusing

As we forgot to close the curtains last night, the rays of sun freely passed through the glass doors. I squinted my eyes when the sunlight shone on them and turned to the other side of the bed when I realized it was empty. Feeling like something wasn't right, I barely opened my eyes to find that Sic wasn't lying by my side.

I remembered drifting to sleep in his arms. His warmth made me feel very comfortable. As far I knew, he was also sleeping right next to me. I heard his breathing get softer when I was about to fall into unconsciousness.

Unti-unti akong bumangon at inabot ang aking cellphone na nakalapag sa lamp desk. It was only past six in the morning. Our call time was eight-thirty, so I still had a lot of time to prepare for our long day. But I always have the mindset that it's better to be early than late.

I started with some neck exercise and stretching. While I was putting my body into the right condition, I abruptly stopped midway when I saw Sic on the sofa. Ang akala ko ay lumabas na siya ng kuwarto dahil maagang nagising. Hindi ko naisip na maaaring tulog pa siya.

Tahimik akong lumapit sa kanya. I watched him as he slept peacefully. Parang mayroong humaplos sa puso ko. He used the throw pillow to support his head and didn't bother covering himself with a blanket, even when it was cold inside the room. He was so tall that one of his feet was already on the floor, while the other one was hanging on the armrest.

I licked my lower lip and sat down on the floor to look as his face closely. Kahit na medyo naawa, napangiti ako nang nakitang medyo nakakunot pa rin ang kanyang noo. He looked like he really had a hard time. Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay hindi siya nakatulog nang maayos no'ng gabi kaya hindi pa rin siya gising.

Unti-unti namang tumama sa kanya ang sinag ng araw. He scrunched his nose as if he was about to wake up. Agad ko namang itinaas ang aking kamay at itinakip sa kanyang mga mata upang hindi siya masilaw. He relaxed right away and breathed out heavily in relief.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal nanatili sa ganoong puwesto. Nalibang ako sa panonood sa kanya hanggang sa naramdaman kong nangangawit ang aking kamay. I was about to replace my right with the left hand when Sic suddenly grabbed my pulse.

My lips parted. I stared at his face with my eyes wide open.

His eyelids slowly fluttered open. From my pulse, he held my hand and put it down before he turned his head to me.

"Kanina ka pa gising?" agad kong tanong.

He shook his head. "Nope," he answered in a hoarse voice, sounding like he really just woke up.

"Then..." I pointed at my hand.

He slightly grinned which caused me to frown. "I smelled your scent from your hand."

Inangat ko naman ang aking kamay upang amuyin. It smelled like my body lotion which was a scent of vanilla.

Sic laughed when I did that, then licked his lips. "I also heard you groaning," he added. "Kung nangangawit ka na, puwede mo namang ibaba ang kamay mo. You don't have to block the sun for me."

Napanguso ako at binawi ang aking kamay sa kanya. Mabilis din akong tumayo.

"You were so fast asleep. Parang kulang ka pa sa tulog kaya..." Hindi ko na tinuloy ang sinasabi ko nang gumalaw siya.

Sic pushed himself up to sit on the sofa. I heard him groan as well once he was finally in a comfortable sitting position. He put his hand on the back of his nape while bending his neck on both sides.

I couldn't believe how he looked so handsome even with his messy hair and sleepy eyes. He just woke up but his appeal was still overflowing. No wonder he was one of the most in-demand models. You wouldn't be able to find faults in his physical appearance no matter how hard you try. Joke's on me for saying he isn't my type.

"Bakit dito ka nga pala natulog?" tanong ko. "The bed is big for the both of us."

"I'd still be wide awake by now if I didn't sleep here," he said and fixed his eyes on me as he stood up. "You should take a bath now and get ready. I'll check if there's breakfast already."

Hindi na ako nagsalita at hinayaan na siyang lumabas ng kuwarto. Napanguso naman ako bago napabuntonghininga at naghanda para sa araw na 'yon. Instead of bringing a small bag, I brought out a waterproof tote bag where I could put my phone, wallet, change of clothes, sunblock, and towel.

After preparing my things and the outfit for the day, I took a bath and got dressed inside. I wore a red bikini under a yellow maxi dress and put a straw hat on top of my head. I didn't bother wearing full makeup since we would be playing in the water the whole day. I only wore sunblock and lip oil.

Pagkatapos kong magbihis at mag-ayos nang kaunti ay inabutan ko si Sic na nakaupo sa sofa. He seemed to be working on his laptop as he looked very serious. There was a cup of coffee beside him which was already half empty.

"Sic," tawag ko sa kanya.

He glanced at me quickly, then his eyes went back on his laptop. "Hmm? Do you need anything?"

"Maligo ka na rin at mag-ayos," sabi ko sa kanya. "Sabay na tayo bumaba."

"Okay. I'll just send this email," he said without looking at me as he was busy typing.

I just sighed and let him do his work. I went out of the veranda to take the picture of the view and posted it on my story. Ilang sandali pa akong nanatili roon para tingnan ang tanawin. Pagkapasok ko ulit sa kuwarto ay wala na si Sic at nadidinig ko na ang shower sa loob ng banyo. Nakapatay na rin ang kanyang laptop.

While waiting for him, I double checked my things inside the tote bag and posted a picture of mine on all my social media accounts with the same caption. I made sure to choose the picture which wasn't included on Sic's photo dump post, though. At dahil hindi pa tapos siya sa pagligo ay naisipan kong magbasa muna ulit ng comments sa Instagram. It was one of my ways to kill time, and I immediately regretted that I did.

Napalunok ako nang nadaanan spam comments mula sa user na nag-comment din dati sa post ko. Once again, the person used all capital letters to make sure that they would get my attention.

@LAVINIAISAUSER:
FAKE KA MASYADO!

@LAVINIAISAUSER:
HINDI KAYO BAGAY NI SIC!

@LAVINIAISAUSER:
SANA MAWALA KA NA!

My throat ran dry when I read the comments. I gripped tightly on my phone while I pondered on the last one.

I couldn't believe that someone could wish a person dead just because she's in a relationship with their idol. Let's talk about immaturity, possessiveness, and obsession. I know some fans can be very unreasonable when it comes to these things, but I hope they'll try to put themselves in the shoes of the people they are throwing rocks at. Words can be very powerful. They should mind everything that they're saying, especially on social media.

Sa gitna nang pag-iisip ay biglang bumukas ang pintuan ng banyo. Mabilis akong umalis sa comment section at nagkunwaring tumitingin lamang sa feed bago nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya.

Just like yesterday, Sic chose a shirt which had the same color as mine. Over his white tank top, he wore a light yellow polo and didn't bother fastening the buttons. He kept it open which added to his charisma. His hair was also still damp but to be honest, there's no need to style it just to look good.

"Let's go," aya ni Sic nang natapos. "I'm sure they are already waiting for us downstairs."

Dahil limang minuto na lang ay mag-aalas otso na, mabilis akong tumayo saka binitbit ang aking tote bag. Hindi pa nga lang kami nakakaalis ay inabot na sa akin ni Sic ang kanyang wallet at cellphone.

"Can you put them inside your bag, please?" he asked for a favor.

Walang salita kong binuksan ang aking bag. Agad niyang inilagay roon ang kanyang mga gamit saka kami tuluyang lumabas ng kuwarto.

Nang dumating kami sa dining area ay wala pa sina Cloé at Jirro kaya hinintay muna namin sila bago nagsimulang kumain ng umagahan. After eating, we all rode the yacht again which we used for our island hopping. Ike was the one who drove the yacht and I was surprised that he knew how to do it.

"Kaya ko rin 'yan," sabi naman ni Sic pagkatapos kong purihin si Ike. "It's just like driving a car."

Jirro laughed at him. "Buy a yacht then. Pakitaan mo si Lavi."

Sic turned to him with a grin. It seemed like he was taking Jirro's advice. Kaya naman bago pa niya maisipang bumili nga ng sariling yate ay agad kong hinampas ang kanyang braso.

"What?" he innocently asked.

"Don't you dare buy a yacht," I told him firmly, slightly threatening him.

"I never said anything about buying a yacht," he defended himself.

Natawa na rin si Isaiah. "She knows how your mind works, Sic," sabi niya. "Hindi malabong gawin mo nga 'yon."

"Isaiah, huwag mong inisin si Sic," suway naman sa kanya ni Zendaya kaya napanguso si Isaiah upang pigilan ang pagngiti.

"Thanks, Zendie! Ikaw lang talaga ang kakampi ko dito!" Sic tried to act like he was going to hug her, but Isaiah pushed him away, and he almost lost his balance.

I couldn't help but laugh at them and how they tried to tease each other all the time. Nang napalingon naman ako kay Cloé ay busy siya sa pagkukuha ng mga pictures at videos. She likes catching memories and transforming them into something tangible like developed photos. Sa may loob naman ng yate ay nakita kong kasama pa rin ni Ike si Aleena habang nagmamaneho.

We spent our days like that in bliss. For almost the whole week, we were just witnessing the beauty and experiencing the culture of Palawan. We also didn't forget to have fun. Para kaming walang kapagurang walo. Our vacation was even featured in different entertainment articles and showbiz news. We trended on all social media platforms. Ang sabi ng karamihan ay squad goals daw kami. They wanted to have a friendship like ours.

It was easily one of the best weeks in my life. I really wished we could stay longer for another week, but Zendaya had to leave the next day for her work. Sic and I decided that we should tag along with them. I wanted to get back to work after recuperating, while he had to personally attend to my ongoing case.

I had a feeling that Sic was still hands-on with the investigation even when we were on vacation. Every time he had spare time, he would be on his laptop or at the veranda to answer calls privately. Pero kahit na ganoon ay wala akong nadinig sa kanya tungkol sa imbestigasyon. I didn't know what's happening anymore. I wasn't updated at all. Kahit si Ritchelle ay walang sinasabi sa akin. I tried to ask her once; she told me not to worry. But to be honest, I was too happy to be concerned about that.

"Lavi."

Mula sa aking cellphone ay nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Sic na kakapasok lamang ng aming kuwarto. Pagkatapos kong maligo ay bigla na lang siya nawala. I had no idea what he was doing outside but I was too exhausted from our itinerary to bother myself. Naisip kong baka kasama niya sina Ike kaya nanatili na lang akong nakahiga sa kama.

"Labas tayo," aya niya sa akin. "Wear a jacket or something. It's cold outside."

Bahagyang napakunot ang noo ko. "Saan? Gabi na."

"Just come with me."

Ngumuso ako at kahit na nag-aalangan ay hindi ako humindi. He tightly held my hand as soon as I reached him. Tahimik na sa beach house at walang katao-tao kahit sa living room. Mukhang nagpapahinga na sila sa kanya-kanyang kuwarto.

Diretso naman kaming naglakad palabas ng bahay, papunta sa dalampasigan. Mabuti na lang at nagsuot ako ng kimono dahil talagang medyo malamig sa labas. He pulled me closer while we walked together. And the moment my eyes fixed on a certain part of the shore near the dock, I felt my heart stop beating for a second. I was speechless while Sic kept dragging me.

"A-ano 'to?" I couldn't help but utter while looking at the beautiful set up.

A white comforter was laid out on the sand near the waters with throw pillows. A bottle of wine and a fresh fruit bowl was placed in the middle. There were a few lanterns scattered around to give us light, along with the moon and stars. It was very romantic.

"Well, we've been busy following the itinerary for this vacation with the others. I thought you might want to relax and spend some time alone with me tonight before we leave tomorrow," he explained.

Unti-unting sumilay ang ngiti sa aking labi. "Ako nga ba ang may gusto nito o ikaw?" pang-inis ko.

Sic almost rolled his eyes. "Please don't spoil the mood."

Natawa ako nang bigla niya akong hinila pababa upang makaupo na kami sa comforter. He poured and gave me a glass of wine, as if he just wanted me to drink and stop teasing him. And since he made such an effort to prepare that romantic picnic date for both of us, I took a sip on the wine and exhaled a deep breath.

With the wine glass in my hand, I looked up at the sky. It was darker than usual, allowing the stars above to shine brighter on us. I remember how I used to stargaze and wondered how long I should stretch my arm in order to reach the stars. Now, the brightest star among them all is just sitting right beside me. However, I'm still not sure if I can reach him even with such a close distance.

"You're right, though..." he said out of the blue.

I turned my head to him. "About what?"

"I really want us to spend some time together," he admitted while he was looking far out the sea. "And so I bribed them that I wouldn't annoy them for a year if they'd give us time to be alone."

"You did?"

He nodded.

"At pumayag sila?"

Muli siyang tumango at ngumisi saka lumingon sa akin. "You know how annoying I can be," sabi niya. "That's the best gift I can give them. Bakit hindi sila papayag?"

I laughed at his answer. I couldn't even defend him or try to console his feelings because it's true. He can be very annoying, but it's one of the things which adds to his unique charm.

"You're really crazy..." I said and shook my head before facing front again.

As I took another sip of wine, I suddenly felt him sitting behind me. His arms slowly snaked around my waist. He put his chin on my shoulder and pulled me even closer to his body.

The cold breeze couldn't stand against his warmth. I felt even more comfortable because of it.

"It's all worth it, though..." he whispered. "Being with you like this... Seeing you smiling—that's all I want."

I bit my lower lip. My heart clenched like fist as if it was about to burst. I lowered my head and carefully put the wine glass down. I held his hand on my tummy and put on a small smile.

I didn't know how many times I told myself not to take the first step as I might just trip helplessly like before. However, his words and actions were pushing me to the brink. And honestly, I wasn't really the type of person who likes to play on the safe side. Kapag may gusto ako, gagawin ko ang lahat para makuha 'yon. But if it happens that I still lose after fighting with my all, I will accept it and move on.

At that moment, I was ready to lay all my cards on the line. I didn't want to pretend anymore. I was done faking my feelings.

"Sic..." I called him as softly as I could.

He repositioned his arms around me and held my hand. "Hmm?"

"I like you." Witnessed by the stars and moon, I finally confessed my feelings which took me a long time to realize and accept. "I really like you..."

Sic stiffened behind me. His grip on my hand slightly loosened. I even heard his quiet gasp since his mouth was very close to my ear. Then, he deeply sighed and rested his forehead on my back.

"Why are you saying this to me now?" he asked, and I could hear his regret. "Lavi... I..."

Wanting to talk to him and see him face-to-face, I bravely broke free from his hold and turned around. Bahagyang napaawang ang aking mga labi nang bumungad sa akin ang namumungay niyang mga mata. I almost lost my voice to speak, but I wanted to get to the bottom of this.

"Are you going to reject me?" I asked without thinking twice.

"No. Of course, not." He sounded a bit frustrated. "But we can't be together for real yet."

Napakunot ang aking noo. "Ano'ng ibig mong sabihin?" naguguluhan kong tanong.

"Like what I told you before, this is all I can give you for now."

"What? I don't understand, Sic!" I was also becoming frustrated like him. "Fake or not, isn't that still the same? We're still together!"

"I know but..." he said under his breath and trailed off.

My lips parted. I didn't want to nag him but I wanted to understand. Hindi ko na nga lang alam kung ano pa ang itatanong ko para maintindihan ang dahilan niya dahil mukhang wala naman siyang balak magpaliwanag.

"Do you even like me?" I asked him, my voice hoarse.

"I do," he firmly answered right away, and his eyes were brimming with sincerity. "A lot," he added and his hand reached for my cheek. "I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to like someone like this. I don't think that word is enough to sum up what I truly feel about you. But if that's what you're asking me, then I do."

"Then why?" I backed away from him and felt my heel accidentally push the wine glass behind. "Help me understand!"

He bit his lower lip. Unable to give me an answer, he just sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Lavi..." He carefully took a step forward and tried to comfort me with his touch by cradling me in his arms. He even pressed his lips on my cheek softly, like that would help me calm down. "Let's not fight, please. I beg."

As much as I wanted to stay in his arms and let everything pass, I was too frustrated because of his vague answers. His actions were pulling me close to him, but his words were pushing me away. It was frustrating because I didn't know exactly where to stand, and I didn't want that.

"I don't know your reasons and I can't read what's on your mind. I'm not a fucking mind reader, Sic. Please stop confusing me," I said without hesitation and pushed him away before running back to the beach house.