"Mom, I'll be alright." I protested, slightly aggravated.

Let's back up a second. My mom has been standing at the front door for fifteen minutes. She has left and come back inside twice. She has said the same words over and over, again and again, for at least ten of those previously mentioned minutes.

Let's back up again. My mom, Sally Jackson, is supposed to be attending an event some three hours outside of the city. See, she's writing a novel, and when she finds one of those 'author events,' she goes to it. You know, the ones where all those low-grade authors show up to promote their books and answer pre-scripted questions about what it's like to find an agent and all that? Yeah, those ones--I feel your pain. Trust me, I've been to one.

Anyways, she's dead-set on going, which is amazing. I want her to go, it'll be good for her. If it's good for my mom, she has to go, whether she likes it or not. But she's also dead-set on staying home.

"Are you sure?" she asks me yet again.

Eleven times and counting.

"Yes, mom." I'm sure that at this point, my expression is annoyed feigning . . . I don't know, something. Probably desperate, because at this point, that's what I am--I want her to get the hell out before she misses the damn thing.

"Are you absolutely sure you'll be alright?" she asks me again.

Twelve times and not stopping there.

"Mom, I promise."

"Are you sure? You won't need me?"

Thirteen times and going higher. I think she secretly wants me to need her.

"Mom!" I protest again. "I'll be fine. Go. I've been away from home, on my own, for weeks. You can go away for one day, and I'll be okay."

And that rhymed. Just great. Now she'll think I'm delirious.

"Hey look, you're a poet!" My stepfather, Paul Blowfish laughed. Sorry, Blofis--what kind of a dumb name was that? "But you already know it!"

I looked at my mom, an expression somewhere between 'did he just say that?' and 'mommy, he's crazy! Don't leave me with him, run for the hills!'

"It's a couple of days, Percy." she almost laughed.

"I promise, mom, I'll be okay." I assured her. I almost believed it myself. Then again, I usually do--and that's why stuff usually happens.