This chapter is for q_Lina
Hope you like it dear

The first time I saw him was when I was 8 years old. I and my family had just moved into a new city. His house was just opposite to mine.

I still feel embarrassed thinking about our first meeting. I was a crying mess that day. I was staying with grandpa and grandma before we moved to our new house and as the only child of the family, I was pampered the most. Especially by grandpa and grandma. I really was disappointed in leaving them.

He was two years elder than me. Even though I saw him through my tear-filled eyes I could see how joyful and beautiful he was.

He was my hero! And he still is.

I still remember the first conversation we had on that day.

*Flashback*

"Son, go near him. You don't want to play with him?" My mom asked him as she tried to push me in front of her from where I stood behind her legs.

I stared at the boy who just smiled at me through my tear pooled eyes. He looked beautiful and chubby. I felt like pinching his cheeks but my thoughts of not meeting my grandpa and grandma again overtook my senses.

"No Mom! I want to go home! Our old home! I miss there!" I started to cry again.

I heard the new aunty whispering something in the chubby boy's ears which made me look at them curiously.

"Annie, just come along with me. My son will talk with him na." Aunty said to my mother.

I looked at my mother who just smiled at me and asked me to play with the new friend and be a good boy as she wiped my tears but still tears were rolling down my eyes.

Soon my mom and aunty left me and the chubby boy

I averted my gaze from him as I saw him smile widely at me to the ground and started crying silently.

"Hi, there! Why are you crying? Do you know? Boys don't cry like this. Boys should be strong and adventurous!" He said as he stood in front of me.

I raised my head to see his smiling face. I rubbed my tears and looked at him curiously. 

"Really?" I asked as I tilted my head, his eyes were wide before he nodded his head happily.

"But...but... I miss my home! I want to stay with grandpa and grandma. I want to play with them and eat blueberries in our garden. I miss my old home. I miss grandma and grandpa." I said as a small sob came out from my mouth.

The chubby boy stared at me with wide eyes, his lips parted as he gaped. I pouted my lips and that's when he took hold of my hand and directed me towards a bench in the garden.

He asked me to wait and ran to the end of the garden. My eyes roamed around the garden. It was my favourite place. I love gardens. Especially flowers!

My attention soon caught up on the various coloured rose plants in the garden and I couldn't help but run towards it and admire its beauty.

"Hey!" I heard a voice call out for me. I looked at the source of the voice and saw the chubby boy smirking at me with his hands in the back. I looked at him confused.

"Open your palms," he ordered me.

I looked at him confused. I looked at my hands and hesitated for a second before I held out my hand.

Soon my eyes widened when I saw him placing blueberries in my hand. Wow!

"You have blueberries here?!" I asked with an enthusiastic voice.

He laughed and nodded his head.

"Now don't cry ok? Whenever you want you can have blueberries from here and I promise you that I will request your parents to visit your grandparents every weakened so that you can see them, deal?"

"Deal!!"

I heard the chubby boy laugh as I ate the blueberries, stuffing it in my mouth. I looked at him and smiled too.

"So, what is your name?" He asked me curiously.

I looked at him with wide eyes. I didn't introduce myself!? What an idiot am I!,

"Sorry I forgot to introduce myself. If mom gets to know that I behaved like that she will scold me. Sorry no, don't tell mom, please?" I pleaded at him.

"No, I will not tell," he replied with a chuckle to which I nodded happily.

"My name is Kongpob Suttilak and I am 8 years old. I'm studying in grade 3. What about you?" I asked him. I got curious to know about this boy more.

"My name is Arthit Rojnapath. I am 10 years old and am studying in grade 5." He answered back.

"Oh, that means I should call you P'Arthit, right?" I asked happily.

"Yeah" he replied with a chuckle.

*Flashback end*

Being with him throughout my childhood are the happiest days in my life and still is. I'm a little childish and naughty when I was a child. I don't usually show it to others unless they're close to me. He was the one who was there for me like a brother, friend and sometimes he was more than that.

He used to side with my sister sometimes to make me angry. I know he's playing with me and somehow I liked the attention he was giving to me.

A special kind of attention. A feeling that I never want to leave me. A feeling that I'm selfish of.

And that's when I discovered my true feelings to my P'Arthit.

When I was in 10th grade I came to know that I was in love with my childhood friend and neighbour. Don't ask me how did I knew it, because I don't know. My friends all had some kind of relationships but I never did.

I always followed P'Arthit everywhere. His friends where also mine. Anyone who knew P'Arthit knew me too. And P'Arthit never denied me joining him, he liked my company too, I think so.

I didn't like when other girls come to P'Arthit and talk all romantic and he smiles at them. Somehow I always tried to break them up. Don't tell that to P'Arthit. I was the reason why he didn't have any relationship.

I always needed P'Arthit for only me. And that's when my best friend asked me whether I was jealous of him. He told me that I was behaving like P'Arthit's girlfriend. And that's when it clicked me.

It was not easy for me to accept it and the worse part was I couldn't express it to the honour of my heart. I had always done everything for him.

The only reason I even chose engineering leaving my dreams to study economics was because of him. Even though my parents played a part in it, the major role was played by P'Arthit.

P'Arthit had already had his future planned, the university he has to study, the place he wants to do his internship and everything.

He was really my idol!

Since P'Arthit already joined engineering at that time I also thought that if P was by my side, I could do anything and I was not mistaken. Taking engineering was one of the best decisions I have taken so far.

I sighed, shaking my head before I walked inside P'Arthit's room. Yup, we're staying in one home. P'Arthit had asked me to move into a single place rather than staying in two dorms since we usually hang out at each other's places.

"P'Arthit! Come on, let's watch Netflix on TV!" I asked him. It was Sunday and our movie day.

P'Arthit stared at me, without blinking his eyes. I raised my eyebrows as I walked closer to him yet he didn't bat an eye.

I waved my hand near his face. I stared back at him. His black eyes staring back at mine. His eyes always melted me.

Thinking about it, I never confessed my feelings to him. I'm afraid whether he would abandon me. I'm afraid I'll lose the care and love I'm getting from him. I'm afraid he would ignore me, thus this hiding up.

Whenever I smile at him there's always this pain deep, deep, bellow that smile. Pain of not able to touch your love even when he's just a few centimetres away from you. The pain of not being able to speak out your feelings. But saying it now has no use at all.

"P'Arthit?" I called for him, shaking him a little.

He shook his head, his cheeks changing its shade.

"Is something wrong P? You seem different somehow?" I asked with concern evident in my voice.

Arthit chuckled, he shook his head. His smile always made me smile too, he is the sun in my life. The light in my darkness.

"No Kong, I am fine. Just a little tired from projects."  He replied.

I stared at him for a second, his reply didn't make me feel right yet I nodded my head and pulled him up by his arm from his bed where he was riding his comic to our theatre room.

"Which movie you want to watch P'Arthit?" I asked excitedly as I searched for the movies.

"Choose your favourite Kong."  He dismissed me bored, he's not very much good at selecting movies anyway.

I smiled up at him when I found a movie of my choice which P'Arthit is surely going to be displeased.

"Then, can we watch this movie? Please?" I looked at him with my puppy eyes that I'm sure would make him unable to say no.

"But Kong it's a romantic movie! You know I don't like those genres." He said rolling his eyes.

Of course I know that P'Arthit.

This is one among the things that I and P'Arthit doesn't get along. I love romantic and animation movies while he likes drama, science-fic.

"Please...please...please, P'Arthit! Please??" I clung onto his arm trying to convince him.

P'Arthit stared at me for a few seconds as I pouted at him before he turned his head away and groaned.

"Ok! Ok! Go and keep the movie!" He shooed me away. I jumped like a kid as I went to fix the movie and taking the popcorn ball and giving it to him.

Just after a few minutes, the movie started and we both started to watch it. 

P'Arthit doesn't know it but whenever I see a romantic movie I always picture me and P'Arthit in it. And that is the reason why now my eyes are getting misty.

In the movie, the actor is breaking up with his girlfriend. I felt as if it was me whose broken-hearted. What if P'Arthit acts like that to me when I confess my feelings? Will he look at me with the same hateful and emotionless eyes that the actor is having?

Tears started to fall from my eyes, I didn't even wipe them away as I was too engrossed in the movie. I felt as if my heart is being torn apart into millions of pieces.

I watched as the girl fell on the ground and cry louder in the rain that started to pour out. I was on the verge of crying out loud but I managed to close it up to sobs. I wiped my tears as I saw P'Arthit shake his head from the corner of my eyes.

I watched as P'Arthit stretch forward to grab a tissue and passed it to me.

"Here you go softie,"  he teased me.

I glared at him yet I took it and wiped my tears and rubbed my nose as I sniffled.

" Don't tease me like that na P! I still know that you are scared of ghosts, ok P'Arthit? Last time we saw a horror movie, you even asked me to guard outside the bathroom." I smirked at him.

"You little shit!" He cursed and pounced upon me.

He started to tickle me on the sides of my stomach. My laughter filled the room. He always liked tickling me I don't know the reason but he always did that to cheer me up. He knows very well that I'm a really ticklish person.

"P...haha...P'Ar...haha...Arthit...haha...Stop!! Haha!! Stop P!!" I tried to push him away but he was very strong. I could feel tears rolling down my eyes from soo much laughing.

P'Arthit stopped suddenly and when I opened my eyes my heart started to beat fast as I saw the distance between us. He was getting closer and closer to my face and I could feel his hot breath against my skin.

I stared right at his eyes. I felt as if being hypnotised by it. He is not a person who always shows his emotions but he does show it through his actions unlike me who always talk about everything.

I gasped as our face was only a fingertip apart and I saw his face turning red and it really made me worried. I saw his eyes staring at my lips and unconsciously I but my lower lip in nervousness.
Without me realizing our faces were just an inch apart. I could
I slowly tilted my head to the right side and moved forward to capture those pink lips that were inviting me.

Suddenly he stood up pushing me leaving a shock filled expression on my face. I sat up on the sofa and stared at him who was looking everywhere but me. His face was sweating and I didn't know what to do.

"I....I...um...I am going to sleep. I... I... have classes tomorrow." He shuddered before he spirited to his room.

I was felt alone in the theatre room, the movie still playing on the screen and I felt suffocated. The air in the room felt heavy and suffocating. I took deep breaths, I didn't know what to do.

One moment our lips were just a centimetre apart and the next moment I'm left alone in the room with P'Arthit's behaviour utterly confusing me.

Maybe it's my fault for thinking so much. A small part of me wished that he would kiss me but yet that didn't happen. Maybe it was just something else. Maybe it was me who had so many hopes and wishes.

I covered my face in my palms and fresh tears rolled down my eyes. I allowed myself to cry freely. I felt my throat burning from so much crying and I didn't know when I fell asleep on the sofa in the room I was felt alone.

*************

My eyes shot up, my body filled with sweat as I woke up from the nightmare.

Tears were already falling from my eyes. I wished that the nightmare will never come true and I and P'Arthit would get a chance to clear this out. I don't want him to leave me as I saw in my dream.

I took my phone which was on the table and checked the time. It was 6:30 in the morning and I had to leave university in an hour. I have early classes today.

But I have to wake P'Arthit up first. He's not a morning person and it's always me who wakes him up.

But after yesterday's indecent I don't know how to face him. Will he even talk to me?

I sighed as I stood up and saw P'Arthit's phone on the table. I took it and opened the phone to only smile softly as I saw his and my phone as the wallpaper making funny faces at each other.

I took his phone along with me and went to my room to get ready.

After getting ready I made sure that my eyes are not soo red from crying so much. It's already seven now and I walked to the kitchen to make toasts for both of us.

Suddenly I heard P'Arthit's phone ring. I took the phone and saw that it was P'Knott, P'Arthit's friend.

I thought for a second to whether attend it or not but at last I answered the call.

"Arthit, are you still sleeping?"

I sighed, "P'Knott, it's me Kong."

"Oh, Kong. Where's Arthit? Can you tell him to come to school early? The professor wants to hand the internship details to us."

"Of course P I will tell him."

"Thanks, Kong, and best of luck on waking him up."

I chuckled at his remark. He told me that we'll meet at University before we hung up.

I stared at the phone for a second before walking to P'Arthit's room.

I twisted the doorknob and it was locked. My eyes widened, P'Arthit never locked his room.

"P'Arthit! Wake up! You need to go to class!" I knocked on his door but there was no reply. Maybe he's still asleep.

"P'Arthit? Are you up? Please open the door na P." I asked again. This feeling is making me crazy.

"P'Arthit? Wake up!" I shouted as I banged on the door

Just a few seconds later I saw the door open to see a totally messy P'Arthit in front of me.

"What!?" He shouted at my and I felt my full energy drain out of my system.

P'Arthit never shouted at me unless he was hazing us at university. I saw his eyes widen but I tried to keep my cool.

"Sorry P, but you have to go to class early today. P'Knott had called you on phone telling to come for the hazing meeting that the hazers have. You left your phone in the theatre room P." I said as I handed him his phone.

"Okay, thanks," he said without looks at me as he snatched his phone from my hand and shut the door right on my face.

I sighed, I didn't want to cry anymore.

I walked to the dining table and waited for P'Arthit to eat together.

After 15 minutes he came to the dining room and looked at me.

"I'll eat at the canteen Kongpob, you can eat and go to class. I'm leaving," Arthit said without even looking at me and went out.

I stared at his back and looked back at the table in front of me. I took the two plates and kept it in the fridge. P'Arthit never left without having breakfast with me until he's too busy about something but now it seems like he's clearly ignoring me.

*********

"Are you and P'Arthit having a fight?"

I looked at Tew and couldn't help but sigh.

"Yeah, you've been trying to approach him but he always ignores you. That's not at all like P'Arthit," Aim joined the conversation.

We were sitting at the canteen and I could see P'Arthit's back to me from where I am sitting.

"I don't know guys," I mumbled.

"Did you finally say I love you to him?" Prae asked me making my eyes go wide.

"What?" I breathed.

Prae rolled her eyes, "Come on, anyone who sees how you look at him can say you love him."

My cheeks started to burn at her remark. Was I that obvious?

"Is it the reason Kong?" Aim asked me.

"If I say I love him will you guys hate me?" I asked, looking down at my drink.

"For what? For being gay?" Wad asked as if he was talking about the weather.

"Hmm..." I hummed.

"Come on Kong, you're our best friend. Just because you love a guy doesn't change who you're. You're our best friend no matter what, right Aim?" Tew smiled.

"Of course! Now tell us what happened," Aim smiled me.

I sighed. Well having being hated by my friends, that thought is now finally cleared out. I'm glad that they're supporting me. I told them about last night and how P'Arthit behaved this morning.

From the morning I have been trying to approach him but he either behave as if he didn't see me or tell that he was busy.

"Wow! P'Arthit love you then!" Prae exclaimed, not in a high tone but enough to be heard by four of us.

"What?" I raised my eyebrows.

"What? It's obvious. He wouldn't react that way if he doesn't love you and his interaction with you is always special not like how someone treats their childhood friend as," Prae said.

She's better than guys at love.

"I don't want to move to a conclusion Prae. I don't want to get hurt," I said.

"You wouldn't get an answer until you ask Kong. Go, go and ask him," Tew said.

"But...he's clearly ignoring me."

"He's sitting with his friends now, he'll not try to ignore you now. So, go," Aim pushed me.

I stood up and sighed. I looked at my friends one more time before walking towards the seniors' table.

"P'Arthit..."

I saw his body stiffen when he heard my voice. All the seniors looked at me and smiled.

"P'Arthit? Can we talk?" I asked P'Arthit again after bowing at the seniors.

P'Arthit remained silent, he had his eyes closed. His friends looked at me confused.

"Ai'Arthit! Your best friend and your favourite junior are here! He is talking to you!" P' Tootah nudged his shoulder.

P'Arthit looked at me and I couldn't help but feel hurt seeing the irritation in his face.

"What do you want Kong?" He asked me with irritation in his voice.

I looked at my seniors who gasped at P'Arthit's outbreak. I can't blame them. P'Arthit never spoke to me like this.

I was hesitant for a second. I took all my courage and asked him.

"P'Arthit? Are you trying to ignore me?"

"Me? Uhh...No...No I am not. Why Kong?" He said, his eyes not meeting mine. I know he's lying.

I raised my eyebrows in doubt.

"You are clearly ignoring me P. Is...Is it about last night? It is, Right?" I asked him. Hurt evident in my voice and his friends were trying to ask me and him about what happened yesterday.

P'Knott somehow managed to keep them quiet.

Suddenly he stood up and grabbed my hand. He pulled me to an isolated area of the school garden.

He released my hand and I couldn't help but look at his frustrated face. Does he hate me so much now?

"P'Arthit?" I called him. He hummed in a low voice.

"P'Arthit, tell me! Why are you ignoring me? Is it about last night? Please talk to me P? Yes or No? P'Arthit?" I want an answer now. I can't keep this weight in my chest for any longer.

"YES!" He shouted making me step back with wide eyes.

"What did you try to do yesterday? I could merely understand. Were you trying to kiss me?" I asked him, my limbs felt as if giving up on my strength.

"Yes," He replied without looking at my eyes.

'Why?" I breathed sharply.

"BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU KONG!!" He screamed.

My eyes widened. My mouth agape. Is this true?

I watched as he gripped his hair tight.

"I love you Kong, I love you! I have loved you ever since 3 years. I don't know when it started. Maybe even before I realized it. You are everything to me Kong. I love you so much that it started to hurt me without saying it out to you." Drops of tears started to flow from his eyes as he drew out all his emotions.

"Why didn't you tell me P?" I asked him. My heart was bursting with the happiness I was getting. All these times he loved me.

"Because...because...I was afraid." My head hung low, I found the grass beneath me more interesting than ever.

" I was afraid you would disown me. I was afraid you would reject me Kong. I was afraid you would look at me with disgust in your eyes. Moreover, I am afraid we will lose what we have now. I am afraid if our friendship will break and you will move away from me. I know we both are men, but I can't help falling in love with you Kong. I' sorry Kong, I'm sorry. I love you so much Kong, I love you so much."

I stared at him as I saw him cry. Sobs coming out of his eyes and a smile bloomed on my face. The same fear that had been bothering me was bothering him too. Basically, we were in the same boat.

Tears started to fall from my eyes, not out of sadness but of happiness and blaming myself why it didn't happen any sooner.

I gathered all my courage and wiped my tears before I spoke out the three words that I have been longing to tell him.

"I love you too, P'Arthit"

He snapped his head towards me and I couldn't help but think whether he broke his neck or not.

"What?" He asked me with wide eyes.

A small chuckle escaped from my mouth.

"I said... I.love.you," I confessed my feeling for him. I could feel my cheeks heating up at the intensity of the stare he was giving me.

"But...how?" He asked, still not believing what I'm telling.

I smiled at him and walked closer.

"Why do you think I chose engineering leaving my dream for economics, P? Sure, my parents had a part in it but, all above that, my reason was P'Arthit. I don't know when my feelings for you started P. But I realized it when I was in 10th grade. Well since then I hid it from you. I was afraid too P'Arthit. I was afraid if you would leave me and find me disgusting. I didn't want the bond we had to break. I love you so much P'Arthit and it will never decrease."

He stared at me after what I had said. His face filled with confusion which soon bloomed with happiness.

"Is this a dream?"

I laughed at his question.

"If you want I can pinch you P," I said as I raised my hand up and I heard him chuckle.

I stared at him as he started to walk closer to me. His eyes shining with so much love and I felt all my fears draining away.

Slowly his soft hands touched my chin and I felt butterflies fly in the pit of my stomach at the contact.

He slowly decreased the space between us and I closed my eyes anticipating for the moment.

His lips touched mine and I gasped inside at how soft his lips were. Our lips fitted perfectly like two pieces of a puzzle.

We sucked onto each other's lips as my hands fell on his chest as he pulled me closer. After a few minutes, we parted away at the need to breathed.

Both of our faces were already red and I couldn't look at his eyes. My lips stretched wide as I couldn't help but smile.

"I waited just to kiss you for so long," his words made my smile wider.

I looked at him and pecked his lips and hugged him tightly. I felt soo safe in that embrace.

"Me too," I replied.

He hugged me back and for a moment we were in our own world until we heard loud cheering making us pull away.

We looked at our friends. My friends giving me thumbs up while the seniors started teasing us.

"I never thought you are this bold to kiss your junior Ai'Arthit!!! I am so proud of you man!!" P'Bright screamed towards us.

I laughed along with my friends seeing how P'Arthit was glaring at him and ready to pounce on him.

Suddenly my eyes widened when I heard P'Tootah and P'Bright shouting.

"AI'ARTHIT AND N'KONG ARE A COUPLE!! EVERYONE LISTEN!! THE PINK MILK MONSTER AND HIS 0062 ARE A COUPLE!!"

My face heated up and I'm sure I was turning into a tomato. But still, a smile decorated my face.

Well everyone will now know who this head hazer belongs to.

"Kongpob, I think I have to deal with someone," P'Arthit said as he rubbed his hands together. I laughed and nodded my head.

I watched as he chased his two friends leaving us a laughing mess.

"AI'ARTHIT!!! STOPP!!! I'M SORRY!!!" They both screamed

"i'm GOING TO KILL YOU AI'BRIGHT!!!" P' Arthit shouted back. All the students were laughing at them.

"Ai'Arthit wait a minute!"

I raised my eyebrows seeing P'Tootah ask P'Arthit to stop.

P'Bright and P'Tootah looked at each other and a mischievous smile decorated their face.

"CONGRATULATIONS!!"