My mother and Kiana travel to the Landiani Caves twice more in the next week. To my surprise, my mother keeps her word and allows me to remain behind, and to my delight, I am also given more time to plan for my escape.

Each time the door shuts behind Mama and Kiana, I stare at the it excitedly until I'm sure they aren't returning. Then, I don't let a second go to waste. I sneak into the market during these times, keeping my errands shorter than the first time, and spend the rest of the hours foraging around the nearby beach and jungle for any practical materials that will aid me on my quest. My sack of belongings in the jungle remain untampered in the meantime.

On the days that Mama and Kiana are home, I prepare for my journey in other ways. Often, I seek out solitude by the beach and carefully study the map I purchased at the marketplace. As the waves roll slowly onto the shore, I try to memorize which route will be the safest to take to Kilneu. There will be countless opportunities for me to get lost, but so long as I trek north, I will find the country. I do the math in my head, figuring out that if my journey is swift, I can reach the pass to the Kilneu Mountains in only two days' time. That, of course, is if I manage to make it there without being spotted by any Magnuvian soldiers.

In addition to memorizing my route, I also carefully count and recount my money leftover from serving as Asteria's maid. I bite my lip nervously each time I piece through the money after market visits. The money is running out far quicker than I'd like. If I am frugal enough, it will last me until I reach Kilneu, but not longer than that. Once the money is gone, I have no idea how I will acquire more. If I were wiser, I would have also figured out how I will take care of myself when I reach Kilneu, but I can tell Mama's patience with me is running thin. A half-formed plan in my mind is the best I can do for now.

One evening, about ten days after my mother has decided to resume her plans, I find that I have all the items I need to begin my journey. It is a startling realization. I almost wish there were still more to do. The fear of traveling alone gnaws at me, even if I know it is the right choice. Despite the pain they have caused me, I even feel guilt for leaving my mother and sister, too.

With a heavy heart but a clear mind, I decide I will leave the following evening while my mother and sister sleep.

I wake the morning of my departure, expecting to feel a deep pit in my stomach like when I left Landiani the first time. I feel slightly unsettled at the thought of running away, but elation lingers too. I've felt suffocated these past few months living in a tiny, worn-down hut in Satavau. It has been difficult grieving Taika, Asteria, and my hometown while simultaneously dealing with the frustration of my mother and sister's indifference towards the whole matter. I take joy thinking in how I will soon no longer be scolded for mourning, nor mocked for not following my mother's plan. For months, I have felt like a shell of myself, but at the thought of regaining independence, I feel my identity slowly returning to me.

And then once I reach Kilneu...

My mind falters. Since its conception, my ideas of what I will do when reaching Kilneu have been foggy. I intend to find allies and work on charting a different path from my mother and sister when it comes to saving our country, but the fine details still escape me. My head hurts alone just thinking so far ahead, so I try to focus on my immediate next steps. Escaping Landiani alone will be dangerous, both in slipping away from my family and avoiding Magnuvian soldiers. Once I get closer to Kilneu, that will be the time to strategize.

I sit down to eat breakfast with my mother and sister that morning. I expect to revel in the final few hours of my poor living situation, but instead, I begin to mourn the life we could have had together. Kiana kindly scrambles an omelet for me and plates it. My mother presents me some hand-squeezed juice prepared that morning. Their faces, while war torn, still wear a smile as we perform our familiar morning routine.

As we eat together, it almost feels like we are back home in Tetoa, enjoying each other's company rather than planning and scheming. I think how nice it would have been if we could live like this every day. I can imagine Taika standing in the corner, grilling us freshly caught fish from the market. Deep inside this grief and mourning, I even recognize longing for my father to be seated at the table as well. How nice it would be to feel like a family again.

"I heard back from our first ally," my mother says, and the dream in my mind shatters in an instant. My mother's priority is her plan, not me and my sister. I was foolish for thinking it could ever be different.

Kiana eyes my mother with interest. "Who?" she asks.

"An elderly woman named Serene, who resides in Torville," my mother says.

Flumensia. I suppose it makes sense the first ally my mother would hear from was someone farther away. I'm sure many of her allies in Landiani are frightened for their own villages and reluctant to assist these days.

"What did she have to say?" Kiana wonders. Her voice is lively with enthusiasm, and my heart sinks. I'm reminded once more that she is happy to follow my mother into battle without so much as batting an eye.

"I expressed our need to find allies who will help us gain access to the royals in Magewell. She thinks she may know of someone."

My ears perk at her words, and suddenly I wish I was staying longer. It would be valuable to hear all the details of my mother and sister's plans, but I can't afford to remain in Satavau any longer, especially now that my mother's plans are becoming more concrete. Still, I don't pass the opportunity to express my curiosity.

"Who?" I ask.

"His name is Christopher. He's a royal advisor in Magewell, around the same age as you and Kiana. He's half-Landiani, but his pale skin says otherwise, so the Magnuvians trust him. Serene is going to get me into contact with him. At the very least, we may be afforded a spy, but at most, perhaps he can find a way to get us into the castle," my mother says.

My heart sinks at her words. If she has already made progress in ten days alone, I wonder how I ever stand a chance at protecting Asteria and stopping her from carrying out her plans. I have to hope that Christopher will be reluctant, that the officials in Magewell will becoming suspicious, or that some other barrier will prevent my mother from advancing her plan too quickly. At the very least, I know that King Stephan declarared that no one from the colonized countries may serve him anymore after the assassination, so it will be more difficult for my mother and sister to enter Magewell Castle. Perhaps that will buy the time I need to craft my own plan.

"I'll have more updates once I receive my next letter from Serene, but I believe we have already begun to make great progress," my mother says. She then goes on to share how many crystals she and Kiana have collected. The number makes me sick, but I remind myself those actions will not have to torment me much longer.

After breakfast, I help my mother clean up, hating that her praise still makes the corners of my lips curl into a smile. Then, I wash off in the river, knowing it will be the last bath for a while. I take my time washing my body and scrubbing the dirt from underneath my fingernails. Above me, birds of paradise sing. I listen to them and sing quietly to myself, forgetting for a moment what my voice sounded like. It hasn't been since Esterpool that I have dared open my mouth in song. Quickly, I purse my lips together, hoping no wandering soldiers heard me. Thankfully, I am only greeted by sounds of the jungle.

After I bathe, I find that the remainder of the day crawls by. I don't necessarily hate the slowness. It provides me the time to memorize my mother's aging face, the way Kiana's pitch rises when she is excited, and other small parts about my family that I have not appreciated until now. I finally feel that pit in my stomach when I think about how I may never see them again past this day. It makes me want to wrap each of them in hugs, to beg Kiana to join me, to beg my mother to reconsider, but I know their minds are made up.

Instead, I sit around quietly as Aulii visits with more supplies. I offer to forage for some flowers to put in the vase in our window. I cut Kiana's hair after she complains about its length. I help my mother dust the inside of the hut. Soon enough, the sun begins to set, and my mother begins preparing dinner.

As my mother and Kiana cook, I grab some remaining clothes from under my cot that I plan to take on my journey. For the past few days, I have slowly been taking more and more down to my sack in the jungle to stow away. I leave behind the dresses and nicer clothing I wore in Esterpool since they will not have much purpose on my journey and gather the remaining shirts and pants in my arms.

Kiana glances up at me from the stove as she sees me carrying my clothes.

"I need to wash some belongings," I say. "I'll be back in a little bit."

"Be quick. The sun will set soon," my mother says.

Kiana nods in agreement. Our eyes briefly lock, and I see faint suspicion linger there. My heart seizes. It is the same expression I noticed when Kiana saw Asteria tenderly take my hand in Magewell. She has never mentioned the incident since, making me hope it was all my imagination, and yet, the hair on my neck stands for a few moments as my eyes pull away from her.

As soon as I make my way out of the hut, I hasten to towards the hollow log at the edge of the jungle. I set my clothes beside me and untie the sack of food hanging from the tree limb, happy to see that none of the contents were disturbed. I lie out my other items on the ground and pack them carefully. It will be a tight fit, and my back may hurt until I can lighten my load, but I can't risk leaving anything behind on my treacherous journey to Kilneu.

Something clangs against the log as I move some of my belongings around. I glance down, realizing it is the knife used to kill Zofia. I had been using it to cut rope when tying my food up. I grasp it, supposing I can bring it back to the hut and leave it with my mother and sister, but a part of me hesitates. I suppose I should have a weapon on hand in case something goes awry. However, just holding the knife makes me feel slightly sick. Its blade is clean now, giving no indication to the crime it committed, but I can still remember the way it sunk into Zofia's flesh and how I almost brought it down on Asteria's neck as well. I look at the cursed item, knowing it would make me feel better to leave it behind, and yet, I find myself placing it into my bag regardless. I layer it under some clothing, hoping that as long as I do not have to see it, I do not have to feel its emotional burden.

"You're leaving," someone says.

I jolt and turn, noticing Kiana standing among the bushes. I must have been so caught up in my thoughts about the knife, I failed to hear her approaching. My mouth opens, but no words can spill out.

Panic must reflect in my eyes because Kiana lets out a sigh. "Relax. I will not tell Mama," she says.

I continue packing up my belongings. "Did you just happen to stumble upon me? Or did you already guess I was leaving?"

"I knew. Don't be foolish, Fetia. I know you've been bringing items down here over the past few days. I see the way that your eyes flicker to the door in delight when Mama and I say we are going to the caves. I told Mama my stomach hurt and that I needed a few minutes of fresh air. I was hoping my suspicions weren't correct that I would find you here," Kiana says.

"Are you going to stop me?"

"No. Though I wish you would reconsider," Kiana says. She sighs and sits down on the log. "I only wonder how you were able to afford all of this." She gestures to my full sack. "Have you been stealing?"

I shake my head as I sit comfortably beside her. "I had some money saved from my maid position. I managed to throw some into my bag before taking off from Esterpool. I'm sorry that I did not share it with you and Mama."

Kiana laughs a little. "I should have realized a maid to the princess would be receiving a higher-paying salary than a soldier. I did not have the luxury of taking anything with me when we left." She swings her legs back and forth slowly. "So, then, what is your plan?"

"I know you and Mama probably think I am an enemy to Landiani, but I'm not," I say. "I do care for this country, and I want the best for it, just as you two do. But I do not think killing the remainder of the royal family will solve anything. You saw how cruelly our country was punished for King Ruben's death. Even if you and Mama succeed, I can only imagine even more chaos would result. I cannot go through with Mama's plan. So...I am going to find my own way to end the empire, free from unnecessary violence."

Kiana laughs in a twisted way that is eerily similar to my mother. "You are foolish if you think that is possible."

"Maybe. But I think you and Mama are making a bigger mistake," I counter.

My anger must be visible because Kiana backs off slightly.

"I suppose since I'm letting you go freely, I can't judge. Though I do think you would have greater success remaining with Mama and me. Do you truly think you will be able to travel on your own when we are famous criminals in the empire right now?" Kiana asks.

"I don't know. But I have to try."

Kiana nods. There is a pause then, long enough that I can hear the crashing of waves in the distance.

"Fetia, do you care for the princess?" Kiana asks at last.

I freeze and say nothing as I scramble in my head for something to say. Unfortunately, my silence answers Kiana's question.

"Don't act surprised. It was obvious," Kiana says. "I could sense it in the way you two interacted in Magewell. There was a tenderness there that I have not seen you show with anyone. Besides, I am no stranger to the longing looks you have given women when we walked around Tetoa before."

I glance down at my feet. "Will you tell Mama?"

"No," Kiana answers. "But you truly are stupid, Fetia. Princess Asteria, of all women? If you had stuck with the plan, you could have had any woman you wanted in Landiani."

"But I do not want those women!" I shout. Tears suddenly well to my eyes, and I do my best to keep my voice from cracking. "I just want her..."

I realize then my attempts to push down my feelings for Asteria since the assassination have been for naught. My love for her remains, even after all that has happened. I know she knows my treachery by now and must hate me for it, and yet, my heart yearns for her still.

"The princess is engaged," Kiana says.

Something snaps in me, then. I am met with nearly the same grief as when Kiana told me Taika had died in Magewell. My heart pounds, and my throat grows chalky. Disappointment spreads through my entire body. Engaged? I suppose even though I knew Asteria would live on after I left, I could not imagine her having a future without me in it.

"How do you know that?" I ask. Our contact with the outside world is limited, dependent only on what Aulii and Kaihea fill us in on. Something inside of me hopes Kiana is playing a cruel joke on me.

"Mama was speaking with Aulii while you were down at the beach one day and shared the news. It was a noble who I'm sure King Stephan hand-selected to wed her. They will be married in the spring, apparently," Kiana says nonchalantly.

My first thoughts are, as always, towards Asteria. I am sure she must be miserable at the thought of being wed to a man. My heart grieves for her, knowing that she must feel trapped. I want to vomit at the thought of her being forced into the role of a wife and mother. It is yet another one of King Stephan's evils that makes me want to drive a knife into that man more and more. But I must remember that I am different from my mother and sister. I do not crave vengeance in the same way they do.

I take a deep breath, knowing that as best as I am masking my hurt, it feels as if my entire world is collapsing. It is only reasonable that Asteria would not want anything to do with me and would not fight her brother on the matter. I am sure this engagement was not her wanting, but it was inevitable, sooner or later.

I find the strength to take a deep breath and calm my racing thoughts.

"I am not going to find the princess, if that is what you are thinking," I say. "Even if she were not engaged, I know she would not want me after what I have done to her. I'm going to find some allies and find a different way to take down Magnuvia."

"Suit yourself, but I do think you are committing suicide this way," Kiana says. She attempts to act indifferent towards the matter, but I can hear the care in her voice. My sister and I may be on opposite sides of this discussion, but the way her eyes reflect concern almost makes me want to listen to her.

"Better finish packing," Kiana says. "Mama will get suspicious if you're out here too long."

"You won't tell her?"

Kiana shakes her head.

"And do you think she knows I plan to escape?"

"No. She has been too busy with her plan to focus on your wellbeing." Kiana stands and brushes some debris from her dress. "I will not tell her you're leaving, and I promise to keep your feelings for Asteria secret as well. However..." She glares down at me, fire lighting up her eyes. "If you stand in the way of me and Mama, I will not hesitate to take you down next time we meet."

I gulp, feeling the sincerity in her words. I suddenly hope we never cross paths again.

"Deal," I agree.

Kiana reaches into her pocket and holds her hand out to me. In her palm are a handful of crystals, no doubt stolen from the sack my mother took home earlier this week.

"Take some of these with you. To keep you safe," Kiana says.

I glance at the glimmering crystals, suddenly tempted by their power, but I shake my head. "No. I am not like you and Mama. I will not take advantage of the magic of our country like the Magnuvians."

"Suit yourself," Kiana says, shoving the crystals back into her pocket. "I should head back now. You should follow shortly after."

I nod. We do not part with kind words or a hug, like we did before taking off to Magnuvia all those months ago. Kiana came here with a warning, and I will abide by it. I merely give her a wave as she heads back, knowing that it will probably be the last intimate conversation we have for the foreseeable future.

I place my belongings back in my bag, knowing I will be back here in a few hours to begin my journey. Before heading home, however, I take a quick detour to the beach. I cannot linger long. If Mama and Kiana eat my share of dinner, I will be starting the journey on an empty stomach.

I walk down to the shore and dig my toes into the sand. Even if Satavau is far from where I crave, I know I will still miss Landiani during my travels. I gaze out into the crystal blue waters, hoping that the next time I return, it will be to Tetoa. I must hope that; otherwise, I stand no chance at mentally enduring the journey ahead of me.

"Taika," I murmur, hoping the wind will carry my voice to his spirit. "I'll be leaving here now, but I hope you will be with me on my journey. I hope that I'll make you proud."

A seagull flies above me, letting out a loud caw. I smile and turn, heading back towards the hut. My mother has just finished preparing dinner, meaning that I don't have to worry about her and Kiana eating my share. I eat voraciously that night, glad that my mother and Kiana have a smaller appetite than me.

Our final dinner conversation is standard. My mother and Kiana plan to go to the caves tomorrow morning, but she wants me to wait around so that Aulii can bring a few items she was unable to bring today. I nod and agree, already imagining the shock she will feel when she finds my cot empty tomorrow morning.

I glance at Kiana a few times, but she remains undisturbed. It's as if as if our conversation from earlier never happened. Out of the two of us, she has always been the better actor.

Before bed, I give my mother a kiss on the cheek. It is something that I have not done since before I traveled to Esterpool, but I hope she knows I still love her, even if we are destined to go on separate paths from here on out. I wish Kiana a sincere good night.

"Good night. Sweet dreams, Fetia," Kiana replies. It is as close as she can come to wishing me safe travels.

I crawl into my cot as my mother blows out the candles. And then I wait. One hour, close to two, must pass before I get the courage to slip out from under my sheets. I touch the floor slowly and grab the shoes by my bedside, knowing any loud noises will wake my mother, who has always been a light sleeper.

I shuffle slowly across the floor, freezing when I hear movements in the sheets. I see eyes on me, but relax when I realize it is only Kiana peeping her head up. I wonder if she was waiting to fall asleep until after I left. In the moonlight, I can see her hand raised slightly in a wave. I wave slowly back then exit the house, trying to ease the creaking of the door as much as possible.

The moon is full tonight, giving me enough light to reach my belongings. I move through the jungle slowly, still managing to trip over a few raised tree roots here and there, but somehow or other, even in the darkness, I manage to find the hollow log storing my belongings.

It takes me a few moments to locate the torch and matches from my bag, but soon, light floods the area, and I can breathe easy again. I grab the compass buried on the side of my bag and face northward. I glance behind me, where the ocean lies, one last time. Then, I take a step forward, ready to forge this new chapter without my mother and sister.