A/N: Just wanted to quickly pop on here and say thank you for all your kind and supportive words last week. I want to stress that I do not intend to let the results of the election affect the publishing of this story at all. I think now is as important of a time as ever to lean into art, and I will continue writing in addition to fighting for my rights and the rights of others. Take care, all.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Vasa slowly integrates into our small team over the course of a few weeks. Though I savor the moments he isn't around, I find that when he is present, he at least listens intently and offers advice where he can. The number of flirtatious comments he has made has even decreased to zero. I selfishly think perhaps I've been too judgmental of Vasa. The change is subtle, but he is clearly not the young man from Tetoa I once knew.

One morning, I wake to sunlight filtering through my bedroom curtains. Few snowstorms have plagued Kilneu this week, and as I pull the curtains back, I smile at the blue skies. The morning sunlight reflects brightly on the snow, causing the ground to sparkle. It is a sight I have grown to cherish during my time here.

I get dressed warmly for the day, knowing that spring is still far away and that the weather will be cold. I braid my hair slowly. It's grown since leaving Landiani, now that my mother and sister are no longer around to trim it. I've considered asking Kesuk or Lagi for assistance, but it feels wrong, like my hair is something only my mother and sister should have the privilege of touching.

I let my braided hair fall down the right side of my neck then greet Kesuk in the living room. He is lacing his boots, and judging by the way Siku is wildly wagging his tail, it's clear the two have plans.

"Hunting?" I ask.

Kesuk nods. "I told Lagi and Vasa to arrive a little later in the afternoon. Can you keep yourself occupied until then?"

I nod. "I'll prepare for our meeting."

"That sounds good. There's porridge on the stove if you are hungry. Siku and I will be back in a few hours."

"Thank you. Have a good hunt," I respond.

As the door shuts behind him, I let out a sigh. Solitude is something I have been forced to grow used to during the past month I've been in Kilneu. Though I have become more comfortable with it, I am not altogether satisfied with it. Time alone gives me too much time to think. When I am not worrying about the success of our plans or my mother and sister's progress, my thoughts inevitably end up returning to her, the one I dread thinking of most of all.

As I pour myself some porridge, my thoughts unfortunately can't help but wander to the princess. I wonder what she is eating for breakfast in Magewell today. Probably something much fancier than a simple bowl of pooridge. I am sure Alba is scolding her over some trivial matter. My stomach churns as I consider that her fiancé may be eating breakfast beside her. I wonder what they talk about, if her eyes brighten when she sees him, if she smiles large enough for her dimples to show when she's around him, if her laugh echoes through the room. I groan, not wanting to even consider it.

I eat my porridge slowly, eventually doing nothing more than picking at it with my spoon. I wish that Siku stayed behind today. Though we cannot engage in conversation, I can at least busy myself by brushing him or playing with him. Without his company, the only activity that awaits me is preparing for our meeting.

I reach for my notes and begin tallying our numbers from the past few weeks. They are growing, but more slowly than I had hoped. We are at least close to fifty now, but as Kesuk has reminded me, those who have agreed to support the plan may not want to take action when the time comes, which means our numbers could be even smaller. I hold my breath and hope everyone will see our cause through to the bitter end. As I peer over our map, I at least take comfort in the fact that our allies are starting to appear in all corners of the country now. With Kilneu being the least populated country in the empire, it is not entirely impressive, but it is a start.

As I clean up breakfast a little while later, my mouth opens in a faint song. I have sung infrequently since coming to Kilneu, too embarrassed to do so around Kesuk, or even Siku. I fear somehow the dog could relate to Kesuk that I like to sing in my spare time. It is only these moments when I am completely alone that I feel the most comfortable singing. It is one of the few joys that I can carry with me from Landiani, reminding me of a simpler time.

The song I sing today is one of hope, of longing for a better future that is not too far off. Ironically, it was one of the last songs my father taught me before he perished in the war. I would sing it sometimes in the months that followed his death, though looking back now, I am not so sure life got better. I realize embarrassingly that the happiest I have been since my father's passing was probably during my time in Esterpool with Asteria. While I cannot wish for her or for that time together again, I hope that by singing the song this morning, there is a better future on the horizon for my country.

The hours pass slowly until Kesuk, Lagi, and Vasa arrive back at the cabin. I have already set out all of my notes, anxiously waiting for the chance to begin our discussion. When Lagi and Vasa arrive, they both appear tired and out of breath as they find their seats at Kesuk's table.

"Long training session today," Lagi explains when I look at them with concern.

I nod. "How was your hunt?" I ask Kesuk.

"Standard for this time a year. Siku managed to track down a fox, didn't you, boy?" he says, patting the white dog's head. Siku wags his tail excitedly at the praise.

"While you were gone, I tallied our numbers," I explain. With the map laid out, I relay to the group the number of allies spread throughout the various settlements of Kilneu. I have to owe most of the work to Kesuk. His research and correspondence with allies across Kilneu have been the most successful in increasing our numbers, although both Vasa and Lagi have contributed as well by relaying the names of individuals who might also be willing to join based on rumors flying around the soldier camp. I feel guilty as I ask Kesuk to continue his efforts. I wish I could contribute just as much as he and the others are. It would've been easier to do so last year, before my mother's plan came to fruition. I suddenly despise her for robbing me of my safety.

"I will continue corresponding with my contacts in Olikpok and Nuniq," Kesuk says. "Though I am trying not to send too much mail. Now that our numbers are growing, I think it is time we think of some strategies to protest against the Magnuvians."

I nod. It is a topic we've circulated a few times before, but we still have very few numbers.. However, I am sure that once we stage one protest, it is sure to spark another.

"I think our first strategy should be to ask our allies in Kilneu to stop mining the mountainside for magic," I say.

"That could work well," Kesuk says. "The mountains are harder to extract magic from compared to the caves in Landiani or the lakes of Flumensia. The Magnuvians are indebted to our knowledge of how to safely harvest it. But I'm not sure our numbers are large enough in each region of Kilneu yet. I worry our efforts will be trampled quickly."

"Do you think if our allies cease their work simultaneously across all settlements, it will have more of an impact?" Lagi suggests. "If only one protest were to occur, say in Kilaun, they could easily send more soldiers from other parts of Kilneu to shut the protest down before it could escalate. However, if we time multiple protests at once, each settlement will be busy dealing with their own crises, and the soldiers' forces will be spread thin."

"I think that's the best strategy," Kesuk agrees. "Although, work on the mountains will not resume until spring."

"That gives us time to grow our numbers, then," I say. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Vasa staring at the map with a quizzical expression.

"Do you have something to add?" I ask.

"The soldiers will shoot them," Vasa says simply.

I open my mouth to protest. "But if we have enough numbers—"

Vasa cuts me off. "Lagi, back me up on this. We have seen firsthand how the Magnuvian soldiers behave. They are not as rational as we are making them out to be. I think they would rather face discipline from their superiors for killing off workers than finding another strategy to shut down protests. Guns work quickly."

Lagi glances at me apologetically. "Unfortunately, I think Vasa does make a good point..."

"What do you propose we do, then?" Kesuk asks.

"I still think protests would be effective, but I think the workers need to be able to defend themselves, too," Vasa says.

"We're not trying to invoke violence," I argue. "If we are to behave differently from my mother, then we need to keep our strategies peaceful." I can feel myself growing heated as I speak. I know it's not Vasa's fault, but I want to channel all my anger towards him in the moment.

"Fetia," Kesuk says. His gentle voice calms me some . "I admire your tenacity, I really do. I don't think Vasa is against your desires to work peacefully, but you must know that it is impossible to think that no violence will occur as the result of our actions"

"But I don't want—" My lip quivers.

Lagi lightly touches my shoulder. "We're not trying to follow the same steps as your mother, Fetia. And we aren't trying to suggest that your plan won't work. But as Vasa and I both have experienced, the Magnuvians have an inherently violent culture. We can do our best to keep matters peaceful, but we probably will have no choice but to defend ourselves at times."

I try to swallow down the chalky sadness gathering in my throat.

"Well said, Lagi," Kesuk says. "And I think the same can be said when it comes to matters surrounding the royal family."

"What do you mean?" I ask, my voice shaking slightly.

"Just as we may not be able to forego all violence, there is a chance that we will need to take actions against the royal family if they directly interfere with our plans," Kesuk says.

I stand up suddenly, feeling my anger rise again. "I said Asteria was not to be involved. Did you forget?"

"No, but Fetia, we are just speaking hypothetically," Lagi suggests softly. "We have not made any concrete decisions yet."

Kesuk is the calmest and most optimistic out of all of us, but also scarily enough, I fear he is the most intelligent. I can tell my words have caused him to think more critically. He stares at me, looking as if he has had a slight revelation.

"What about the princess are you not sharing?" Kesuk asks.

"What do you mean?"

"I believe you when you say you are not like your mother. I know you want to keep this plan peaceful, and I can believe you want to keep the royal family alive. However, I think the rest of us, while not necessarily wishing for King Stephan and Princess Asteria's deaths, do not sorely oppose them either if something were to happen indirectly."

"I..." I try to think of some excuse. "I was the princess's maid. I know her better than the rest of you. I care for her, and I don't think she deserves to be subjected to any violence."

"So you think she can just be forgiven for the crimes her family caused?" Vasa asks.

"No! But I do not think we need to punish her for them either," I say.

"Fetia, if you are as close to the princess as you say, then why are we working so hard at gathering allies? Do you not think it would be worthwhile to get the princess on our side? Numbers can only aid us so much, but notoriety is sure to leave an impact, especially if it's a Maguvian royal herself opposing her brother's rule," Kesuk says.

I frown. I remember some of my last conversations with Asteria in Esterpool; she was becoming more cognizant of the pain her family had caused, but she was not yet at the point that she seemed to be strongly opposed to her family's colonizing tactics. Even if she were on that path of enlightenment, I am sure she would not listen to me now after I cared for her, loved her, and then betrayed her.

"I am not sure that is possible," I say quietly.

"Then, unfortunately, I'm not so sure it is possible for us to guarantee her absolute safety," Kesuk says.

I have always prided myself on being more composed than my mother. I have never once felt that I have given into my emotions as dramatically as she has, but in the moment, I am so upset and overwhelmed that I cannot think of any other way to hide my disappointment. I simply push in my chair and march off to my room, slamming the door behind me so loudly that it causes the walls of the cabin to shake.

I sit on my bed, trying to ignore the murmurs between Kesuk, Lagi, and Vasa that I can hear from outside my room. I do not care what they are talking about or what they have to say. I reach for Asteria's letter in my bag and read it, finally allowing the tears to flow. I know I should not want to protect her. It is unlikely that she still even has feelings for me, and my partiality towards her will no doubt get in the way of my actions. However, in the moment, all I can do is clutch the letter to my chest and cry as I crave a future with her that will never be.

I hear the front door to the cabin open and close a little while later. As footsteps approach my door, I quickly shove the letter away and try to compose myself, though I know it will be clear that I am crying. However, no one opens the door. Instead, Kesuk's voice echoes from outside.

"I sent Lagi and Vasa back," he says. "I am sorry you are upset, but know we are trying to help you."

"I know," I murmur.

"I have to go pick up some items at the market. I'll leave Siku here with you," Kesuk says.

"Okay," I say quietly.

I do not dare leave my room until I hear the front door close. Finally, I gather the courage to walk to my bedroom door and open it to find Siku waiting patiently. His tail wags excitedly at the sight of me. I weakly smile and give him a few pats.

I walk back out into the living room. Kesuk has cleaned up lunch and tidied the place, offering no remnants of the fact that we were all strategizing here only a few hours before. Though there is no more evidence of the conversation that hurt me, I still feel disheartened. I know that Kesuk, Lagi, and even Vasa will do their best to honor my wishes, but I know I cannot expect them to keep Asteria uninvolved if she takes direct action against us. And yet, I so desperately want to protect her, even after all this time.

I sigh and move the curtain from the window. The sky remains bright, and the woods look inviting. I long to go out into the forest, just for a bit, so I can clear my head. I pull my hand away from the curtain and let it fall again. I bite my lip. I know I should not, but...Kesuk and I have rarely ever come across anyone in the forest, and if I take Siku with me, then I'll at least have protection.

"Want to go on a walk, boy?" I ask.

Siku's ears perk up at that familiar phrase. He lets out a low howl and begins running back and forth in circles across the living room.

I chuckle and grab my heavy winter coat from my room. As I lace my snowboots, Siku whines excitedly beside me.

"We can't go long," I say, giving him a few scratches. "But just for a bit..."

I rummage around in the cupboards of the kitchen, knowing Kesuk keeps a spare key. He only ever showed it to me in the case I needed to flee the cabin from pursuing soldiers. I retrieve the key just as Siku's whines are turning into full on howls of excitement.

As I open the door, Siku bursts out the front. I panic for a moment, afraid he has run off, but once he sprints around for a minute, he returns to my side and rolls in the snow. I chuckle at him as I lock the front door.

"Come on," I say, motioning him alongside me as we head deeper into the woods surrounding Kesuk's home.

The snow is a pain to trudge through, and I feel out of breath by the time I arrive to our usual woodland spot, but the burning of my leg muscles reminds me that I am no longer cooped up inside the confines of the cabin.

Within minutes, Siku finds a large branch to carry around. I chuckle and remain cognizant of the way he swings it, afraid he may knock it into me if I don't pay close enough attention. I force him to leave it when it nearly collides with one of my shins, and we find a smaller stick for me to toss instead. I find a comfortable spot on a nearby log and throw the stick again and again, happy to see Siku enjoying himself. We play for some time, until finally, he lays down in the snow and pants, tired from his exercise. Siku rolls on his back, stirring up powdery snow in the air.

"Siku!" I say with a giggle as snow flies into my face.

He sits back up. Snow powders his coat, although as white as he is, it blends in quite easily. I toss the stick one more time, but he simply watches as it lands a few feet from us, tired from our playing.

I stare out at the winter forest ahead of us, admiring its peace. Water drips down slowly from an icicle hanging on a treebranch nearby. Songbirds chirp quietly above us. The forest is so quiet that I can hear the wind whistling through the trees if I listen hard enough.

I wonder if Asteria would like it out here. She was fascinated with the old forests of Magnuvia. I am sure she would love to see a proper one untouched by the destructive ways of her people.

I hum a little to myself. Even if I want to sing, I am afraid the wind will carry my song to unwanted ears. I'm already disobeying Kesuk's orders being out here, and the last thing I want to do is call attention to myself.

I lean back and stare at the clouds rolling across the sky. I would stay out here forever if I could, or at least until I could no longer feel my hands or toes, although they are already growing quite numb. Regrettably, I realize it is most likely time to head back.

"Ready to go, Siku?" I ask.

The dog's ears perk when I say his name. He stands and shakes his coat, causing more snow to fly. I wipe the flakes from my coat and walk beside him once more, continuing to hum the songs my father taught me. Siku suddenly jots a few paces ahead of me and retrieves the large branch on the ground I forced him to discard earlier.

"No way. You can't bring that back," I say.

He ignores me and picks it up anyway. I sigh and head over to him, trying to wrestle the branch away from him. He growls and runs off with it, clearly thinking we are playing some sort of game.

"Siku, come!" I shout, chasing after him.

I run a few paces, annoyed with Kesuk's disobedient dog, when I turn a corner and come face to face with another human being. I pause, about to apologize for nearly barreling into the person, but when I look up, I am met with a man with gray hair, pale skin, and blue eyes. I realize without a doubt that he is a Magnuvian soldier.

"S-Siku," I call again, and thankfully, this time the dog listens.

I see the man's eyes narrow as he glances at me, but before he can fully recognize me, I run off, yelling at Siku to follow. The dog at least is quick on his feet, but the snow makes it difficult to run.

"Hey! Stop!" the soldier calls aggressively.

My adrenaline guides me as I run whichever way I can to throw off the pursuing soldier. I run between boulders, jump through bushes, and do anything I can to camouflage myself from him. The soldier's yells and footsteps grow more faint, and when I finally gather the courage to look behind me a few minutes later, I'm thankful to see him out of sight. Though tempted to stop and catch my breath, I keep running, determined to put as much distance between myself and the soldier as possible.

"Siku, lead the way," I say, sure that I have gotten us lost. Thankfully, the dog seems to sense home, and I let him run ahead of me as I follow him through the woods. When the forest becomes more familiar again, I feel relaxed, but panic still flows through me.

How could I be so stupid and foolish? Why did I convince myself no soldier would ever step in the woods when I know very well from Lagi and Vasa that there is a base camp nearby? I wipe some tears from my cheeks as I continue running, until finally Kesuk's cabin comes into view.

My heart sinks seeing Kesuk approaching the front door, returning from his trip to the market. Siku gets to him first, and Kesuk glances at the dog, confused.

"Siku?" he asks. He turns his body around slowly, and that is when I see his eyes lock on mine. Surprise reflects in his eyes. I run quicker, finally halting in front of him.

"What—"

"Sh! Get inside!" I urge Kesuk, nearly pushing him through the door as he unlocks it.

I collapse against the wall once inside, gasping for breath after running for so long.

"Fetia, what is going on?" Kesuk asks, both confusion and anger in his tone.

"I'm sorry!" I exclaim, beginning to sob.

Whatever anger he has vanishes in an instant. He presses a hand to my shoulder and looks at me concerningly. "What happened?"

"I-I went on a walk when you were gone. I thought if Siku were with me, and we were not out that long, it would be okay, but..." I heave in a big breath and nearly choke on my sobs. "A soldier saw me. I'm sorry."

Disappointment immediately reflects in Kesuk's face, but he does not yell. Instead, he guides me down to the couch and calls Siku over to us.

"Did he follow you here?" Kesuk asks.

"I don't think so. I took off immediately and looked back a few times, and he was no longer pursuing us, but I am sure the snow will not do a good job disguising my footsteps. The man was clearly a Magnuvian soldier. He must know I am here in Kilneu, and he will tell his superiors, and—"

"Take a deep breath," Kesuk interrupts. His calm composure annoys me, but I do as he says anyway, finding that I no longer feel like I am choking on my cries.

"I'm sorry," I say again. "This is my fault. If I hadn't overreacted at our strategy meeting, I would not have gone out..."

"It's unfortunate this happened this way, but we all knew you would not go undiscovered forever, Fetia. The soldier did not follow you all the way here, so we perhaps still have a little time before they conduct a search."

"Yes, but they did see Siku, so if you take him out anytime soon..."

Kesuk nods. "I understand. However, there is not much else we can do today. The sun will set in about an hour. Tomorrow, I will try to find Lagi and Vasa first thing in the morning and relate to them what happened. For now, you need to remain here, curtains drawn, and not step out of the cabin. Understood?"

"Yes. I'm sorry. I should have listened—"

"Do not be so harsh on yourself," Kesuk says. "I suppose it was not fair to keep you locked in here all this time. It is only natural you wanted to stretch your legs."

"I can leave tonight if you want me to," I say.

"And throw away all the strategizing we have done so far? I do not think that is very wise," Kesuk says. "I agreed to be your ally, didn't I? And as your ally, we will figure this out together. Let me talk to Vasa and Lagi tomorrow. They will know better than us what the soldier's discovery has led to."

"Okay," I say, continuing to breathe deeply and pull myself back together. I cannot stop the guilt swirling inside of me though. If I had not gotten so protective over Asteria, this would have never happened. Try as I might, that woman never fails to make my life more difficult than it already is.

"Let's eat some dinner. I'll stay up tonight in case soldiers come looking. You can focus on resting," Kesuk says.

"Are you sure?"

"When you were away in your room, Vasa, Lagi, and I talked. At the end of the day, though we want this mission to succeed, we also want to keep you safe. This revolution is nothing without you to guide it, Fetia. You must take care of yourself as well," Kesuk urges.

I want to cry at his kind words, but I have just finished composing myself. I swallow down my sobs, then nod. My body shakes as I return to my room. My fingers tremble as I go through my clothes and reach for my nightgown. Once dressed, I glance out the window briefly, afraid I will find an armada of soldiers there, but I only see the tranquil forest as I pull my curtain shut. I hope the night remains quiet.

As I re-enter into the living room, it's clear Kesuk is tense. As calm as he acted, he keeps glancing out the window when he cooks dinner. Each time the wind whistles against the house, we both glance towards the door. At one point in the evening, Siku drops the bone he was chewing on. It makes a loud sound upon collision, and we both jump. Throughout dinner, we barely say anything to each other, our ears focused on the outside world.

"Perhaps another storm will come in soon, and that will cover your tracks," Kesuk says.

"I hope so," I respond, though we both know how few clouds there were in the sky in the afternoon.

Cleaning dinner up is a silent affair, and afterwards, I head off to bed at Kesuk's request. I do little besides toss and turn for a few hours after crawling under the covers. I keep expecting for the house to be stormed or for Kesuk to come wake me, but all is quiet and normal. The evening feels eerily similar to the night my mother killed Zofia, when I felt as if any moment I was going to be arrested for her death.

The only person's death who I may be responsible for tonight, however, is my own.

I lie awake so long I consider telling Kesuk to go to bed, but eventually, I fall into a fitful rest in the early hours of the morning.

"Fe." Her sweet words taunt me.

"Fe. Please. I want to see you again,"

I can see her so vividly in my dream, from her bright blue eyes to soft pink lips. She stares at me with such an overwhelming amount of love that I want to be sick. I know I do not deserve it. And I know too that I should not be reaching my hand out towards her, wanting her to take me wherever she wishes.

"I miss you," I say somberly. "I know I should not, but my heart still yearns for you."

Asteria takes my hand and presses it against her chest. I can feel her heart beat beneath my fingertips. The gentle thumping sensation brings tears to my eyes.

"So does mine," she says tenderly. She lowers her head toward mine then, and I lean my lips up eagerly towards hers, wanting nothing more than to savor in her warmth for an eternity. Her lips just manage to brush against my bottom lip, when suddenly, a hand shoves my shoulder.

I awake with a jolt. My heart quickens, thinking I have been caught, but instead, I find Lagi leaning over me. Vasa stands in the back of the room with a candleholder. I want to feel relief at their company, but judging by their panicked expressions, and by the fact it's clearly not daylight, I do not think they come bearing good news.