The crashing of waves along the shore is peaceful. The tides ripple as the waves cascade back and forth, ebbing and flowing as seamlessly as time itself. The air is slightly chilled, normal for this time of year, but the rays of the setting sun and the damp sand make me feel warm and comforted. I hold my knees close and dig my toes into the sand as I stare out into this foreign horizon, so similar yet so far removed from my hometown of Tetoa.

"Taika," I say. My voice quivers already as it leaves my mouth. I catch my breath, unable to get any other words to form on my tongue at the risk of sobbing. I want to rise and wade in the surf, feel the warm ocean water swirling around my calves and the seaweed tangling around my feet, but I should not be out here as it is already, and the ocean scares me now. I'm afraid that one day, I am going to walk out into the waves with no intention of returning.

I take a few more deep breaths and stare back behind me at the looming Landiani Jungle. The snap of a twig makes me stiffen. My fingers grasp around the knife at my side, its sheen dulled with the last remnants of blood from the maid my mother murdered two months prior. A spotted bird flies from a tree branch, and my heart rate calms. The risk of soldiers finding me along this secluded shoreline is low, but not impossible.

I stare back out into the waters of the Tautanoan Ocean and reframe my focus to Taika. For weeks now I have come down to the shore, oftentimes twice a day, to honor the memory of the man who I viewed with the same, if not more importance, than my own father. However, there is no ceremony I can perform in his honor. My mother and sister have no desire to participate in one, and we own none of Taika's belongings. His spirit lives on in the ocean, far out of reach from me.

Though my voice still shakes, I find the courage to speak once more.

"If I ever return to Tetoa, I will give you a proper farewell," I promise. "Although, I imagine you would not like to see what Tetoa has become. At this rate, the Magnuvians will destroy it completely."

I rub my ankle and stretch it. It still twinges in pain slightly, but it has healed considerably in the two months that I have been here. My wrist fares better, only making a popping sound from time to time.

As I traversed through that evening summer storm with my mother and sister, I had hoped at the very least that I could collapse into the warm sheets of my bed in Tetoa and savor in the feeling of being home again. However, we had barely made it across Landiani's borders before Tetoa was ravaged by Magnuvian forces, angered at the death of their king.

"Perhaps it is better this way," I say again to the ocean. "If you had lived, Taika, I know you would have gone back home. You cared too much about your people, and you cared too greatly for me. I'm a coward. I was more content hiding instead."

I trace my fingers gently into the sand, creating concentric circles. The fixed rings remind me too much of my own life, how trapped I feel at the moment, and how I feel I will never escape this new reality. Tears well in my eyes as I stare out into the ocean again.

"There are many things I wonder, Taika. Would you be happy to know I didn't go through with killing Asteria? Or would you have been angry with me for breaking away from the plan? Would you have supported my happiness? Or would you have rather I died in your place?"

They are questions that have tormented me for months, and yet I will never have an answer to them.

I let out a sigh. I spread my legs out and lean back, staring upward at the sky. The clouds have turned pink and orange with the ending day. For months in Esterpool, I dreamed about this sight again – being on the beach, feeling the warm sand, and watching the sunset – but it does not have the same feeling I once thought it would hold.

"I have to know – what would you be thinking now, Taika? Where would you go from here?" I ask.

Movement in the water causes my eyes to widen. I stand quickly, thinking by some miracle it's Taika giving me a sign, but it is only the curve of a dolphin's fin as it swims through the water. I see a few curved fins and tails, realizing a pod must be passing by. The sight makes my lips curl into a slight smile, happy to know that life continues on in nature, even if it feels at a standstill for me. However, it was not the answer I was looking for.

I sit back down in the sand and lay on my back, watching the clouds roll across the sky. I do not feel ready to return just yet. My moments spent in the hut with my mother and sister make my skin crawl with rage. A year ago, I am sure I would have forgiven them for all that transpired that evening. I'm sure I would have run back to my mother for forgiveness like a dog with a tail between its legs.

But I am not that daughter anymore.

The smooth crashing of the waves lulls me into a state of rest and relaxation. I've been plagued by insomnia since returning to Landiani, my dreams haunting me with visions of individuals I don't want to see – Taika, gone without me being able to see goodbye; Palila, who I am unsure lives after the ravaging of Tetoa; Lagi, forced to partake in the war up north; and one other, who I don't dare name. I try to resist my growing drowsiness, but feeling the sand beneath my skin and hearing the cries of seabirds above me, I can already feel my eyelids growing heavy.

"Just for a few minutes," I whisper, before I curl up and my body becomes relaxed with sleep.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I dream of her, the one who I dread seeing in my dreams the most. I try to resist it; however, I am already lost in her pale blue eyes and astral blonde hair before I can realize it. The feeling of her warm skin beneath my fingertips feels so lifelike. I can almost taste her lips on mine, but they feel much more like a whisper, of a possibility that will never again come to fruition.

"Come back to me," she whispers.

"I can't. You would not want me anymore."

"But, Fe...I love you."

Her arms open, inviting me to her. I long to place my lips upon her, to feel her pulse beating through her neck, to feel her warmth enveloping me. I hesitantly take a step forward before leaping towards her, ready to give in to the love that I have mourned since the night we parted.

But the moment her arms wrap around me, she vanishes.

My dream breaks in an instant. I open my eyes, groggy beyond compare, and feel for her beside me on the side she usually slept, only to find nothing but sand that has grown cold with the recently set sun and the knife I left discarded. Hearing shuffling, I immediately bolt up out of my dreamlike trance and grasp the knife, relieved to see it is only Kiana making her way through the bushes.

I shake sand granules from my hair and skin, knowing I will likely need a proper wash in the river tonight. Though with soap running low, perhaps it will have to wait for another day. I slip the knife carefully into my pocket and rise to greet my sister.

"I was worried when it grew darker," Kiana says. She cradles her arm to her body slightly as she walks. Her broken arm has since healed, but I can tell it's still weak and will take some time for her to regain full function of it. She is impatient though. I saw her sparring with my mother just the other day, as much as I warned her to take it easy.

"Sorry. I fell asleep," I say. I attempt to rub the drowsiness from my eyes. "Did Mama send you?"

"Mama didn't want me to bother looking for you."

"I appreciate you coming, anyway."

While I am on much better terms with my sister than mother, that does not hide my residual anger with Kiana. She is correct that I never would have killed Asteria, but the fact that she persuaded my mother to carry out the assassination plan without me still stings. Unlike myself, Kiana is not unconvinced by my mother's ways. Revenge still sickens her heart, whereas my focus has shifted to my own survival these days.

"If you want to improve your relationship with Mama, you should not come here to hide so often," Kiana says as I walk back with her into the dense jungle.

"I am not hiding. I'm mourning," I argue. "And my relationship with Mama is not your concern."

"Taika knew his death was possible," is all Kiana says.

It was disheartening seeing Kiana's and my mother's lack of remorse surrounding Taika's death in the days following the assassination. They accepted it the night he died, knowing it was for a good cause. I never saw them shed a tear.

I, however, cannot move on so easily, especially knowing how preventable his death was and how much at fault I am for it.

"I don't want to speak about this tonight," I say. My relationship with Kiana is already fragile, and I don't want to start a fight before I get home. My mother will easily take her side, as she normally does these days.

Kiana says nothing for the remainder of our trek back. We head deeper into the jungle, and memories swirl back to me of the times I spent hiking through here, both on my journey to the caves and the day I left for Esterpool. I missed the jungle when I lived in Magnuvia, but now I can barely stand the sight of it. My days spent near the shore in Tetoa were far better than being cramped in this wild and unpredictable part of Landiani.

Kiana moves aside some leaves, and I follow her through the bushes until the hut comes into sight. Our new home is small and falling apart. The roof leaks, the floorboards creak, and one of the windows has a crack just large enough to allow all sorts of pests to make their way inside. There are no bedrooms of any sort – just one large, expansive space that allows us to rest and eat. I felt selfish adjusting to the change after spending months living in the estate of Magnuvian royalty. I wondered if Kiana felt similarly after leaving Magewell Castle behind, but she has since never batted an eye at our new living situation.

As Kiana opens the door, Aulii, a middle-aged woman with dark braided hair and a warm smile, steps out.

"Good evening," she says to the two of us.

"Good evening, Aulii. Making another delivery?" I ask.

"Yes, you'll find some fresh fish from the market. Eat it while it lasts." She pats my shoulder as she leaves.

"Thank you for your kindness."

"Of course, dear. Keahi has said time and time again that he is happy to host you in Satavau until you three can get back on your feet," Aulii says.

I smile weakly. Aulii's smile conveys compassion and kindness, but I only feel guilt for exploiting her generosity. Keahi was one of the first allies my mother got in contact with upon returning to Landiani. Being the chief of Satavau, he immediately offered us shelter on the outskirts of the village when he learned of the nights we were spending sleeping exposed on the jungle floor.

"Take care," Kiana says as Aulii takes her leave.

We step inside. My mother glances up from the kitchen table, where she is collecting dirty dishes from a meal I am sure she and Kiana enjoyed earlier.

"You missed dinner," my mother says. She has lost weight since returning here; her face has hollowed, and her limbs are thinner than I remember, but otherwise, she is the same as she has always been. That fire in her eyes has only grown brighter, and with no major injuries to deal with as a result of the assassination, she has been as sharp as ever.

"You couldn't save any for me?" I ask. Perhaps my hunger didn't compel me to come back earlier, but now my stomach rumbles, knowing I will not eat tonight.

"We cannot afford to live a life of comfort," my mother snaps. "We are barely getting by with what Aulii brings for us. If you cannot be here for dinner, then Kiana and I have the right to eat your share."

"But she just brought some more supplies. Surely I can eat some fruit at the very least?" I ask.

"We cannot take advantage of the supplies Aulii has brought due to your laziness."

"Oh, but we can take advantage of all that Satavau has to offer while those in Tetoa suffer?" I retort.

"Fetia," Kiana warns.

Already, my promise to my sister slips away.

"It's true!" I turn to my sister. "Aren't you concerned for Palila? If she's even still alive, she's no doubt suffering as a result of our own actions."

My mother glares at me. "May I remind you," she says, stepping forward and swatting a towel down against the leg of the table, "that we would not be in this situation if the princess had died by your hand?"

"And may I remind you that you two both failed to kill King Stephan?" I counter. "The princess's death would have not made a difference."

"But our work would have been slimmed," my mother sneers. "Now we live out here, displaced from our home, relying on the goodness of those around us when we should be back in Tetoa, celebrating our victory. I hope your life of luxury in Esterpool was worth it. You have just as much part in the pillaging of Tetoa as we do. Those who were killed, the soldiers that were drafted, and that puppet the Magnuvians installed as the new chief just as equally weigh on your shoulders as ours."

"Luxury was not why I hesitated in killing Asteria!" I snap.

"And yet, you won't reveal the reason why, so I can only assume that is the case," my mother says.

It has been an argument circulated many times. My failure to kill Asteria has been held over my head from the moment I ran into my mother and sister out on the roads of Magnuvia. I was angered by its constant circulation at first, almost daring to reveal my love affair with Asteria, but fearing for my own survival, and selfishly hers as well, I kept my lips shut. I figure my mother, nor even Kiana, deserve to know all the details of my personal life anymore, including what transpired in Esterpool.

"We should be back in Tetoa," I murmur. "We should be standing with them—"

"If you would like to be killed, then be my guest," my mother says.

When we first arrived home and learned about the attacks on Tetoa, I was content to return home and die properly among my people. I still recall the hoarseness in my mother's voice as she screamed at me during one of our worst arguments. She was nearly ready to let me do as I wished, but Kiana, even with the pain of a broken arm, convinced me to stay. I've remained here for my sister's sake, but each day I inch closer to heeding my mother's words.

"What's done is done," Kiana interrupts. "We can't change the past."

The tension between my mother and I fizzles slowly. That is, until my mother opens her mouth again.

"Precisely, Kiana," my mother says. "But we can alter the future. Take a seat, both of you."

I hesitantly sit on a cushion across the table from my mother, wondering what it is she can have to say to me now. The conversations between the three of us are usually limited to survival logistics, save for the frequent moments when we argue.

"Did they increase the soldiers in Satavau again?" Kiana asks, referring to an instance a few weeks prior where Aulii's visits with supplies had to lessen tremendously to slow suspicion. Mama has always warned that our home in near Satavau is temporary and that we need to be prepared to move at any time. I dread the thought of it, finally having gotten used to the routine here.

"No, but that is always a concern," Mama says simply. "I've been thinking. Kiana, your arm is healed now, yes?"

"It gets stronger each day," Kiana says, holding her arm out and twisting it to show off her progress.

"And, Fetia?" Mama wonders.

"I'm fine. My injuries healed weeks ago."

"Then I do not see a reason to delay any longer," my mother says. My heart quickens suddenly as I anticipate her next words. I beg them to be something different, unrelated to the assassination attempt altogether. But I know my mother well, and as the following words leave her mouth, I'm not shocked.

"We need to resume the mission," my mother says.

"You cannot be serious," I say.

"And why would I not be?" my mother asks. "Killing King Ruben did not solve our problems. Stephan is king now, and he will continue to make life drastically worse for our people if we do not stop him, as well as the princess."

I glance at my mother in disbelief. "You forget we're the most wanted individuals in the Magnuvian Empire right now! Leaving the country, or even leaving Satavau, would automatically guarantee our deaths, as well as the deaths of many others."

"So you think it is better to hide out here for all eternity instead?" my mother questions.

"No, but the other villages are already frightened. If we were to do anything rash, they would be destroyed, just like Tetoa," I state.

Mama's eyes narrow. "I have often questioned as of late whose side you are on, Fetia."

"I stand for Landiani," I argue.

"But you do not act like it."

Kiana glances between us both as we argue, too meek to speak up.

"It will be nearly impossible to get in such proximity to the king and princess again," I say. "They do not trust anyone from Landiani, and security will be increased. There is no way I will be reinstated as Asteria's head maid."

"I would not task you with being near the princess to begin with," Mama explains. "You failed miserably the first time. Besides, Keahi informed me that she does not reside in Esterpool anymore. She has been in Magewell since her brother took the throne."

I try not to react to that new piece of information, but my muscles stiffen regardless. If Asteria has not returned to Esterpool, does that mean she is no longer exiled and free to act as a royal again? I think that can't be true, at least not with Stephan in charge. My heart sinks thinking of her in Magewell alone with him, subject to his manipulation and torment. Then, I remember that she knows of my betrayal by now, so there is no use feeling any sympathy. However, I still think inciting more violence against the Magnuvians is wrong.

I turn to my sister in desperation. "Kiana, you firsthand dealt with the mess of the assassination. Surely you must think it's a bad idea to pick up where we left off?"

Kiana wrings her hands together. "The Magnuvian Empire must fall. How else would you accomplish it, Fetia? If you ever wanted to return to Tetoa, then we have no other choice."

"She's brainwashed you as well," I murmur.

"I think for myself," Kiana argues. "All Mama has ever done is what's best for us."

"It was Mama that got Taika killed!" I shout back.

"That will be enough," my mother says quietly, her tone becoming cold once more. Her icy gaze is like daggers piercing my skin. "Fetia, so long as you live under this roof, I expect you to abide by my rules and my plan."

"But—"

"I said it once, and I will say it again - if you would rather leave, then be my guest. You will not make it far. You have nowhere else to go. So I suggest you remain here with your family and do what is best for your country."

"You do not trust me anyway. What role would you even have for me?" I ask quietly.

"I will find some way for you contribute," my mother says. She lets out a sigh. "It is a shame. Having you as the princess's head maid did put you in an optimal position."

I want to cry out, tell my mother to once again spare Asteria from their plans, but regrettably I am still a coward around my mother. Once she learns of my feelings for the princess, she will no doubt use that fact to exploit me and bend me to her will. I must be silent and listen for now. Otherwise, I am worried I will never have the courage to stand up to my mother again.

"Think of what I have said. We can discuss this more in depth tomorrow morning," my mother says.

With that, she dismisses us, and I head off to my cot in the corner of the hut to sleep. Once I am tucked under the covers, staring up at the rackety old ceiling, I glance at my mother and sister, sleeping in separate corners of the house. Their breaths are quiet and calm, and they seem to rest peacefully. My mind is at war, however.

Resume the plan? I never considered it possible. I knew my mother's yearning for vengeance would not be cured indefinitely, but I have at least thought she'd consider another possibility or wait a few more months.

It's stupid to take Asteria's feelings into consideration now when she must despise me for my actions. But my stance still remains – I will not kill the princess. No matter what. And I will try to protect her, no matter what. I am not foolish enough to return to her, but there must be another way to end the empire without sacrificing her.

I gulp, realizing that only leaves me one option.

I need to flee.