"Tigilan mo nga ako! Bakit ba ang kulit mo?!"

I've been dreaming of Harvey, the person I've liked since high school, for several days now.

Nagsimula yun nung nagbago siya. Sophomore year in college, first day of classes pa lang, hindi na siya nagsusungit. Hindi na niya 'ko sinisigawan. Hindi na rin siya nakikipag-away sa mga sira-ulo sa school. Weird, really.

"May sakit ka ba?" tanong ko sa kanya sabay hawak sa noo niya.

Ngumiti lang siya. Pakiramdam ko, gusto ko nang magwala. First time yata 'to!

Am I dreaming?

"Wala. I'm perfectly fine."

"Okay then. Sabi mo eh." I smiled. Ito na ba ang simula ng aming love story? Hihihi. Chos! But who knows, di ba?

"Nag-lunch ka na ba? Tara, kain tayo."

Since then, madalas na kaming magkasama. Actually, madalas naman talaga kaming magkasama noon pa. But he's not staying with me because we're close; he's staying with me because he doesn't have a choice. Ang taray, di ba? Nag-rhyme yun! Hahaha! Anyway, he doesn't have friends. Enemies, yun ang marami siya! He's not likeable at all! Hindi ko nga rin alam kung bakit gusto ko siya eh! Napaka-suplado at mainitin ang ulo!

I was thinking...

Baka naman alam na niyang may feelings ako para sa kanya kaya siya nagkakaganyan?

OH MY G!

Hindi pwede!

"Tama na yang kakaisip sa kanya. Mahal ka nun." He smiled and winked at me.

Right at this very moment, pwede na 'kong kunin ni Lord. Hahahaha, pero siyempre joke lang yun!

Ngumiti na lang rin ako. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako magrereact eh. OMG! You mean, you love me as well? Umiinit yata ang mukha ko? Errr.

"Huy, Almira! Hindi ka naman nakikinig sa sinasabi ko eh."

"H-ha? Ano ngang sinabi mo? Sorrrry, wala talaga 'ko sa sarili ko ngayon eh."

"So, nakanino ka kung ganun?" Nasa'yo? Hahahahaha!

"Para kang sira. Tara, kain na nga lang tayo."

"May tinatago ka sa'kin no?" He looked me in the eyes. "You can trust me." He looked away and started to walk. Tumayo naman ako at sumunod na sa kanya.

Hmmmm. May tinatago ako? Hidden desire. HAHAHAHA. Charot! And, I can trust you? Can I trust you with my heart then? HAHAHAHA! Hay naku, naloloka na talaga 'ko.

"It's not that I don't trust you. It's a girl thing kasi."

"Masakit puson mo?" He asked, looking concerned. Yieeeh, kilig ako! Hahaha!

Tumawa naman ako nang malakas. "Nakakatawa ka! Are you seriously asking me that? Tsaka pag girl thing, period agad? Agad agad?" Tumawa ulit ako.

Sumimangot siya kaya tumigil naman ako sa pagtawa. "Seryoso kaya ako." Sa akin? Hahahaha.

"Sorry na. Binibiro lang kita, 'to naman. Wag mo na kasi alamin kung anong iniisip ko."

"Tss. Tara na nga, kain na tayo."

Nag-order siya para sa aming dalawa. Madalas niya 'kong nililibre kaya feeling ko manliligaw/boyfriend ko siya. Pero siyempre, feeling ko lang yun. Hahaha!

I looked at him while he's silently eating his meal. Nagtatampo yata dahil ayaw kong sabihin kung ano, sino actually, ang iniisip ko. Alangan namang aminin ko, eh siya ang iniisip ko kanina pa. Instant confession ang peg? LOL.

"Tingin mo mahal ako nun?" I broke the silence.

Ngumisi siya. "Sooo, you're opening up now, huh?" Uminom siya sa juice niya at ngumisi ulit. Matutunaw na ko, waaaah! "Mmmmm, I don't know. I won't say that I hope he does. Ipakilala mo muna sa'kin, and I'll tell you if I think he deserves you. Well, that's if you want to know my opinion."

"Sira ka. Hindi ko siya pwedeng ipakilala sa'yo." Like, how do I introduce you to yourself? Hahaha.

"Bakit naman? Nakaaway ko na siguro yan noon." I've been looking closely at his reactions. Parang wala lang naman sa kanya. Ugh! Okay, I admit, I'm sort of trying to make him jealous.

"Malay ko."

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Tss. I don't approve."

"Grabe. Agad agad? Can't you at least be supportive?"

"Basta, ipakilala mo sa'kin bago mo sagutin." Paano ko sasagutin, eh hindi ka naman nanliligaw sa'kin?! Psh. "Oh, anong isinisimangot mo diyan? Tingin mo hindi papasa sa'kin no?"

"Kapal mo!"

"Mas gwapo ako diyan, sigurado ako."

"Grabe! Ang kapal talaga!"

Haaay, magkulitan na lang tayo habangbuhay, Harvey. Pwede ba yun? Pwede bang palagi na lang tayo ganito?

"Teka nga. Bakit palaging ako yung pinag-uusapan natin? Ikaw naman ang gawin nating topic."

"My life's not interesting as yours." So you're interested in my life, huh? Hahaha. "Unlike you, wala akong ibang kaibigang maikukwento sa'yo. Alam mo naman ako, puro away ang inaatupag. Palibhasa ang aangas ng mga tao dito, sarap pagbibigwasan."

"Whatever. Iinterviewhin na lang kita, and you have to answer my questions."

"Whatever din." Tumawa naman siya. Haaaaay. Gwapo talaga ni Harvey. :">

"I've been dying to know... palagi kasing ayaw mong sabihin. I know I've asked this a million times pero, seriously, anong nangyari? I mean, bakit ngayon hindi na mainitin ang ulo mo? Bakit hindi ka na nakikipag-away? Bakit hindi mo na 'ko sinisigawan?"

"Isa isa lang." Tumawa siya sandali. "Kalma, Almira." He looked away and laughed again. Lumihis din ako ng tingin.

I CAN'T BREATHE!

HOW CAN I CALM DOWN?

WHAT IF HE'S GOING TO CONFESS TO ME NOW?

HOW WILL I REACT?

MAGPAPALIGAW PA BA AKO O KAMI NA AGAD?

Errr, ang feeler ko.

I know, I'm crazy!

WHAT IF HE'S GOING TO TELL ME THAT HE ALREADY KNOWS ABOUT MY FEELINGS FOR HIM?

WHAT IF HE'S GOING TO SAY THAT WE CAN'T EVER BE MORE THAN FRIENDS?

What if he's ill and dying, kaya he's spending his last days being nice? ERRRRRR, ano ba 'tong pinag-iiisip ko?! Ugh, baliw ka, Almira! BALIW!

"The truth is..." I looked at him. He's blushing! OH MY GOD! Ito na ba? Come on, please tell me what I wanna hear!

SILENCE.

"Ugh, tsaka na."

"Grabe, binitin mo 'ko! Nakakaasar! Ano nga kasi yun?"

"I'll tell you, soon. I just don't think this is the right time."

"Daming alam. Sige na, puhlease?" Pacute-pacute effect naman ako. Errr.

"Di mo 'ko madadaan sa ganyan mo, Almira. Sasabihin ko rin naman, di lang ngayon. Promise!"

Sus, palagi na lang akong idinadaan sa killer smile nitong taong 'to. Samantalang ako, nagpapacute na't lahat, wala pa rin. Psh.

Buong gabi, siya ang iniisip ko.

Nag-blush pa siya kanina. Pag iniisip ko yun, nagkakaroon lang ako lalo ng dahilan para umasa. <//3

I can't help but think of what he could've said. Too many what ifs.

Mababaliw na 'ko nito, Harvey! Why are you doing this to me? >.<

My birthday came, and as much as I'd like to narrate how it went, there's really nothing cheesy about it. I was disappointed. I expected him to tell me the reason why he changed. Kinulit ko pa nga siya pero wa-epek.

"Awww. Salamat. It's soooo pretty!"

Isinuot naman niya sa'kin yung kwintas na regalo niya sa'kin. Singsing na kasi dapat eh, charot! Pero kinikilig ako. HAHAHA. Ito na ba?

"Yan, bagay sa'yo." He smiled, and my heart fell to the ground.

I was waiting for him to start the conversation about the reason why he changed, one thing I've been dying to know.

Okay, fine. Kung di niya sisimulan, ako na ang magsisimula. "Ngayon mo ba planong sagutin yung tanong ko before? I was thinking, maybe this is the right time." Errr, ang pangit ng pagkakasabi ko. Parang nanliligaw lang na nagtatanong kung sasagutin na ba siya o ano.

"H-ha? Uhmmmm..." Tumingala siya, as if thinking. "I don't think so. Buuuuut, soon I guess." He smiled.

KAILAN BA KASI NIYA PLANONG SABIHIN SA'KIN?

"You think so?"

"Yup. OMG, girl! Kinikilig ako for you!" I told Jasmine, one friend of mine, about what Harvey told me, about how I feel, about what I think of Harvey's gestures, etc. Sabi niya, baka sadyang torpe lang daw si Harvey.

Maybe I should make the first move?

Malaki nga naman ang chance na kaya siya bumait sa'kin ay dahil narealize niyang may feelings pala siya para sa'kin, di ba?

Okay then. I'll tell Harvey.

To: Harvey <3

Meet me. 7 pm, sa tambayan. I have something to tell you. :)

From: Harvey <3

Okay. See ya! May sasabihin din ako sa'yo eh. :)

OHMYGOD! ITO NA NGA YATA!

Nag-ayos ako. Konting make-up lang. Hihi. I wore a skirt instead of skinny jeans that I usually wear. This day is going to be special!

Pagdating ko sa tambayan, nahulog na agad sa lupa ang puso ko. Harvey was there, with his wide smile, and sparkling eyes. He looked genuinely happy! And, he's wearing a striped polo shirt! He usually wears plain shirts when we hang out. Nagwawala na ang puso ko. OH MY GOD!

"Why did you ask me to meet you tonight?" He asked, with his killer smile.

"Sabi mo may sasabihin ka sa'kin. Mauna ka na." I'll let him confess first. Mas maganda naman kung ang ikukwento ko sa mga magiging anak naming ay naunang mag-confess sa'kin yung ama nila, di ba? HAHAHA. Chos!

He smiled. "Sasabihin ko na sa'yo kung bakit ako nagbago. Wag mo 'kong tatawanan ah." I nodded, praying in my head that I get to hear those three words.

"The reason why I changed is..."

.

.

.

"I started to..."

.

.

.

.

"Court Reeze last summer."

That instant, I felt my world fall apart. How can this happen?

Akala ko... akala ko... ugh, damn it! Bakit kasi ang assuming ko?!?

Hindi pa naman siya sinasagot, di ba? I still have a chance, right? If I tell him now, he might even change his mind! May point naman ako, di ba?

Ugh. I can't fool myself. Even lies can't lighten the pain. What do I do now?

I'm so confused, ano nang sasabihin ko? Ano nang gagawin ko?

"I started courting her last summer. Sa totoo lang, matagal bago ko siya napapayag na magpaligaw. She had a lot of conditions." He smiled, as he seemed to be reminiscing those days. Good thing he's not looking at me. He can't see me crying. "She wanted me to change, for the better. Kaya ito, good boy na 'ko." I quickly wiped my tears as soon as he stopped talking. He can't see me like this! "H-hey, a-are you... okay? Are you crying?"

"Napuwing ako. Sh*t."

He held my hands, as if restricting me from scratching my eyes. "Let me." Tapos hinipan niya ang mga mata ko. "Feeling better, Almira?" I nodded, and faked a smile. "So, where was I? Ayun, actually, sobrang ganda ng timing ng pag-aya mo sa'kin. I was about to tell you last night..."

.

.

.

"Sinagot na niya ako kagabi. Could you believe that?"

I thought this would be the night my dream gets to be fulfilled...

But I was dead wrong...

Way too wrong it hurts...

Too much for my fantasy.

This is how our story ended. <//3