17th February
7.30 AM

"How can you skip your breakfast Reyash Bakshi? For once can you be a little mature, you are going to fly a flight carrying 150 passengers." I screamed.

This man will be the end of my sanity one day. Who on earth does this kind of mistakes if not the great Captain I'm married to.

"Well technically it's 250"

"Don't you freaking dare to change the topic now?"

"I was running late"

"And may I know-how, and why? As far as I remember I did wake you up at five-thirty sharp."

"I couldn't find my stuff."

"You couldn't find what? I kept everything in their place before leaving."

"I couldn't remember the proper place, I guess."
And I want to bang my head to the near world.

"Seriously?"

"Okay fine. I'm sorry I slept again until your next call."

"And another reason I didn't want to leave you alone. How did you even survive in the forces?"

"That was before you came into my life and spoilt me."

"And it's my fault again."

"Well technically..."

"Technically I should kill you now so before I do anything such do me a favour and save your handsome face by having at least something you take off"

"Thank God at least you agree that I have a handsome face."

I close my eyes asking almighty for every ounce of patience. Keep calm He is your husband, you can't kill him.

"Captain Reyansh Bakshi, be prepared to sleep on the couch when I come back."

"Dr Khwahish Raizada, even you know that's not gonna happen."

"Overconfidence is never good for your health."

"Self-awareness certainly is." His man will be the end of me.

"Eat something," I said.

"Stop being a gummy kid now, I will. I gotta go now, I will call you after I get back okay?" He asked.

"Have a safe flight." I kissed the screen he closes his eyes.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

I sit up resting my back on the headboard. Life seems good now, with him. I smile thinking of him, of us.

A text beeps in my phone, he has sent the pic of his breakfast on the way. His man is my whole life.

Another text came, Tanveer. I told him that I will visit him tonight. We will talk about his problems, for now, I don't even know if he wants to get married or not.

Sometimes I really don't understand him, but then again I don't have to.

Today I need to visit somewhere, Park Circus, my college area. I smiled even at the mention of that, oh how I wish to live those days once more.

The sun has arrived as the bustling sound fills the hallway. My aunt and Maa are talking in hushed tones, something had happened behind my back which I am not aware of yet, and I don't even care.

Life is good now, and I want it to be like that only.

I scroll my phone gallery and one photo catches my attention. A selfie of mine, Reyansh and Tanveer, my wedding photo.

The smiles scream happiness. The day happiness barged into my life and I accepted it with open arms without a fear this time. I smiled. Life is good ever since that day.

Miseries did visit me after that but happiness had always found its way back. Reyansh Bakshi made sure of that. Reyansh, my happiness.

17th February

6.30 PM

The breezes today are crossing hastily, losing themselves among the chaos of the city. The weekend is near and the rush of office ending hours has arrived. The soft smell in the air is giving a notation of the arrival of summer. A summer of happiness, a promise of growth.

As another gust passed me, I sighed trying once again to get an auto. I should have waited for the car, but alas I was in a hurry.

Perhaps I wanted to came here by public transport only, just like in my college days.

A sweet smile appears on my face as I recall those pathetic beautiful three years of my life. Pathetic because I hated being in a girls' college with all these restrictions after studying in Co-ed for twelve years. Beautiful because I loved these long journeys of three hours every day.

Back in those days, when I used to stuck in traffic for hours, I found peace in the chaos of the city. A piece of myself I found mayhem those busy roads.

Another wind passed and this time an auto stopped, "Bhaiya Esplanade."

"Madam share mein jana hoga," As if I care.

I got inside and for a second forgot to breathe.

The flurries hold their breath, the trees halt their trails, the realities of the universe ceased right at the moment as everything that made sense hushed in the background losing the essence of right and wrong. The war in here, claimants against each other as the past confronts the present. There next to me sits my reason for the destruction, the war is near the end.

For once I was ready to stop the auto, get out of it and just run away, and if it was a few days ago I would have done that only, but not now, not anymore. I gulped my pain away as I fix my eyes on the road.

Suddenly the very well-known Mirza Ghalib lanes seem to be foreign to me as the memory of our last meet comes to my mind, the roads I had taken a thousand times seem distant so as the person sitting next to me.

What had it been? A decade? No eons.

The traffic suddenly started annoying me as the silence is choking me, killing me with its mere presence. I close my eyes, gathering the open pallu to my shoulder. I sigh as I look at the phone, it's low in battery.

The radio in the auto started as the traffic will last for some time. The soothing voice of Rekha Bhardwaj started after the soft music.

Phir le aaya dil majboor kya keeje
Raas na aaya rehna door kya keeje
Dil keh raha use maqammal kar bhi aao
Wo jo adhoori si baat baaki hai

Unknowing I started humming until a sudden voice halted the array of my thoughts.

"You have improved." He said with a soft smile. I laughed.

Of course, I had, back a decade I was the worst singer, according to him.

"I guess."

"It's awkward you know?"

"Sitting next to me in the auto?"

"Sitting next to you, silently."

My breath halted as my honey-brown orbs meet his charcoal black one and this time he didn't look away. The pain is evident there so is the guilt. A pain of decade, the guilt of eternity.

"How are you?" He asked, like always.

"I am good, how are you and your family?" Family, I once called mine.

"Good, Mummy was not well though but it's better now. How's Maa?"

Maa. He used to call her that always, but now this endearment doesn't make sense to me.

Love had lost its way to us, these are just shallow words now, a habit that had stayed perhaps.

"My Maa is good. What about her?" I asked, a sad smile appears on his lips, another pain, another guilt.

"Good." He nodded.

"I heard about your father."

"Yeah, she called me too. Things are better now." I smiled, he smiled. Silence engulfs us again.

"I never thought it would be this awkward between us."

"Same."

"Remember how you used to be a chatterbox back the days." I laughed at the mention of it.

"I am still is."

"Really?"

"Really, but now only with Reyansh." I smiled and I can see his eyes losing the shine.

"You are happy with him." A sentence or a question. He knows about me. I nodded.

"Happy than I have ever been in my life." I sighed.

Karte hain hum aaj qabool kya keeje
Ho gayi thi jo humse bhool kya keeje
Dil keh raha use mayassar kar bhi aao
Wo jo dabi si aas baaki hai

"I am sorry." He said out of nowhere. I furrowed my brows. He is sorry, I know, but a decade later.

"About what?" I asked.

"About everything I did to you Khwahish."

As my name rolls out of his lips I closed my eyes. A gust of pain arrives, he never used to call me by my name.

"It doesn't matter now, Armaan." A pain hit him hard which made him frown. Armaan. I never used to call him that either.

The breezes passed carrying the grief in them, trees faded away in the background as the auto started moving again, love left behind as Wahish and Maan mourned at their faith.

"It does. Remember when I said sorry all these years ago what you told me? You said I am not feeling it but one day I will, that day you will accept my apology, and forgive me."

The memory of this guy holding my bandaged hand for the last time came back to me the same place, a similar spring evening, the last forehead kiss he gave me, the last hug we shared. We ended it on a good note, but still, I never let go of the pain, we never let go of the pain.

"Today I feel it, I shouldn't have taken my frustration out at you, I shouldn't have ruined your childhood."

"I already had a messed up one."

"More reason I shouldn't have made it messier. But I did." He did.

"I am good now."

"I know and you deserve every happiness. Your husband..." He gulps as he continues again.

"Reyansh is great and he deserves you not because he loves you, but because he values your smiles your happiness, I never did that." He never did that. He only valued me when I left.

"You don't value a gem unless you lost them." He sighed as he speaks his last words.

"I hope you learnt from your mistakes," I said, he smiles nodding his head.

"I did, hopefully."

"And I had forgiven you." He nodded as I look outside, with the background playing the last verse of the song,

Kismat ko hai yeh manzoor kya keeje
Milte rahe hum badastoor kya keeje
Dil keh raha hai use musalsal kar bhi aao
Wo jo ruki si raah baaki hai
Wo jo ruki si chaah baaki hai

"I hope you have a great life ahead." He said as the parting words which carry hope in them.

As I took my Cab from Esplanade I smiles at our meeting, this time it's a decent farewell, a closing we deserve. The breezes smiles and the trees bow down at two lovers who had lost love years ago, today they wrote the last page of their book.

Maan and Wahish had bid their adieu years ago, today Armaan and Khwahish end their story as they cross the same roads again.

For I know my first love had an aeon of its own, long faded behind the dust of broken promises and betrayals, never forgotten though.

For I know, that was a kind of love which taught me lessons of life.

Kyuki woh pehla pyar hi kya jo adhura na rahe.
Woh Ishq hi kya jo barbaad na kare.