12th February

10.50 PM

THE MOON is somewhither skulked behind those misty clouds, as usual, my craving for Chai at this late hour was there, I was in the kitchen bustling with it.

Spring.

Springs betoken love, it manifests hope, a hope of new beginnings after the tedious bone-chilling frigid wintertime glooms. A promise everyone seeks, a fresh start everyone awaits for.

Spring brings love in the breeze too, a desire to be embraced too. And I am living on that dream.

My array of thoughts gets broken by the phone call, wholly unusual because I was not expecting a call at least not now. Stretching out I spotted it a known contact, although a quite familiar one. A smile finds its way to my lips. Tanveer calling.

"I thought you forgot me in these few weeks." I teased, oh I love doing this.

"As much as I want that to forget you, I can't do that now, Love." and how can he miss this.

"I wish you had."

"Well now love not all our wishes are granted, Are they?" Even from the miles of distance between us, I didn't miss the pain his voice has, a known pain.

"Kabhi kabhi kuch khawishey sirf khawish hi rehni chahiye janab, woh poori na ho toh hi behtar hoti hai."

(Sometimes some wishes should always remain as wishes only, they are if they are not granted.)

Silence engulfs us as the breezes pass kissing my face. I blink twice smiling at my own words. How much have I changed in these years? A lot. A sigh. Long gone the days, Khwahish Raizada wished for those 11:11 wishes, those mannats, those duas. Long gone those carefree childish days.

"Aish? You there?" Tanveer's voice brings me back from my allay of thoughts.

"Yeah tell me, I just zoned out for a bit."

"Well, certain things never change right? I guess."

"Yeah. So tell me, how are you? Everything good there?"

"yeah not as bad as I thought."

"that's a great answer Tanveer." I laughed and I can hear him laughing too.

"It sounds good you know."

"What?"

"Your laugh" He sighs, I can say he is smiling at my comment too, a sad smile maybe. Tanveer Ali is a known chapter for me, too known to be good.

"I am trying you know," he said.

"I know, and I can say you are doing great so far. Now tell me, what it is?"

"Why do you know me so well Aish?" Sometimes even I ask myself this question, I do I know him so well. Tanveer should have remained an unknown stranger, at least from my part, or just a friend, but he is more to that. He is my confidant, my listener, even when I am not spilling it through words.

"Tell me Tanveer, what happened?"

"I... Amma wants me to get married, Aish," I smiled at that, I know its coming, sooner or later.

"Well, I saw this coming, even you did Tanveer. You are thirty, old enough to get married and now with everything coming to its place, even I think you should give it a thought."

"Aish please not you too. You know me, I don't want to get married."

"Why?"

"I don't trust that relationship anymore Aish, after what happened to Ishrat, I don't think I can ever get married."

"What happened to Ishrat was nothing to do with you Tanveer, she is happy now. Her marriage ended and for good. That man never deserved her, and she is just twenty-two for speaking out loud, what were you people even thinking when you got her married at twenty-one."

"Now not every family is like yours." Silence, a painful silence engulfs us. I looked out towards the starry sky, shimmering stars reminding me of all those nights I wished for a fallen star.

"I'm so sorry..."

"You are right, not every family is like mine. And I don't what should I feel about it, fortunate or anxious."

"Khwahish..."

"Coming to you Tanveer. I know what Amma wants, she dropped a lot of hints about it. Tell me what you want."

"About what?"

"Today's weather. Idiot, of course about getting married."

"There's a girl..." And I yelled.

"There's a girl and you freaking didn't tell me about it. What on the earth.."

"Calm your horses' woman."

"Bruh I can't.. You..."

"Listen first then yell. There's a girl I met last week..."

"It's been a week already.."

"Can you just let me complete Khwahish?"

I stayed shut controlling my anger, asking the almighty for all the patience of the world, how he dared to hide things from me?

"...Nikhat, I met her a few days back. She works at the hospital I took Amma for a check-up. So one thing leads to another, and I like her, but..."

"But?"

"She is a divorcee."

"So what's wrong with that?"

"Amma is not okay with this."

"Wait. I don't understand what's your mothers' problem is. She wants you to get married. And when you are willing to do so she is not ready to accept it? Like is she for real..."

"Khwahish can you please listen to me for once." He yelled, I can hear the frustration lingering in that voice.

"Don't you dare to yell at me Tanveer Ali?"

"Then please listen to me, I already have a mess here and you are the last thing I want to mess up right now."

"What happen Tanveer?"

"Khwahish, I want you to come here please. a lot is going on here. And I need you here."

"Tanveer it's not.."

"Remember you told me that you will anything..."

"Stop with this blackmailing stuff Tanveer, I will come. Lemme just sort it out a bit. Even Maa is asking for me to come."

Next few minutes, we talked about general kinds of stuff and bid a quick goodbye. A gust of wind touches my face and this time I open my black waves, letting them fall carelessly on my bareback.

A deep sigh left my lips as I fix my glance towards the starry sky. Oh, how I love grazing these. A habit of mine that stayed even after all these years. In the background, Prateek Kuhaad is playing on my Spotify, and I sing along,

Chaaron aur aag hai, Ya taaron ka ye baag hai

Mehfil zaroor khash hai, Tu kon hai ye raaz hai.

I keep on standing there on my balcony lost in the spring of love that surrounds me, and then my eyes catch it.

"He is so dead today." I sighed seeing those board games hidden behind those curtains.

It's been three days since I asked him to keep them in their place. Reyansh Bakshi is so dead today.

Keeping them at their earmarked place, I took out the controller. It's still early to call it a night. As I play, a memory tangles up with my thoughts, the first time I came here. This place was a mere apartment back them, but we make it home. A smile plays on my lips.

Never in a thousand years, I have thought that I will love someone again, but I did. And this time it's a kind of love I deserve, a love I want to stay in. A spring I know will never fade away.

The door clicks and I closes my eyes in contentment. He is home, finally.

"I asked you to sleep, didn't I?" His voice echoes through the hallway making me grin. He is pissed. Oh, how I love that.

"And I ask you to keep the board games in the last drawer, that too on Sunday, three days ago." A throaty laugh as he shakes his head for my answer.

As much as I want to turn around and hug him tight, I decided to stay like this, I am angry anyhow. The din of his feet and I concealed my smile.

Coming around he stands in front of me taking the controller off my hands, and makes me stand. The next I know is I'm engulfed in a hug. A tight hug after a tiring day makes to feel at home. I can feel his tired muscle, his cologne that smells of woods and salty sweat.

"You need a shower" I stated.

"Mind if you join?" He teased. This is home, this is love.

"Nope. I have better things to do."

"Better thing than having a shower with your Husband? Wifey that's so mean."

"Well, I have to heat the food, and eat as I can't sleep with an empty stomach, so Mr Husband, if you please hurry up a bit." On this, his brows furrowed, disappointed fills in expression but I didn't miss the love that his light honey brown eyes hold for me. One of the many things I love about him, his eyes spoke to him, only to me.

"You didn't eat?"

"I didn't feel like, I was planning to skip it but now I want to eat with you." He smiles and I swear even after all these years, I felt my breath halting there, my heart missing a beat.

And then he leans a little taking my lips into his, sulking them with love and passion, putting everything in that one kiss. One more thing I love about him, his one kiss makes me forget every stress. I smile as he again peaks my lips.

"Go take the shower." He shakes his head, peaking my forehead once he left for our room.

By the time I placed the last dish on the table he came back from the shower. Droplets of water sliding beyond his earlobes forming a pearl diamond look, he smells of woods mixed with lavender touches, oh how I love these.

"As much as I love you checking me out shamelessly, I'm hungry now, and so is this stupid wife of mine."

"I dare you to repeat that Reyansh Bakshi."

"Oh, I am so sorry Khwahish Raizada but please care to have a sit, mujhe bhook lagi hai ab."

A smile appears on my lips as he called me by that name. I never changed my name after marriage, though my parents were disheartened he didn't care, another thing of him I love, he supported me through everything.

Taking a next to him, he serves me food and started eating his own, while my left hand was held by him. Slow lazy circles he keeps on making there as he talks about his flights today. A habit we have built of each other.

"You know Tanveer called me today?" He said looking at me.

"He did?"

"Yeah, he asked me to ask you."

"About going back?"

"Yeah. So what you have thought?"

"Haven't thought about it actually." He looks at me again this time with a smile.

"Let me know okay," I smiled.

Reyansh is the one person who doesn't need to speak through his words, for him his eyes did that to me, I know what he means, another thing I love about him.

1.30 AM

The breezes pass and the trees sway amongst them. Late-night hour the chaos of the city have dimmed a little, standing on the balcony Reyansh scrolls his phone waiting for me to join him, another habit we have built. His bareback is in my view, the tattoo of two swords forming a cross, concealing his scar completely.

His tattoos and scars have a story. He has nineteen of them total, nineteen tattoos hiding eighteen scars each telling a heart-wrenching story, only one if of mine for his love.

I step into the balcony standing next to him, leaning towards him. He wounds his hand around my waist as I can see a little smile on his lips. His tensed muscles relax a little in my presence, once he told me I'm his sanity, his every action proves that every now and then.

I smile as a faint memory of our first meeting plays in front of my eyes.

The ER of the Airforce base hospital was in a rush that night. One of our MiG-21 Bison got crashed. The pilot survived but was severely injured. The pilot, Reyansh Bakshi.

That was the first time I met this man. Hardly recognisable face, broken neck and bones with no sign of waking up anytime soon. That's the first thought I had of him. But even then when I started treated him, he was never just a case study for me, he was more to that, always been that.

That was six years ago, today he is here, next to me. Lieutenant Reyansh Bakshi survived that battle. I got to save two lives that time, his and mine.

We stand there in peaceful silence grazing the starry night until when he speaks the next,

"I think you should go there."

"Ansh I told you, I will think about it." He smiles as he ceases the tattoo on my left wrist softly. 'Pheonix' it reads.

"I know you will" he kisses my wrist as we keep on looking at the starry canvas.

"I love you, Khwab," he said looking towards my hazel brown eyes.

"I know you do, and I love you too."

I love us more, I love how we love each other, how we love bits and pieces of each other.

For love to feel completely in this little thing, not in those wholes.

Kyuki main janti hu khud ko kho kar phir say pana kya hota hai.