Jo thought she'd feel better once they got away from all the people and the flashing lights, but there was still a hurricane in her stomach. She clung onto Imogen, then immediately released her. What if by clinging onto Imogen she drove her away? Isn't that what happened with Mal? Her father's words repeated in her head like a twisted mantra. You are a burden.

She snuck off from the group the first chance she got. She slipped into a bathroom and rushed to the first open stall. She locked it behind her, pulled her hair into a ponytail, dropped to her knees, and promptly vomited into the toilet. Throwing up always made her feel better. It was almost like she was expunging the evil from her. Not that that was a true possibility.

You are a monster. You are a monster. You are a monster. You are a monster-

She hurled again. There wasn't much to throw up. All she'd eaten was a few slices of apple and that treat in the ride over. She leaned her head against the wall of the stall, just by the toilet paper dispenser. She took some toilet paper and jolted. It was so...cushy. She got over her shock quickly and took to cleaning herself up. Luckily, she hadn't gotten any vomit on her clothes.

"Jo?"

It was Imogen. It was always Imogen. It was always going to be Imogen until she saw what Jo truly was. Jo struggled to get to her feet. She had to get Imogen out. She had to save Imogen from the monster that laid just under Jo's skin. She had to push her away. She had to. She used the lock on the door to keep her upright. Her head was spinning.

She went to open the door, but opening the door meant seeing Imogen's face, and so she decided against it. Instead, she slumped down, her back against the door, and sighed, "Go away."

"Don't worry, Jojo," Imogen replied because she wanted to help. She wanted to help who she thought Jo was. If she knew the truth, if any of them knew...Jo's heart was pounding. "Evie's going to get you a toothbrush. She'll be here in a minute and then you can get cleaned up-"

"Go away!" Jo growled, slamming her fist on the wall to her right. "Please. Please just leave me alone."

Imogen had sat down now with her back against the other side of the door. "You know I'm not going to do that. You don't have to talk if you don't want to, but I'm here for you."

"You have to," Jo insisted. "You should've left me on the Isle to die. You have to go away. You have to save yourself." Her mind was racing. How did Imogen not get it? Jo was a monster, an abomination. She ruined everything she touched. She always overreacted and she always fucked up. She didn't deserve to be alive. She was a burden.

"Jo, please, just let me help you," Imogen begged. "Let me help you get cleaned up and get you some soup and into bed and then after you take a nap, you can decide if you still want me to go away." A bed sounded pretty good at the moment, but Jo had made up her mind. She couldn't let this continue. She had to get Imogen out before she did something terrible.

Jo shook her head wildly even though she knew Imogen could not see it. "No! No, you don't get it. I...I'm not this amazing person you think I am. If you knew the truth, you would hate me."

"I could never hate you," Imogen said softly, sliding her hand under the stall door to take Jo's. Jo recoiled and wedged herself in the corner of the stall between the toilet and the wall. She pulled her knees into her chest and tugged at her roots. The pain felt nice. Felt right. Felt familiar.

"Stop lying to me!" she cried out. "Please, please, just go! Go! I don't want to see you, okay? Leave me alone!" She buried her face in the little dip between her knees. She felt everything twice-over. She knew if she didn't get Imogen away soon, she'd see what Jo really was.

Imogen got to her feet and left without another word. Jo watched her feet walk out the door. She expected to feel better knowing she'd saved Imogen, but she just felt worse. She couldn't do anything right. She didn't deserve to be alive. She didn't deserve such amazing friends. She was sobbing again. She was gasping for air. She kept accidentally inhaling tears and choking on them.

(Water in her lungs. Water in her lungs. Hands pushing her down. Down, down, down. She fought back but now she wondered why.)

The door opened again and Jo slapped a hand over her mouth to shut herself up. She recognized the shoes that stepped inside the bathroom. The sight of the boots made her start to dry heave. She was hunched over the toilet now, dry heaving and crying and wishing she'd never been born. She was disgusting. She was a monster.

The door opened itself. Mal didn't waste a second, plopping down beside Jo and wrapping her arms around the slightly taller girl. Jo reluctantly melted into the embrace. She buried her face in Mal's neck. Mal rubbed her back and said simply, "Your father's wrong."

"No, he's not," Jo argued. "I'm a monster. I killed her."

(Bruises all over her body, scars on her back. She deserved it. She deserved all of it.)

Mal's grip tightened. "You didn't kill her, Jo. It wasn't your fault. Your dad's wrong. I know monsters. You are not one."

"It's my fault!" Jo wailed. "Everything's my fault! I'm a terrible person. All I do is hurt people." She remembered the photo album in her bag. The light that once existed in her father's eyes. She took that away from him. She ruined everything.

"That's not true!" Mal retorted. She shifted so she could look directly into Jo's eyes. "You were the first person on the Isle to be genuinely kind to me. You've always put others before yourself. You, Jolie Beaumont, are kind and selfless and loving and warm. You are not a monster."

Before Jo could get a word in, Mal continued, "And I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for leaving you on the Isle, and for not saying goodbye, and for agreeing to this whole celebration even though I know how anxious you get when there's too much going on. Most of all, I'm sorry I ever made you think even for a second that your dad was right because he isn't Jo. You are not a monster. You're the girl who befriends the monsters and teaches them to be kind."

For a moment, they were mostly silent. Jo sniffled and tried to gather herself. She let Mal's words wash over her. You are not a monster. You are not a monster. You are not a monster. You are not a monster. She squeezed her eyes shut. Mal was cold. She was always cold. A side effect of being the daughter of Maleficent and Hades.

Mal pet Jo's head. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking I hate your blonde hair," Jo admitted. Mal laughed heartily. They sat together on the bathroom floor, nestled close. The bathroom door opened and Evie swept inside, wielding a bright purple toothbrush. Instinctually, Jo jumped away from Mal, ramming her shoulder into the toilet paper dispenser.

"Hey, sorry that took so long," Evie said breathily. "People kept stopping me trying to place orders for the Cotillion." She had no reaction to Mal and Jo on the floor together because this was Auradon. Here, you could show affection. While the Isle was a land of nevers, Auradon was a world of possibilities. Here, life wasn't just surviving. Here, she was safe. She was safe from the bandits and the men with leery gazes and her father. She didn't have to be scared all the time. 

Evie walked over to Jo and extended a hand. "Come on, let's put you back together."

Jo took her hand.

*

i wrote most of this while having a mental breakdown last night so i don't know if any of it is coherent or whatever but here you go!!! yes i worked my real-life trauma into this it's called being a gay author!!!