I'VE BEEN PLAYING DEAD
MY WHOLE LIFE AND I GET THIS
FEELING WHENEVER I FEEL GOOD
IT'LL BE THE LAST TIME
phoebe bridgers

"PERCY! I'VE MISSED YOU so much!" Rory squealed, attacking him with a hug.

"Whoa! Rory! I'm happy to see you too, but it's only been like a week," he chuckled softly.

"And it was far too long. Come on in! Are you hungry? I can make food or we could order something? We could just flip through channels or pop in one of my VHS tapes like last time?"

"Whatever you want to do is just fine," he smiled.

"So... drink wine?" She suggested.

Percy nodded, "If that's what you want. You know I'm never too picky. We'll have a good time, regardless."

Rory skipped over to the kitchen and grabbed an unopened bottle. Magic made opening wine bottles much easier. She poured a glass for her as well as Percy and brought the rest of it to the living room for easy refills.

"Gone out recently?" Percy asked.

Rory nodded, "He was a tall stranger with dark hair that I accidentally called Fred as he was, er... going down on me. He wasn't that good, and it made him stop and he left before we shagged so it was actually a good thing that I did that... you're judging me, aren't you?"

Rory never was too embarrassed when she was around Percy. They had seen each other stripped down to the most raw of emotions, often crying together some nights as they both believed they were the reason Fred died, or because they had to reject invitations from Molly because they felt out of place in the Weasley family and overall undeserving of love.

Percy sighed, "That doesn't sound like a good thing. You sure you're alright?"

"Positive," she said, downing the rest of her glass and pouring another.

"That was quick," Percy said, impressed. "You still getting nightmares?"

"Sometimes. I'm scared to tell Madame Perkins because I think she'll take it as me not doing okay and then we'll start from the beginning and she'll see me as a failure," Rory vented. "I had one like two nights ago where I was standing with him, just in our flat and he was saying we had to go help you and I couldn't stop it and I watched him walk away and I knew what was going to happen but this time it was all my fault. I woke up screaming and in a really disgusting cold sweat."

"Did telling me about it make you feel better?" He asked. She nodded. "That's good. I'm sorry that happened to you. You seem to be doing really well though."

"Emphasis on the seem," she pointed out, taking a long sip.

"Rory, slow down," Percy joked. "Since your nightmare, what have you done?"

Rory shrugged, "I haven't left my bed, to be honest... except when I went out last night and then I did that and couldn't sleep last night because I was too scared of having another one. I went out because I didn't want to sleep alone. That's why I invited you over. I need you, Perce."

Percy was Rory's best friend, and Rory was Percy's best friend. It was a friendship others found unlikely but not unsurprising. They both shared a lot of the same values about things, and even both left their families when they were teenagers. Most importantly though, they both blamed themselves for Fred's death. That was why Rory's nightmare was so haunting and why Percy was the only one who understood.

Also, she needed someone to get drunk with, even if he was only going to have a glass.

She didn't realize she was even drunk because her own emotions had distracted her from the wine entering her body.

"Do you want me to put some music on?" Percy asked.

Rory nodded. He got up and knelt by her record player, shuffling through her huge collection. He pulled out her Nina Simone one that her dad had given her and put it on.

"He's still dead," Rory said. "You know like... just because some cloud of smoke floats around Hogwarts and talks and jokes just like him, it doesn't change anything. I don't think people think I know that. Do you know how hard it is to grieve when the person you lost is still there? What am I meant to do? Refuse the Professor position? The one I've wanted since I was fifteen?" She paused and ran a hand through her hair.

Percy was sitting next to her again and softly touching her hand. She continued. "Fred never wanted to go back to Hogwarts. He thought I was so silly for dreaming about spending the rest of my life there. It isn't fair that he's there now, making me want to give it all up. I kind of hate him."

"You don't mean that, Rory," Percy sighed.

Rory shook her head, "I do. I hate Fred and honestly, I sort of hate my dad, too. Like he disappears out of my life for twelve years and then shows up one day and gets Aaron killed. What the fuck is that all about? You're like the only person I don't hate."

"You love your dad, Rory."

"Because he loves me. The second I saw him again at Grimmauld Place and he knew he was my father, I could see how much he loved me and no one had ever really looked at me that way before. He's just like me, Perce... and I hate myself. And now he's got a new daughter and so he doesn't need me, right? Like, he only spends time with me when he thinks something bad is going to happen to me so he can't claim responsibility for the death of two of his children."

"Your dad loves you and he still does, even with Emily around. He would do anything for you, no matter what."

Rory set down her glass and stared at Percy with wide brown eyes. The alcohol had officially made her brain foggier than it was.

So naturally, she kissed Percy. It wasn't a cheeky peck, no. It was a hand tostled in his hair, legs intertwined, leaning back on the couch kind of kiss (was there tongue? Oh goodness, there must have been).

Percy kissed back as a natural response to being kissed, but quickly pulled away after a solid ten seconds.

"Fuck!" She said as tears filled her dark brown eyes, "I just kissed... the brother of my dead boyfriend! I'm a horrible person! Why did I do that? What is wrong with me?"

Percy gently placed a hand on her arm, "You've been going through a lot and we've been close and you've been drinking. It's okay. I know it was just a moment of weakness and you don't mean anything by it."

"I am so fucked up, aren't I? Percy, I don't even recognize myself anymore!" She cried, allowing herself to nearly collapse in his arms. Percy wasn't very comforting, but he tried. He didn't softly pet her hair or rub circles on her back. He sort of just sat there and allowed her to cry.

Rory felt a strange numbness in her hands and her face and the emotions she had held in for weeks now crawling their way out painfully. She felt the cries that were incoming get caught in her throat, which made it difficult to breathe. What was wrong with her? Each cry was caught with a choking, hiccupy breath. It seemed Percy was familiar with whatever was happening to her and did his best to coach her through it, slowing her breathing and getting it back to normal. But Rory was far more concerned with what was going on in her head.

"Rory, you're okay, just breathe," he said calmly. "Look me in the eye, love."

Rory swallowed another stagnant breath and looked at Percy as tears escaped her eyes.

"My stomach hurts," she whimpered. "And — and I can't — and I can't feel my hands or my face. What's wrong with me?"

"Has this never happened to you before?" He asked quietly.

"Not like th — not like this. Not — not where I can't f-feel my own body or my lungs are frozen or... I feel dizzy. Am I dying?"

The Weasley shook his head and demonstrated more breathing for Rory to follow along with. "I'm going to get you some water. Come to the kitchen with me. Sometimes walking helps."

Rory got up and followed him, still feeling sick and dizzy and barely breathing. Then, she felt the bile rise to her throat. She bent over the sink and threw up. Percy did his best to hold back her hair, but it didn't really matter. The burn in her throat was worse than before. Percy handed her a glass of water and helped her hold it to her lips. Drinking it helped, but she knew that numbness was going to stay for a while along with the horrible headache she had gotten from crying so hard.

"You should get some sleep," he suggested, rubbing soft circles on her back with his best attempt at affection.

"But what if I see it happen again? The potion didn't work a few nights ago and so I can't be sure even if I take it I won't have another..."

"Would you like me to stay with you?"

Rory slowly exhaled, noticing that feeling the chillness of the glass in her hand was helping her ground herself. "Would you really want to do that? I mean I was all weird and kissed you and I just threw up into my sink."

"Which is exactly why you need someone to take care of you, just for tonight. From now on, you should only drink one glass or less if you intend to talk about your father while doing so. Do you feel well enough to shower?"

Rory nodded, "You should be a Mind Healer. You're much better than Madame Perkins."

"That's doubtful. Go get showered. I'll make you tea."

The hot water from the shower made her feel slightly better. She regained feeling where she'd lost it, and she was overall feeling more grounded.

Rory got out and wrapped a towel around her body, not wanting to get back into her day clothes just to take them off again. She stepped into her room where Percy was sitting on the bed.

"Sorry," he said quickly, covering his eyes.

Rory cracked a smile and rolled her eyes at Percy's awkwardness. She grabbed the first clothes she saw and changed into them, not wanting to go back into the bathroom and trusting Percy.

"Do you have anything for me to wear?" Percy asked.

"I have some old... boy shirts," she said as she finished dressing herself. "You can look now, it's okay."

He removed his hands from his face and gave her a small smile. She dug into one of her bottom drawers and pulled out a soft grey colored shirt. She held it to her face and inhaled. It was definitely Fred's at one point. She could just tell without having to unfold it.

"Here you go," she said, tossing it to Percy.

Few words were spoken as the pair finished getting ready to sleep, but that was fine. Rory got on her bed, resting her back against the propped up pillows. She leaned over to her nightstand and opened it, pulling out the small potion vial containing a light pink liquid. That was the potion allegedly meant to prevent nightmares.

"Do you want me to take the couch or the floor or..."

"I was thinking you could just take the bed."

"Oh!" His eyes widened. "Yeah! Are you alright with that?"

"If you are, yeah. I don't want to sleep alone."

He nodded, "Lights off?"

"Yeah," she said. "But keep the blinds open. I like the moonlight, it's just enough."

She lay next to him on her bed in her dark room. It was a bit odd, being next to Percy on top of her warm duvet as he was clad in just boxers and an old tee shirt she found that belonged to Fred at one point. However, it wasn't uncomfortable. In fact, it was the most comfortable she'd felt (especially around a man) in a very long time.

"I'm sorry for kissing you," she whispered, turning her head to face him.

"It's alright."

"I mean I'm sorry that it made you uncomfortable and I'm sorry it was so sudden, but I'm not sorry I did it," she confessed.

"You're just drunk and sad," he responded with a soft chuckle and turned his head so they were now eye to eye.

"So? I enjoyed kissing you, Percy. I'd like to do it again now that I'm more grounded."

"Okay," he said after a moment of hesitation.

The corners of her mouth pulled up in a delicate smile, and she pressed her lips to his. It was nice. Not the electrifying, blood pumping kind of nice, but more like... the sun hitting your skin through the window on a summer morning kind of nice. Percy had propped himself on his elbow as he kissed her to make their position less awkward. His hand was on her cheek (it was then she realized she could feel her face again) and he was holding her with such care.

There were a few options for what could happen next.

A.) They could have sex. That would certainly be a turn of events. Would it be enjoyable in the moment? Honestly, probably. Sure, he was awkward on the surface, but he was quite the romancer. He had that fling with that Ravenclaw when he was a sixth year and there was another girl he told her about. What was her name? Abigail? It didn't matter. Point being: he would certainly respect her if they were to sleep together. Was there such a thing as platonic sex?

B.) They could just keep kissing until they realized they were only doing it in the name of grief. Rory and Percy were both intelligent people and even without a clear mindset, they could figure out that moving the night further might not be the best thing for them.

C.) They could stop and go to sleep and never talk about the night ever again.

Rory chose C.

a/n:

i was supposed to post a kirsty chapter but it sucks so sorry for some more rory angst </3

also mini shoutout to ADACARISIIS' percy OC abigail who made a cameo towards the end <3