(C7) Old Habits Die Hard
Just on time, the couple, alongside Ryder, walked into the building. Unlike most times, they were running a bit late, due to some complications regarding their usual schedule. Both Ryder and Marshall were aware, but Everest, well, not so much. To her this was just like every other visit, the only difference being her mate keeping her from falling over.
Considering the fact that they were behind, almost the moment they entered the lobby, the familiar face of not just a therapist, but what could probably be considered a family friend at this point, greeted them with her usual welcoming smile.
"Hey guys, you two ready?" Haley asked, looking down at the two pups. Without saying much of a word, the Dally nodded and walked inside the room, Everest following close behind. The girl gave Ryder a nervous look, only barely aware of the situation at hand. The only thing she had been told was to be ready for more sessions than usual, and that was naturally a red flag on its own.
But, she knew she couldn't make a big deal about it, so she walked in behind them, quietly closing the door in the process. The two were already up on their couch, huddling close to one another, so she did the same and sat in her own chair.
"So, how have things been this week? Is the medicine working well for you, bud?" Naturally, she knew things had been anything but easy, all things considered. The last session had begun with Everest walking in with a missing leg, and Marshall far more paranoid and stressed than ever. However, to her surprise, the Dally didn't seem too bad today. Not great, but better than the previous week, although admittedly that wasn't saying a whole lot.
"W-well, things have been alright. I think the medicine's been working, I-I've felt a bit better the last few days," he answered, the Husky smiling as he explained.
"That's great, are there any side effects that you've noticed?" Marshall seemed to go quiet for a moment, thinking about the last week, almost not remembering himself. He never really paid much attention to the side effects, more just soaking in the few positives he was starting to feel.
"Not much, a headache here and there, but nothing other than that." The girl nodded, taking a few notes before looking back up, this time focusing on a different pup. One she was a bit more concerned about, fearing the unknown story that lay behind the innocence of her joyful appearance.
"Everest, have you noticed anything new?" She was curious, knowing she'd be keeping a constant eye on him. She usually was more than able to confirm things, considering she knew the Dally inside and out, sometimes even better than he did.
However, instead of the usual right away response she'd usually get from her, only silence came. It was like she was lost in her own world, trapped from whatever conversation wasn't in her head. And Haley wasn't the only one who noticed.
"Hey, Eve." The Husky snapped her head up and looked back at the Dally, clearly unaware of what was going on as she let out a confused sound.
"Yeah? S-sorry, I didn't hear you. What did you say?" She asked, looking over at Marshall, trying to seem as genuine as she could. This was something Haley took note of, seeing her zone out from something she was usually extremely motivated for, helping her mate. In fact, from what she could tell he was her top priority, seeing her not even paying attention wasn't exactly in character.
"Everest, I was just asking you what you had noticed as far as his mood over the last week." The Husky slowly nodded, trying her hardest to think about the last few days. They were a rollercoaster for her—and that was with some generous rounding down—but for him, they actually seemed to be an improvement, even if they weren't the biggest changes. Then again, she knew he wasn't going to just heal overnight.
"He seems to be doing a little better, actually. The medicine really does seem to be working. I'm proud of him," she exclaimed, wrapping one of her legs around him in the process, the Dally's tail wagging slightly from the affection. However, the bandage on her paw wasn't one that went unnoticed.
"Hey, what happened to your paw?" the therapist asked, raising an eyebrow with only mild suspicion, mainly just curiosity. Although, the sudden nervous reaction from the Husky shifted her view on the situation.
"O-oh, uh, I-I...accidentally scraped it when I tripped...y-yeah." If the girl wasn't already concerned enough, the look in Marshall's eyes told her that wasn't exactly true. He was never good at lying, but there was the possibility that his mate was a different story.
"Hmm, alright then." Haley, despite still showing concern, knew she couldn't focus on it now and turned her attention back to the Dally, who looked back and only let out a small sigh, one the source of was still a mystery. For now at least.
From that point on, Everest could feel her attention fading. Her mind went into an almost empty state, keeping her locked up from the outside world, trapped in her mental prison with no key insight. And from what it seemed, she wasn't being set free anytime soon.
The only thing she could think of was earlier that day. Eventually, she had completely lost track of time, only joining in and talking if she was specifically called out or asked a question, other than that staying silent for the majority of the session. The other two in the room were starting to notice her behavior, but neither of them questioned it. That was for later.
"Well then," Haley stated, noticeably louder than her usual first, causing the Husky to dart her head back up to face her. "Marshall, that's about all for today. And just for the record, I can see some improvements. You're doing great, buddy, keep it up."
Everest, as if nothing was wrong with her at all, threw on a smile and licked the Dally, although she was genuinely proud of him for his achievements. But, to her slight surprise, he frowned and just looked at her. The look in his eyes, that being guilt, was something she had seen countless times. However, for once, she wasn't exactly sure why.
"Marshy, what's up?" She looked over at Haley, wondering if she had some sort of answer, but even she showed no clues. The spotted pup suddenly leaned forward, planting a small kiss on her forehead while tears filled his eyes. The Husky was starting to worry, but not the usual type of worry she'd feel. Something felt...off, as if he knew something she didn't.
"Y-your turn." Chills flew down Everest's spine, as she processed the words, completely unaware of what exactly was supposed to come next. The only sign was that the Dally felt bad about it, which although could've just been him being stressed or anxious, wasn't the best thing to have to work with.
"W-what do you mean my turn? To do what?" She asked hastily, worry and urgency corrupting her voice as she tried to figure out what was happening.
"I...I told Ryder to set up an appointment for you." Instantly, the Husky's eyes widened, being quite obviously caught off guard. She looked over at his, or what could even end up being her, therapist, hoping for some clarification in her favor, which just with her luck wasn't given.
"W-what?! Why?! She nearly shouted, visibly starting to panic. Marshall softly put his paw on her cheek, slowly bringing her face back to facing hers, allowing them both to see both of their nervous expressions, though one was far more clear than the other's.
"Eve, because I'm scared for you. I really wanna help but...I-I know now I probably can't do as much as I would want to. S-so, I thought maybe Haley could. B-but I don't know, it might be a bad idea. I'm s-sorry, you don't have to do it if you don't want to," he answered, both his head and tail dropping.
Everest could see the self-disappointment growing in the Dally, which unintentionally was giving her a motive. The only motive that probably would have ever actually done much. Nothing to do with her of course, it wasn't like she cared about herself much in the first place, but purely just for his own sake.
"Marshy...i-it's fine. I-I'll give it a try I guess, just don't feel bad about it, okay?" Marshall smiled and nodded, although she could tell he was still wasn't sure. She wasn't either, to be honest, but she had already spoken her words. It was too late for any take-backs.
"Alright, if you say so. Do you want me to stay with you or...?" The Husky hated herself for the answer that first came to her mind. Naturally, not wanting him to worry or get anxious during her own session, she'd rather do it without him. But then again, she knew he'd be stressed alone, and the Dally seemed to pick up on that thought process. "Eve, it's fine if you'd rather be by yourself. I promise I won't mind, I know why you'd rather be alone."
"Y-yeah...I-I kinda would, s-sorry," she replied timidly, lowering her head, still not too fond of the idea of disagreeing with a mate. But instead of some negative reaction, her mate only licked her and stood up.
"Don't be sorry, it's okay. You can do this. Love you, Eve." And with that, the Dalmation stood up and left the room, leaving the Husky alone with someone she had been with multiple times, but reality had shifted for this encounter.
"L-love you too, Marshy," she whispered nervously as she slowly turned back around, facing Haley, who remained with the same comforting look she always did, although it seemed a bit more comforting than usual, as if she was trying to warm her up to the idea. Unfortunately, it was doing its job too well.
"So...let's start off simple, alright? How've you been over the last few weeks?" Everest remained silent at first, debating what direction she should try and take this in. It probably should've been a simple answer, considering she was already stuck here, but nothing could really be that easy, could it?
"I-I've been fine, I think he's just paranoid. I really doubt all this is necessary," she answered as seriously as she could. But, and this wasn't exactly a surprise either, Haley only raised an eyebrow.
"Everest, girl, I can't help you if you don't tell me. I know you're probably used to hiding these things, but this is a safe environment. This will help you, I just need you to be honest with me." She was hoping the Husky would have some sort of turn around, but instead, she only whimpered and looked down, beginning to tremble.
Naturally, the girl could tell how nervous she was about being her. She was very used to patients not being open right away, in fact, it was the usual. It seemed many had developed the habit of bottling their feelings up, the reason simply depending on the animal, the range of thoughts and emotions controlling them going on a never-ending scale.
"It's okay, you don't have to hide it. I know you're scared, but just trust me. And hey, I'm sure Marshall is very proud of you for—"
"What? N-no...of course he's not proud of me. Why would he be?" the Husky suddenly exclaimed. Although this wasn't the answer she intended on getting, Haley smiled slightly on the inside. Now they were getting somewhere.
"Well, you're here, aren't you? You're pretty brave to not leave with him when he gave you the chance, even if you might've just done that to make him happy. That alone is an accomplishment," she explained softly, only for the lavender pup to frown, looking down at her injured paw, making her feel even worse.
"But after all I did to him...d-don't you get it? Everything that's happened to him is because of me. H-how could he still really care about me?" To say the therapist was caught off guard would've been a bit of an understatement, but of course, she couldn't let it show in front of her patient.
"Because you're helping him get through this, and he loves you more than anything. But, if you don't mind me asking, how exactly is this your fault?" she asked, curious to the thousands of possibilities laying ahead.
"'Cause if I had just stayed with him and sucked it up, all of this could've been avoided!" Everest suddenly blurted out, instantly regretting her decision with her paw flying to her mouth. However, even if she wished she could take it back, that was an option far past her abilities now.
"Stay with who?" The Husky shut her eyes in stress, wishing she could slap herself for her stupidity. The thoughts piled in, lashing at her for her actions, and she only fell victim to them again as small drops of liquid rolled down her fluffy cheeks. She wanted to stop talking and just remain quiet, but at this point, there was no going back now.
"D-do you remember Damian? T-the one who attacked me?" She asked, Haley nodding as she continued. "H-he was my ex. B-but, I-I didn't love him. He...a-abused..."
It only took those two words for the girl to put the pieces together, having heard similar stories multiple times. And it was a good thing she figured it out too, seeing as the Husky couldn't reply anymore, swallowed up by her own tears.
It was an awful thing to hear, that the innocent and sweet Paw Patrol member, who had devoted her life to helping others, had been a victim of manipulation and abuse, clearly leaving a lasting impact on her. Thankfully, she had found the love and care she deserved in Marshall, but that wasn't going to erase the past she endured.
"Hey...it's okay, girl. He's gone now, he can't hurt you that way anymore. And I know for a fact Marshall would never treat you the way he did." Everest nodded lightly and wiped her eyes, trying to convince herself that was true just as much as she was.
"I-I know, o-or at least I tell myself that he won't. It's just...so much to deal with. I-I don't know, I-I'm sorry, it's been a really long day." Haley nodded, reaching out and slowly petting the pup's head. The receiver smiled lightly, allowing the action, but didn't necessarily give any more of a reaction.
"It's fine, we don't need to talk about him anymore, that can be for another time if you choose to come back," the girl explained, changing the subject to avoid any discomfort or fear from her patient. Except of course the feelings from simply being here in the first place and talking about these sorts of things. That was always inevitable, at least during the first session.
The Husky nodded and shifted in her seat, possibly out of nervousness or simply to get more comfortable. Regardless of the intention, jolts of pain stabbed her paw, shut her eyes as she winced. As expected, Haley wasn't one to beat around the bush, instantly noticing.
"Oh right, I forgot to ask, what really happened to your paw?" Everest's eyes opened immediately as she realized the implications of the question. Worry filled her, and unfortunately, the only two options she had at calming herself down weren't with her. Whether that be Marshall, or the less pleasant alternative.
"I-I told you, I tripped on it and got it scrapped." Haley sighed and shook her head, looking at the pup with sympathy.
"Everest, I'm just saying, I've heard that excuse countless times from patients, Marshall included. I know you won't like talking about it, but like I said, I can't help you if I don't know what you're going through," she softly told her, looking down as the Husky tried to regain herself.
"T-then you should already know the answer." Haley bit her lip, unfortunately getting her assumption right. But it wasn't the fact that she did these things in general that made her worried, it was how long she had been doing them. A habit like that can spiral down a very harmful rabbit hole, one she had seen multiple innocent animals fall down. She just wasn't wanting to add one more to that list.
"Right...and how long have you been doing this?" Everest didn't answer at first, more than likely trying to think of an answer, and her delay was even more of a warning sign.
"I-it's been years."
The therapist could feel the shock emanating through her, though she managed to keep it to herself. She knew how unhealthy and dangerous habits like those could be after even just a few weeks, but years...that made her nearly positive on one of her worries. And that was Everest falling victim to the endless cycle known as addiction. Thankfully, she was able to pull Marshall out of that before it was too late, but this could very well be another case.
"Do you know why you do it?" She asked, despite knowing the answer already. However, it was always better to hear it in the patient's words instead of her own.
"T-to feel better. I know, I know, it's a bad thing to do. I mean, I made sure Marshy stopped, b-but...I-I just can't." Haley nodded, unfortunately understanding her reasoning, even if it was an argument against common sense.
"Right. And what exactly are you trying to feel better about?" Everest opened her mouth to answer, but slowly felt it closing as she really started thinking. Without the two speaking, zero sound came through the room, besides a small fan providing some white noise. And silence meant no distractions, nothing to keep her out of her head.
Why am I even telling her about this? I'm...such an idiot, this is only gonna hurt her. She could feel her breath picking up speed as her thoughts got to her more and more, making sure to not leave behind any extra emotions. Marshy has it so much worse, I don't deserve this help.
"T-the sadness," she forced out her mouth, this time with a hollow, shaky voice. The only true voice talking was the one in her head, which unfortunately wasn't ready to call it quits. "I-it never stops, I j-just wanna be happy for once. N-not this messed up, insane freak who cries herself to sleep when no one's looking."
"Everest, no....You're not a freak, and you're not crazy. You're hurting, and you're scared, and you're confused, and that's okay. That doesn't mean you're messed up, and it certainly doesn't make you insane. We just need to do a little work, and you'll be happy again." The girl reassured her, even if she knew it wouldn't do too much now.
"How am I not crazy? Do normal people do these things? Do they feel this way?" Haley sighed, at first not having an answer. The pup wasn't exactly wrong, this stuff wasn't normal. But a sudden realization came to her mind, one that could make this situation much easier. It was obvious she wouldn't get through to her, but she knew exactly who could.
"Well, there's a difference between not normal and insane. No, most don't go through these things, but it doesn't make you crazy or anything of the sort. Like Marshall for example, his feelings and old habits don't make him crazy, do they?" she asked, knowing exactly what the Husky would answer with.
"W-what?! N-no, of course they don't, h-he's just in a really bad place right now. His situation is completely different from mine. He deserves this help. H-he's...the only reason I'm still here, even if he doesn't know it." At first, Haley was a bit confused, but it only took her a moment to realize the implication.
"I see....And he's been your motivation to keep going, right?" Everest slowly nodded, unable to bring herself to speak about the thoughts that told her to do those horrible acts. If she even thought about it for too long, it'd send her into a spiral of panic and guilt for wanting that for herself. "Right, and do you still wanna do that? Or was that an old feeling that went away?"
"I-I still do, I-I've wanted t-to do that for years now. But...I-I just couldn't bear the idea of leaving him like that. It's s-selfish." The girl nodded, getting the final answer she needed to answer her question. Despite her lingering suspicion after learning how long these feelings and habits had lasted, she had what she needed for a proper answer. She looked back up at the Husky, who was silently crying to herself in her chair, clearly overwhelmed, whimpering under her breath.
"Girl, look at me," she demanded, almost instantly gaining the pup's attention as she wiped her eyes and sniffled. "Nothing about this is selfish. You're hurting, and you deserve help just as much as Marshall does. And I won't force you to keep coming back, but if you do, we can work towards helping you. I know you've been dealing with these things for a long time, and it probably seems like it can't, but I promise you it can get better."
Everest looked down in shame, all directed towards herself. She wanted so desperately to reach out and accept the hand that was being given to her. Her ticket to freedom and happiness lay right in front of her, but as much as she yearned for it, her inner voices told her otherwise.
"I-I can't, I-I'm sorry, I c-can't let all this hurt Marshy more than it already has. I-if I come back, h-he'll get worried and stressed. I'd get in the way of his recovery, m-maybe when he's better I will." Naturally, although she felt bad, Haley couldn't say she was too surprised to see her perfectly willing to let herself suffer just for her mate.
"Well, I can tell you this much, I think you getting better would help Marshall." The Husky, as if not believing the words herself, looked up, her small, tear-soaked eyes staring in confusion, along with her expression. "I'm serious, seeing you happy would do just the same for him. That's a promise, you won't be hurting him, it'll help him."
"Y-you sure?" Everest asked, praying that she was. It's not like she cared for the help, at least not in the way she knew she should. But now, just as he always was, Marshall was her motivation to fight against whatever battle she had.
"I'm positive." The Husky sighed, realizing the paradox she had locked herself in. She was scared, terrified of the idea, but...it was for him. Her loving, clumsy pup, who was in more hurt than she could fathom, a completely different experience to her own. He was her everything, and she'd give anything in the world to help him. Even if it meant her own fears would have to be faced.
"Alright...f-fine, where exactly am I supposed to start? Besides just coming here, w-what do I need to do?" Haley thought for a moment, having multiple answers to that question. She knew she'd have to talk to Ryder about all of this right after the session was over, so it was best to wait for him to discuss prescribing medicine and coming back for more therapy. However, she quickly realized the most important action to take, one that needed to be handled as soon as possible.
"Aside from you talking to Marshall about this, which yes that does need to happen, the first thing I want you to try and work on is breaking your addiction."
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