This chapter is dedicated to stjean2021 who has already been eagerly awaiting this chapter. Thanks for not giving up on me :)

12 – Happy Holidays

My mom drops the custody petition eventually after I stick to my story that Marcus never touched me. This proves to me that it was truly just about the money for her—I mean, why else would she stay with a guy who beats the crap out of her after her chances for child support went down the drain?

Surprisingly, a new calmness spreads over the household. Marcus and my mom start to ignore each other and she immediately locks herself into her bedroom when he gets home at night. Since my mom isn't lifting a finger, Marcus is left to provide for us kids after a stressful work day, something he copes with without complaining. Every delivery service in a ten-mile radius is on speed dial on his phone and a house cleaner comes every other day to straighten up.

A few times, he visits me late in my room to check on me but leaves before matters escalate. It's puzzling until I notice Kerry sneaking into the house one night. Though I find it despicable that he carries on an affair in the same house my mom resides, I'm just as relieved. As long as Kerry keeps him occupied, I'm safe.

School is getting demanding and I study my ass off for my SATs to get into the college of my choice. Marcus doesn't spare any expense to get me prepared, and even sets me down one night to discuss my future.

"Have you thought about colleges yet?"

"I did some research, but I'm not sure where I want to go."

"And? Is Northwestern one of the schools you're considering?"

"I had really hoped to go out of state."

"Yeah, I figured you'd say that." His eyes glaze over with an odd glint I cannot place. "I don't mind, as long as you pick a school within driving distance. You know, just in case you want to come home on the weekends."

That will leave only midwestern colleges.

"I was hoping New York." My smile is timid when his eyes drill into me.

"I tell you what. Why don't you pick an undergrad college closer to home, and if you still want to go to med school after you're done, we can discuss New York, or even Boston or California. Deal?"

I sigh with frustration. Ultimately, what choice do I have? I could never afford a private college or out of state tuition anywhere on my own, so it'll come down to the school he picks for me.

"As long as you promise that I can go to med school wherever I want."

"Med school is a whole different ball game, Patrice. It's so competitive that you'll have to go to one that accepts you. Columbia, Stanford, and Harvard are incredibly hard to get into, but if you manage to pull it off, I'm sure going to support you."

"I'm also not sure about the major. I heard pre-med wasn't that good."

"Maybe take nursing. That way you have something solid if med school doesn't work out."

"I guess."

The whole conversation upsets me since it's obvious that he doesn't think I'm cut out to be a doctor. When he starts to take an active role in my college applications at the start of my senior year, I don't even push back. He heavily favors Michigan, though a few schools in Indiana and Wisconsin are also on the list.

In mid-December, the first acceptance letter arrives—from Purdue University in Indiana. I'm so thrilled that I accept straight away. My mother just grunts something inaudible under her breath when I tell her the news, but Marcus makes a huge deal about it by taking me to my favorite restaurant for dinner to celebrate.

Winter finals end three days before Christmas and I bounce up the stairs to our house after school, excited to celebrate the holidays and having a few days off to relax from all the studying. The second I open the door, the tension is palpable in the air.

My mother's loud voice drifts from the kitchen. "You are giving her a ring? Are you fucking serious?"

"Leave me alone, Chantal." Marcus is calm, though a hint of anger swings in his words.

"It looks like a fucking engagement ring. What are you planning to do? Propose to her before we're even divorced."

"I told you, it's not an engagement ring and I'm not planning on divorcing you. At least not until the kids are out of the house. You might totally suck as a mother, but they still deserve to live with both their parents under one roof."

"Fuck you, Marcus. I'm not going to stand for this. If you give her this ring, we're through."

I tiptoe to my room, not eager to witness another physical altercation. Popping my earbuds into my ears, I crank up the music on my phone to drown out their growing shouting. There I lie still on my bed, the hard beats carrying me into a state of oblivion. When I listen to music, nothing around me matters. I escape into a world of fantasy where I'm dating a cute guy and work as a successful doctor. Picturing those types of scenarios keep me occupied for hours.

When darkness creeps through the curtains, my growling stomach reminds me that I haven't eaten anything but a small salad all day. I open the door just a crack before peeking out into the hallway. The house is eerily quiet. The sudden scratching of Alyssa's violin has me jump—she still struggles with the basics after three years of practice and will never turn into a successful musician.

I venture into the kitchen to find Marcus at the counter with his laptop. Redness stains his eyes from staring at the screen for too long and the exhaustion has manifested itself in a frustrated curl on his lips.

"What are we getting for dinner?"

He shrugs. "You can get whatever you want. I'm going out with a few friends in a little while, so you guys will be on your own tonight."

"What about Mom?"

"She left and I'm not sure when she'll be back. I can get a sitter for Alyssa and Lamar if you have plans."

"No, that's fine." I hesitate for a moment before deciding to go for it. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why did you even marry my mom if you were always in love with Kerry?"

The darkness in his eyes takes a turn for the worst and for a second, I fear he will cuss me out and remind me that this is none of my business, but then he just sighs. "Your mom got pregnant and I felt it was my responsibility. I grew up without parents, something I didn't want for you."

"You never told me why your mom and dad couldn't take care of you."

"It's complicated. I don't like to talk about it."

Fair enough. "Sorry I asked." I grab a few of the takeout brochures off the counter, about to head for Alyssa's room to find out what she wants to eat when his words stop me in my tracks.

"My mother shot my dad when I was five."

I clutch my hand over my mouth. "Oh my god, did she kill him?"

"Yes. She went to prison for it, and I ended up in foster care. I never saw her again. She died when another inmate attacked her."

I stare at him, unable to breathe. Is he freaking kidding me? How can he be so calm about this? "Do you know why she shot him?"

"I read the transcripts of her trial. There were claims that he was violent toward her, but the allegations couldn't be substantiated. They were both drug addicts and the evidence suggested that she killed him over some crack. It took the jury only a couple of hours to convict her."

"I'm so sorry, Dad." What a miserable childhood.

"Growing up, I always swore to myself that things would be different if I ever had kids. I wanted to be a part of their lives no matter what. I guess I never imagined being trapped in a marriage from hell."

"Maybe it would be better if you and Mom got divorced so you wouldn't have to fight all the time."

He lets out a long breath through tight lips. "Trust me, I thought about it, but the risk that she'll get custody is not something I'm willing to take. I know she would try to keep you kids away from me, just to piss me off. I also don't trust her. What if one of you gets hurt while she's away on one of her drinking sprees? I could never forgive myself if something happened to you while you were in her care."

He has a point. My mom has always shown pour judgment and left Alyssa and Lamar alone when Lamar was only a baby to buy booze at the shop.

Over the next week, my mom proves just how right he was. She stays away from the house for all of the holidays, only calling in on Christmas morning to talk to Lamar about a special present Santa will bring him when she is back. It neither lessen his cries when he asks for her as I tuck him into bed that night nor the hurt in Alyssa's eyes that our mother just ignores us on such a special day. Marcus tries to make it up to us through a trip to the toy store the day after Christmas where Alyssa and Lamar are allowed to pick out anything they like.

With a wink, he slips me an envelope with five hundred dollars. "In case you want to go shopping later."

I grimace. Though I love shopping, I would've preferred to have a few days together as a mildly intact family before heading off for college. Even during the worst years, they always tried their hardest to make Christmas special. Next year, I need to find an excuse not to come home for the holidays.

The situation escalates later that week when Marcus returns home from work early, slamming the door closed behind him as he yells at someone on the phone.

"I don't give a fuck what that bitch claimed I did. Schedule an emergency hearing, if you have to—she hasn't been home in a week and doesn't give damn about her kids. She is an unfit mother and should never get custody. I'm paying you to make sure of that, Tivon, so you better get it done." He slams the phone down, his chest heaving and falling in absolute rage.

"Is everything alright, Dad?"

His eyes see right through me—I'm not even sure he registers me. Finally, he sighs. "You mom filed for divorce again and tries to get custody with a bunch of bogus allegations."

"I don't want to go with mom," Alyssa pipes behind me.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure you don't have to." His hand runs over his short hair. "Now, let's not have her ruin our day. You guys are up to see a movie?"

The atmosphere is nevertheless tense as we head out for the cinema an hour later, Marcus's face only relaxing after his lawyer calls and tells him he got temporary custody again.

Mom shows up the next day, pounding on the door when her keys don't work. "The fuck. Let me in, Marcus."

Lamar comes running out of the living room, practically jumping into my arms. "I'm scared."

My gaze flicks to the door Marcus is just opening a crack with the chain still on it. This will turn ugly. "Let's get Alyssa and go to my room. We can listen to music and play with your new train set."

He clenches to my neck, refusing to let go as our parents shout at each other through the crack in the door. Alyssa trots behind us with slumped shoulders. A few tears escape before we make it to my room. Cranking up the music as loud as I can, I allow my sister to play around with my make up while I push the new locomotive along the makeshift tracks with Lamar. A few times, the loud voices disturb our solitude in between songs, causing worried faces of my siblings. Deep down, the unrest is eating at me—I'm just waiting for an ambulance to turn the corner onto our property.

At some point, Marcus calls us into the living room. As I make my way down the steps with Lamar clutching onto my hand, my heart threatens to gouge through my chest. What will we find? Marcus's shirt is torn, wet blood still on his knuckles. A red swelling surrounds his eye—my mother must have gotten a few good punches in of her own.

With hesitant steps, I cross the threshold. My hand clutches over my mouth when my eyes fall on my mother—she is curled up on the floor like a pretzel. Her eyes are almost swollen shut, blood dripping from her mouth. She groans as she struggles to raise her head to look at us.

"Is there something you want to tell the kids?" Marcus's voice drips with danger. One wrong word and he'll have a go at her again.

"I'm so sorry. I'm a terrible mother for leaving you during Christmas."

I drop my gaze, unable to look at her. Alyssa is quietly crying next to me, Lamar's grip so tight around my finger that I'm scared he's gonna break it.

Marcus huffs. "What else?"

"I've always been a terrible mother. You deserve so much better." Her voice is strained and filled with pain.

I wish she would stop. "It's okay, Mom."

"No, it's not. I'm so sorry to always disappoint you."

"What else, Chantal?" Marcus's words are no louder than a hiss.

She groans again as she turns her head toward him. "I destroyed this marriage. I'm a slut and bad wife. I'm so sorry that you have to live with someone like me."

"Patrice, spit on your mother to show her what you think of her."

I stare at him in utter disbelief. "Dad, please. . ."

The darkness in his eyes forces me to take a step back. His hands are balled to fists and when he takes his next breath, I fear I'll feel his anger next. Closing my eyes, I stumble toward my mother. Saliva drops from my mouth with a shudder. No matter what my mom did, she doesn't deserve this.

"Now you, Alyssa."

Alyssa looks up at me through her tears, her head shaking.

Scared that Marcus will lash out at her, I grab her hand and squeeze it. "Do it, Alyssa."

"Your mom doesn't deserve any better," Marcus adds. "She's a whore and a terrible mom. I mean, she left you alone for Christmas, for crying out loud. Remember how upset that made you."

Tears drop on my mom together with her spit when she complies with Marcus's orders.

"Good. Your turn, Lamar."

A sob shakes his body when he steps forward, a mouthful of spit landing right on our mother's head. He gazes up at Marcus who nods in approval.

I don't dare to look at my mom again. "Can we please go back to my room."

"Yes. And get ready. I want to take you for pizza in a little while."

"Okay."

I get some clothes from Lamar's closet and help him change while Alyssa rummages around in her room. A few times, her sobs turn into low wails. Lamar is weeping without a sound, his small face twisted with so much despair that I'm getting sick to my stomach. When the doorbell rings, I peek downstairs but duck behind the banister when Marcus opens the door for Kerry.

Mumbles drift up from the living room before they return to the reception area. Kerry's face is red—for the first time since I met her, she's losing her composure.

"This has to stop, Marcus."

"I swear it was Chantal's fault. She was asking for it."

"Fuck, you beat her to a pulp. What if she calls down to the station? How many more police reports need to disappear before you'll call it quits on this marriage?"

"I'm thinking about my kids."

"Wake up, Marcus. Your kids don't need this. It's not good for them to constantly watch you guys fight." She peels something out of the front pocket of her jeans and forces his fingers around it. "I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore. This is the final time I'll help you."

His face is absolutely thunderstruck. "You're breaking up with me?"

"I can't be the other woman anymore."

"But I love only you."

A sad smile unfurls from the corners of her lips. "Sometimes, love just isn't enough."

Frozen in place, he watches her walk out the door, his face turning into a mask when her car revs in the driveway. Seconds turn into minutes before he moves again. With robotic steps, he walks over to the wardrobe and slips into his coat. Grabbing the keys off the key hanger, he slams the door so loud that I'm afraid it's coming off the hinges.

I venture downstairs to check on my mom and track her down in her bedroom. Kerry must have moved her and pumped her full of medicine. She is deep asleep.

"Is mom going to be okay?" Alyssa asks behind me.

I turn and smile. "Don't worry, she'll be fine."

At least physically. If she'll ever get over the degradation of her children spitting on her is a whole different story. And the fact that I didn't fight Marcus at all on this turns my stomach into a tight knot.

"Are we still going out?"

My gaze returns to mom. "I don't think so. Maybe we can order pizza, if you and Lamar want."

"Do you?"

I lost my appetite. "I'm not really that hungry."

"Me neither."

I end up making tuna salad sandwiches for everyone and we watch TV while we eat. With one ear, I listen for sounds from the driveway, ready to run up to my room if Marcus returns. He doesn't. By nine, I insist on Lamar and Alyssa to go to bed before taking a long shower. My head is about to burst when I lay down, though I'm unable to fall asleep. The quiet house is creeping me out.

Marcus gets home just before midnight. My door squeaks when he slips inside my room, the mattress bending under his weight as he joins me in bed. Sucking my neck, alcohol seeps from his breath. His hand slides under my shirt and traces the outlines of my breasts.

"I missed you so much, Patrice."

The sudden tears threaten to choke me. "Dad, you promised—"

"Shh. Just this once." The last words slur together. The few times he was drunk before, he was dangerous and mean, and even the slightest things could set him off. Best to play along.

His arousal presses against the contour of my butt when his hands move south. I exhale, closing my eyes. Just this once. Tomorrow, when things have settled down, we will be back to our status quo.

A very long and violent chapter as Patrice experiences a respite from Marcus's abuse while he's carrying on an open affair with Kerry. As the story winds down, we will be merging again with the Road to Recovery plot when Rena makes a reappearance in the next chapter.

I hope this chapter wasn't too difficult to read and I would really like to know how you handled it as you read along. I know I still owe some of you responses to prior comments, and I promise I will catch up soon. Things have been absolutely mental at work but I'll try my best to bring you these next chapters more timely. Thanks for sticking with this story and see you again soon :)