Chapter Four: melt

"He's gone."

That was the first thing Yan said when she showed up at Lillian's house at seven-thirty in the morning.

Truthfully, he didn't know just how his friend had found him. He'd opted to stay in the guest room in his partner's house for the night—she had made a good point, and it was cheaper than staying in an inn. Perhaps the other girl had told Yan about the issue.

Avis frowned at that. He was going to die in three days or so; money shouldn't have mattered so much to him. Was it just an excuse?

He didn't wanted to think about it.

"Ah." He tried his best to avert his gaze. The look in Yan's eye was too woebegone for him to even stand. "I'm sorry."

She glanced up at him with a hazy expression, and it was a wonder how so much melancholy could be expressed in just one teary eye. "He also told me about what was going on. About...well, how you're going to—"

"Ah," he repeated, unsure of what more to say. "It's fine. I don't mind dying."

"That's the same thing Aiden said," she muttered, her tone more than scathing. "I know that you two aren't the same, but you're brothers, right? Aren't you just trying to convince yourself?"

He blinked once. "You know how I am. I don't give a shit about what happens to me."

"That was true of you before everything happened." Yan ran a tired hand through her hair—her pink locks had lost it's previous lustre, and it was clear that she was a wreck. "I can't even remember who I was before this. It all seems so long ago."

The two of them remained silent, but a mutual agreement still manage to pass between them. He wasn't an apathetic asshole who hated the world anymore. Yan wasn't the same sweet girl whom the customers loved the most.

"We've changed a lot, huh?" His voice shifted once again. Aiden's softer timbre escaped his lips, and the both of them stumbled back in surprise.

He clapped a hand over his mouth as Yan's eyes darkened—it was almost as though she'd seen a ghost, and he had to remember that it had been less than a day since his brother had disappeared. If she'd been like this a month back, he'd have told her to screw off.

She cut him off before he could apologise again.

"I spoke to him," she muttered, arranging her bangs so that they fell over the white bandage. "He was trying to run away from his problems, but I think I got through to him in the end. You two really are more alike than I thought, huh?"

The jab didn't come to him as offensive. It was like an arrow that had broken when it had touched his skin; all he felt was an overwhelming sense of numbness and a sort of funny relief that made him want to cry in laughter.

"I didn't mean to apologise for that." His whisper was almost stolen away by the wind. "I meant to say sorry for everything I did to you."

"What did you do?" the girl murmured, and her voice seemed hazy. He wasn't sure why it was that way. "Not believe in what I told you from the beginning? I was used to it already. And if you're talking about everything else—you had a reason."

You had a reason. Yan hadn't quite forgiven him in the end, but it was good enough. It was more than he could ask for.

"Besides, I should be the one saying sorry," she admitted. "I'm sorry for not recognising you and all. I'm sorry that I was so selfish and tried to get Aiden to stay—if he ends up living, you'll have to die, right?"

Her voice shook at that. Avis should have known that she still cared about him; still remembered the times that they used to have long, meaningless talks which consisted of her speaking most of the time. Honestly, it warmed his heart a little.

"Yan." He tried to keep his voice steady, and the girl looked up at him. "You're right. This world may be shitty, but I don't want to die. No one does."

She let out a choked sound. "Then—"

"I don't think anyone really wants to die," he shrugged. "I mean, I used to think otherwise, but now I think that I wanted to die because I couldn't see a way out of anything. I wanted to die because I thought that nothing was going to change and I was going to live the same shitty life."

"So you think differently now?" Yan's voice was bitter; he couldn't tell why, but it made his lip curl. "Doesn't seem that way to me."

He had to resist letting out a sigh. "It can't be helped. Either I die or I have to live with the fact that I made the world worse. Besides, I don't think the Legendaries will take it too kindly if I decide to cop out at the last minute."

When he talked about the Legendaries, he mostly meant Xerneas. Yveltal had an air of gruff concern about him that he somewhat appreciated.

"In the end, you're just like him, huh?" A sad smile played on her lips, and he couldn't help being confused about the matter. "I always thought the two of you were so different, but both of you care too much about others and their opinions."

You're just like him. If it had been said to him weeks back, he'd be happy with that—but all he felt was a small jab at his heart and the string holding his numbness in place start to fray.

He tried his best to keep a neutral expression. Yan didn't mean it. She didn't know what had happened.

"I guess so," he mumbled back, and one glance at the clock below him told him that it was nearing eight. Lillian would have woken up by then, but he suspected that she had heard the door open and was waiting for the situation to end.

"Look, I..." Yan made a vague gesture with her hands before speaking again. "If there was a way for the both of you to survive and be happy, I would choose it. In a heartbeat."

It was her way of letting him know that she cared, and he was fine with it. His sour thoughts went unspoken—and let everything go back to what it was before? And let us continue with the same shitty lives that we somehow thought was fine?

He hated his current life a lot. Still, he craved for more of it.

"It's just that, well," she made a small, choked, sound, "Things happened, and I still do love you, but if Aiden disappeared, then I..."

"It's fine." He understood, he really did, but he couldn't help the small pang of regret. "I'm just happy that he was able to be there for you when I wasn't."

He managed a less severe expression, because he did mean it—he'd been too much of a wreck to have been able to handle Yan. If Aiden hadn't been there, the two of them would have crumbled down in the first week of his announced death.

The warm arms around him made him jolt, and he looked down to see the smaller girl wrapping him in an embrace that was too tight to be comfortable for either of them.

He didn't dare to complain about it.

"I never wanted to drift apart from you," she muttered. "I don't want you to die until the both of us can close that distance."

Avis cracked a small smile, returning the hug and resting both of his hands on the small of her back. "I always hoped that we could have a conversation about that. We haven't talked to each other like this in a long time, right?"

"I missed it." In spite of herself, a small, teasing grin appeared on her face. "I'll continue to miss it."

He didn't have the courage to agree with her, but a chill ran up his spine—it had just dawned on him that this would be one of the last times that he would be talking with Yan. That he would never be able to have her tease him or work by his side again.

"Goodbye, Yan," he said instead, and as he turned away, he could only hope that she had missed the crack in his voice.

§

"What do you want to do today?" Lillian asked, her golden eyes giving him an expectant stare. He knew she was trying her best to be gentle with him; hell, even her face was twisted into an awkward smile that didn't quite belong, but he hated it.

He didn't try to hide his groan. "As long as you don't treat me like a kid? Anything."

"Hey, I'm trying to be nice. Deal with it." Her sarcastic personality was back now, and he liked it more than the fake grins she tried to give. "I'm serious, though. We're taking a break, so make up your mind and find something to do."

The hidden meaning went unsaid between them. Do something that'll distract you from everything.

What if he didn't want to be distracted? What if he wanted to face the full damned truth and stare at it until his eyes burned and his mind collapsed from the reality of it?

"I was thinking of visiting Aiden's grave," he murmured. "I never got to pay him a proper goodbye before he died. I'd like to talk a little to him."

Lillian sat across the table, her bare feet swinging to an unknown rhythm as she studied him. He was used to it at this point—her lingering stares and hawklike gazes were nothing but a product of her overanalysing. It was something he could live with.

"Alright." She tilted her head. "We'll leave after breakfast."

It was at moments at these that he remembered that she was still seventeen—no matter how sly and cunning she was, she was still a child that had grown up too fast, and whatever left of that very childish innocence wouldn't let her suspect anything else.

She still didn't know about his death, and he planned to keep it that way.

§

"I'm sorry, Aiden."

He'd been apologising a lot those few days. He'd said it to Lillian when they were arguing; he'd said it to Yan as they sorted out all the things that had gone so wrong, and now he was kneeling in front of a small grave and saying it to his brother.

Of course, he knew that Aiden wasn't really dead. Yan had said that he was a ghost, after all—and though he had never quite believed her, he was going to die in a few days. He would feel guilty if what she said turned out to be true.

Besides, his brother would be alive when he died. That was all there was to it.

"I was a piece of shit to you." His breath caught on nothing, and he didn't feel particularly nonplussed saying it. "You were trying to help me, and I knew it, but I still tried my best to hate you. I don't even know why I did it."

Lillian stayed silent behind him. He wasn't sure if she was giving him space or paying her respects to the partner she'd been with before.

"I know that I don't have an excuse," he uttered. It battered his pride, but he always had too much of it in the first place. It was why he'd hurt the both of them. "I won't be able to make it up to you, so sorry for that too."

He let his explanation fall silent. Aiden would understand. He always did.

"What I'm trying to say that if I could be nicer to you—" Avis felt the lie that was forming his lips, and it burned at his lungs. "I would. But it's too late now, so all I can give you is this. You can choose whether to accept it or not."

"You know, you're kind of pitiful like this," Lillian sighed, interrupting him from what he was saying and holding up her hands in defence. "I'm not saying that's bad. I'm just saying that you used to be such a hardheaded asshole."

"Are you always going to give me insufferable nicknames?"

She smiled. "Unfortunately, you have the social brilliance of a jaundiced turd."

"Shut up," he muttered. "What the hell does jaundiced even mean?"

"I knew you were still an asshole," the girl replied, her voice too bright and triumphant for the cemetery they were standing in. "Some things never do change."

It was ironic to feel relief flood his chest in such a place, but he was grateful of the small weight that had been lifted—if, even for just a little while, he could carry out a somewhat normal conversation and forget about the days ahead, he would take the chance.

Part of him knew that Lillian had suspected something from the beginning, but he just had to dodge the topic for four more days.

"Move aside," the girl said, nudging him back without waiting for him to move. Their relationship was still shaky; he could tell that she was still walking on eggshells around him, but it was one of the only things he had left going for him. "I worked with him too, you know."

He was determined not to ruin it.

She took a deep breath. "Yan's like my little sister," she started. "I'm good at figuring out what people say, but I'm no good when it comes to dealing with them. I'm not saying I believe everything she says—it's still a little illogical—but if it's true, then thank you for looking out for her. You were always the best at, well, people."

"Thanks for believing in my cause." Something flashed in her golden eyes, and she raised her arm in a playful salute. "I found many things out. You were a good partner."

There was a short pause before she spoke again, and this time, she gave him a cautious glance. "You always talked about being worried about your brother, right? You've heard what this idiot said, so you should be happier now."

Avis grimaced. "I'm right here."

"No, you're an idiot," she corrected. "I'm done, so let's go off. I'll be nice today and let you choose where to go."

Even if he was going to live for just four more days, he could at least make the last days of his life enjoyable.

It was kind of funny when he looked at it. He'd always been so bitter—the only emotion towards the world that he had was apathy, and for the longest time, he'd been stuck in the mindset that no one would ever pay him any mind.

He'd never cared about dying. Hell, he'd taken Xerneas' offer without skipping a beat—after all, it hadn't felt like he'd been truly living for a long time. All he'd done was go through the motions and accept the fact that nothing was going to change.

Now, however, he was starting to cling on to life, and it was terrifying because it was too late.

§

Avis couldn't sleep.

In the end, he had ended up staying at Lillian's house again. The girl was ambitious; too ambitious, and a hard worker, but she seemed to be in control of most things and that included her sleep schedule.

They'd wandered around the market for the rest of the afternoon. It was nothing special—he'd been there to buy groceries before—but he couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit sad as he bit into an apple from Lillian's old client.

It's probably the last time I'll see that goddamn market or bite that goddamn apple.

A few days ago, he'd wanted to die. He'd wanted nothing else as he'd been locked up in Hoenn's base, but now—

He couldn't decide.

He wanted to die, but he wanted to live at the same time.

"I have to say that it's an improvement from last time."

On instinct, he jumped at the noise and reached for Aiden's sword, but he'd turned his fate in a day ago. The captain had understood about the situation; anyone would have, and he'd said that he was always welcome back to the military.

Yveltal stood in Lillian's guest room, cyan eyes burning in the dusky blackness of the place, and Avis startled before anything else.

"I pitied you at first." The Legendary's voice was deep. "You were such a sorry, sad person that I couldn't help but feel sorry for you. It's uncommon that I meet someone that doesn't have any hope for a better future."

"How about now?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Now, well...I'm proud," the beast admitted. "You've changed a bit. You're still as stubborn as ever, but you want to live. It may sound strange coming from someone who deals with death, but I don't think I can pity you now. I can only feel sorry for the situation we're putting you in."

Avis took a moment to study him. Yveltal was staring at him, blue eyes unusually soft; it was as if he was waiting for an answer. Most would have thought otherwise, but to him, he liked the Legendary a hundred more times than Xerneas.

"You know, Yveltal," he muttered, feeling breathless laughter build up behind his lips, "you're a far better father than my old man will ever be."

The Pokemon didn't smile, but his expression had wavered, and he spread his wings to take off into the night once again.

"And I am glad that you think that way, child. You deserve it."

And as Yveltal disappeared, he couldn't help but think that everything wasn't too bad after all.

§

another 3000+ word chapter!! :0 

sorry for the delay, i had work to do and i've not been motivated to write lately lol

mmm i was considering making anime references in the chapter title but i decided against it uwu

Thank you guys so much for 6.4K reads and 955 votes!! :0 You have no idea how much this means to me <3 (almost! at! 1K!)

As always, votes, comments and critiques are very appreciated °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°