Summary: Who would have thought that a spider could get the hiccups? But this spider is not just anyone, this spider is Peter Parker, and he is just finding out that those hiccups are harder to deal with than your everyday thug. Find out what happens in a (not so ordinary) day in the life of your friendly neighbourhood -*hic!*- Spider-Man.

Anything recognizable belongs to Marvel.

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The day had started out just like any other day: to the sound of Aunt May calling for him to "Get up, Peter, you're late for school!"

Technically, though, that was the second start to the day. The first start to the day was barely noticed, due to the fact that it was the middle of the night, and Peter was out patrolling. There had been an unusually high number of muggings and vehicle break-ins, and Peter had been constantly swinging from crisis to crisis all night. To top it all off, on the way home he had spotted a toddler wandering the streets by himself, and had had to take the kid to the Police Station, where he had waited till the little guy's parents were contacted. Because of this, Peter had gotten to bed at quarter-to-three, falling asleep as soon as he hit the mattress.

That was why Aunt May was yelling for him.

It was not an unusual sound, as late nights were not uncommon when he patrolled, and he usually forgot to set his alarm clock.

Leaping out of bed, Peter dropped dazedly to the floor and struggled into some of the clothes that were strewn around, blinking his eyes quickly to be rid of the last tendrils of sleep that were trying to engulf him again. Throwing textbooks into his backpack and zipping it up, he ran down the hall toward the kitchen, where he grabbed two bagels and a banana. Stuffing his feet into his runners, he hopped out the door on one foot while tying the laces of the other shoe, and yelled a goodbye to his aunt that was muffled by a mouthful of blueberry bagel.

"Don't talk with your mouth full!" came the exasperated yet amused reply as his aunt watched him struggle down the stairs and out the door.

Once both of his shoes were tied, Peter ran as hard as he could to make the bus stop in time. Despite his efforts, though, he only arrived in time to glimpse the back end of the bus disappearing around the corner of the street.

What should he do? He would get detention for being late, again, and he was hoping to go to Avengers Tower after school to work with Mr. Stark on a new project. He could change into his suit and swing to school, but there was no good place to change there, and the people on the bus would notice that he was there at the same time they were. He could go back home and ask Aunt May to drive him, but she would have already left for work by the time he got back, and besides, even if she hadn't, it would make her late to drive Peter all the way to school.

That left one option.

He could run.

Hefting his backpack, Peter swallowed the last bit of the banana, discarded the peel, and took off running down the sidewalk. He ran at a normal pace for a few minutes before realizing that if he pretended to be normal, he would never get to school on time. Already regretting the attention he was sure to draw, he started sprinting toward school, dodging the people who were actually walking at a reasonable pace for so early in the day.

As Peter ran, he tore off bits of the second bagel and stuffed them in his mouth, swallowing hurriedly. The bagel was dry, and without his usual glass of orange juice, it was hard to swallow.

The lack of orange juice also meant that he would be missing out on the calories that were essential for his increased metabolism. Oh, well. He could eat one of the granola bars that he stashed in his backpack for mid-patrol snacks.

Panting, Peter was able to arrive at school just as the bus was dropping off the other kids. Slipping into the crowd, Peter was swept through the doors and into the hallway, where he soon spotted Ned. The boy stood in front of Peter's locker, humming a song under his breath. Peter jogged up to him and tapped him on the shoulder, making Ned jump in surprise.

"Dude! Don't scare me like that! Hey, were you out patrolling last night? Is that why you're here later? Cause usually you're here first, so I figured you must have been doing, you know, Spiderman stuff," he said, voice dropping to an excited whisper.

"Shhh! Keep it down, Ned. Yeah, I was patrolling, and I got back pretty late, so I slept in this morning and missed the bus. I had to run all the way here," Peter answered as he opened his locker and rummaged through it.

"Hey, do you have anything to eat? I didn't have much of a breakfast, and since I ran all the way here, I thought I should eat something else before class. But the energy bars in my locker are all gone, and I ate the last of the ones in my backpack last night after patrol."

"Yeah, sure, man. I think I have a granola bar or two lying around here somewhere," Ned said as he dug into his backpack in search of the elusive pieces of sustenance. He had started carrying around extra food soon after he discovered Peter's secret, and today was not the first time it had come in handy.

Finding the two dejected looking packages, he handed both to Peter, who tore one open and ate it in three bites. The second he ate more slowly as the two boys walked toward class. On their way there, however, they saw MJ walking towards them.

"What's up, losers?" she said as she stalked up to them. "You two ready for the math test in second period?"

Peter, who had just stuffed the last of the granola bar in his mouth, swallowed the dry mouthful as quickly as possible, while he let Ned answer her first. When he was ready, Peter opened his mouth to say good morning back, but instead of words, the only sound that escaped him was a loud "Hic!"

"What." Michelle asked in a monotone.

"Sorry, I — hic!"

"Dude!" whispered Ned.

Surprised and embarrassed, Peter tried again, only to produce another loud "Hic!"

"Sorry, I don't speak hiccup," said MJ, looking rather unimpressed at being hiccuped at.

At this, Peter turned red, mortified that he was unable to carry, or even start, a simple conversation.

"Just kidding. It's fine, Parker." Turning on her heel, Michelle walked down the hallway toward class. Looking over her shoulder, she called back to them. "Don't forget about decathlon practice tomorrow. I hope you're over your hiccups by then, Peter."

Hurrying to catch up, the boys followed her into the classroom.

<—>

However, Peter wasn't out of the deep end yet. The hiccups, despite his fervent hopes, refused to go away, and this caused him much consternation.

All through the first class, he managed to avoid attention, and did his best to keep his mouth closed whenever he felt a hiccup trying to escape.

Unfortunately though, he was called on minutes before the first bell, and his hiccups were still in full swing. Standing up to answer the teacher, he started explaining one of the bio topics they were studying.

"So, something that is biotic is biological. It is related to, or actually is, a living organism. The opposite of that is something that is not biological, which is also known as abiot-hic!"

Turning red for the second time that day, Peter sat down with a thump, whispering a mortified "Excuse me" as he did so.

"Thank you, Peter. That is correct," said the teacher, ignoring the giggles rippling quietly through the class.

A few minutes later, the bell rang, and Peter rushed out of the room, glad for the brief respite before the next class. During second period, he managed to suppress the hiccups, smothering them in his shirt. Thankfully, they subsided about halfway through the math quiz, and Peter was able to complete it without any more distractions.

As soon as the bell rang for lunch, Peter went directly to the cafeteria, where he loaded his tray with food and sat down to wait for Ned and Michelle. He was still hungry from his run that morning, and he scarfed down his food as quickly as possible, trying to appease his grumbling stomach.

"Hey, Peter, I really enjoyed your unique pronunciation of 'abiotic'," MJ said as she slid into the seat opposite him.

"Yeah, it was really funny when you hiccuped during Bio this morning!" Ned added as he plopped his tray down beside Peter.

Embarrassed, Peter ducked his head, looking down at his lunch tray.

"Yeah, well, I'm glad they're gone. It was just awful trying to keep quiet during math. Ms. Roper kept looking at me like she would give me detention if I disturbed the class."

"I wouldn't doubt it..." muttered Ned as he picked at his food. "Last week she gave a kid detention for sneezing. Said he was doing it on purpose."

"Yeah, I heard about that."

"Oh, Peter, will you be coming over to my house to study after school today?" asked Ned.

"Sorry, but Mr. Stark asked me to come over to the Tower to help wor-hic! onanewupgradeforhissuit," Peter finished in a rush. "Oh, no. Not again!"

Looking helplessly at his friends, he was expecting some sympathy for his affliction, but there was none to be had. Instead, Ned was doubled over in paroxysms of mirth, and even MJ was cracking a smile.

"Guys, come on. It's not funny! Well, maybe it is a little bit, but it's mostly annoying!"

"You've got to admit, though, it is quite amusing when you hiccup in the middle of a sentence," smirked MJ.

Ned had nothing to add, as he was still shaking with laughter where he sat.

"I guess so..." Peter muttered. "I just hope I don't hiccup during any more classes today."

Much to Peter's delight, the hiccups went away again soon after lunch, and stayed away for the rest of his classes.

After school, he said goodbye to his friends, and changed into his suit in an alley close to the school, eager to get some patrolling in on his way to Avengers Tower.

"Hey, Karen," he said as soon as he got in the air. "Anything on the police scanners?"

"Hello Peter. There are two things happening that are on your route to the Tower. There is a break-in at an appliance store six blocks away, and there is some vandalism in progress at a parking lot that is only three blocks away."

"Great! Thanks, Karen. I guess I'll go to the parking lot first, then."

Swinging quickly along, he soon spotted where the vandals were doing their dirty work. The windows of several vehicles were smashed, and the paint had long scratches along the sides, while several tires were slashed. Bottles of spray paint littered the ground, and two of the three vandals were spraying graffiti along the cars and ground of the parking lot. The whole area was a disaster.

"Hey, guys, didn't your mom ever tell you not to ruin other people's stuff?"

The vandals looked up, surprised to hear a voice coming from above them. They had no time to do anything, though, before sticky webs slammed quickly onto their hands and feet. Losing their balance, they fell to the ground, struggling against the strong webs that entangled them.

Dropping lightly to the ground beside the three vandals, Peter surveyed the damage around him.

"This wasn't very nice of you," he said, frowning at them. Cursing at him, one of the men struggled to stand.

"Nuh-uh! You aren't going anywhere, mister! At least not till the police arrive. Didn't your mom ever tell you it was rude to leave somewhere without saying goodbye? I mean, maybe she did, and you guys just forgot, or somethi-hic!"

The hiccups were back.

"As I was saying, hic!"  This was not working. "The police should be here soo-hic!"

Since he was not projecting a hero-type personality at all with his hiccups, things began to deteriorate. The vandals had started to laugh at him, poking fun at his un-intimidating hiccups. "What are you trying to do, hiccup at us till we confess?" the tallest one asked, snorting at the thought.

Peter's ears grew hot, embarrassed. Why did this have to happen? If this kept up, no one would pay any attention to the so-called superhero who couldn't even manage to capture some bad guys without making a fool of himself.

Frustrated, Peter turned to his AI for help. "Karen, activate enhanced Interrogation Mode."

"Interrogation Mode activated."

"NOW DO YOU THINK I'M FUNNY? HUH? YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE LAUGHING WHEN THE POLICE ARRIVE!" Peter growled at the vandals, his voice low and menacing.

Shocked by the sudden change in their captor, the vandals stopped laughing, only to start up again when a loud Hic! emanated from the figure in front of them. Due to the Enhanced Interrogation Mode, the hiccup was hilariously deep and growly-sounding as it reverberated through the parking lot.

Gales of laughter rolled over Peter, much to his frustration.

"I GIVE UP! IT'S NO USE TRYING TO BE INTIMIDATING WHEN I HICCUP EVERY TWO WORDS!"

With that, Peter quickly shot a ball of webbing over each man's mouth, silencing their laughter. Dragging the men to the middle of the parking lot, he arranged them back-to-back in a circle, and webbed them to the ground, leaning a note for the police.

Please send these men back to school, as they have not learned any manners.
Your friendly neighbourhood Spiderman.

P.S. Don't believe anything they say about me.

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