Remember how I said that I had to keep a journal over Hell, I mean, the weekend about my experience with the kid? Well, here is WORD FOR WORD what I wrote during this time. Note: This is pretty long so a cookie for you if you read the whole thing.

Friday, Date: 4/8/16

4:58 PM- Jackson turned on two minutes early and kinda freaked me out at first. But he just ended up making a happy noise.

6:03 PM- Jackson woke up after sleeping for about an hour. He cried because he was feeling a bit fussy. I discovered this after the bottle and diaper didn't work. He was happy after about three to five minutes.

6:07 PM- Jackson started crying again. I tried the bottle and turns out, he was hungry. He ate for about ten minutes. I burped him and he burped for me after about two minutes or so.

6:15 PM- Jackson started crying yet again. This time, he wanted a diaper change. I changed his diaper and afterwards, he was happy.

6:18 PM- Jackson began crying for the fourth time. He was fussy again and interrupted me while I was trying to write this. I rocked him for about ten to fifteen minutes before he stopped crying. Hopefully he's okay for now.

8:10 PM- I allowed my friend to hold Jackson and she messed up big time and ended up hurting his neck.

8:20 PM- Jackson wanted a diaper change and it was NOT my friend. She wanted to let everyone know that.

8:53 PM- Jackson cried for an extended period of time and my parents were yelling at me and I'm pretty sure it shut off and that I messed up big time.

7:00 PM or so- I rocked Jackson for a while and I had a lot of time to think during that time. Stress levels are high, that's for sure. Other events and taking care of him are kinda getting to me. But I'm sure that I can do this. I don't want to disappoint anyone.

Saturday, Date: 4/9/16

2:55 AM (Give or take)- Jackson needed to eat. I was really glad that I woke up to hear him crying because I was worried about sleeping through him crying. He ate for about maybe five minutes or so before I burped him and rocked him to (not) sleep. He's currently awake... And he interrupted me because he needed a diaper change.

6:40 AM- Jackson started crying and it took a little bit for me to wake back up. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. I tried feeding, changing his diaper, burping, and rocking but none of it works. But, looking back, I think I may have forgotten to do the ID but I don't really remember since it's so early in the morning.

10:15 AM- It was pretty cool of Jackson to let me sleep for three hours after waking me up so many times. He needed to be fed and he went right back to sleep.

11:52 AM- Jackson cried and I literally tried everything. Feeding, changing the diaper, burping, and rocking. I couldn't figure out what he wanted. Everything this happens, I get super nervous. Last night's events only make my anxiety increase.

3:50 PM- Jackson started crying and it took me a bit to figure out what was wrong with him. He needed to be fed...again. I had fed him the last time he cried (which was not that long ago) so I figured that that wasn't what he wanted. But he ate and everything's fine now.

Sunday, Date: 4/10/16

1:40 AM- Jackson woke up after sleeping for several hours so I'm not sure how he's going to be tonight. Is it going to be like last night? We shall have to wait and find out...

5:10 AM- Had to get up and rock Jackson for what feels like forever. Now he's currently eating. Man, I just want to go back to sleep or, better yet, be done with this whole thing.

7:50 AM- I'm so tired and I just want to be done with this whole thing. There's no way I'm doing the shut off thing now, seeing as I've made it up to this point. But I'm hoping he's kind to me tonight because I have to go to school tomorrow and wake up early.

10:48 AM- I'm putting my parents and little sister in charge of Jackson while I shower. Here's hoping I don't regret it...

12:14 PM- I took over Jackson again and apparently the whole babysitting thing went really well. It was actually kinda nice being away from him for a little while.

8:30 PM- Literally counting down the hours until I'm done. I can't wait. I'm tired and really need sleep.

So that was my journal from Hell, damn it I mean, the weekend. I would just like to say fuck you to my friend for making me lose fifteen percent for shaking the child. I got an eighty-three so that's good I suppose.

What I learned from this weekend:
-No kids anytime soon. (Or never since I never wanted them in the first place)
-How the fuck do people put up with this shit?
-I'm not good with kids.
-My attention was entirely on that fucking child and now I'm glad that it's gone so that I don't have to worry about it anymore.

I will treasure next weekend so much like you have no idea.

||Sky||