I wish the week after the date with Levi would've lasted longer...

After the incredible, intense, long and fucking exhausting night we had, I was a wreck for the rest of the weekend. I refused to let him touch me in any intimate way and would sneer at him if he tried to pull off something lewd. I could barely walk, not to mention standing up from a seat like an old granny, supporting my lower back with my hand while pushing me up with the other.

Every single muscle inside of me hurt. So. Damn. Much.

Levi's amused snickers and the spicy comments weren't helping either. So I took it upon myself to just lay in my bed for the rest of the weekend, not caring about cooking or cleaning. Levi wasn't that excited to see me lazing around, but after a few back's and forth's about how damn shitty I felt, he just rolled his eyes and clicked with his tongue, giving in to my nicely wrapped pleads for him to take over my chores for these two last days before I have to work again on Monday.

Even if his eye rolls were a bit overdramatic, I knew deep down that he didn't mind. Otherwise, he would've fought or reasoned longer, had bombed me with facts and other things that would've convinced me to get the fuck out of bed, but he didn't. All I got was a short, but soft 'Fine', even with an annoyed undertone, but the more I repeated that one word inside my head, the more I realized that it was all acting.

He wasn't annoyed to take reign over my home, not even at the slightest. The best proof I could get from what I first thought was just a guess, was when I saw him swaying through the kitchen like a little cleaning-faerie, the radio droning in the background with the song "Tainted Love" from Marilyn Manson while wearing my black apron, taking care of the lunch as he simultaneously cleaned away what he'd made dirty.

It was such a great show! He's perfect, in any possible way.

Gosh...Fate, if you can hear me, please let me marry this man!

And as the weekend passed way too fast, my inner and outer wounds healing bit by bit, we fell asleep wrapped up in each other's arms in my bed, and the last thing I could remember were gentle, loving kisses on my head, tender and careful strokes along my back that lulled me into sleep. I could get used to this...

When my alarm blared at 6:30 am in the fucking morning, I cursed at that damn thing for ending the night and my sleep so roughly. In a trance-like state, I hammered on the clock to shush it, since the button was slightly broken after so many years from my rude manhandling on that plastic. Once the annoying tone finally died out, I heard a groan from beside me.

"You should buy a new fucking clock. This one's shit." Levi growled, his voice hoarse and dry from his sleep.

Startled by his sudden speaking, I gasped sharply as I jolted around to him. I had totally forgotten that Levi was still here with me!

This was so uncommon for me to have him in my bed when I was about to get up for work, but if I really want to marry him on some fateful day, I have to get used to this. If there wasn't that one bad word 'If'.

Who knows if I will stay with him once the week is over again. Who knows if he wants to stay with me once he goes back to Erwin when he will reveal the truth to him.

As much as I hate to admit that I have feelings for Erwin, as much as I hate to think about him in the most unfitting moments, as much as I hate to crave to be near to that blond, handsome stud, I also loved it.

I loved it the same way I hated it, No! I loved it even more.

And with the end of this week, when Friday's training will be over and the scheduled return of Levi will take place, my life and future will be all in Erwin's hands.

All I can do until then is to make the absolute best of the remaining days and take in from Levi's presence and closeness as much as possible.

So...even after my alarm told me to get up, I gave myself ten extra minutes to spent with my boyfriend.

"I'm sorry, Lee. I didn't mean to wake you up. You want to go back to sleep?" I whispered, placing my hand on the duvet right above his chest to gently stroke him.

He hummed lowly, stretching his arms above his head with a satisfied groan before he lazily opens his eyes to blink at me.

"Without you? Sleeping? You're kidding...I'm better at getting up as well and do something productive instead." He said, his voice still hoarse from his sleep. He already prepared for rolling aside to stand up, but I stopped him midway, laying down by his side and wrapping my arm and leg around his frame as I cuddled into his side.

"Let us stay like this for a few more minutes, okay? I can spare them."

"Huh. So clingy at this early hour. What's gotten into you, baby? Don't expect that I will let you slack off."

"I don't. Just...give me this, please. I need it. I need you." Without any further arguing, I felt a warm arm embracing me from behind, snaking around my back and shoulder while I felt a pair of lips touching my forehead.

"Alright, but no longer than ten minutes. You need some breakfast before you leave. I will prepare something for you while you get ready."

"M-hm. Promise. Thank you." Levi took my hand that's resting on his chest and folded our fingers together. With my head resting on his shoulder, half cuddled against his face and into his neck, one leg thrown over his hips, none of us said a word the whole time. All I heard where the distant cars from the main street, taking their respective owners to their jobs while others were about to come home instead. The normal, hectic show that repeats every Monday once a new week had begun.

And between all this rapid and stressful acting, this one couple was laying in bed, sharing one last tender moment before they have to part to join all other human beings in their daily routines and needs to earn money for their living.

Ten minutes can be so short...

"Oi. Time's over. Get up and swing your lazy ass into the bathroom." Levi broke the silence after what just felt like 2 minutes, and as he unfolded our hands, throwing back the duvet, his other arm let go of my shoulder only to let his hand come down on my ass with an encouraging smack. I squeaked and jumped from shock, rolling down from him in the process, and before I could say anything, he was already up, stretching and groaning as he was loosening his body up from the sleep. I love to watch him like that. The small, normal things he does, simple things like just stretching his arms, looking intensely at the newspaper while reading, how his eyes roamed the sites in interest, the way he walks, the way he talks, when his adam's apple moves up and down from the vibrations of his throat. All these little things have a magical effect on me. I will never get enough of this. That all this might end soon, that all this will be ripped apart from me, ripped out of my life for good, caused my heart to race and clench, so as my guts stir and tense, trembles shaking me to the core as I threatened to drift off into my fears too deep.

Anxiety about losing what became the dearest and most valuable in my life sneaked into my brain without mercy, making me see and imagine horrible things. Things from which I hope they'll never become reality, and the worst is: this isn't in my might, and there's nothing I could do against it if it should happen.

I would live a thousand lives of loneliness if I was just allowed to spend this one with Levi.

Levi's slight cough snapped me back to reality, and then I just realized that he'd watched me the whole time as I was in my thoughts.

"You okay? You look kinda lost, darling. I know, Mondays are shit, but we all have to deal with that. Or are you worried about something? Did anything happen at work? Do I have to kick some asses?" He half-joked with a little smirk as he reached out with his hand to convince me of getting up too.

If he would just know...If he'd know how right he is with his little joke...

I felt like telling him everything that'd happened the weeks before, the months before. All that'd happened between me and Erwin, just to put my mind at ease and shove these heavy burdens from my shoulders, to end my despair right here and now, but I couldn't. I'm unable to offer Levi the truth he truly deserves, afraid of what will happen then, and even more afraid of facing him when this happens. No matter how hard I tried to bring the words up, no matter how hard I kicked my brain to just spit it out, there was no way that any word would come out. I'm weak...so pathetic. Far away to be a matching partner for the strong and brave man Levi is...He deserves better.

With a sigh and a forced smile, I took his offered hand. Levi gently pulled me up and guided me towards the door, giving me another, a softer and teasing smack on my left butt cheek. As I turned around to shoot him a lecturing look, I saw that mischievous wink from him instead, the one that made me weak in my knees and I felt my cheeks burning up instantly.

Suddenly in a hurry, I skipped into the bathroom to start with the rituals that accompanied me for so many years, each working day of the week anew.

While brushing my teeth, my thoughts drifted off again to picture the things that might come or not. No one can tell the future, but now I wish there was such a power existing.

Like a robot, I finished the routines that were etched into my brain over the years, and when I was done with creaming my face to prevent my skin from drying out, a salivating smell hit my nose as soon as the bathroom door was just a thin slit wide open. Levi said he would prepare something for me, but I wasn't expecting that he would cook. More like making a sandwich and a glass of milk or so.

With the addicting smell in my nose, I dream walked into my bedroom again, only to find my clothes for this day neatly draped on the perfectly made bed, ready to put them on, including a nice set of underwear Levi chose for me. Again, his favorite set, the deep pink colored lace bra with the matching thong. I was sure that he had more in mind with this for later. Even if I had the most exhausting sex last Friday, from which I'm still sore at parts that will make the day very hard for me, I wouldn't have thought of me to go for it again after such a short time of regeneration, but as I said to myself before: I will make the best out of the remaining time with Levi, so God help me.

I dressed up in a hurry, and Levi surprised me. Again. I know him for quite a while now, and I never would've thought that he's so good at arranging clothes together. Especially when I looked over the outfit he'd prepared:

A classy, rosy-colored blouse with black polka dots, a matching sweater to wear above it, since it's pretty chilly outside, combined with a jeans skirt and Chelsea-boots, but the thing that laid abandoned in my drawer for a while by now, were a pair of black over-knee stockings, made from soft cotton and decorated with a delicate crochet around the hem. I would've never chosen this outfit by myself, but to see it now on my body while I admired the outcome in the mirror proved once more that Levi knows what he's doing.

He's...perfect. He likes to clean, he can cook, has a great sense of fashion and has that bad boy attitude that turns into the soft boyfriend one when I'm alone with him. Once more I felt the painful sting in my heart that tells me that I don't deserve him.

I sighed and turned away, fighting these bad thoughts to crawl back into the dark corner of my head where they belong. As much as I tend to overreact or to overthink such situations, or no matter how emotional I am right now, I'm not willing to risk this last week with him.

As the clapping of my boots patted through the small corridor after I left the bedroom, I was greeted with a cheeky grin when Levi saw me approaching. He eyed me from head to toe, his eager gaze wandering greedily from my exposed collar over my chest, along the swell of my hips and waist and down to my legs, that was so nicely covered with the opaque black from the stockings. His smile made me smile, and then it's as if I never had any worries in my whole life.

Ignoring the steaming breakfast on the counter, Levi and I met in the middle of the kitchen, his hands immediately finding their place on my hips as his thumbs drew circles above my bone, while I placed my forearms on his shoulders to close my hands behind his head. Our eyes locked intensely, but my gaze dared to explore and admire all of his handsome face, taking in the flawless skin, the tempting pair of luscious lips before they darted up to meet his eyes again when his growing smirk told me that he knows very well what I was thinking.

Words weren't needed here as we closed the distance between us inch by inch, leaning in until our lips met with a lovely and silent smack, an innocent, yet romantic and affectionate kiss that holds all emotions from our hearts.

Our heads tilted, noses touching each others cheek while his hands lazily traveled along my sides, up and down my torso and behind my back, pushing me against him while I pulled him against me in return, our lips dancing slowly in unison, the silent and wet smacks of our mouths meeting and parting drowned by the kettle with boiling water for the morning tea. A sudden and loud sizzle pulled us back from our private dreamland when a drop of hot water spilled out and beside the kettle on the burning hot stove, evaporating into steam as small bubbles danced across the surface.

Almost simultaneously, we opened our eyes, faces still so close that I could feel his warm breath on my lips, against my cheek, his stormy grey irises boring intensely into mine as we savored the last little moment of closeness before I was forced to leave after my breakfast.

"You look so beautiful, my love. I knew this would suit you. I can't believe you never wore these things around me. Huh...or I probably know why. Sly little vixen. You knew I would go crazy around you when I saw you in these stockings, right?" He teased, the tip of his tongue gliding along his lower lip as his eyes wandered to my exposed collar again.

"My eyes are up here, Lee." I teased, putting my finger under his chin to tilt his handsome face up. "Actually, I never found the right opportunity to wear such things. Or I was too shy, thinking I'm overdressed like this, but now, I have no other choice, right?" I added. It's true, though. I always thought dresses, skirts, and blouses, or even such stockings were meant only for special occasions, like parties, birthdays and so on, not wearing them every day while going to work or so. Its another piece of my old behavior that kept holding me back to be more social and meet new people.

I didn't feel forced by Levi to wear them, I had the choice and the chance to pick something different, it's my home after all, but I didn't. Somehow, I wanted to be beautiful for him, prove to him that I am and always was only his by presenting me in something nice just for him. Maybe In silent hope that he will feel too tempted to stay by my side even after he knows the hard truth from Erwin...but who am I lying to more? Myself for actually believing this, or Levi?

If he wants, he can have any woman out there, probably one on each of his fingers, and that thought is another scary one. That, If he should break up with me, I bump into him one or two weeks later with already another woman on his arm, as I've never existed.

".../n)?! Hello?" I blinked up from my delirium when I heard someone calling me, looking directly into Levi's worried eyes as he holds my face in both hands. I must've looked sad or something while I was so deep in my thoughts, that I didn't even notice that he'd been calling out for me. Damn...I'm going to ruin it all before the due date if I keep going like this.

"Are you sure you're feeling okay? You were...away for a moment. I had to call you three or four times. You look pale, darling. Wouldn't it be better if you call your boss that you stay at home? I would hate it to let you go while you're sick." Levi was worried about me, claiming that I was turning ill or so, but I wasn't. At least not the way he's assuming.

"No, no. There's no need to, I'm fine, believe me. I just...have a lot on my mind right now, with my job, the little time that's left until Christmas Holidays and all the work until then."

"Tsk. Don't remind me. Shittiest time of the year, if you ask me. Come on, let's eat before it gets cold." I sighed relieved that I could draw Levi's focus on another thing, which was Christmas. I know that he doesn't like this time of the year that much, mostly because it's for his birthday on the 25th December, which I probably won't celebrate with him, but still. It's the time of love, caring and sharing, and the only thing I wanted now more than ever, was to spend my first Christmas with Levi, and finally presenting him to my parents at our yearly Christmas Eve's dinner, but I guess I should prepare to celebrate this time of the year alone again, with just me and my parents.

Levi let go of me and I unwrapped my arms from around his nape. He showed me my place at the high counter with my plate of breakfast, ready to eat. After Levi even shoved me closer to it once I was seated, another, a silent sigh left my nose. With every little, sweet action from him, he's making it only harder and more painful for me.

I tried to focus on my meal and the coming work instead, and as I observed Levi's self-cooked meal, I could finally discover what he'd made. Two slices of French toast, maple syrup poured over it together with a generous glob of yogurt. In and around the white, milky mass was a vary of berries draped. Cranberries, Blueberries, Raspberries...and even a few slices of Banana. It looked simply mouth-watering. Almost too good to eat it. Then, Levi moved to the stove and took the boiling water, pouring me and himself a cup. The fragrance of the tea leaves inside tickled my nose and I could tell, its not a simple tea bag from my collection. He put the cups down and he took his place in front of me on the other side of the counter. Inside the cup was a little tea ball, from where red-brown clouds of tea streamed into the clear water, saturating it with their taste and scent. I took another deep sip of the air and then I could finally smell what kind of tea he'd made, or at least the sort. Redbush tea, but that was all I could tell.

"Go on. Feast, darling. It won't bite back if you start eating. You need your strength for your work." He encouraged in a teasing tone, already armed with his fork and knife.

"I will! Thank you, Lee. It looks so nice and delicious. I had no idea that you can cook too." I said smiling, finally taking my cutlery.

"I can. But since Erwin claimed the kitchen in our home as his personal realm, I see no need to fight over it. It's a silent agreement we both have. I keep it clean, he cooks. Speaking of the devil..."

Oh, no...please don't start a talk about Erwin! Please not now!

"Can you give me my keys back? Now that I'm back already I would like to have them with me again."

I breathed out relieved when the talk turned into another direction as I expected and I nodded enthusiastically, smiling.

"Of course! Let me eat up and finish my tea, then you can have it back."

"Good. Then let's finish. You don't have much time left."

The rest of the time where we ate our breakfast was silent, only interrupted by the clinking of the cutlery or the teacups when we had a drink. Even though this was so damn delicious that I normally should feel tempted to focus just on this, my mind drifted away. Again...back to what might come, back to what may lay ahead of me, back to what Levi just said...about calling my boss to stay at home, playing sick. I have to admit: the temptation was there. To call him and just act for the sake of spending a whole day with Levi, and probably for the rest of the week, but my conscience won't let me.