The three last weeks took their toll on me. Not that I almost overslept on my first day of work, I also forgot my spare key for my office at home, so I had to drive back to get it. In the end, I arrived for my job just in time.

I was just glad that I didn't have to learn everything from scratch. Three weeks might not sound special or that long, but if you spent so much time doing nothing that includes your job or getting bombed with tons of stress and annoying people, it's a miracle if anything from your learned stuff is still stuck in your head.

Seems like luck was on my side here.

Sure, not everything worked perfectly on my first day, but my boss was tolerant of me and my co-workers. He even clinked glassed with us during the lunch break, where he welcomed everyone back and wished us a wonderful rest of this year and that we should enjoy the Christmas season, which was about to start in very, very soon. Damn this is way too fast for me. It's always the same.

Where has the year gone, by the way? It went by so fucking fast, it seems I'm missing a month or two.

Anyways...I was glad that normality had me back again. Sort off. I had to remind myself several times not to waste every single thought about the happening in two weeks or Erwin. I can't help it, but I still feel torn. Even though I had a hot night with Levi, without any physical contact, I can't suppress the longing I feel for the blonde.

It's annoying, frustrating and irritating...but so exciting and thrilling on the other hand.

Either way, I can't avoid him forever, and part of me, a very big part, to be honest, is already looking forward to Wednesday. It felt good to be in the flow again, that work went smoothly and so. We had lots of stuff to do so close before Christmas and the new year. All sorts of requests and papers fly in and each one demands another thing. It's tiring, but I was thankful for the distraction.

The first day was so busy, that I had to skip my lunch break to finish a stack of papers my boss wanted to have finished that evening, and by the time the day finally ended, I was starving!

Good thing: I wasn't the only one. So I and my co-workers decided to go out for dinner and went to the nearby Chinese restaurant, where we went completely crazy on the rich buffet.

It became late that night, and I even got convinced to drink a glass of the delicious sweet plum liqueur every Chinese has on their menu.

With our bellies full and the mood in full swing, my mobile that I had laying next to my drink began to buzz with an incoming message. As I looked at the sender, I saw it was Erwin. Without warning my face heated and I couldn't keep the smile from pulling itself across my lips.

It was written all over my face that my heart was jumping from happiness since my co-workers instantly jumped on it to squeeze some answers out of me from whom I got the message.

Yep...I haven't told anyone of them yet that I'm in a relationship. Unlike most people, I don't consider my co-workers as my friends. I only meet them at work and sometimes go out with them for dinner, just like now, or for our yearly Christmas party for the whole staff. Nothing serious in my opinion, but now that they all demanded to know who wrote and they won't stop to ask, I looked for a picture of Erwin in my folder. It fits that I decided for a selfie Erwin had taken weeks ago when we were working out together, him sitting behind me on the weight bench, one arm wrapped around my waist and belly and holding the phone in front of us with the other, his cheek tightly cuddled against mine while I held the 33lb barbels in my hands, we both grinning like shit.

Useless to say that all my co-workers went crazy. Lots of aawww's made their round and announcements of how handsome my boyfriend is. This time, I didn't say anything against it. I never really mind if someone thought Erwin was my boyfriend anyway, but to hear it now sent a warmth down my back right into my heart and belly, that I thought I would melt on the spot.

Was it that obvious that I was really in love with Erwin? My co-workers made sure to agree with every comment and phrase, claiming that my eyes would shine when I look at the photo or think about him, that there was always a little smile on my lips and that my cheeks have this delightful tint of pink at his names mentioning.

I didn't tell them about Levi, though. For two reasons: first, I don't want them to stick their nose too deep into my private life and second...I was afraid of what they'd think of me if I'd say that I have another man by my side in reality.

Not so long after I got Erwin's message, I excused myself to finally head home. I suddenly felt very uncomfortable here and used alcohol as an excuse. It wasn't true and I was more than sober to drive on my own, but I needed a reason to get out of here.

I used the long way around the building, so they won't see I was taking my own car in the end and once I was seated, I lost no time to drive off.

At home, I first went for a shower and used that time-out again to sort my thoughts. Until now, I was sure that the Skype session with Levi was some kind of reboot for me, that this made sure I was still deeply in love with him, what I still am, but ONLY him.

Turned out...I wasn't. There was still that part of me that felt attracted to Erwin so much, that I caught myself fawning over him throughout the day.

What should I do? I have no clue how to reboot my heart in some way. How can it be split up like this?

Again, I have to wait for my answers. Without Levi here, I won't get them. It's so hard to wait for something that important and impactful without the chance to predict the outcome.

When I was comfortably nestled in my bed, I finally took my time to reply to Erwin. It wasn't even an important message, he just asked how my first day was going and if I handled everything alright, but I couldn't help but notice the three red heart emojis at the end of the line.

That sly fox...he never misses a chance for scattering his love all around the place, not even over messenger.

I'm not better, though. I had no control over my fingers when they danced across the phone to answer my lovely commander, also bombing him with tons of emoji's and hearts.

I can't help it. I love to throw these little things around like free candy. You only have to worry if I should write without them. This either means I'm angry like shit, or I'm sad.

So...when I told Erwin how my day went and what I did after that, the answer came almost right away, as if he was holding his phone the whole time to reply as soon as possible. I enjoyed messaging with him a little bit too much, since I spent one whole hour with him on the phone, just writing about nonsense, daily stuff and so. Total random things that meant nothing, but I adored these simple things a lot. Talking with Erwin feels so natural and easy, I don't have to spend minutes and hours with thinking of a new topic to talk about, they will just happen in the flow of the chat, and that never happened before to me with anyone!

With him, I don't have to pretend to be someone I am not. Since our first meeting back then in the gym, he took me the way I am, with all my edges and curves, never judged me or tried to force me into a role I'm not comfortable with.

In a way, just the way Levi did, but Levi had another way to tell that I'm perfect the way I am without making me feel abandoned or lied to.

Sure, both Levi and I have antics and mannerisms we find annoying and stupid, but would I love my Levi if it was different and vice versa? There were so many times I saw Levi's eyes rolling about a thing I did, but the next moment I saw that subtle little grin on his face that showed me he was at least a bit amused.

That's why a true and honest love and relationship grows stronger, right? To accept the partner the way he or she is and take him or her that way. I was....just too blind and to see Erwin as this potential one. There was only Levi I had eyes for since he was, and still is, my very first true boyfriend.

Still, I cant befriend the thought to maybe part from Levi, due to the things that might happen in the future. My heart aches in never known agony by just thinking of it. I need him. More than I'm willing to admit.

Stupid waiting and patience...these things never were my greatest strengths.

It had become late by now and I had to cut off the nice chat with Erwin, whether I liked it or not.

When we finally made our goodbyes and goodnights, with lots of kissing and heart emoji's, I put my phone away, turned my lights out and curled up to sleep.

It's never a good idea to sleep with a heavy loaded mind and I laid awake for at least two more hours before I simply passed out from tiredness, only to get hit by the jackhammer that was my alarm clock next morning.

The day went by so fucking slow, I almost believed its never going to end. So much stupid shit, so many papers and annoying clients...the day went by like gooey chewing gum. Veeeeeeery slow and stretching more and more with anything new that'd come up.

When finally Wednesday came and work was over, I couldnt contain my excitement to finally meet with Erwin again!

And it was also the day when I could see Mikasa after the great night-out we had.

Like the caring and loyal friend she is, she first checked upon me if I was alright. I came to find out, she did this for two reasons, to see If I took the alcohol better than the last time I got drunk, and of course to see what effect Levis long journey has on me. I'm so not going to tell her that we skyped last Sunday night...

The moment when we left the changing room and my eyes met Erwin's gorgeous form, it's as if all loneliness and fears were blown away. I couldnt stop the smile from coming across my face as our eyes met, and I couldnt stop my heart to pound wildly when he returned the smile in his genuine way.

He waved while he walked up to us. I still can't forget that I'm not alone here. I couldnt care less about all the nameless faces here, but as long as Mikasa is around, or maybe that bitch I kicked out of the penthouse, I have to contain myself, even if it's going to be tough.

To make this even harder, the moment when Erwin reached us, he'd tugged me in a tight embrace as his both arms wrapped around me. Others would never notice, but I sensed it so much more: the little sniff from his nose as he inhaled my scent when his face dipped into the cavity of my neck, the little, almost not noticeable strokes on my back and arms, even the very small and short peck of his lips he left on my skin there before we parted again. So little gestures, anything to avoid a commotion, but all these small things just had the greatest impact on me.

The greeting he shared with Mikasa was less loving and close, but definitely not less passionate. After smashing their right hands together like old buds from high school, they even added a high-five on top. It was such a weird picture, but it looked fun though.

On the way to the weight training ground, Mikasa took Levi's place to my right, while Erwin kept his on my left, except one thing: he was so much closer than ever before. His pinky finger curled around mine and he closed the gap between our bodies so much, that our arms rubbed against each other. Even without looking at Erwin at that moment, the joy that radiates from him made my skin tingle.

Erwin surely knew all too well how to make my heart beat with happiness, but our sweet moment ended the second we passed the double-sided glass door.

Like numerous amount of times before, Erwin, me and Mikasa parted to join our corners of the large ground. Mikasa waved goodbye at us and retreated to the fighting corner, probably to kick the asses of some unlucky bastards who claim that they can fight and combat like a pro. Well, they will know better once Mikasa is done with them!

The hours we spent in the gym were full of distractions. The practically lurked around every corner.

Mikasa was too busy to notice, and all others around didn't care anyway, so Erwin used every safe moment to share little affections and touches. I was unable, not to mention not willing, to avoid them.

While sitting on the weight bench, him behind me so close, I could feel his body temperature melting into my own as I sat between his legs. His arms supporting mine as I lifted the barbels up and down, the subtle strokes of his fingers on my skin that made me shudder every time.

But the overkill was when he lowered his head to my level, so I could feel his hot breath on my ear.

"You look so beautiful again. I almost couldnt contain myself to finally see you, feel you...smell you. I wish this wasn't so risky and wrong. You make me do stupid things, honey." He whispered seductively. The wave of gooseflesh that ran through me that moment was so intense that my entire being shuddered.

"E-Erwin~.." Damn...I actually wanted to say more, but somehow, all other words got lost halfway.

"Mmhh...Yes, darling? What is it?"

"We...We cant. Please contain yourself. The others around might notice. Wasn't it you who said that we have to act normal?" I hated to say these words and I almost would like to slap myself for it, but if there's anything that I have to do now, then its to stay put and concentrated.

Erwin huffed a low sigh into my ear and he nodded.

"I know. You're right, but...when I'm around you, when you're so close, I just...cant hold back. I want to be near to you, touch you, hold you. It's so hard to hold back, even though I understand the reason why."

Erwin sounded so broken and sad. His whole form screamed for a tight hug and comforting words, but instead, I nodded in silence and leaned back into his chest, tilting my head aside until my forehead touched his cheek.

I'm not better than him. We both crave each other's touch and closeness as if it was the miracle cure to a deadly epidemic.

From my point of view, I saw the spark of a smile that tugged on Erwins lips and in response, his arms laced around my center, pressing me against his chest even more.

"Let's keep this short, but intense, alright?" He murmured, but before I could answer, he squeezed me so tight, that I squeaked from surprise like a rubber ducky. That was the moment Erwin lost everything and had to let go of me due to his laughter.

I felt my cheeks burning up in shame and scooched away to turn around and shoot him a lecturing glare, but that made everything just worse. Erwin's laughter echoed through the entire area while he's holding his belly.

"Fuck it, Erwin! You're hopeless!" I scolded him, but he was just too contagious. Without wanting it, I chimed in with him and soon, we pulled lots of curious eyes towards us. In the end, when we both were more panting than laughing, our faces wet from the tears we'd spilled, we both decided it was enough for today. Erwin is practically the only person alive I know who can get from lewd, sweet and fluffy to hilarious, goofy and silly within a matter of milliseconds.

Mikasa had joined us as well by now and had a very confused expression on her face.

"What the heck is wrong with you guys?!" she stood there with her fists stemmed to her sides, like a scolding mother.

"Don't worry, Mikasa. We were just having some fun. You know what this is, right? Fun? Its spelled F.U.N." Erwin was full in his goof-mode, but making fun of Mikasa was never a good idea, so I stopped him before he's going to risk his neck.

After slapping him on his thigh, I turned back to Mikasa.

"Ignore him. I just made a really stupid joke, but it seems it was funny enough for him. We wanted to end this here for today. You're coming with us?"

Mikasa shook her head with a scowl. A little more taunting from Erwin and she would explode...that's for sure.

"Yeah. Let us go."

With this, my first regular Wednesday came to an end. After my dinner and a shower at home, my phone buzzed with a message from Erwin, but there was no text. The only thing he'd sent me was a red, pulsing heart.

How can you get all these signs of love and affection and not melt on the spot???

Good thing that no one was around. The long and loud "Awwwww" that came from me would've caused a lot of heads to turn around at me.

In response, Erwin got the best gif-picture of a fainting woman I could find in Whatsapp's collection. Just seconds later, I got a gif from a woman that snorts into her drink from laughter, spilling half of it around the place in the process.

Writing with Erwin is so damn funny. I could do this for hours, just sending pics and gifs and it would never get tired.

The next two days until Friday came, were feeling like my regular normality again. As if I've never had any vacation at all. Work, eat, shower, bed. Only Friday there was training on the schedule. Just like on Wednesday, Erwin repeated the same little shower of affections like before, always making sure either no one was looking or to keep the touches short and small.

Like this, I think I will make it live through the next week without Levi, but I made the bill without fate.

Still on that Friday, after my work-out and after dinner, I was chilling on my couch, watching one of my favorite animes, "My neighbor Totoro" when suddenly my doorbell rang. Startled by the unexpected sound, I jumped from shock, but I stood up anyway. Who might that be at this hour?

I took the intercom to hear who's there, but no reply from the other end. Stupid brats! Always playing ring-pranks on me!

Angry like this for the disturbance, I ran back into the living room, pulled the windows open to see and maybe yell at the culprits for their stupidity, but there was no one to see as well.

"What the heck? Are there ghosts around or what?" I was more than confused. As soon as I closed the window again, I heard knocks on my door. Three times in a row.

"For fuck's sake! Gimme a break." I was more than eager to tell the responsible asshole a few things that might sound horrible to a child's ears. When I yanked the entrance door open, fueled with anger and ready to fire, I lost all my words when I saw the person that's standing before me.

"Good evening, brat. I hope I don't come by inconveniently." That striking smirk, these piercing silvery orbs, the jet black hair, the pale skin...I truly believe to see a ghost before me.

"Levi?"