By now, your tea was finished, but your thoughts ran wild once more. You always believed that it's just a very close bond between you and Erwin, as friends, some kind of platonic love maybe, though the longer you thought about it, more memories flooded your already overwhelmed mind, and whenever you three, or you two were together, you acted not very friend-like: holding hands, giving away massages and back rubs, cuddling on the couch and teasing and mocking each other like a crushing teenage-couple, cooking together, goddammit you even let him sleep next to you in your bed when Levi acted like a jerk. In the younger past, you caught yourself thinking about Erwin more than usual, and even the slightest picture of him inside your head made you smile like an idiot, just the way when it began with Levi. With Erwin....is just.....it felt all so natural, not forced or weird at all, that you never ever thought that this would turn into something like this.

Now that you're alone with just yourself, having this moment of absolute clarity, you cant deny it any longer:

Its clear that Erwin is more than just a friend, that he's more in general. And thats the real thing that confusing, and scaring alike. What about Levi? Theres no doubt, not even a little bit, that you love Levi from the depths of your heart, with all his edges and curves, but how shall this work? Ignoring your own and Erwins feelings wouldnt help forever, and sooner or later, Levi will find out, and then the real shit will come down, but the simple thought of telling Levi about this, about Erwin, was dreadful like nothing ever before.

Levi said more than once, you're his, and his alone, that he doesnt want any other guy touching you and that he's even willing to underline his words with violence if necessary.

You dont want Erwin and Levi to fight over you, not to mention to fight against each other, but if you keep quiet about this, there's no doubt that the friendship between these two was doomed to break.

Both men have their own personality, their own mistakes, preferences and benefits. Both are completely different from each other, but theres one thing they both have in common: they arent like ANY other men you knew and met before. Both, Levi and Erwin, are patient with you, loving, they care about your well-being and want you to be happy. You cant live without either of them. You already made that crystal clear to Levi, but how should you say it to him?
That there might be maybe the possibility that you're in love with his best friend as well? Yeah, thats so not going to work. Levi will get furious if he finds out, if he knows.

There has to be a way to solve this somehow! But as much as you dislike it, there is no solution without talking. Which means....you have to talk to Erwin AND Levi. Starting with Erwin is probably the best thing to do, since Levi will be gone for another two weeks, but.....are you really able to face Erwin again? After all what happened?

It happened never before that Erwin forced you to do anything against your will, and its partly your own fault that it turned out this way. Even though you knew about Erwin's feelings for so long, you actually never said in any way that you dont want him to stop this, or to look for another woman whom he can give his heart, and knowing Erwin right, he's probably sitting on the couch, drowning his self-pity in alcohol and blaming all himself for forcing him onto you.

From all mistakes Erwin made, this was by far the cruelest, but in spite of all doubts, he'd stopped. It might be too forward, or too early to say this for sure, because Erwin really hurt you with this headless action, but that he'd stopped, tells you that he meant no harm towards you. To lose all faith and trust in him now, might be the wrong way. First, you need to talk to him before you decide ANYTHING!

And since you were so damn stupid to leave your phone behind, there was no chance to call him. This leaves just one option...

Erwin P.O.V.

What have I done?! Have I become mad?! How could I do this to Nina?! HOW?!

What got into my pants to make me lose my shit that much? I didnt have any alcohol on that date, so my mind was clear. Or so I thought. I was just....so angry, pissed and frustrated at the same time. Frustrated that I wasnt able to blow off tonight, pissed about Nina's attitude towards me, and angry that she cornered me like this. And then...something snapped. I lost control over my own body, and now I have to face the consequences.

Nina ran away from me. For the first time ever, and its my fault. I'd never forget how she looked at me...raw horror inside those eyes, tears running down her cheeks and her body curled up on the ground like a kicked puppy dog. It was dreadful. Horrible.

I wouldnt even be surprised if she would tell Levi about it, that she wants to quit our training for good, that she wants to never come back here again, and I would understand her. I wouldnt even want that by myself if I was her.

I, Erwin Smith, the usual calm and collected ex-commander, had lost his head because a girl got into his pants, and he was mad because he cant have her. I never was confronted with something like this before. Usually, I can get every woman I want, within the blink of an eye. It was normal for me and I used my charm and charisma to my advantage, by having hundreds of women during my past years, each day another one, sometimes even two or three. Today, Im not proud of that. My friend Mike still finds thrill and joy in this lifestyle, but I hope that he will hopefully find his special someone in the near future.

But that a female would really reject ME one day...I guess something inside me couldn't accept it, and I reacted in the worst way possible, like a little, spoiled and rotten child that's being denied dessert. The manly pride, a mystery as big and undiscovered like the female sense of logic.

What did I achieve? Despite that me and the woman who had to endure this are now suffering? Tch...nothing.

Levi told me about her, her past, her panic-attacks, how hard it is for her to open up to someone, or to get comfortable with a man by her side. I knew it all the time, and seeing Nina developing in the past months...I guess I hoped she was able to finally break past her limits. I was wrong. I was so, so damn wrong.

Levi, that lucky bastard, did it to steal her heart away before I could. I never would've thought that I am envious about something that midget has, but I want this woman so damn bad, that I completely forgot about everything I knew.

As I watched her running away in panic, in her pajama without shoes or a coat, the only thing I could do was to stand there and gape. Pathetic, right?

I didnt even had the guts to run after her to carry her back inside, just to avoid her becoming sick. Instead, I let her run away, just watching from afar on the balcony while she fidgeted with her keys to get into her car. Since then...nothing.

One or two hours had passed after Nina fled for her life, and I should probably go to bed, calm down, gather my thoughts and think of a plan or solution. Instead, Im sitting on the couch like a homeless, sunken deep into it with legs apart wide and hair completely messy, shoes simply kicked off in an unknown direction, topped off by a half-finished bottle of whiskey. I couldnt be any farther away from the proud, respected and high-decorated commander I used to be.

My mind was screaming, scolding me in every known speech, and all I wanted was to smother all these voices in booze.

Even though my fatigue was killing me,I definitely wont be able to sleep tonight, or do anything else that could be considered "productive". I lacked every little spark of motivation I could imagine and I felt as if I was hit by a car. Twice. At top speed.

What would I give to make this happening undone, just call her and say "Im sorry", but as I saw her phone laying on the coffee table, I knew this wouldn't work. I could try to give it back to her, just drive to her home and hand it over. Its worth a try, but after what happened, I calculated my the rate of success to below 0%.

But I HAVE to do something! I cant let it end like this. I need her...more than Im willing to admit. More than I ever know. And now that I know that she also has feelings for me, I felt a little spark of hope flaming up inside of me, but before I can do anything, I have to talk to her, apologize, and strip down my stupid manly pride. I hate this, but I have no choice.

I finished the last bit of whiskey from the bottle before I stand up to stumble into the bedroom, but before I could even walk around the couch, I heard something.

Maybe my ears are tricking me, maybe its the whiskey, but as I listened closer, I heard a key switching in the door, unlocking it. Turning around, I was sure that I was drunk like shit. Dressed in blue denim jeans and a loose green sweater, was Nina walking in. My mouth was agape, almost hitting the floor, and I slapped myself with both hands, in hope to wake up from this booze-dream, but when I blinked a few times, she was still there, standing in the middle of the corridor, placing the keys into the bowl again before she undressed from her shoes and cloak.

I couldnt believe it. Even shaking my head frantically wasnt helping to make this spook go away.

She walked up to me, rubbing her left arm with her hand, not meeting my gaze, but her body spoke so clear to me. Nothing reminded me about the incident hours before. Its like as if she was a different person. What happened in these two hours?

Leaving an arm length space between us, she came to a halt, finally looking up to meet my eyes with a gaze I wasnt able to recognize in my current state, but I couldnt stop but staring into these pair of stormy mix of grey and blue that threatened to devour me in instant.

"Nina....what....what are you doing here? I thought I would never see you again. I believed you were gone for good. Please forgive me, I-" She shushed me by raising her hand. I felt so guilty in this moment, for betraying her so hard that she even doesnt want to listen to me and my pitiful excuses. I understand her. And I deserve it.

But the sweet and rather coy words that poured from her lips then, robbed me from my breath.

"Sorry for coming here this late, Erwin, but do you have a minute? I want to talk to you."