You didn't count the hours, or minutes, you needed to explain every little detail about your plan. Erwin and Levi just sat there before you at the dining table and listened in silence. From time to time they nodded, to assure that they're still listening, but that didn't make it easier to talk. More the opposite. With taking longer breaks between sentences, you longed for an answer, a question, even a word of scolding would've been fine, but for fuck's sake they should talk already! This silent listening bugged you to no end. They both gave no hints of their true emotions right now. The moment when you finished talking, exhaling long and harshly through your mouth, you slumped back in your chair, your eyes fixed on your folded hands in your lap.

"Wow...I had absolutely no idea that you're capable of that. Seems like we both underestimated you, sweetheart." Erwin finally broke the silence as he rubs his eyes with two fingers before he uses his whole hand to run it through his hair, messing it up a little.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I know there was a big risk behind this, and I know that it would've been better to talk to you about this, but I feared you might disagree, or worse, forbid me to act and locking me up." Your answer was honest. You really feared that Erwin might react like that. Your father did this multiple times during your childhood when you came up with stupid ideas and the result was always getting locked up in your room. That marked your personality and is still tormenting you. Erwin jumps um from his seat in a swift movement, slamming both hands on the table once you said what's on your mind.

"I would never do that! And Levi either! You might've acted reckless and risky, but its the result that counts. You're safe, Petra will finally get her punishment. It's useless to think about what could've possibly been and the most valuable part in here, you and Levi can make up. Right, Levi?" Erwin spoke in a dark, threatening tone at the smaller, dark-haired man, shooting him a glare in unison with a shove against his shoulder.

"Yes," Levi replied inaudible, nothing more but a whisper. You expected from Levi to yell, to scold you, even to just click with his tongue at you and Erwin. Now, after you finished your explanation and after he heard what your intention was, that you only wanted to get rid of Petra once and for all to assure that Levi and you will be safe, that you can continue your relationship in peace and finally focus on what tomorrow might bring, he became smaller and smaller in his seat, if that's even possible. He almost looked like a kicked puppy. But he definitely won't get away with a simple apology. If he thinks he can just say "Sorry" and that's it, he is terribly wrong. The apology is long overdue, every person in this room knows that. The air in here is so thick from the rising tension, that you can almost cut it with a knife.

Erwin, being the smart and wise man he is, recognized the situation as he walks around the table to your seat, helping you standing before he pulls you in a tight hug, one arm wrapped around your waist while the other one pressed your head against his shoulder. His face buried deep in the small of your nape, his breath hitching several times. Is he crying?! You listened for a few moments, but you heard no sobbing or whining from him. He's definitely not the type for shedding tears. That one time when you went dancing and dining together was more than enough. You want to see him smile, his calm and cheering face that can easily compete with the sunshine and chase away the dark clouds from your mind with one gaze. His embrace grows tighter around your frame once you returned it with the same affection. With ease, he lifts you from the ground, clinging one of your arms around his broad shoulders while the other one tangles in his soft blond locks. The closeness of him, the unjudging and tender hug that says "It's okay. I'm here" takes a huge load from your heart and soul as a long sigh escapes your mouth.

"Please stay here tonight, Nina. I can't stand the thought of letting you go. And if Levi refuses to let you sleep in his bed, please come to me. I want to be sure that you're okay." You nod a "Yes" to Erwins soft murmured request before he lets you down again. You hear him sniffing once while wiping his cheeks. It seems that he's fighting very, very hard to hold back his tears. If from sadness or relief, you can't tell, maybe both, since you feel the same. Erwin takes a few deep breaths before he straightens himself again.

"I'm glad this is almost settled. The day was exhausting. If you two don't mind, I'll leave you alone now, so you can talk in peace and private."

"Yes. Thanks, Erwin. Goodnight." A short reply, but you can't think of anything better right now, according to the situation. Levi is still sitting in his chair, staring down to his folded hands on the table and fidgeting with his thumbs. He's nervous. You know this behavior from yourself when you screwed up something and had to face your parents for a scolding or to justify yourself. No wonder that Levi feels the same way, even if it's uncommon for him. He barely apologizes, not to mention his lack of flair and logical thinking when the situation requires it, but this kind of stupidity is one of the main reasons why you love him. He acts out of instinct. Others might not know or recognize it, but he has a great sense for empathy and he respects other people's desires and feelings like no one else. He cares a lot for his friends he considers as his family, even if he doesn't show it.

He keeps up his emotional walls almost every single moment when you're not with him. You never told him, but it's more than obvious that he changed in his behavior since you two started the relationship. He became more open in public, holding hands, a little kiss on the cheek or the lips and even soft words about your beauty when no one else is listening. You feel like something really special to him that he's opening up to you like this and lets his walls down he'd build up around him, which you appreciated very much. It's the real Levi behind these walls you love and you adore. The deep trust and respect you hold for each other is the glue that keeps your hearts connected so close all the time. But he hurt and damaged your trust in him so bad with his careless action, that you can't let this slip through. He has to do more but to say a simple "Sorry". He knows he screwed up really, really bad, and if he's at least half as smart as you think he is, he will know what to do. His whole current posture is oozing from grief and regret.

Erwin pulls you out of your thoughts with a last gentle kiss on your forehead before he leaves to his room. The door clicked into its frame and signaled, that now's the time to make things right with Levi. By taking your former seat on the dining table, you sit down in front of him, taking a deep breath before you lock your gaze on him, waiting for him to take the first step. A few silent minutes passed where only your breathing was head. The more minutes went by, the more your thoughts started to panic again.

Is he really so sorry how you think he is? Or is he just pretending? Or even worse, will he take the final step and break up completely? All warmth in your hands suddenly disappears, leaving them shivering from the tensing anxiety that's boiling up inside while your mind was somersaulting to find a solution for this misery. You must look like a corpse right now, since you feel all blood in your face vanishing, so as from any other part of your body, leaving you a pale, bloodless bunch of meat. You hear distant mumbling while your thoughts scream loud enough to cover Heavy Metal music before you perk up to look around, finding Levi searching for your attention while he tries to lock his eyes with yours.

"Huh? What?" You heard nothing audible from him, but he must've said something, otherwise, he wouldn't grit his teeth so obviously.

"I said, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. If I would've known that you would assault Petra this aggressively, I..."

"You what?! You would've acted differently?" You snapped at him. His eyes widen in shock, as he was definitely not expecting your harsh reaction. Now it's too late to stick to your fearful thoughts. All the build up anger and frustration from the moment when Levi chased you away that evening is now about to burst out from you, not caring about risking a real break up.

"Did you really believe you could save or protect me with this action? How old are you? Five?! I'm not a porcelain doll you can lock up in a wardrobe to keep her safe from harm! You know what I've been through during my life and you know I did survive it on my own, without any help from my friends, parents or any other people! I did it all alone, and then, one psycho woman appears, she thinks she can shoo me away from you with a few offending words and a death threat? As if! If you thought you can keep me safe by making me stay away from you, then you're dead wrong! It seems after all the time we've spent together, you still don't know me and how I am. I'm more than just a lame fucked almost-virgin who loves video games and computers."

"I know...."Levi answered silently, turning his head to the side to avoid your gaze. For a change, he's now the one who has to endure the scolding of his life. From his girlfriend, and for a very good reason.

"The fuck do you know!" You barked at him, standing up from your seat, walking back and forth to calm down before Erwin might join the scene again to check on you. A burning feeling boils up in your chest to replace the former coldness. With narrowed eyes, you follow the path before your feet as you tried hard to keep your anger on a moderate level. While still walking, you didn't see Levi standing up as well, only to stop in front of you, taking one of your hands in his own as his other hand cups your cheek to make you look at him. You don't want him to touch you right now! You pulled your hand away with a strong yank, but he reaches out again, this time in a tighter grip. His expression is soft and his eyes mirrored such a deep sadness, that your anger calms down a little. Once he feels that you aren't fighting back against his touch anymore, he brings his other hand to your face too, cupping it gently and stroking along the cheekbones with his thumbs.

"Please listen to me, Nina. Don't say anything, just...listen. I know I fucked up. Very bad and very much. I regret every spoken word to no end. I know that you're strong and that you can stand your ground, but the moment when Petra arrived, I felt something I never wanted to experience ever again. The fear to lose the person I love more than anything in this world. She ruined my life a numerous number of times and she's even been the reason why one of my former girlfriends committed suicide. I know what kind of human Petra is and I know her twisted personality. That's why I wanted to protect you from her. I can't deal with losing another loved one. Especially not you...I'd rather see you weeping or in the arms of Erwin than to see you dead! I know I have no right to ask for your forgiveness, but I want you to know, I love you! I love you so much and so deeply...I can't live without you anymore..." Levi broke in his apology as his breath hitched several times, trying to fight the welling tears in his eyes. He's still suffering from the recent happenings, at least as much as you. Levi only allows himself to cry in front of you, which should be proof enough that he really means what he's saying.

Now your anger is completely replaced with your own sadness. Seeing Levi close to the edge of crying as he grits his teeth to muffle his sobs... It's triggering you to forget about your anger since your maternal and protective instincts are taking over now. You can't stand seeing your friends dry, especially not the ones that are so damn close to you. Your hands move to Levis pain-distorted face, caressing his rough skin with slow motions to convince him to look at you.

"Levi..."

"No! Don't start talking yet. I'm not done." He responded, his voice ragged and heavy from the fighting against his agony. One single tear escapes his right eye as you gently wipe it away with your thumb. He looks so beaten right now as if he'd lost the Iron Man competition. By now you're sure that you can't be mad at him any longer. It's in your nature to be the forgiving type, even after huge arguments. It's not like you will forget the things he'd done to you, but with this attitude, it's easier to proceed with life. It keeps weightful thoughts and emotional loads from your heart and mind, so you can focus on what's really important. To live a happy life with the ones you love. So as now...

"I can't live without you anymore, my love. You were always there for me when I needed you, your calm voice guided me into sleep when I had terrible nightmares and your heartbeat was my lullaby when I couldn't find peace in my own sanctuary. I don't want this feeling to end. The more time we'd spend together, I came to realize: You don't need me. You never have. But...slowly...slowly I've started to need you. There are no words grand enough to show the deep affection and love I feel for you. Thanks to my headless actions, that hurt your feelings so bad and made you come up with such a risky plan, I almost lost you forever. There's no excuse for that! But...it's also thanks to this plan, that I'm finally free now from Petra. We all are. And for this, you have my utmost respect and gratitude. You had the guts no one else had by taking things in your own hand. You acted, while we were just thinking. Thank you. Thank you so much. If you still want me, I hope we can proceed with our relationship and look forward into a brighter tomorrow. I have nothing to give to you, despite myself, the lame excuse of a human being, and an apology scratched together in a rush while talking to you right now."

Levi removes your hands from his face, holding them for a few seconds, but the thing that happened next was out of this universe. Suddenly, Levi dropped on his knees, embracing your waist with both arms and hiding his face in your stomach as he allows himself to shed his tears in your shirt. You gasped loudly in surprise, your hands landed on his shoulders, feeling them shaking from his crying. He stripped down every last piece of his manly pride and tore apart his emotional walls, showing you the true Levi behind it. An emotional, caring and loving man who wasn't able to be there for his woman when she needed him. All his sadness, grief, fear, and regret overwhelmed him in this one moment as they burst out from his heart and eyes.

"Forgive me, Nina.....Please. Forgive me. Forgive me!" He repeated again and again, staining your shirt with moist as you bite your lower lip to prevent yourself from crying as well. Going down on your knees to face him, you embrace his head with both arms, pressing him against your chest.

"You stupid asshole! How can you do such things to me?! You're horrible! You're mean! You're cruel and I fucking goddamn should hate you but I can't...I could never hate you because my love for you will always be stronger. I can't survive another almost-breakup like this and to make very sure that you won't do this to me ever again, it is now your turn to listen to me. I will tell you what it means to love me. Suit yourself." It's a warning and a confession as well. You can't be sure that he'll never do this to you ever again without letting him know with what kind of woman he's dealing with. And according to his confused expression that's marked with red eyes from crying and trails of moist on his cheeks, you cup his face, wiping everything away that looked out of place from Levis usual calm expression.

"Levi. You know I was abused and bullied for so many years and that these were the reasons why I became such a loner. But do you even understand the full extent of my loneliness? For how long I was alone for real and what this caused me to do? Before I allowed you to enter my life and take over my heart, it was a long and exhausting way for me to make it this far. I've built up my own walls around me and despite you, and Erwin, I allowed no one to climb up these walls ever before. For more than 15 years, this was the only thing I knew and I could rely on: My walls. They were part of my own world I've built up for me. They protected me and were part of my identity. They were my cocoon, a place, which I created, a life that I've build up on my own and just for me alone, a world, that belongs to no other person but me. These walls protected me, defend me and saved me numerous amount of times and were the only thing I knew for a very long time. So...no wonder that it would become difficult to make space for another person in there."

Levi listened silently, nodding with each little pause I took while I was trying to find the right words to describe my feelings right now. How can you even describe such a thing? The words I could think of and would fit were like stones in my heart.

"Maybe you'll hear phrases from me in the future like "I can do this alone" or "Don't think about it" or even "I can handle this shit" and I might repeat thess phrases so often, that I will sound like a broken record, but that doesn't mean that I don't want you to help me or that I don't appreciate your presence. The fact is, that my loneliness grew into my comfort zone and became my panic room, since I only had to pay attention to myself and I had no one else to listen to. Even if this can be lonely and peaceful, it's a familiar, a calming solitude that's almost beautiful in its simplicity. If then someone appears that's shaking up this world and solitude...well...that's a major shock. It's a big and terrible disruption not just for my own world, but also for my own routines, for all the things I knew. It took me a while to adjust to the situation and I'm still not done with it. There's a huge amount of fear from my side, not only because I reluctantly let you into my world to make you climb these walls to invite you into a life that was just mine before, there will always be the fear that, once I let you in, when I trust you, when I stop feeling well on my own, and start to feel comfortable only with you, "What should I do if that person will leave my life?"

You asked him, looking deeply into his eyes as his own widened for a brief moment, the light of the dimly lighted room reflecting in his irises like a quick lightning strike.

"If you love a woman who is used to being alone, you love a woman who is afraid of ever having to learn how to do it again. You say to me "Please, please let me in," as I say, "Please, please don't leave me." It's easy to be on your own once you get used to it, but once you get used to it, it's often a tough fight, an incredibly difficult journey, and I'm really scared of the possibility to have to do it again. So if you love a woman who is used to being alone, then you better be prepared to stay with her forever. Hold her hand when she says, "I can do it alone, I can do it," and say, "But I can help you with that." Be prepared to learn about her life, her world, and find a way to respect it while you're still a part of it. Be prepared to climb up the walls she, or I, have built around myself and my heart, and be prepared not to worry about what's going on outside those walls. Because if you do, if you really do, I will be ready to never ever let you go."