Title: Wildlings

Author: @theemmpress

Genre: Dystopian Fantasy

Cover: Impressive. Correlates on a symbolic level with the text and is unique and refreshing. Draws the reader's eyes.

Title: I think this title accurately reflects the text, gives away an amazing double-edged sense of intrigue and is perfect for this book.

Blurb: This Blurb is exquisitely informative, not wordy and perfectly crafted to give the reader just enough to make that all important to read or not to read decision. Every word is a perfect choice with the exception of "weirder" in the final sentence. I just looked up all the alternate words I could find for weird, and I don't see anything that really gives the flare necessary to convey what is about to happen in the story. I'm sure you could find a word that reflects the tingling suspense and mysterious edge needed to fill this out, better than I can.

Summary: Judit and Sannah live in a time and place that is already insensitive, dangerous, uncertain, unjust and oppressive. And they thought they had it handled. Until the morning came that rocked their world forever. A morning filled with unauthorized and illegal kidnapping, obscure explanations and concealed objections. Both sisters are forced against their wills to make decisions that take them away from the known and plunge them headfirst into the unknown, The Wild. The journey from primitive to wild and from wild to primitive is extraordinary. A time and place that ceases to exist as we know it and compels each reader to examine their own inner perceptions with brutal honesty, acknowledging that this could be the way society is heading, and poses the question, what can each of us do about it now?

A word about dystopian fantasy:

"A dystopian society is a society characterized by a focus on that which is contrary to the author's ethos, such as mass poverty, public mistrust and suspicion, or oppression. Most authors of dystopian fiction explore at least one reason why things are that way, often as an analogy for similar issues in the real world. Dystopian literature is used to "provide fresh perspectives on problematic social and political practices that might otherwise be taken for granted or considered natural and inevitable" (google search)

In my humble opinion, this novel follows in the very perceptive and clarion voices of such books as Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury, The Giver by Lois Lowry and to some extent The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. Each of these gives the reader a view of a society that grows from the ashes of near destruction, only to be replaced by one that offers the worst dredges that can be called humanity. Each of these glimpses the unfettered and lawless greed that power hungry political elitists impose on the masses of those who emerge on the surviving edge of apocalypse. They help the reader see the dangers lurking under the surface of society. These types of books are a beacon and a warning much along the lines of Isaiah in the Bible, forced to use poetry, analogy and fiction to reach under the radar of censorship, and alert a sleeping civilization to its possible annihilation. These books are the lifeblood of literature. Wildlings is no exception.

Did I like it?

At first, the name Albia threw me off. I started a roundabout search for clues in the story as to just where this might have been set. For some reason, the racial undertones placed New Zealand and possibly some part of post-apocalyptic Africa in my sights although everything pointed to the UK, Scotland and the Hebrides. I loved that this happened to me, as it really took me out of my preconceived ideas and helped me focus on the characters and their situations for my setting. As time went on, I looked up blue body painting and standing stones in Africa (Senegambial stone circles) which led me to Vikings taking African slaves (tattooed) home to the north, and eventually to researching black houses which strangely enough solidified the idea of the Northern UK—and I came across the term Alba, and the Caledonian Canal, the Scottish Highlands. Everything fell into place in such a wonderful way for me, as if I'd been on a crusade to discover this story from the inside out. I'm so glad this happened. I would have loved this novel anyway, it is so superbly written and its messages so pertinent and relevant, but it was fun to have the unique and inexpressively beautiful Highlands emerge for me in the way they did, slowly and dramatically, a natural expression of the dark and murky wilds of inner city oppression, racial, gender and sexual persecution as opposed to the purity and innocent beauty that came with the wilds of the highlands as they were restored. It takes a special story and a skilled author to pull the curious into another world like this!

First Chapters:

It is necessary to apply first chapter status to the first two chapters of this novel as we will be moving from each sister's POV alternately. Both chapters are small, yet tremendously important. Both resist terror, but definitely grab the reader and plunge them headfirst into the girls' realities. This is done so naturally, with exquisitely crafted set-up, detail and balance, the reader literally forgets they are reading and simply basks in the literary images being presented. The dialogue is spot on from the very start, realistic, flavorful and concise. Every word is relevant. Both girls' voices are intensely their own, which is why the alternating POV isn't a bit confusing. Their sub characters, instantly introduced are also extremely representative of each girl's situation, therefore necessary and purposeful. We are presented with two MC's, both strong, both deeply and inspiringly relatable, and both instantly faced with predicaments that keep the pages turning. The author is clear, decisive and has created immediacy in a bold and dynamic way that leaves us wanting more.

Plot:

There are two intricately woven stories being told here. That of Judit, the younger sister who has been kidnapped against her will and told she has no choice in the matter of where she will be taken and what will be done to her. Through Judit we instantly feel the terror and oppressive regulation of free agency that those in power have determined. We instantly feel the effect of ultimate power, (government), the levels of underworld power, (the school head's greed), and the unrealized and sometimes half way innocent power of the privileged who take their situations for granted and magnanimously use it for their own devices, sometimes under the guise of helping those less fortunate. This would be Rama, (Dr. Coale.) Judit is inwardly powerful and outwardly helpless. Her journey will be to become balanced, confident and capable.

The other plot surrounds Sannah, the elder sister, who faces the system from the opposite track. She is inwardly helpless, a victim of her circumstances. She is naïve, vs. Judit's street smarts. She is idealistic and hopeful in the beginning, and her journey will be to hold on to her strength which lies in her optimism and determination, but channel her outward power.

Sannah and Judit's story is carefully woven into the larger plot, that of navigating the changing world they belong to. It is so skillfully imagined and so temptingly realistic the reader is absolutely forced to keep reading to find out where their inward and outward struggles lead.

Voice:

The reader is instantly introduced to world building terminology. I personally have no issue with the slang terms used from the very start. Yes, there is a glossary, necessary. No, there is no definitive contextual explanation of each term, but they are sufficiently used and so consistent, they can't be mistaken. They permeate the character thoughts, dialogue and judgments in such a way as to be necessary and integral. They display the characters far better than if they were left out. Ignore all objections and refer objectors to your glossary.

Not only is it indicative of the morphing of language over time, giving the reader a better placement for the setting, but they are completely understood by each and every character, and used appropriately in place of typical swear words which is such a relief, I can't even tell you. Any other uses of modern day swear words or colorful metaphors would be such a breakdown of your style and message. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

One other thing: Dialect in dialogue is important. I've read historical fiction and fantasy with foreign words that have to be understood through context. I love the highland Scottish Gaelic way of speaking and their slang terms. In their own way, your terms are another clue, as they are used in a manner reminiscent of the locale. Once again: don't be bullied into ditching them.

Believable:

The strength of this story is its brutal honesty. The author deals with modern day issues facing modern day young adults (and older adults!) with cool, decisive, informative realism. Racism, sexism, class system breakdown, rich and poor, educated and uneducated, drug users and non-drug users. The author does not shy away from any of these, and does not cater to the politically correct in any cases. She is not immoral in her judgment, just fearless. She portrays all fairly, and manages to touch on each and every character's motives without glossing over basic human frailties or making them better than they are. These characters are facing an unbelievable situation with the best tools they have, and each of them reacts in completely believable manners that startle and captivate the audience.

Society has a nasty habit of taking something developed for good and abusing it. This has caused fear and mistrust to flourish. The author has taken this fear and mistrust and made it her mission to expose it, process it, capture it. She shows the self-absorption of childish selfishness, the unawareness of youth, and the ingrained indoctrination of structural racism. But she doesn't levy a moral judgment thankfully,  rather allows her characters to begin to overcome it, giving the reader hope, even though the world as her characters know it is fairly hopeless.

There are characters and sub-characters in each POV that foil each other. For instance, the street-wise and compassionate Deirdra vs. the deep but possibly misplaced loyalty ingrained in Merle. One is hard won and brutally learned, the other is stubbornly clung to. Yet both are integral and necessary for our MC's to grow.

I like how it is portrayed that in the wilderness they must rely on each other for their very existence and life. But in 'civilization' they must rely on others for some things, yet be individual, isolated and pretending.

This story tells a beautifully relatable philosophical truth, peppered with sociopolitical and socio moral principles. To me, it is enlightening and completely rational.

Characters:

Both of the main characters show their inner conflicts outwardly. I've already talked a lot about them, so I want to focus on some of the others who are very important.

Saint. This character is a paradox. He holds himself to a standard we are only glimpsing in this novel, but as readers we relate, we all have that hidden inner dynamic that we inwardly hope someone will access and value, but we don't easily reveal it. Saint's character to me is one that hasn't yet been explored, hasn't yet fully integrated in either society. His name is a paradox, his position is tenable, unreadable, and has no direct parallel. Most of the other characters do have that parallel.

I might say that Saint's parallel is naturally Rama, but he too is a paradox. Rama is idealistic, convinced of his own righteousness and is motivated by making his obsession successful at all costs. At all costs. Because deeply, inside he can't see others as he sees himself, they aren't completely real. His life is bound to those in the past that he feels were and are better than those of the future. Saint sees the base and honorable, the motivation and the humanity in people. Rama sees nature as the goal.

Clera: Fought to free her children from the hell she'd known, but fell into the trap of letting them see pain and ugliness only when it suited her. She did the best she could. I think this could have been interpreted early on, but I like how it unfolds and is resolved later, rather than earlier. Again, Rama could be her parallel, the father figure, but he isn't quite.

The fact that these three among other characters are so dynamic, almost makes them as important as the main characters. The fact that I feel connected to them even in some cases above and beyond the MC's is motivating and empowering to me as a reader. I love and am deeply concerned about these characters. They are incredibly fleshed out and have become real people in my mind.

Feelings:

This story is firmly rooted in culture and setting. It flows with deep and complex description, metaphor and action. The twists are inevitable and integral. There is clear delineation between what is good and bad, but concession is made for who is good and bad. Nothing is vague. Nothing is ambiguous. Nothing is uneasy or un-thought of.

Pacing:

This story is shown through movement and dialogue. It takes me into itself and mobilizes me. From page one to the end it is a page turner. (Which is why I will finish my review and THEN talk about pacing and word count as you've asked me to.)

Spelling and Grammar:

Before publication have a proofreader go through. There are very little spelling errors, and a few typos and left out quotations, etc. They hide in there, and you need a fresh set of eyes to catch them.

Highlights:

For me the highlights of this story center around the deft world-building, (lovely correlations to the primitives and ancients of the Scottish islands--- I loved it, did lots of research and found so much attention to detail.) and the strong appeal in the characters. People's real honest motives are revealed-- the why's are built-in to every single character. This is such an amazing accomplishment. Without a doubt, you are to be congratulated.

Audience:

Certainly Young Adult, but also all adults. It ought to be a must-read for 14 and up.

Word Count: (ugh...)

You should know this. I am glad I read this the way it is. I love it and wouldn't change it. But I have now spent two days researching word counts and publishing standards and I understand your feelings about wanting to get the word count down.

Here are my suggestions: (although it pains me to give them!)

Don't change or mess much with ch. 1-5. They are perfect.

1. Ch. 7 starting with "Right then-" whole line could be eliminated. The medical exam and description could be cut short, or done away with completely. It isn't exactly completely one hundred percent necessary. (Like I am looking for parts to cut, right? So I am weighing it against parts that to me are required.)

2. I suppose you could revisit Rade and Dai/ Deidra and Faro/ Dek and Lox. (Swallow painfully...) cut their parts down. Even Bayim-- however these characters are a sub-genre of society and each one has a short story begging to be told, but they perhaps aren't as important as the savages later.

3. Also in chapter 7 an example of lovely descriptors in your writing style could possibly be condensed. Starting for example with, "The same buildings as Birchwood, the same shops. The same any old town." This could be tightened up, look for places like this where you've used two or more descriptors. Such as, "It'd been raining, and the air was heavy, puddles in the road." The heavy and the puddles tell us that it'd been raining, right?

4. I'm sure you've heard this, since your writing is not replete with adverbs, but go through and remove or rethink them, anything that ends in –ly.

5. Remove the words, "that", "said", "The" at the beginning of a sentence.

6. Check your adjectives carefully, and really work them, make them count. Use a thesaurus heavily and find choices that don't make you clarify with another one.

7. Be super precise. Look for words that denote exact and specific action

8. For example: Ch. 11, 1st Par. 3rd Line 12 words. Could be tightened to, "He stopped on the threshold of her room." 8 words.

9. The following line (4) of the same chapter, the second sentence of dialogue shows his slight discomfort but also states the obvious. Could be eliminated--- I bet you're exhausted--- works just as well.

10. Look at the following few lines. "He caught her eye and his look was warm, suffused with real concern." (13 words), Possibly this could be shortened to, "His expression was suffused with real concern." (7 words) I might even exchange 'real' for 'sincere' which keeps the "warmth' maybe a little better than real does.

I could go on. I won't. It's painful for me as well. However, if you are serious, if self- publishing it the way it is is out of the question for you. I am offering to help line edit in google docs just the way I am here. A chapter at a time. The changes would show up in the text and on the sides with annotations for your consideration so you wouldn't have to accept anything at all that I suggest, but it might get the word count in at 100,000, honestly, anything less makes me feel ill. Physically killing the style and integrity of the story. Consider other books recently written in your genre: Hunger Games 99,750, 101,564, and 100,269—or Divergent Series 105,143, 106,028, 110,354. These are just a few and they show that young adults are completely capable and willing to read and love over 100,000 words. And frankly, are trending that direction!

This story needs to be told. It sparkles. It shines. It is relevant and interesting.

PM me for email address and enable google.docs editing on your document. (If you want to try and do this. It will be good for me too, as my stories are far too long, and I'm already seeing ways to improve word count by looking so closely at yours. However, yours is far and away more relevant to me, so I'm willing if you are.)

Thanks for asking me to review, I really enjoyed it. Remember it won't hurt my feelings if you don't take my suggestions, you as the author have all poetic license, and I respect that. Your story is far and away one of the best I've read on wattpad and I know several people who agree. Don't get discouraged! Just shoot me a line so I know you read it. Deb