Author: @tranquilstars

Title: The Alchemy of Broken Mirrors

Genre: Historical Fiction

Cover: Quite fantastic, beautiful, elegant, perfect

Title: Intriguing

Blurb: Right length and strength

Summary: Since this is a critique of just four short chapters, I will tell you that there are several main characters. Frances Barclay and her recently divorced sister Isabella, and their roommate, Darlene, an author. Frances is newly unemployed, and looking for work, she comes across a hidden society of clairvoyants who offer her a job as a mountebank. Fortunately for the reader, who doesn't know this 1920's word, we find that Frances doesn't know what it means either. We trust the author to explain in her subtle way as the chapters unfold. There are some who feel Frances was mysteriously led to the clairvoyants, and this holds the key to mystery and suspense.

Did I like it?

Very much. It delivers character development in a refined and elusive way, drawing the reader in and depositing them inside the setting, either tenement housing, bar or restaurant in 1920's New Orleans. Each and every word is carefully crafted to give the maximum description, and it is obvious the author has done quite a bit of research and knows their topic.

Did it draw me in?

Let's talk first chapter here. First chapters should be small, yet tremendously important. This is my mantra, after studying lots and lots of author's advice columns. I think this chapter is the right length, but it is not tremendously important. It is full of elegant and opulent descriptions; a cross between the lovely and sometimes wordy Jane Austen and the grandmommy of all Historical Romance writers, Kathleen Woodiwiss. That's the highest compliment I can give. The tense and POV are consistent, but other than meeting the characters and bringing in the groceries, this post might not be the natural starting point of the book. It gives lots and lots of meandering setting clues. But my sources tell me this should be avoided in a first chapter or post. Sparing on setting is the byword these days, the reader trusts you to fill in the details as time goes on should they desire to keep reading. I see Frances, I see her sister, and her roommate and the room and the house, and the bar and the interior and exterior of the street etc. But I don't feel a strong connection to her. Her problem, that of supporting her newly divorced sister, and herself, doesn't fill me with eagerness to find out what happens. Nevertheless, post 2-4 draw me in instantly, fill me with excitement and have a moving, mysterious, enchanting pace right off the bat. I wonder if the info enclosed in the first post could be incorporated in later posts just as effectively, and the story could start with the action and motive of Frances out job hunting and stumbling across the clairvoyants right away. This would instantly attract readers, bump up the suspense and toss up the unexpected. The next few posts are far twistier and action filled, at least as far as this type of novel should be.

Plot: The need to create immediacy as stated above is of paramount importance. Frances's conflicts should be instantly clear, constantly thought about and have that edge of desperation. She goes out wandering, not knowing quite what she'll do. I think this might be an understatement. I'd like to see her purposeful, desperate, reckless, worried... something. I'd like her to be feeling a need(not wandering)--- and when she meets the others, the clairvoyants, they are filling that need, in a totally unexpected way fraught with mystery and danger and rebellion, shivery and exciting.

Pacing: First post, second to last paragraph: It has fifty-two words. It feels long. It feels like it's not delivering a whole lot of movement to the story. Might it read instead, "Frances was cold. Quivering despite layers, her ankles sore, she wanted (nothing more than) a hot cup of coffee. Enough job hunting for one day. She started to explain she was not Penelope Alastair." This drops it to 31 without the three words in parenthesis which are stylistic and you might want to keep them, but they read well either way. I don't know how you feel about word count. But wordiness can be a turn off. I'm a very wordy writer, so I get this comment a lot. Trust me, it is hard to step back and fill your story with just the pertinent info, when so many words add such beauty and intrinsic voice to your writing, but they also slow it down to the point that it's possible your reader will forget what you said in the previous dialogue before you get to the answer in the next dialogue. However, I do so love your dialogue!

Spelling and grammar:

Clean, super clean. The use of The man, or The Woman, or the Lost girl, to describe "her" or "him" is a little overwhelming. It's okay once or twice, but not in every paragraph.

Highlights: I love, love, love where this story is going. It's flirty, unique and elaborate, written in a beautiful style that needs to be revived. I'm sure it will do well, the author is extremely well read, very talented and skilled at story-telling. The subtle way each character is introduced just draws me in, and the topic is so fresh and exciting. I hope to read the final book one day! I will buy it when it comes out!

Audience: So far: General, young adult and adult.

This is a critique, not a review, as the story is only partially written, and I hope to review the book when it is complete. Please leave a comment so I know you read it. It sounds a bit critical, but I see you as a serious writer, so hopefully you won't take offense. Remember you have all the creative license, and it will not hurt my feelings if you don't take my suggestions. Thank you for letting me critique your story, best of luck. Deb