Title: Stargaze Lovers

Author: @MayaRatala

Genre: Romance

Cover: Cute, simple, and direct. It goes with the title quite well. I'm not sure about the font though. It reminds me of High School bubble letters. Don't want to give off the wrong impression as this story is not teen fiction.

Blurb: Really describes the plot well, and gives the reader a good idea of what they can expect. Asher's names is Goodman, right? Check the spelling in the blurb. The idea of Amy and Amber is unclear, this can be explained also in the blurb.

Chapter One: A first chapter should draw the reader in and commit them to reading more. It should have a hook that satisfies and demands an answer so the reader will want to continue. This First chapter has several segments all of which do justice to setting up the basic outline of the story and giving a clear view of the characters. If I may suggest something: perhaps take the last two segments and go into more detail making them a prologue, so that the reader is front loaded about the mother, the back story and the abuse and neglect right from the start. The flashbacks are a great tool, but they need to be identified clearly right in the beginning, either with a date, time and place, or with some other means of identifying where, when and who in them. Right in the start, otherwise the quick flashes into past, present and alternate idea/ dream can be confusing.

However, I like the flashbacks and hope you keep them. Just make them more clear. Readers like to figure things out, and I'm not exception, but too much figuring, and confusion makes the reader frustrated and less likely to continue.

Summary: At the time of reading this story is incomplete, and is basically in its character development stage. (Within the first 60 pages), so I can't tell exactly what is going to happen with any accuracy.

Did I like it? This story deals with very controversial issues in society. It deals with abuse and neglect, abandonment, and violation. These are triggering subjects that need to be handled with respect and concern even if they are meant to be shocking and direct a reader's attention to the evils of society. Drug and alcohol abuse in parents often do lead to this same vice in their biological children, especially those who have been in foster care. I do not know what country this story is set in, nor the customs being described for foster or orphan care. If this was in the United States, I know that no modern foster care family could have fifteen children of the same ages. There are strict limits and safeguards so that the situation described in this story cannot happen. If this is a group home (there are no orphanages per se left in the US) then there would not be foster parents, as much as there would be adults who run the facility. I can see the Uncle who takes the girls for a few days, being the primary caregiver and the abusive person after they get taken away from their mother. But that wouldn't account for how they meet Asher. In the US everything is done to ensure that siblings are together, unless they have different biological parents. But a group home setting would fit all of your needs admirably and could be researched easily. Maybe you've already done this and I am unused to the customs surrounding your story. However, I've been a foster parent and been through the classes and know at least the laws surrounding this scene. Much abuse can happen in foster care still, but there are a lot of safeguards nowadays, and people checking up to make sure this can't happen. Of course, I believe this to be modern, contemporary, although it isn't said, but the modern vernacular and the club scene they attend make me think it is set in our day.

I think you are handling this issue with great care, and trying very hard to portray possible scenarios. It is such a sensitive topic. You can really add a lot of detail here, with the bullying and the abuse, the neglect, with just a little more research.

Characters: The Main Character (MC) is Amy, and she is a hardworking, honorable young woman, who has led a very difficult life, walking the tightrope of abuse, caring for a younger sibling, and trying to overcome terrible tragedy in her childhood. I think the story and back story of her recovery would be an interesting addition to this book, really touching on topics that are relatable and believable. The fact that she has linked herself to a kind boy in the group home where she is placed, really says a lot about her insecurities. If you do decide to add in more detail about her feelings, I would have her and Asher talk about it honestly and frankly, and share some of their experiences while they are in group care. This would really solidify the relationship. Love at first sight is fine, but love because of shared experience and real admiration makes a lot of sense and draws in more relatable aspects of their continued association.

I'd like to see more about Asher's back story.

Amber's insensitivity and inability to take responsibility for her actions really is indicative of kids who are abused and neglected. Her interesting foil to Amy's honorable side is well done, and deserves all the attention you're giving it. I think Amber's story is also very poignant and necessary to this piece. You're really giving it a good thorough look.

Pacing: Personally, I feel the story takes off really fast and with short segments and flashbacks is giving us plenty to process. I can see slowing it down a little, and giving us more back story with some of their childhood experiences, possibly sneaking out to talk under the stars more. Adding the bullying scenes with Tania again, to show that it actually is happening and how they deal with it. It feels firmly rooted in reality, and other than that we know very little about what happened to them after the group home, I'm sure this is being planned and included in the rest of the book that I haven't read.

Spelling and Grammar:

Since this is a rough draft, I can only say watch your spelling, and punctuation so beta readers before the actual edit are not too confused. I wasn't confused, but there are a lot of grammar issues. This can be tackled with a good editor upon completion.

Suggestions: It's hard to suggest anything yet. I've only read a little bit. I found Asher's attitude once he got back in her life to be callous and betraying. I'm not sure where she should go with that. It's so hard to comment yet! J He's being way too forward and disrespectful, even if he loved her all along, to treat her that way in an alley, is not sexy and romantic, but borderline sexually abusive--- especially as he had just finished beating someone up inside the club for doing the same thing. Even though she was a willing participant with Asher, it leaves very little to anticipate.

I like the fact that you rated it mature, because it has the aspects of such sensitive and touchy unstable subjects. You are very brave to tackle these things. Giving them the proper recovery, if any, and reminding us how awful the past can be when it is abusive. I applaud you for your courage, and hope you finish this to the best of your ability.

Audience: Adult audience

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Please leave a comment so I know you read it. Remember that a review is simply my opinion and you as the creator still have all poetic license, and it will not hurt my feelings if you don't use my suggestions. It was a pleasure to review your story so far.