Title: The Runestone Guardians: Book 1

Author: @Wolfeea12

Genre: Low Fantasy (meaning it is a fantasy novel based on earth customs and geography) reads almost like high fantasy, like another world.

Cover: Very, very nice. This cover really gives the reader a sneak peek at the insides of the story.

Title: Straightforward and a good fit. Especially since it will be a series.

Blurb: It should be 150 words or less. If need be include this info in a prologue. If the first paragraph is a quote it should be in quotations. Watch Point of View.

Prologue: Is awesome. The Author Note: Just have it be an Author note in the First post, in other words, separate it from the main post.  This piece uses modern vernacular, possibly aimed at reaching a young audience. Be careful to show and not tell too much info at once. It would be very helpful to know how shifting feels, rather than saying Totally Amazing. Some of us equate that with a roller coaster ride, others may be thinking sex, you just don't know, so give the reader a little more to go on.

First Chapter: I've read that a first chapter should be small like an appetizer, yet tremendously important. This chapter actually poses a number of questions and leaves the reader feeling confused. The MC is a prisoner--- but is free to wander the castle unguarded in war time. The palace is unguarded during war time, which is validated consistently throughout the book, but does not add much to the suspense or even the character development. It would be more suspenseful should the King be seen actively training, actively trying to keep his lands secure, (therefore overly involved and not paying close attention to his ward as she flees his protection.) And not be posed as quite as weak and useless as he manages to come across. Although there may be a purpose in it in another story, here, it is used mainly to give Chris something to grouse about. And to give the characters free reign of the land and buildings. I would say either build this up, and Chris's animosity gets validation, or change it. However, it may be necessary, but it is confusing to the reader who is expecting war preparations and highly tense situations. I wonder if having the MC's sneak out, having them hiding, facing danger, facing discovery, almost getting caught and feeling scared and defiant, and anxious even more than they are--- which is a little, but maybe not enough to keep the reader on the edge of their seat ready to turn the page. The author is extremely adept at building up scenes in high suspense and then diffusing them with blueberry pancakes. 

Summary:

This story is about a young woman who has lived most of her life in the peasant or rural community adjacent to a palace, knowing she is related to the reigning monarch, yet preferring to live the commoner lifestyle. Unexpectedly, flare-ups in an ongoing conflict with a neighboring kingdom require her to be kept confined against her will. She is told this is for her own protection, but she is ignorant of the real reasons. During the course of the story, this young woman must find out who she really is, how her life must be used to help others and she must journey to faraway lands and back to learn her true potential and destiny. The sub characters in this story are very important and have quests of their own, mirroring the MC's journey.

Did I like it? Did it draw me in?

Yes, I loved it. I think the plot is quite original, drawing from Norse legend and mythical customs, a blend of low fantasy and high fantasy that leaves the reader breathless and sometimes mystified. I think the reason for the breathlessness and the mystification is because the author sometimes hasn't completely solidified thoughts and introduces solutions to problems late in the story with no foreshadowing, perhaps leaving the reader with the feeling that they've had an info dump in order to explain things. Now that the book is finished, the author can go back and attach clues, foreshadow and front load the readers, with intimate details that will come to light and explain things with an ah-ha moment, rather than an unloading of information. But yes, this story is very fun, quite the wild ride, with likable characters and interesting quests.

Voice: The narrator voice is not always consistent. This means that there are small discrepancies in POV movement throughout. The most noticeable for me is the last two paragraphs of the story before the cliffhanger ending. We almost completely shift from Jay in first to narrator in 3rd. It's okay, but could be better. 

There is a startling element that occurs in the setting by the blending of medieval lifestyle coupled with references to very modern accouterments. For instance: The palace they live in and the village inhabited by the local citizenry is all portrayed as quite primitive/ medieval. The weaponry used is medieval and fantastical, which is interesting, and the transportation is primitive and medieval as well, and fantastical. The use of Pegasus's is way cool, the use of walking and shifting is also very provocative, and intriguing. That's why the characters sitting and eating the modern "s'mores" drinking or referring to drinking caffeine, and playing a modern card game of Crazy Eights might be out of place. Knowledge of Europe is not an issue, but then why not knowledge of modern technology. This poses an interesting question and asks the reader to completely suspend belief in familiar customs. That can be done--- and isn't a problem, if the story is a fairy tale. But I don't get the feeling that it is. I would say this contradiction confuses the believability of the story. And it is added in such minute detail that it is easily possible to change "s'mores" to custards, wafers, pastries, etc. There are a lovely array of such things that would add credence to the setting rather than detract from it, or add questions, such as where did they get refined chocolate if they have no contact with the outside world per se?

Characters: Do I connect? Are they cliché, complex?

The Main Character is Ylvana who sometimes goes by the nickname of Ana. Her character is complex. On one hand, she is innocent and naïve. She is reckless and arrogant, defiant and yet somewhat loyal. She has a great quest ahead of her, and will do her best to get into and out of trouble. Her desire to be free of the restraint of the palace and her constricting expectations is relatable and believable. Do I connect with her? Not really. Ylvana needs to be protected, she rarely listens to advice, and doesn't think through her actions, this makes her annoying. That she has inspired friends who want to fulfill that need and protect her, help her and teach her is admirable. I would suggest scenes in the beginning, before the trip to the village, where she is met inside the palace, possibly by her friends who have free reign, where action is required. Either clandestine trainings, reading historical books together--- showing the animosity with which she holds Miria, and the admiration and love Miria has for her that will ultimately take Miria out of her comfort zone to search for Ylvana. There is a place where Miria tells Ylvana to never come back—leaving the reader feeling that there are strong feelings of hostility between the two girls. Maybe even jealousy and animosity. If this is class related, loyalty related or just personality related, later they seem to tolerate each other, Miria more than Ylvana. It seems Miria is willing to make an ultimate sacrifice for Ylvana, and Ylvana is just annoyed by her. Not sure if this was what was intended, and I think it would be good to really solidify this relationship early on in the story, really clear and honest, no equivocation, but absolutely sparkling--- mainly because this quest really carries the story, and moves it to its conclusion. It is a very important draw for the readers, as Miria is a very interesting character, and her determination is clear right from the start.

I think every reader feels strongly for Jay. Instant affiliation with him occurs when he is vulnerable in his thoughts about his father, about the Princess' abduction and his differences as a wolf in a murder of crows. He finds and escorts Ylvana developing a unique and confederate relationship that we tend to hope might turn romantic later on. You want these two to get together. He never backs off his interest in her, his insecurities and his desire to please others. If I could suggest anything, it would be to make him really strong—but hiding his strength behind that mask of humility and insecurity. When he cries easily, I find him not as strong of a character and ill-matched with Ylvana's fiery personality. But when he is watching her train, and admiring her, helping her, joking with her... he seems a good match for her. I think it would actually take a lot to make Jay cry. I'd like to see him hold it in, buck up, be the man---and then be moved to tears at the thought of losing her, or if tears are necessary to show his sensitivity, then only sparingly and after much intensity. I think it would be interesting if Jay and Ylvana could sense each other's thoughts on a deeper level.

Parents:

The parents' stories in this book are a driving force in all of it. Each and every parent really needs to be fleshed out and solidified early on in the book. Each and every encounter of a parent with the main characters should be filled with nuance, suspense, clearly identifying their agenda vs. the child's agenda. This could be done in conversation and then the child's thoughts about it.

Friends:

Unless Chris plays a major part in the next book, he is a confusing addition in my mind, an extra. I would give him a more defined purpose, and show us the use of him in a setting where maybe he saves someone, or is able to shed light on an unanswered question. Alex is very well defined, and is a sad and tragic loss, unexpectedly and legitimately catapulting this story into a more young adult audience. Eiten (sp?) McNeil is a great addition, very cliché, one we all equate with the likes of Dumbledore, and Gandalf, and so he is quite welcome. He also serves a great purpose. I would advise getting a paper and writing short purpose and goal sheets for every character. These would keep them clear and precise in your mind, and then in the reader's minds as well.

The animals: Oh my, you could do so much more with these animals. Not just her friends, Pine and Luna, who could be wonderful as confidants, wisdom harbingers, helpers, even more than they are. But also the weasels and the goat--- not completely sure their purposes, except to add character development to Jay and Ylvana. I'd love to see Luna and Pine as more than traveling companions and buddies. Necessary in some way, not just incidental eye candy. It's fun to have pets, but it'd be more fun to have them serve great purpose and need. The author Tamora Pierce gives her animal friends the ability to speak for the recently deceased, or overhear conversations on the wind, warn of impending doom. They really set this story apart.

Pacing: This book has peaks and hollows. It revolves intricately around mythology and a driving struggle between two cultures and kingdoms. It moves quickly from action to long sections of discovery and character development. I suggest including more character development scenes in the early phase and more action together in the middle and end. Although the action is pretty consistent throughout.

There is a Poem in Chapter 5 I think, that is wonderful, and I suggest using it in the prologue as well. So clear and informative. I'd even use it in your blurb.

The meeting bet. The governor and the King and Princess could be a more driving force if there was more subtle wariness, distrust and reasons in their thoughts for the distrust, suspicion, something to add relevance.

Spelling and grammar:

We all need to go over our manuscripts with a fine-toothed comb, looking for spelling and grammar errors. I pointed out a few places where word choices were actually distracting and should be changed even before a rewrite or edit. Otherwise, all these can be fixed in the edit. Be sure to announce POV changes if applicable, and even if starting a new post, as readers can be thrown off easily.

Suggestions:

Research things like the river narrowing not widening. Wolfpack protocol is well known by a huge readership, and will be noted, so realize that challenging an Alpha for a lone wolf would be a big deal, the Omega would have challenged, not sure why there is a quest for membership--- not in a real pack. The weasels do behave like real weasels, but other animals seem more fantastical. Just be careful to be consistent. The sudden addition of technology by Einat (sp?)McNeil, with the discussion of genetics and possible explanation of magic is interesting and unresolved in this story. I suggest adding a Family History pedigree chart somewhere in the book, either front or back, and rethinking the ending, which is somewhat a cliffhanger, but I did a little research and you can too, try and figure if it's really what you want. There are pros and cons to cliffhangers and successful ways to write them, and not successful ways. The addition of a relatively unknown character at the very end is tricky, and can throw us all off.

Highlights:

Gosh, what isn't to like? I love the shape-shifting aspects. My favorite fantasy novels are by Jennifer Roberson with her Chronicles of the Cheysuli, um, so good. I highly recommend them, at least the first one if you can order it in a library, the omnibus is still in print, but not individual books. But what a masterful creation of shape-shifters. I love Fenrir, and his strength and mythology, I know he's supposed to be the protagonist, but he is well written and adds the dimension of contention. I want to know more about him, and his actual feelings for his son, I sense there is more to all that than we know.

Audience: At first glance, this novel seems written with an elementary to junior high vocabulary and target audience, but it develops interest levels on up through young adult.

*****

Please leave a comment so I know you read it. Remember that a review is simply my opinion and you as the creator still have all poetic license, and it will not hurt my feelings if you don't use my suggestions. It was a pleasure to review your book!