July 2nd 2015, Saturday

"Elaine, would you visit the Home with me today?" My mum asked as we sat down to eat breakfast. We had gotten home late the day before from our movie night and as it turned out, my body really wasn't used to sleeping at 1 in the morning, with the yawns that kept erupting out of my mouth.

"Can't, I have plans with Grace who would most likely kill me if I ditch her. But I can come there afterwards, like around six probably, if you're still there." I answer biting into my toast, playing with the necklace I had received for my seventeenth birthday.

"You know you're incredibly loved and missed at the Home." She vaguely said and I smiled, knowing where this conversation was going.

"By whom?" I asked, trying to be coy. She grinned and took a sip of her coffee.

"Elaine, the boy kept asking about you every time I went. At first he was shy, but after a week or so he finally asked about you. After that, he kept asking about your health, once asked if you always had an inhaler with you." My mum disclosed and I smiled, feeling myself blush with the thought of Devon caring about me.

"Do you want to go out with him?" She asked, finally getting to the point. I knew I could talk to her about anything, I just didn't know how.

"It's just, well I knew him for about three weeks before I developed a crush on him. Then I went seven months without any contact with him." I finally answered after thinking about my answer.

"Well now you have the whole summer." She replied and I shook my head, getting another piece of toast.

"Mother, you don't know Devon. He doesn't think of me as more than the girl who broke him out of his shell. So in short, I am friend zoned." I answered and she laughed.

"Honey, you might not see it, but you are not "friend zoned." I just need you to try." She said.

"Are you and Annie trying to play matchmaker?" I asked smiling and she shook her head.

"No, honey, this isn't to do with Devon. It's to do with you. I saw you in those seven months, you studied so hard, I considered telling you to go out and get wasted. I know you better than anyone else and I know the only reason was because you were trying to forget Devon.

I don't want you to spend all summer trying to forget about him when you can just take your chances, you deserve happiness. What is the worst that could happen?"

"Mum, it's not in my place to say this, but he grew up thinking he can't be loved and he has no right to love anyone. He's only just started believing in himself, I don't want to complicate or confuse him." I answered.

"Do you really think it's a healthy way to live?" She asked and I stopped eating to look at her.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's great he's believing in himself. But he shouldn't be content with that. He needs to know he deserves love too."

"It's not in my place to do that." I answered.

"El, you're the only one apart from Ellie that he really listens to and trusts. You're the only teenager he knows too. You're the one who managed to break him out of his shell once. I don't want to sound like I'm forcing this on you, but even you know you're probably the only one who can make him see that he needs love in his life."

"So what are you trying to say?"

"I am trying to say that if you like him, act on your feelings. Don't spend all summer trying to forget him, it won't work." I sighed, taking a sip of my coffee.

"I'm afraid." I finally answer, revealing what had been on my mind in those seven months and probably the real reason why I never went back to the Home. As selfish as it was, I was afraid that now that Devon was a lot more confident with himself, he wouldn't need me anymore. I was afraid that if I acted on my feelings, I would be brushed aside.

"Of?" She asked, though she probably already knew the answer.

"That he wouldn't want me, more specifically, that he doesn't need me. That scares me a whole lot more than being friend zoned." I answer and she grinned as if she was finally satisfied with my answer.

"But El, he asked you if you were coming back." She reminded me. I nodded, thinking over everything.

"He did, didn't he?"

*

"Yo El, where is your mind?" Grace demanded, waving her hand in front of my face to get my attention. I sighed, sipping my milkshake, thinking about the heavy conversation I had with my mum that morning.

"Grace, I need to tell you something." I said and she sat back, knowing from my tone of voice that it was probably long. She nodded her head to tell me to go on and I finally told her everything about working at the Home, why I focused so hard on studying in the seven months and about Devon, opting to remove the bit about Devon's past.

"You can't give up on him." She said after I finally finished and I laughed.

"What about me and Brad?"

"Brad who? I want you to be happy, with this Devon guy who you have had a huge crush on for like eight months now." I shook my head, sighing.

"Devon, he's not like the guys at school Grace. Admitting to feelings or even getting involved with them does not come easy to him." I informed her.

"Elaine-"

"Grace-"

"No, hear me out Elaine. I don't know Devon or his past and I can't imagine what went down last December. But I know if you managed to break him out of his shell once, you can do it again. I know you, you don't give up once you set your mind to something." She was right, just like I didn't give up in breaking Devon out of his shell. The only problem though was my mind wasn't set this time, I just wanted to forget whatever feelings I had for Devon.

"I just don't want to mess up his heart because of trying to make him realise he can be loved. He's not a broken toy Grace, I shouldn't try to fix him."

"Honey, I love you, but you and your imagination irritates me sometimes. Listen to me, you are not trying to fix him anymore. Okay, you already broke him out of his shell. What you're doing is acting on your feelings for him. And that is normal, you are a teenage girl. It's as normal as me going after Trent. Get that in your head." She answered, obviously frustrated.

"What if I'm not good enough for him, Grace, he deserves the best."

"What, that's crap and you know it. You're more than good enough, El where is all this insecurities popping out from?" She asked and I sighed not wanting to disclose anything to her.

"Nowhere, it's just that this is my first real crush!" I replied, trying to sound convincing. She stared at me as if trying to decipher whether I was lying or not, she seemed to find her answer.

"You'll tell me when you're ready." She whispered, taking a sip of her smoothie. I felt horrible not being able to tell her the truth that she was right about my insecurities. I smiled, sipping on my milkshake, trying to get all thoughts of Devon out of my mind. Grace sighed and placed her hand over mine, like she always did when trying to comfort me.

"Everyone is afraid of rejection." She muttered and I nodded. She sighed again, looking at her watch. I knew it was probably time for her to go to her piano lesson, so I stood up and she followed me out.

"El, you love the children don't you?" She asked as we got out and I nodded.

"Then go to the Home for them, not for Devon." She replied, hugging me before walking over to the bus stop. I sighed, going over to the car park and sitting in my car, my head on the steering wheel.

I didn't know why I couldn't tell even my mum the real reason why I started to feel insecure and why I decided to drastically change myself. Probably because it wasn't a big reason and if I didn't feel so crap about it, I'd probably be laughing at myself.

My thoughts were cut off as my phone started to ring. I checked the time before picking up.

"Um, yeah mum?"

"Are you swinging by the Home? Me and Annie need to go discuss something with the lawyers and Suzie is not here today. We don't want Devon to be the only one taking care of the children." She disclosed and I nodded although she couldn't see me. Grace was right, I shouldn't let my own feelings and insecurities affect my relationship with the children. They had no fault in this.

"Erm, yeah. I'll be there in thirty minutes." I answer.

"Great, I'll inform Devon! See you at home honey!" She said before hanging up. I sighed, backing out of the car park and making my way towards the Home, not ready to face Devon again, not after my conversation with my mum and Grace.

Grace was right, I had changed in those seven months, but whether it was for the better or worse, I didn't know.

My mind was barely concentrated as I pulled up to the Home some time later. The children were outside and as they saw my car, they all rushed to it. I opened the door slowly, careful not to hurt anyone and I finally smiled genuinely.

"You have a car!" Ellie exclaimed as Devon emerges from the Home with a tray of snacks.

"I do." I answer smiling down at her. After I had learned how to drive, my mum had taken me to some car company, I chose the cheapest one I could find and after a red paint job, it finally looked like my dream car.

"He's called Grayson." I informed her and she laughed as Devon called some of the children to go get their snacks. I didn't want to admit it, but he looked really good, his hair down and fluffy as if he just came out of the shower. Because of the immense heat, he was wearing another loose white shirt and he'd opted for shorts instead of his skinny jeans.

I catch a glance at myself in my car's mirror and it was then I realised truly how much I had changed. I had curled my hair in the morning and packed it up so it fell around in little ringlets because of the heat. I had also chosen to wear a skater skirt and a floral bralet top since I knew I was probably going to overheat if I wore anything else. Even my style of shoes were different, wedge heels with black bows at the front.

I sighed, thinking of my reasons for wanting to change myself before I planted a smile on my face and made my way to Devon, leaving the children still marveling at my car.

"You came back." He said, once again looking me over. I looked away, trying to compose myself.

"Erm yeah." I replied, choosing to watch the children instead. He suddenly touched my shoulder, causing me to instinctively flinch. He drew back and I sighed, looking at him. He stared at his hands and then back at me.

"You're worried about something."

"Devon don't do this." I whisper as Ellie rushes up to us.

"Can we go inside your car, please?" She asked and I smiled, ruffling her hair. I brought out my key and unlocked it and she grinned, going back to the rest and opening my car's door.

"You're acting differently with me." He said which was obviously true.

"I don't want to do this."

"Do what? I don't know what "this" is." He replied.

"Elaine, aren't we friends?" He asked and even though I felt a bit irritated I couldn't help the smile that formed that he finally acknowledge me as being a friend.

"Yeah, but everything feels different. Seven months does a lot to a person."

"Tell me why you changed yourself." He muttered, taking my hand in his and playing with my fingers, staring at my perfectly manicured finger nails.

"I didn't, just changed my outwards appearance a bit." I answered, and he looked up at me pulling a face. I grinned, feeling relaxed at being near him.

"Tell me the reason Elaine, don't be stubborn. We shared everything with each other." That was true, he told me about something he hadn't ever told anyone else and I did the same. We literally shared everything with each other. I sighed, finally deciding to reveal the stupid reason behind feeling insecure.

"Ugh, if you laugh at me after this I will kill you." I warned and he smiled.

"Okay, um, basically you know I do cheerleading? Anyway, after a big game, I overhead girls bitching like they do and my name came up. Long story short, "that Elaine girl is totally not cheerleader type, too damn ugly." I mean, I've never been one to care about things like that, but when it came from people who were supposedly my friends, it stung a bit. So as kind of a pay back? I changed up everything, but it kinda stuck with me."

"Are you comfortable right now?" He asked after I finished revealing my stupid reason. I looked at him.

"Hmm, yeah. It's not like I hate dressing like this and I don't wear makeup unless I feel like it."

"So why are you still thinking about what they said, I don't get it, you're beautiful. Then and now, it doesn't matter how you're dressed." I was thankful then of the way my hair was hiding my face otherwise my traitorous pale skin would have given away the rush of heat that swept across my face. I stared at the ground, not looking up at him.

How was I meant to tell him ever since that day, I kept thinking that I wouldn't be good enough for him?

"Ugh it sucks being a teenage girl man." I said, knowing that thinking I wasn't good enough was stupid and irrational.

"Well you're the best teenage girl I know, and I found it completely weird how distant you were yesterday." He answered and I finally looked up at him.

"That's just you being biased, and I'm sorry." I answered as the horn of my car started to repeatedly sound. I laughed, seeing Ellie pressing it and the rest of the children cheering.

"How are they treating Grayson like that, my poor baby." I exclaimed grinning and he stopped playing with my fingers to tap me and get me to look at him.

"And that, is exactly why you're the best teenage girl I know." I grinned, feeling happy and less on edge. My mum and Grace were right, I was overacting and making a big deal out of nothing.

"You know you should call me." I said, grabbing his phone out of his pocket. He reached over and took my phone out of my hand, raising an eyebrow when he saw that my wallpaper was still of the dove he had painted me.

"You know you should have called me in those seven months." He shot back, giving me my phone to type in my password which I complied to. He started going through my songs and I reveled in how normal this felt, him knowing I trusted him not to invade my personal space on my phone and me knowing that I could trust him.

"Fair enough." I said, going through HIS phone.

"You have no taste in music." He said to me after mindlessly laughing about the chosen songs on my phone.

"Seriously? I happen to think I have an awesome taste in music." I replied, distracted by the amazing pictures he had taken on his phone. Different sceneries, of his art, of buildings.

"I happen to think you haven't lived until you've listened to Fall Out Boy or Paramore, and I saw none of their songs on here." He pointed out as if he was accusing me. I laughed at how hurt he sounded.

"Okay Devon, what songs should I listen to?" I replied going back to his camera and taking pictures of the children as they played with Grayson.

"I'm making you a mixtape seriously." He replied, watching me then going through my pictures. I smiled, leaning in close to him and watching him look through my pictures. He flicked through my endless selfies with Grace and finally stopped on one that Grace had taken. I was in English class and we had an assignment we had to do, which was to write a short 5,000 word scene from a story that we thought up.

Whilst everyone else moaned about it, I was typing away at the computer in seconds and Grace had said that she saw me look so content and happy that she couldn't resist taking a picture. Devon smiled, looking at me.

"English class?" He asked immediately and I nodded.

"How good at you at writing?" He asked, handing me back my phone. I held on to his.

"I don't want to sound self-confident or anything, but um, as good as you are at art." I answered, going through his pictures so I could have something to do.

"Can I read it, your writing I mean?" He muttered as I stared at a picture of a skyscraper he had taken, amazed at how he managed to get it at such a good angle.

"Erm, sure. I actually have a few in my car because I haven't bothered to clean up." I replied, going over to my car where the children were pretending to be taxi drivers. I smiled fondly at them as I reached over to get a stack of paper and went back to Devon. I sat back down, shifting through the papers until I found one I recently wrote.

"So this was for a graded thing, anyway, my teacher gave us a stimulus and we had to write based on it, but it had to be no more than 200 words. I got the stimulus "explain why you can never die when a writer loves you." So um, here you go." I said handing it to him.

"Why can't you die when you're loved by a writer? Perhaps it's the way that you become their eternal muse, engraved in the pits of their heart, steadying their lungs, becoming their very air. Perhaps it's the way that with every word they write, you become their ink, you become inspiration, you become one, two, three different characters, each with certain characteristics they love on you placed upon them. Perhaps it's the way that with each word they pen down, they think of you, the way you're the one on their mind when they write about love, the way you're the first they think of when that all important character finds their soul mate.

...Why can't you die when you're loved by a writer? Because when the earth is long gone and humans are no more, you will forever remain painted in ink on a piece of paper, as a song, as words. You are immortal when you're loved by a writer, as permanent as the ink they write on. That, is why you can never die."

He finished and I looked away. I hated people reading my work, even my mum, even more so, I hated them reading it out.

"You're amazing." He said, looking down at my work and back at me.

"Yeah? I'm hoping it's good enough for me to get an English degree."

"Oh my God I can't wait until you're a rich author hosting a book signing and I'm like the first person there." He replied, mimicking my words from yesterday.

"Your memory is annoyingly impeccable."

"You should write me something."

"You should paint me something." I shot back and he handed me back my work.

"I will. I'll give it to you tomorrow actually. So, write me something?" He asked again and I sighed, not knowing what I was about to get myself into.

"I'll drop by tomorrow then." He grinned, satisfied and continued watching the children. Both of us sitting in comfortable silence and me feeling relieved for the first time in ages.

*

I mused over the stacks of lined paper on my work desk, occasionally fanning myself as the hot, humid air threatened to overpower my body. After Annie had returned to the Home, I had returned home and proceeded to try to write for Devon as I promised. I had no source of inspiration and I didn't have an inkling on what to write that wouldn't turn into sonnets of me spewing love proses at him.

I sighed, leaving my desk and going to sit by my window, peering out to watch the sun set, hoping to get inspiration the same way that Devon does. Apart from the beautiful streaks of pink, orange and red that entwined with each other, nothing appealed to me about the sun set and I gave up on that too, sprawling on my bed.

I dialed Grace's number, eager to talk to her and hoping she'd help me with what was probably not the worst dilemma in the world. She was definitely better at this than I am. She answered on the third ring, sounding exhausted.

"Ugh, who knew piano required so much vigorous work?" She complained and I laughed, instantly feeling relaxed. I sigh, playing along with her frustration.

"Ugh, you're here complaining about piano, whilst your best friend is having a dilemma on what to write a boy whom she recently found out she has a crush on. God, how selfish." I reply and I could just imagine her become immediately alert and interested.

"Spill." She pestered and I proceeded to tell her everything that happened after she left for her lesson.

"Oh God honey you be careful right there before you profess your undying love, you know how passionate you get with words." She proclaimed after I finished and I sighed, nodding even though she couldn't see.

"I know, Grace! I know! But at this point I'd be glad if I wrote sonnets because right now I have nothing. It's easy for him, he can paint me anything, and I have to be careful." I complain, rolling over to the cooler side of my bed to get rid of the heat that was sweeping over me.

"Ugh you have no idea how long I've been waiting to have this convo with you. Like, you've never had a crush this deep before. I was starting to think you weren't into boys."

"That's because the boys I knew were immature boys who wanted to grab my boobs at any chance they could get."

"So broody artists are your type is it?" She asks, giggling and I rolled my eyes.

"Can you help me like I asked or will you keep judging my choice of boys?"

"I don't understand why you're finding this hard, I haven't known you to have a problem with words before."

"Well that's because I haven't had to be careful with my words before." I answer.

"But you don't have to be careful with your words now! Don't you get it? The boy said to write him something, so write him something. You could write him sonnets or whatever you English types call it, but it wouldn't matter, you wrote him something!" She finished, breathing heavily causing my laughter to begin.

"Calm down honey, it's not that deep." I manage to say between laughter.

"Okay enough about broody boy, can we move on to my problems with Trent?" She asks and I stand up to open the window, feeling suffocated by the ever growing heat.

"Broody boy. I'll ignore that. What's up with Trent?" I asked her, sitting by the window again and peering out into the cloudy sky. How it seemed like it was going to rain was beyond me when I was sure my skin was about to melt off.

"So he got my number? At the party and he promised to text. But it's been like what, two days now. How do I hit him up without turning into a desperate housewife?" She pondered and I racked my brains for ideas too.

"There's the old texting him then pretending you meant to text someone else thing." I suggested and I knew with a certainty she was about to sigh and turn it down.

"We're 17, not 12." She replied and I sighed too.

"Grace, just text him. You're the best person I know, he should be dying to talk to you." I assure her. She sighed and I could just tell she was deep in thought.

"Why do boys complicate life?" She asks, and from the tone of her voice I could tell she was beginning to feel tired. She had the kind of body that slept too early and woke up too early, resulting in her messing up her sleeping patterns.

"I don't know, goodnight Grace." I add as an afterthought and she yawned before hanging up the phone. Grace had a problem saying words that had to do with goodbye or parting with someone as she had a fear of not seeing them again. I didn't know where it came from, but she didn't seem to want to discuss about it, so I didn't bring it up.

I went back to my work desk after a while of staring at a clouded up sky and started shifting around, trying to distract myself from the actual task ahead. After making my desk immaculate, I finally had to stop and think of what to write.

"Okay, Elaine just try to find inspiration, it's not that hard. Find inspiration like Devon does." I said to myself trying to somehow absorb some of Devon's inspiration into my skin like a cream. When nothing worked, I decided to brave the source of inspiration himself.

Just like Grace he answered on the third ring.

"Erm, who's this?" Devon's deep voice fills my ear and I feel giddy just at the simple question. I'd forgotten I'd hidden my number when I acted as his secret Santa.

"You have three guesses. It could either be: Elaine, Elaine or Elaine. Choose wisely!" I answer, clutching my phone and waiting for his reply.

"I'm gonna go with Elaine, not quite sure though." He answered and I grinned.

"You're right and now you get the privilege of telling me what to write you because I am stuck!" I exclaimed and his laughter that came after seemed to fill up my entire room and radiate a sort of Devon energy.

"No cheating Elaine you have to think of something." He answers and I sigh, once again shifting to the window.

"What are you painting me anyway?" I asked.

"I'm in the middle of it actually."

"You know you're the first who's ever made me flustered for a writing task." I inform him and hear a low chuckle coming from him.

"El, you're acting as if you're getting graded on this." He was right. I was stressing on this like I always stressed when it came to any form of work, I just had to be perfect, something I knew was not achievable.

"You're right. Must be why it's so easy for you to get inspiration from everything." I comment, shifting from the window and once again back to my desk, my head swimming with ideas. I wrote the first I could pinpoint down. Perfection.

"That and it's easier for me, I only have to paint what I see. You have to word it and make it sound like art."

"I just hope you like what I produce tomorrow, I'm more nervous than the time I had to read out loud for the mayor of Devon."

"You read for the mayor of Devon?" He asks.

"Yes and I almost barfed all over his floor, thank God my mother was there."

"What I would give to see that."

"Actually you can, I have the video. I'll show you tomorrow. Now to write for you." I replied, my hands already moving with the words that were now flowing easy.

"I won't disturb your artistic flow Elaine, good night, sweet dreams." He says.

"Goodnight."

*

A/N: Happy birthday Ariana! Hope you like this chapter posted for you.