July 16th 2015, Saturday

"Elaine, are you okay?" My mum asked as we sat down to eat breakfast, but she was barely audible over the thoughts in my head. All I could think of was Lucinda and what ties she could possibly have with Devon. I didn't know yet whether Lucinda would be Devon's Lucinda, but it still didn't stop me from feeling uneasy about finally finding out. I'd called Elizabeth after we returned from the festival, asking if I could visit her again and to my joy she'd inform me that Lucinda would be there. I'd arrange to go at the earliest time, just to get it over with.

I sighed, quickly eating, completely forgetting my mum had asked me a question as I shoved the food in my mouth. She cleared her throat, placing her hand over mine.

"Oh what? Yeah I'm fine mum, just thinking, you know your birthday's coming up soon and graduation too." My mum usually knew when I was lying and she raised her eyebrow, not convinced.

"What's really bothering you Elaine?" She asked. I wanted to tell her so bad, to let her know my problem was that there was a huge possibility I had found Devon's mum. Yet, I wasn't sure, as Devon once said, he didn't look anything like his mother, which meant there could still be a huge chance that Lucinda wasn't his mum.

"Nothing mum really. Um I'm finished with breakfast, so I'm gonna go now. Devon wanted to paint me, and I think he wanted to get started early." I lied again, quickly getting up and going to wash my plates before she could question me further. I put on my shoes and bag, running out of the house to be met with a wave of wind and rain, which totally made no sense. The closer I got as I drove over to Elizabeth's house, the more anxious I became, to the point where I had to pull over twice as I felt too dizzy to continue driving. When I finally reached their little cottage, I was shaking all over and I held on tight to my locket, as a sort of way to ground myself as I knocked on the door.

As soon as the door opened, and I looked into the eyes of a woman who looked as equally curious at me as I was at her, I realised then why I'd felt uneasy when I stared at her photograph the very first time I visited Elizabeth. Why I put the picture down quickly, not knowing why it affected me so much. It was her eyes that made me feel that way, so deep blue that they could easily be mistaken for being a shade of... violet. I surpassed my gasp, reminding myself that it didn't mean anything.

My eyes flickered over to the left side of her face to find it was covered by hair and I inwardly groaned, not knowing how I could see whether she had a birthmark on her face without being a creep.

"Hello?" She asked and I gulped, putting on a smile, hoping the wind would blow the hair from her face.

"Hello, I'm Elaine, Elaine Preston? I'm a friend of Elizabeth." I replied, eyes still focused on the left side of her face.

"Oh! Okay, please come on in. She's inside the living room with Ana." She answered, letting me inside and following me to the living room where Elizabeth was perched on a chair, Ana on her lap.

"Elaine dear, it's so good to see you again! I'd come and hug you but this little one is so comfortable, aren't you little Ana?" Elizabeth said, and Ana made a sort of noise as if she recognised her name.

"That's alright Elizabeth, I'll just get a hug later. Don't wanna disturb Ana right? She is so cute Lucinda." I said and she beamed with pride, nodding.

"She is, isn't she? She's going to grow up to be a beauty, ugh how will I keep men away?" Lucinda replied, laughing along with Elizabeth and I wondered whether this woman, who seemed so jovial and happy could actually be the same woman who had abandoned her own son. If only I could get her damn hair out of the way. I observed her, and even though she looked nothing like Devon, I could actually see similarities.

They had the same jet black hair, and even their facial structure looked the same, and of course there was the eyes, the beautiful eyes. Lucinda must have saw me staring and she gave me a confused look which I didn't blame her for.

"Oh sorry, it's just your eyes, they're so beautiful. They look almost violet." I emphasised on the word violet, hoping it would affect her somehow and maybe I had been spending too much time with Devon, because I saw the way her mouth turned down just a notch and her eyes grew just a tad bit wider.

"Oh Lucinda's eyes are a novelty my dear, I just hope my little Ana inherits her eye colour and not Paul's dull brown ones." Elizabeth inputted.

"Don't worry Elizabeth, I think Ana will definitely inherit them. Violet – sorry blue eyes, are meant to be dominant right?" Once again, Lucinda looked uncomfortable and she excused herself from the living room under the guise of getting us some food. I carefully sat down beside Elizabeth on the couch, playing with Ana till Lucinda came back with a tray full of snacks and drinks. As she bent down to serve it up, I decided to take the opportunity.

"Oh sorry, Lucinda, you have something near your left eye." I muttered, glancing at Elizabeth to see she was distracted by Ana. I prayed she'd remain distracted enough to enable me to freely lie about the invisible thing near Lucinda's eye. Lucinda rubbed a bit, looking at me to confirm whatever it is was gone.

"It's still there, um I can take it off." I said, praying once more that she would actually let me, though I knew how rude I was being.

"Ugh yes please, I don't want to have it fall in my eye and to cry about it later." She agreed, leaning over. I inhaled, parting her hair to the side and pretending to wipe off whatever it was, and trying not to obviously stare at her when I spotted it out of the corner of my eye.

A birthmark, right underneath her left eyelid, with a strange but easy to make out shape of a heart.

Which meant there was no doubt about it, the person who was in front of me, smiling at me, was the same person who had left her son to fend for himself, the same person who'd caused her son turmoil and constant nightmares, pain and sorrow.

The person right in front of me was none other than Devon's mum.

"It's gone." I muttered, drawing my hand away, not knowing where to look or how to feel. She smiled at me and I found it hard whether to believe it was real or maybe she just had a way of faking and making people love her. Because a woman who could easily abandon her son was not to be trusted, no matter what. Another thing that didn't make sense to me was how neither her nor Devon had spotted each other all this while.

"Um, Devon's a nice town isn't it?" I said to Lucinda.

"Yeah! I was so glad when Paul suggested to come here, I never thought I'd get to come her again." She said.

"Again? You've been here before?" I asked, though I already knew the answer to that.

"Oh, um yeah. A long time ago. Though I barely leave the house now, except to take Ana to the local park and to go for the occasional grocery shopping in the store near here. I'm content with staying inside the house." She disclosed, which showed shy she and Devon never crossed paths.

"Oh I see." I muttered as my phone started to ring. I glanced at it to see it was from Devon and I looked over at Lucinda before picking up.

"Hey De- babe." I said, still focused on Lucinda who'd sat opposite me and started looking through the CD rack.

"Hey, did Grace tell you what I need you to wear?"

"Yeah she did, it's in my car don't worry." I muttered as Ana started to cry. Lucinda got up immediately, taking her from Elizabeth and rocking her, murmuring some words to her, which I prayed that Devon wouldn't pick up.

"Where are you? Is that a baby crying?" He asked and I sighed, not knowing how to tell him that said baby was his step sister.

"Um yeah. I'll see you soon yeah? I'll try to get there as early as possible so we can have an early start." I said, though that was only because I needed to get out of their house before I did something stupid.

"Alright. I'm actually just setting up now. Do you think you can make it in about thirty minutes? The lighting is perfect right now."

"Of course, I'll be there soon." I replied, hanging up.

"Lucinda, is it okay if I used your bathroom for a few minutes. My boyfriend wants to do a painting of me, and I need to change."

"Oh! Is it the same boy that did the sand sculpture?" Elizabeth asked. I nodded, hoping she wouldn't say his name.

"Of course, just go on up and it's the first door on the right. And I can help you do your makeup if you want." Lucinda offered and I smiled, reminding myself not to like her too much. I went to my car, grabbing the dress Grace had told me to wear before going back inside the house and up the stairs. I packed up my hair, before changing into a Greek inspired dress I'd gotten for a costume party I never went to. It was a sort of wrap around, completely white, except from one half of the bodice which was covered in tiny crystals. I went back downstairs to the living room.

"Wow! That's such an amazing dress Elaine! You look so beautiful, doesn't she Elizabeth?" Lucinda exclaimed when she saw me. I smiled, going to sit down next to her and handing her my makeup bag.

"Thank you, and yes please do my makeup. I'm not the best. Um he said he wanted it natural looking, highlight my eyes if you can." I said, reading off the text that Grace had forwarded to me.

"You're in good hands with Lucinda honey, trust me. She's an amazing artist." Elizabeth said.

"Artist?" I asked and she nodded, standing up, carefully so as to not disturb Ana. She brought out an album and handed it to me and with some difficulty I looked through to see a bunch of amazing paintings and drawings, almost as amazing as Devon's. And I also noticed something else.

"Your brushstrokes start from the right." Just like Devon's.

"Oh yeah. I don't know why, but good observing." I learnt it from the best, her son.

"They're amazing Lucinda. Absolutely incredible." I complimented.

"Thank you. I don't paint anymore though." She replied, twisting my head a bit. We sat in silence for a while, Lucinda humming as she worked on my makeup. Finally she handed me a mirror and I smiled.

"Perfect, thank you so much Lucinda!" I stood up, packing my stuff.

"No problem honey, it was really nice to have you here. Come back and visit and stay a lot longer."

"Would you mind me taking a picture of you three? Just to put in my scrapbook." I lied. I crossed my fingers, once again hoping luck would be on my side.

"Yes of course you can! Come over here Lucinda." Elizabeth agreed and I sighed with relief, quickly taking the picture and putting it safely inside my bag.

"Thanks, I'm just sad I couldn't meet Paul."

"You'll meet him don't worry. Come back and visit any time." Lucinda replied.

She said and I nodded, as she stood up to hug me. She walked me to the door and stood waving as I drove away and I had to remind myself not to like her. The anxiousness began again as I got closer to the home and I was glad when I finally pulled over and made my way into the forest, heart beat getting faster as I got closer. I saw Devon ahead, setting up his easel and I clutched my bag, walking quickly.

I saw he'd set up a white blanket on the ground, right where the foliage was thickest, near the stream that ran along the forest.

"Hey, ready to get started?" I asked, not looking him in the eyes. He stopped setting up to look at me.

"Wow, you look perfect. Especially your eyes, did you do it?" He asked. Of all the things he had to comment on, it had to be my eyes.

"Oh uh no, someone else did. Um let's get started shall we, how do you want me?" He raised his eyebrow and I looked away, my bag feeling heavy.

"Elaine? What's wrong, you've been like this since yesterday." I wanted to tell him so bad, I did. But I also didn't know how, or what to say.

"I'm fine, so position?" I asked, dropping the bag and going to sit on the blanket. He left his paintbrush and came to sit next to me.

"We'll literally sit here all day until you tell me what's wrong." He said. I knew I had to tell him, it wouldn't be fair if I didn't. I inhaled, grabbing my bag and facing him.

"Um Devon, remember your promise to me yesterday?" I asked. He nodded and I took his hands in mine.

"Okay, God. I don't know how to tell you this, I don't know what to say. Oh God."

"Elaine you're shaking. What's wrong, you know you can tell me anything." I inhaled again, deciding to just say it.

"Devon I, okay." I cleared my throat and closed my eyes. "I found your mum." Silence passed over us and it felt like the whole world actually stopped and I opened my eyes to see he was staring right back at me, absolutely no emotion evident on his face.

"I know, I know it sounds crazy and God, I wish I didn't have to do this but I've met a woman with deep blue eyes that look almost violet with a heart shaped birthmark on the left side of her face and jet black hair and she paints and draws and her brushstrokes start from the right and her name is Lucinda." I gabbled, my hands shaking as I opened up my bag and handed him the picture. He observed it and I saw recognition in his face as his eyes landed on Lucinda.

"Yep, that's my mum alright." He muttered.

"Devon I-"

"Just tell me one thing Elaine, who are the people in the picture with her?"

"Her daughter Anastasia and her husband's mother, Elizabeth; she's the lady I met at the bus stop the first day I came to the home, I didn't know then who she was. I didn't get a picture of her husband, he wasn't at home." I answered.

"Right." He replied handing me back the picture.

"Devon, please say something. What are you going to do?"

"What am I supposed to do exactly? She left me remember, which means she clearly didn't want me. She has a family now Elaine, a beautiful daughter and a husband and a mother in law. What am I meant to do?" He asked.

"You have to meet her and talk to her, you deserve to know her reason for leaving you. You need to talk to her Devon."

"Elaine. She left me for a reason. And she didn't leave me for me to go waltzing back into her life. Everything's fine, at least I know she's alive."

"What? Is that it? You do realise this is the same woman that left you without reason right? You know, the same woman that left you feeling like you don't deserve to be loved, you used to self-harm Devon. You have nightmares almost every freaking night because of her. What do you mean you're not going to do anything?"

"Then you tell me what I should do? She left me, and she left me without a reason. If she wanted to give me a reason she'd had written me a note and left it on the mud next to me."

"I don't care about her and whether or not she wanted to leave a reason, no matter what you deserve a reason. It doesn't matter whether she wants to give one to you. You have to talk to her for God's sake Devon. You won't ever be able to let go of the past, the nightmares will never stop if you don't talk to her. You deserve to know." He stands up, giving me a sad smile.

"It's fine Elaine, I promise. I'll soon be leaving Devon and her behind, starting on a new life in California, which I need to do amazingly on this painting on if I ever want to get there."

"You leaving won't do anything and you know it, you'll still get nightmares, you'll still have the heavy weight of your past on your shoulders. And then you'll also add the regret of not getting closure to your list. But fine, I'll drop it. How should I pose?" I asked.

"Um, do you have a book with you?" I raised my eyebrow, bringing out a copy of Cover the Butter from my bag.

"Don't I always?" He smiled.

"So I need you to sit right in the center, tilt your head a bit to the left. Okay, now just put the book on your lap, and put both hands on it. Spread your dress around a bit, yeah." He instructed, coming up and untying my hair from the hairband. I'd curl it the previous night like he'd asked, and now it fell in loose waves which he arranged around my shoulder. He tilted my head a bit more then stepped back.

"Perfect, I'm gonna get started on painting you first and then the background later that way you don't have to be uncomfortable for long. Um, try not to move obviously but if you desperately need to, then just let me know. Oh and yeah, try not to talk too much either. Don't worry I've made you a playlist of songs you like and I'll tell you stories so you won't get bored. Okay, and we'll take like interval breaks, every two hour or so? Is everything alright?" He asked.

"Yeah I'm fine with it all. It gives me time to think." I answered.

"Alright, I'm gonna start now. Thanks for agreeing for this seriously." He said and from the corner of my eye, I saw him go up to his easel, dabbing at white paint. He started to play music and I relaxed, letting my mind drift away. I didn't know how to convince him he had to talk to his mum, how unhealthy it would be for him if he didn't. I knew he was hiding how he really felt from me, pretending to be fine with it all even though he clearly wasn't.

"So Ellie's leaving soon, on Tuesday actually. She's been looking at that scrapbook every day. I think she's a bit excited now, she's just trying to hide it from me." I didn't want to speak so as to not mess anything up, but I was happy that Ellie finally found a family that would soon take care of her and love her like her mother never could.

"...by the way, this isn't what the final painting is going to look like. So you won't get to see it till it's finished; and no arguments about that, I won't show you till I finish it."

"...okay that's two hours up. You can move now." He said and I sighed, quickly getting up and stretching.

"God now I know why poor Mona Lisa looked so pained." I muttered walking around to get the numbness from my legs. He came to the blanket with a basket, pulling me down with him.

"Who actually knew that you could spend two hours without uttering a word?" he commented, pulling out food and pink lemonade. I didn't answer.

"Elaine?" he asked; again I didn't answer, pouring a glass of pink lemonade for myself. He looked at me long and hard, before sighing, holding on to my hand. "Elaine, I need you to say something please."

"Why are you doing this?" he asked when I still didn't answer.

"Isn't that exactly what your mum did before she left you? She stopped talking to you, pretended that you weren't there? So why should me doing the exact same thing hurt you? Why do you need to know why I'm doing the exact same thing if you don't want to know why your mum did it? I don't owe you an explanation if your mum doesn't." I simply answered, though I know I was being harsh and unfair. He turned away.

"The situations are different." I didn't reply.

"I don't like when you're angry with me, please say something." He sighed.

"I'll talk to her." I finally cracked a small smile, turning to him.

"You know I wouldn't be doing all this if it wasn't important for you, you and I both know if you don't talk to her now you have a chance, you will regret it in the future." He nodded.

"Yeah I understand; but you have to promise me two things."

"Anything." I replied.

"One, in the future, no matter how angry, sad or whatever you are feeling towards me you will never stop talking to me. And two, you have to be there when I talk to her."

"I promise." Though I knew I would probably end up breaking the second one, if Devon was going to finally talk to his mother again after all these years and all the torment he went through then I shouldn't be there; it wasn't my place to be there.

"Alright, so how do we go about this?" he asked.

"I don't actually know, I don't think just showing up at her house is wise." I replied.

"Esmee, let's go visit her tomorrow." He suggested.

"Yeah she would know what to do. Do you wanna tell Annie or Suzie?" I asked.

"No let's not, not now at least. Have you told your mum?" I shook my head and he took my hand in his.

"I'm sorry for being so harsh on you." I apologised and he shrugged.

"No it's okay, I needed that to happen for me to agree. Besides I rarely ever see you angry and you looked really cute. I guess I'm just afraid of what will happen."

"Yeah I understand that, and it's alright to feel that way. But don't worry, I'm not promising everything will go smoothly or anything, but I know you'll get the closure you need and that's all that matters." I assured him, resting down on the blanket and gazing up at the clouds.

"Main tumhaare bina nahin rah sakate hain." He muttered, resting with me on the blanket.

"What does that mean? Should I ask on Suzie's-"

"I can't live without you, it means I can't live without you."