the end of the world

. ✧ ・゜. +・o ✧

   When Alina was twelve and didn't have friends, she often found herself climbing up to the treehouse near the lab when she was upset. She'd grown past the stage of wailing whenever her dad left for work, but the treehouse proved to be efficient for her occasional bouts of sadness. But after she made friends and met El, Alina left the treehouse behind as a relic of the past, something she didn't really need anymore, because instead of sobbing alone in a wooden structure nestled in the branches near the horrible lab, she could cry in her friends' arms.

But today, even though Alina knew she had friends (and a boyfriend!) to go to, she still decided to climb back up into the old wooden structure as the tears began to spill down her cheeks. She was almost too big for this place now, but she found herself snuggling into the corner anyway, wrapping an old blanket around her shoulders and letting the tears fall, her body trembling with every sob. Skywalker, who'd she brought with her, meowed, licking at her ankles, and she reached out a hand to pet him even as her heart felt like it was breaking into two.

When the Mind Flayer had died, everything was supposed to be okay. They were obviously going to be traumatized from everything they'd seen and felt—especially hearing about Hopper's death—but they would recover. Alina would recover from the guilt squirming inside of her for Heather and all of the others she hadn't saved, who were deemed "missing" by government authorities, would recover from the gruesome memories still fresh on the forefront of her mind, recover from her bruised ribs and back and aching knee. And then she'd enter high school with her friends beside her, and they'd face this new challenge together. That was supposed to be what was happening. That was what she'd been picturing for the past few weeks, until this morning came.

Joyce had gathered Alina, Jonathan, Will, and El to the living room, and immediately they'd known something was wrong. Alina's mother had been a mess for the past weeks after Hopper's death, bursting into tears in random places, much like she had in the horrid weeks after Bob's death. And right now, her eyes were rimmed with red, her face guilty as she stared at the three kids. And then she'd told them the news, and Alina thought she might actually keel over and die right there on the spot. It was news she'd never ever expected, because why would it happen? Why would anyone even consider it?

They were moving. And not just to a new, slightly bigger house, so that there was more room for the four kids (and cat) who were living in it, but out of Hawkins. Out of Hawkins. They were leaving the town where all four of them had grown up in, had lived in, had found friends, family, love and acceptance in. They were leaving the place where they'd fought Demogorgons and Demodogs and scientists and Mind Flayers for a new beginning. A new beginning where they'd lose all of the friends they'd made.

Alina thought that being strangled hurt less than this.

Will had immediately burst out of the house when he learned that, and Alina had heard his sobs as he'd run away. Alina had sat there, her hands curling into fists, and then she had screamed, yelled hurtful words at Joyce she didn't remember but knew she could never take back, and this was the first time she'd ever raised her voice at her mother, and Joyce was crying but Alina couldn't stop, and red light was forming around her hands and she resembled a strange volcanic entity threatening to burst force with lava.

She'd leave Hawkins. Leave Lucas and Dustin and Mike and Gabe and Max and Steve and Robin and Erica and Nancy. It hurt, it hurt so bad, and that was why she was curled up in the treehouse now, feeling like the world was coming to an end. And maybe it was, maybe they hadn't completely saved it but only prolonged its destruction, and in minutes explosions would wrack the surface and fire would consume her, charring her into nothing but ash. Or, perhaps, it'd simply disappear without sound, fading out of existence and taking everyone who lived on with it. Maybe a fleet of all-female aliens would fly in and take the men hostage, leaving the women behind to starve. Maybe the Mind Flayer would peel itself out of its grave, feeding on all of the dead bodies until it became too big for them to even look at.

But the world didn't end, even though Alina almost wished it did. She didn't want to leave, she couldn't even imagine a life where she didn't wake up in the top bunk of the room she shared with Will, leaping down and landing in a crouch and preparing to meet her friends later that day. She couldn't imagine a world where she didn't see the party nearly every day, went on dates with Lucas, played D&D at Gabe's. It wasn't fair. She didn't want to leave.

"Sky..." she gasped, reaching out to snuggle her cat close, her tears getting on his soft fur. Skywalker meowed again and squirmed, trying to get out of her embrace, but after a couple of seconds leaned into it. "Sky, I don't—I don't want to l-leave. I-I can't leave everyone. I can't leave my friends, I can't leave Lucas."

Come on world, end right now, I dare you. It'd be the icing on top of this cake made of dirt. Everything has gone so wrong, so what would be so abnormal about this?

No more Lucas, no more late nights watching the stars, no more movie nights with the party and lunch breaks spent discussing whether Han Solo was better than Luke. No more shopping trips with Max, no more sleepovers, no more fondly teasing Mike and Dustin.

She'd been through so much, so why did this feel like it hurt even more? Maybe it was because she'd had people who'd known what she'd been through, because they'd shared in the same experiences. Gabe, Dustin, Max, Mike, Lucas... they had always understood. Nobody else would, because Alina would need to keep it a secret. Explain away her subtle limp with a story about a biking accident. Explain away her scars with a fabricated telling of a fight she'd gotten into at recess in eighth grade. Pretend she was interested in things like tater tot day in the cafeteria and answer the question "Are you single" with yes.

Everything was going so fast. Only a couple days ago had been Gabe's belated birthday party, and now everything had come tumbling down, the ground splitting beneath her feet until she was hanging out by a creaky branch. Yes, oh yes, there she was, hanging over the abyss, her feet dangling over nothingness, gripping the branch of friendship and belonging, and as soon as she moved away she'd have none of that. She'd fall, and have no one to pick her up.

Lucas. What would she even tell him? He probably already knew, by now—the others might have told him—but if he was even half as devastated as she was right now, it would feel like he was trying to wake out of a nightmare. One of those awful ones where you keep waking up, thinking everything's over, just to have another horror accost you.

Alina closed her eyes, and then she was screaming again. Her vision flickered and she momentarily saw the void, but then she was shooting back into her own body with her hands covered in the thick gloves of her energy. In fact, her entire body was haloed in it, shimmering and beautiful—too beautiful. And then, with Skywalker tucked protectively under her arm, the light there weaker and the heat cooler in order for him to not be scorched instantly, Alina hurled it at the wooden walls of this treehouse.

The light burst through the wood, and the wall crumbled. Alina stood, her screams lighting up the air, and slipped down the ladder, hurling beams of energy again and again at the place she'd always used as a sanctuary. This was her Castle Byers, and given that the shack made of sticks had been demolished, she supposed it was the treehouse's turn. With blood running down her face, Alina threw bolt after bolt of energy at the treehouse until it resembled nothing more than a pile of burnt wood. And then she buried her head in her hands and cried even more.

Gabriel Burton and William Byers sat back-to-back at Hawkins Quarry with their hands intertwined. It wasn't the most comfortable position, but neither of them had managed to see the others' face for more than five seconds before being set off into sobs again, which they'd been doing on and off for the past two hours. Gabe's legs were cramping and Will's stomach growled with hunger, but neither of them moved. As opposed to Alina's analogy of deep ravines and threats to fall into them, Gabe thought of this situation more like a cat toy being dangled right in front of his head tantalizingly. He was Skywalker, and Will was the stupid feathery thing, hovering right about his head. He'd been swiping at it for a long time, trying to catch it, and now, when he'd finally gotten his paws on it, it was ripped right away from him again.

Three days. They'd gotten three days as an unofficial official couple, and during those three days, they'd gone swimming again (which was weird knowing that the other was staring at their ab-less stomach half the time), went to the deli (unfortunately, the best sandwich maker in Hawkins had been flayed, so Gabe's turkey had been sub-par) and watched the sunrise on a day they'd both woken up early from nightmares. And now Will was going to move.

It was so fucking unfair.

Will heaved in a shuddering breath now. "I just... I don't know what I'm supposed to do," he said. "I don't want to leave Hawkins, and... God, we just confessed our feelings for each other. We've barely had any time with each other like that, and now I'm going to leave."

Gabe sighed deeply, staring out at the afternoon sky, which was hazy by this hour. "It feels like the world's ending," he told Will. "Like, really ending this time. And I know that's a stupid thing to say because it's not like you... and Alina... and Jonathan... and El..." his voice trailed off. It had just occurred to him that he wouldn't even just be losing Will, which was torture enough, but El, Jonathan, and Alina as well. He cleared his throat, trying to finish his sentence. "It's not like you guys are dead. Not like Hopper or the flayed. You're just going away. But, I don't know, I thought after all of this shit we'd finally get a happy ending."

"I know," sniffed Will, wiping stray tears off his face. "It's so unfair."

"And... this morning started out so well. I was going to tell you, but then you told me you were moving first, and I couldn't, but I guess now's the time to get anything out there." Gabe took a breath, wiping his eyes.

"George—I mean, my dad—he... he got arrested. Some neighbor called CPS on him when he heard Nicole crying her eyes out in his apartment. She'd been there for six hours. Apparently, he'd gone to a bar to drink his troubles away, and just passed out at his friends' house. Leaving her alone in the goddamn apartment." Gabe breathed out a sigh, thinking of how he'd been made from such filth, then continued, "Which, yeah, what happened is completely awful, but that's not the good news I was talking about. The good news is that... Nicole's coming to live with me."

Will temporarily stopped crying at that. "Wait, really?"

Gabe sighed again. "Yep. I mean, she's coming next week, I think, so you'll still have a chance to meet her—and Alina will, too! I almost forgot that Nicole's her half-sister, as well—but... God. You were supposed to help babysit her and teach her how to swim and..." he blinked, his eyes burning. "It's so unfair."

"I guess nothing in our lives is ever going to be fair," said Will, staring out at the quarry and the long, long dive to the bottom that would break every bone upon impact. "I mean, ever since I remember my life has sucked. My dad... he was like yours. He didn't really care about me or Jonathan. And Troy and James would always call me fairy or queer or whatever insult that meant gay they could come up with." He huffed. "They'd be laughing now if they knew it was true. And then... then everything happened with the Demogorgon and the Mind Flayer, and... God. We've never gotten a break."

Gabe leaned back so that his head was on Will's shoulder. He was remembering, yet again, Dustin's first day back, where he'd shown the party all of his creations at Camp Know Where and told him the apocalypse was inevitable. He'd been skeptical (and a little terrified) then, but now he thought it just might be true. "How do you think the world will end?" he asked. "I mean, if it's not destroyed by the Mind Flayer. But I think we can also rule that out, given that it's dead. Hopefully."

"Zombies," said Will promptly. "Some disease that'll spiral out of control. And, knowing my luck, I'll get infected. Then I'll really be Zombie Boy."

He held out his arms, growling lowly as he imitated the movie monsters, but there was no humor behind it, not like there would be if this was a normal day. After a pathetic moment, he lowered them, and then he was crying again, sobbing in Gabe's arms, and Gabe was thinking, again, and again, how much he loved Will Byers, and how it was so wrong that soon he'd be gone.

. ✧ ・゜. +・o ✧

a/n: i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this

i remember watching stranger things 3 for the first time, and getting to the end, and finding out the byers were moving away, and going "shit. that means alina has to move away, too." i cried, to be honest. and now, with my addition of gabe... well, literally all of the couples are being broken up.

i know this chapter isn't the best, but i remember being so emotional when i wrote it... so this definitely comes from more authenticity than writing expertise. i hope it's still okay.

also, guys, i hate to say it, but this is the last chapter of paroxysm. all we have is an epilogue left, and then we'll be temporarily finished with the acatalepsy series. considering i uploaded acatalepsy around a year ago, i guess it's fitting, but i'm probably going to bawl my eyes out anyway. 

(the fact that i cry whenever i read the epilogue doesn't help)

it's been a journey, guys. i love you all.

'till next time!