I opened my eyes and felt something warm in my hands, Jimin's hand. He was asleep, head resting on my hospital bed as he held my hand beside his face. I tried to move but I felt too weak like my bones all lost strength. I felt so cold, shivering when I removed the blankets on me. Jimin woke up just when my hand slipped from his and he blocked my way when I wanted to leave my bed.

"Mara, you need to rest more." Jimin said as he made me lie down again. He placed the blankets over me again and gave me a weak smile, "Are you hungry? Do you need anything? Water?"

"Jimin, what happened?" I tried to speak, my voice came out really bad. I remembered why I was rushed to the hospital and, automatically, felt my womb with my hand, "What happened to the baby?"

His smile was wiped away by a grim frown then he held my hand tighter. He couldn't look at my face and instead focused his gaze on our locked hands. Tears filled my eyes slowly. I knew what he was going to say. Somewhere inside me, I felt it; the immense feeling of loss. I was getting red in the face as I tried to swallow back my tears, my lips trembling, my chest tightened and I sudden had trouble breathing.

The first tear fell on my hospital gown, followed by a gush of sorrow that blocked my heart. I wanted to scream but I couldn't even speak as the violent sobs took over me. Jimin's arms locked me in. I gripped on his arm as I buried my face against his chest. He didn't say anything. He didn't do anything. He just let me cry it out, cry everything out.

"I'm so sorry." Jimin whispered softly when I quieted down and my sobs were gradually fading. "We couldn't have known that this would happen. I know you tried your best to keep him. We did everything so don't blame yourself for this. There was nothing that we could've done to prevent this from happening."

Jimin lifted my face up and dried my tears with his thumb as he cupped my face. He delivered a delicate kiss on my forehead and hugged me again, "We can try again.. I'm here. We'll get through this. I love you."

•••

The next few weeks has not been the easiest. I was discharged from the hospital against medical orders because I couldn't bear being in there anymore so as soon as my fever went down and the infection from the miscarriage has been cured, I asked Jimin to take me home. At first, he disapproved of the idea but I pleaded to him until he agreed.

Taehyung has been staying with my brother in the mean time. He got him a nanny and Isabel told me she will look after him for me. Jimin and I are the only ones occupying our home at the moment. It wasn't the same when I came back. Everything has changed, even my relationship with Jimin. We continued to do the same things together; eat meals together, share the bed, we talk yet it's not the same thing anymore.

We decided not to talk about what happened since the day I found out, like a taboo word, we avoided mentioning it as much as possible. Nobody mentioned anything around me. I felt so isolated.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Jimin asked, sitting next to me on the bed as I helped him prepare for a needed business trip to the US.

I gave him a smile, "I'm okay. Stop worrying about me. I'm going to be fine."

Jimin trailed a hand down my arm and gently kissed me. I was taken aback, frozen for a second, when he continued to kiss me, getting more intimate. I had my eyes close as I kissed him back softly, trying to move on but I can't. It's still too painful for me.

"Stop." I pulled away and pushed him back lightly, turning away from him. "I can't do it.. sorry."

His face was filled with guilt, "No, I'm sorry. I know and I understand that you're not ready yet. I shouldn't have forced myself on you like that." Jimin said and then the painful silence filled the space between us again.

I couldn't look at him until he left the bed and finished packing his clothes. We slept in the same bed but nothing happened. I could feel him watching my back whenever I try to find sleep. Some nights, he would pull me close and hug me but tonight was not one of those nights.

The sun still hasn't risen when I felt him leave the bed. I heard the shower running and listened to it until he turned it off. He made the slightest noise as he dressed himself, afraid that he'd wake me up but I was already awake. I couldn't sleep soundly, not since that happened.

I pretended to be asleep when the mattress dipped near me then I felt him leave a kiss on my temple. I could feel his gaze lingering but I continued to pretend that I was okay, that I was getting better but I'm not. I don't think I'll be able to recover after losing something very precious to me.

The door made a subtle sound as it closed behind him. He left so soundlessly. The sun still hasn't risen. I felt lonely again as I waited for another morning to come. I wondered how it would be different from the rest to come.

•••

Jimin has been gone for a eight days when he was supposed to be back after a week. He didn't call me when he was supposed to and I couldn't get in touch with him. I was beginning to worry but he wasn't the only one I should be focused on. Taehyung needs me too so I forced myself to get my shit together again as I drove to my in-laws mansion. I felt bad for my son because of me, he's being passed around like a toy. My mom called me yesterday and it woke me up. I was being selfish, thinking only about my welfare when my own son needed a mother. The guilt was eating me up so I called my in-laws and let them know that I'm getting Taehyung back from them.

Jimin's mother was waiting for me in the garden where Taehyung was also playing. He ran up to me as soon as he saw me and gave me a tight hug along with a bright smile.

"Hi baby." I said as I hugged him back. I was glad to feel him in my arms again, to hear his voice again. "Did you eat a lot? Because it seems like you got heavier."

"I ate a really big cookie this morning!" Tae formed a huge circle with both of his arms.

"That big?" I acted surprised as I played along. "Then how did it fit in this small tummy of yours?" He giggled when I tickled his sides. In an instant, I felt my world lighting up when I heard him laughing.

"Mara."

Then she called my name and I let Taehyung play by himself again. Jimin's mother gestured for me to join her in the small table. "Sit down for a minute and let's talk."

"Sorry but I'm in a hurry. I just came to get Taehyung." I politely replied, standing my ground.

"Oh. Then I'm just going to tell you directly." She faked a smile. I know it was not real because she would never smile at me. "I deeply feel sorry for your loss. As a mother, I know what you're going through." She put her hand on top of mine as she offered her insincere words, "I hope you're coping well."

I subtly took my hand back, "I am. Thank you for being concerned." I added, "I would love to stay and talk but Taehyung and I really need to get going now. We've intruded on you too much."

"Oh no, dear. You did no such thing." She showed me a smile again, "And Taehyung has been nothing but a sweetheart to us. I'd love to have him here often."

"Thank you for looking after him." I offered her my goodbyes but just as I turned my back, she said something that made me stop.

"I wonder how Jenni and Jimin are doing. I hope they're working on another bundle of joy right now. They must be having fun with each other's company." She mumbled to herself, making it sound like she was thinking out loud but I knew her motive was to make me hear her.

I quickly moved and collected Taehyung's things. I buckled Taehyung in the backseat and left that insufferable mansion. I headed to my brother's place. He was the only one I can run to right now. My chest feels like it's about to burst open but I tried to control myself because I'm with Taehyung and he's too young to know what's been happening.

"Mara?" Hoseok answered the door after a few rings on his buzzer. I was grateful that he was home.

"Hey, I'm sorry but can Taehyung and I crash here for a few days?" I said as I held onto Taheyung's smaller hands and his bags on my other hand.

"Yeah. Of course. Come in." Hoseok said and invited us in. He got Taehyung's bag from me and placed them in the guest room where we will be staying for a few days.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" He asked when I started to tear up. Taehyung was playing in the living room while we were in his kitchen.

"Nothing. I just-" I wiped my tears quickly, still being able to control them. "I don't know what's happening. Jimin hasn't called me and his mother told me that he's with this woman named Jenni. I just can't- I can't handle all of this right now."

He patted my back comfortably, "It's okay. Stay here for as long as you need. Until you and Jimin can figure this out."

"Thank you." I gave him a quick hug. "Can I leave Taehyung with you for awhile? I'll just get  some clothes back at home."

"Sure." Hoseok replied with a smile. "He's safe with me."

After that, I drove back home. I was not expecting anything as I pack my own clothes. I gathered the things Taehyung and I will be needing and left the unnecessary stuff. The front door was opened. I thought I was just hearing things until I heard voices down the hall. Jimin's and someone else I'm not sure I'm familiar with. I hurriedly finished up when I heard him coming nearer, he was calling for me. I bumped into him on my way out of the bedroom.

"Baby, you were home?" He held me by my shoulders and his gaze dropped to the bag I was carrying, "What's this?"

"Taehyung and I will be staying over at Hoseok's for a few days." I told him nonchalantly as I shrugged his hand off me but they only got tighter.

"Mara wait. What do you mean?" Jimin followed closely behind my hurried steps until something made me stop.

A woman stood in the middle of our home. I thought about the first words he told me when he bumped into me and why he was holding onto me, preventing me from leaving because he didn't want me to see her. He didn't want me to find out that he brought another girl into our home. My mind was making up scenarios that I shouldn't even be having and it hurt me.

I felt Jimin standing behind me. He saw my expression and was about to make a shitty excuse, "Mara, she's-"

My hand made a loud sound as it came across his cheek. I heard the woman gasp. I didn't even feel anything but pain as I left him there in a frozen state. I quickly exited the house and  left the building as quickly as I could. I felt like being suffocated. How could he bring that girl to our home and think I wouldn't find out?

How could he lie to me so easily?