"That's a nice drawing." I commented as I observed Tae's colorful drawing of us. "Is that me? Did you make me pretty?"

He nodded back at me as he ate a gummy bear, "I drew a yellow dress for you, mommy."

"Wow. I love the dress, sweetie. Thank you." I gave him a kiss on top of his head. "And is this Daddy?" He nodded his head again, "He looks handsome."

"He's going to work to the big company." Taehyung mused and I chuckled at his description.

"Really? He's working there?" I asked him as he colored the sun bright yellow and the clouds grey and white. "And who's this short haired girl?"

"Yoonji noona. I like her." Taehyung drew a plaid skirt for Yoonji and a big ribbon on her hair. "She has a backpack too like mine."

"I see. Yoonji noona is pretty." Tae sent me a smile as he nod his head twice. I tousled his hair softly, "You stay here and just continue drawing or watch TV, okay? Mommy's just going to do some cleaning."

I left Taehyung alone and went to collect the dirty laundry. I picked up one of Jimin's dress shirts and noticed a shade of lipstick I don't believe I ever wore. The dainty color of pink stained a part of his collar. I pressed the shirt to my nose and sniffed it. I could smell a few mixtures of scents. I don't trust my sense of smell sometimes but I can pick up a faint scent of a woman's perfume.

Was it Jenni? But Jimin wouldn't cheat on me. Would he? I took the laundry out for the helper to wash, shrugging my doubts away. Jimin would tell me. He wouldn't sneak around to meet another girl. That's just absurd.

All day I've been thinking about it. I can't seem to take it off my mind until Jimin came home. He acted the same. I shouldn't be suspecting him like this. It feels wrong.

"Hey." He took my waist, pulling me closer and kissed my cheek. He kissed me only on the cheek. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I gave him a smile then I pulled onto his tie, connecting our lips together.

"Baby. Babe, wait." Jimin pulled away, making me even more doubtful because since when did he refuse a kiss from me? "Taehyung can see us."

"It's okay." I told him, "It's just a kiss. What's wrong with that?"

"It's inappropriate for him." Jimin whispered in my ear. Bullshit. He looked at me closely, his hand still resting on my waist. "Babe, are you okay? Something bothering you?"

I shook my head, disappointed. I finally let him go, retreating to the bedroom. It's stupid. I'm being stupid. I don't know what I'm trying to find out. If a man's cheating, he won't easily admit to it but Jimin said and he promised he wouldn't do those things to me.

"Mara." Jimin followed me to our room. I was going to take my shower when he caught my waist and trailed his fingers delicately down my arm, "Let's shower together."

"Not now. I'm tired, Jimin." I told him as he snaked his arm closer my waist as I tied my hair up. I didn't like his hands touching me so I shrugged him off. "Don't you ever get tired? Because I just told you I am so please stop it."

"Alright, fine." Jimin released me from his hold. "I know you're tired. I'm just trying to be sweet. I didn't know you'd get annoyed over it."

"I'm not annoyed, Jimin." I countered, wrapping the towel around my underwear clad body.

"Yes, you are." He loosened his tie before removing it and then he began to unbutton his shirt. "You have that tone in your voice whenever you call me by my first name if you're mad about something. What's this about?"

I stepped closer to him, leaning forward to smell his shirt. There it is. I could smell the same perfume on him. "Why don't you ask yourself what you did wrong?"

"What?" He followed me to the bathroom but I slammed the door on him. I've never been so angry at him before.

I looked at myself in the mirror. Am I not attractive enough for him? Am I getting boring? Is it really me? Or she's just really better?

"What am I even saying?" I splashed my face with water, hoping my head would cool down a bit. "What if I'm wrong and I'm just accusing him?"

I headed to the kitchen when I was all done with my shower. Jimin was reading Taehyung a story in the living room. I know I needed to apologize but I didn't know how to start. I put it off until after we had our quiet dinner and I helped Taehyung under his blankets. I spent a few more minutes inside Tae's room, reading him a bed time story until I was sure he's fast asleep. I tucked him in and looked for my husband.

Jimin was not in our bedroom so I went to his study where he was still working on something on his MacBook. I know he knew I was waiting for him but he was ignoring me so I made the first move. I silently walked behind him, planting my fingers on his shoulders as I applied firm pressure on his stiff, tensed muscles.

"Baby?" I started and he was still playing hard to get so I continued to give him a massage until my hands were now pressing along his toned biceps, "I'm sorry for what I did earlier, baby. I don't know what I was thinking.."

"Have I ever treated you like that before?" He spoke after a few more minutes of silent treatment while I watched him proofread some proposals. He still wouldn't look at me and his expression was as cold as ice. He's scary when he's mad.

"No." I answered, stopping the massage and wrapping my arms around his shoulders instead as he sat on his swivel chair, "That's why I'm saying sorry because I was wrong."

"That's all?" Jimin looked up at my face then when I didn't answer, he yanked my arm and made me stand before him. "You're missing one important detail in your apology."

I stood there, thinking about what I was missing. I was already in my night dress but I didn't have a robe so I felt a bit overexposed under his stare. Jimin patted his lap and I met his eyes again, "Give me a lap dance."

"L-Lap dance?" I almost laughed but he was serious so I bit my lip to stop myself from smiling. "How will you find me attractive? I'm pregnant, Jimin, and-"

"And you're even more sexy right now." He placed his fingers close to his lips as he leaned back and his eyes raked over me. "I want it now."

"Okay.." I wasn't sure what to do too but I just said yes and I can't take it back now. Then all of a sudden, I was pulled down on his lap, facing him. Jimin caught hold of my waist as I sat on his lap, my dress riding up high around my thighs.

"I was kidding." He gave me a smile. "You were really going to dance for me?"

"I am if that's the only way you'll talk to me again." I frowned at him. "I'm sorry. I was being stupid." I said and then gave him a soft kiss on the lips as my hand traveled around the back of his head.

"Why?" Jimin asked. I knew he would ask and I won't be able to say it to his face without feeling embarrassed. He asked again, peeling my hands away from him, "Why?"

"I was thinking that you were cheating on me. I kinda went paranoid wife on you when I saw that shirt with the lipstick stain and you smelled like a woman's perfume earlier." I distracted myself with the hem of his shirt, avoiding his stare. "I know it's stupid."

"I told you about Jenni and how we're always getting set up in dates." Jimin explained. "It was my mom's idea." I rolled my eyes and he smiled, "We don't like each other so don't worry and trust me. Haven't I told you before?"

Jimin leveled his mouth with my ear, his breath tickling me a bit, "You're exciting enough for me."

•••

"Rockabye baby on the tree top when the wind blows the cradle will rock.." In my dream I was singing a soft melody. I was lulling my son to sleep, pushing his hair back gently as he dreamed.

I'm slowly getting better. One step at a time, I'm starting to feel the way I was before without the guilty thoughts that kept me awake at night. I believe I'm starting to accept my pregnancy and finding meaning in it, why I was given a difficult task.

It was a test for me, a test of how much I can endure for my family, just like how my mother and my brother endured for me. I have accepted that it's not my fault, nor Jimin's, we just need to be stronger so we can face this together. For Taehyung and for this baby in my womb.

"Come to bed." Jimin was leaning against the door frame of Tae's door. I smiled at him and then tucked Tae snuggly under his blue blanket. Jimin stretched his hand out to me and we headed to our bedroom together.

I felt warm liquid trickling down my thighs. I looked down and saw blood running down my legs, all the way down to my ankle. The hand that was holding mine disappeared and suddenly I was in a field of dead, wilting flowers. A small, young girl with hair that fell until her shoulders, stood in the middle of the dead field, staring at me.

"Mama." She mouthed before the wind blew her away from me like ashes.

I woke up with tears running down my cheeks. I couldn't seem stop crying. I don't know why I was crying. I can still see her face, slowly breaking. It was horrible. Jimin soon was woken up by me. He noticed my shoulders trembling so bad and he pulled me to his chest right away.

"Did you have a bad dream?" He asked, his hands coming up to dry my tears, "It's nothing but a bad dream. Shh. It's not real, baby."

I placed a protective hand over my stomach and felt the baby's faint heart beating inside me, worried about the life inside of me. Jimin lifted my chin up and kissed my forehead, rubbing my back softly until I calmed down, "Let's go back to sleep."

I lied back down to bed. Jimin and I were facing each other. I was watching him sleep since I couldn't get back to sleep anymore. The more I stare at him the more I realize how his nose and his lashes are the only features that our Tae got from him while the rest are mine but most probably just a mix of us. I smiled at thought, bringing my fingers up to touch his hair and then his face, before I kissed him goodnight. Jimin snuggled close to me, hugging my waist as he rested his head on top of my chest.

The girl's face still lingered in my mind, her young face that spoke to me. I wonder how pretty she would look like with a smile on her face. I imagined her calling me Mama again. Even if it was soundless, even if she was voiceless, I felt something. I was scared but want her to call me Mama again. I want her to appear in my dreams again. The next time she does, I won't let anything take her away again. I closed my eyes again and wished for the day I'd become a mother to her.

My forehead and the sides of my face had beads of sweat when I woke up. It felt like my hands turned to ice by how cold and clammy they've gotten at the sight of my own blood surrounding me. Is this another dream. I reluctantly reached my trembling hand out to feel the warm liquid of pooling blood and realized that this was not another bad dream but a real nightmare.

Our sheets are getting soaked my blood. I screamed when a sharp pang suddenly arose from my lower abdomen. I was crying, hysterical when Jimin carried me up because I kept bleeding and this time I felt that I was really going to lose my baby. I started to have cramps and the were unbearable.

"It hurts. Make it stop.. please." I was pleading to Jimin, squeezing his arm as he called someone to look after Tae.

I felt like I was going to die as Jimin drove me to the hospital. "Hang on, Mara." He held onto my hand tightly, driving at an impossible speed. "Talk to me. Don't close your eyes."

"I'm going to lose him.." I started crying, quivering as I repeat the words in my mind. The pain was eating my hope away and I was having hallucinations. I could hear a baby crying.

"our baby.." I was crushing Jimin's hand as another sharp pain arose from my abdomen as if I was getting kicked right in the gut and then everything went away after that, the pain disappeared, and so was my vision. I blacked out.

The last thing I heard was her calling me, Mama.