December 9

That morning I woke up in a bubble of warmth, my entire body pressed against Roman's. He was still asleep, mumbling something about dragons under his breath, and one of my arms was trapped under him. I had no idea what to do. If I moved, he'd wake up, and he'd definitely say something to embarrass me over this.

Thankfully, and slightly to my horror, I felt Roman stir under me before I had the chance to do anything whatsoever.

I clamped my eyes shut and schooled my face into something peaceful.

We laid there for a while silently, but just when I started to wonder if he had actually woken up or not, he carefully shuffled away from me and out of the bed. I held my breath all the way until I heard my bedroom door closed.

----------

Breakfast went smoothly.

Well, sort of.

Patton's 'World Famous Pancakes,' as he'd lovingly put it, managed to keep my mind steady for a while. They were actually pretty good, if you scooped off the mountain of chocolate sauce and ate around all of the burnt parts. My resolve cracked, however, when Roman and I made eye contact across the table. He gave me this private little smile and then looked away, all shy and maybe even blushing, and suddenly I was falling head first into the recent memory of his arms around me.

Why did he stay in the bed so long?

Why did he act so weird when he got back to my room?

Why was he looking at me again?

"Well kiddos," Patton said and stood up. "I'd better clean up a bit!"

"Let us clean, you cooked!" Roman tried, but Pat was already out of the room and at the sink before he could even finish getting the sentence out. Without saying anything, I grabbed mine and Roman's dishes and brought them to the kitchen. He didn't follow me, but I could hear him leave the table as well.

I tried to ignore it.

Patton gave me a knowing look as I dropped the plates on the counter, which I tried to ignore as well.

When I walked back to the living room, Roman was on the floor with the heap of Christmas lights on his lap. He was so deep in focus that he didn't even notice me. "Oh, you didn't-" I said, and he looked up at me. "You um, don't actually have to do that. I was kidding."

He shook his head, smiling. "Call it a thank you," he said with a shrug and returned his attention to untangling the lights.

"For what?" I asked.

"Letting me stay last night, duh."

I rolled my eyes. "As if Patton would have ever let you go out in that weather."

He met my eyes again. The look he gave me was painfully soft, warm in contrast to the cold light pooling in through the windows. "You know that's not what I'm talking about," he said quietly. My heart tightened in my chest.

What could I even say to that?

You're welcome? No, that doesn't feel right.

You can sleep in my room whenever you want to? No, that's just creepy.

I think I want to wake up next to you every morning for the rest of my life? I mean, maybe a little true, but again, creepy.

The moment seemed to pass by on its own, and I left before he could say anything else too mushy. I rushed to my room, where I could freak out and maybe scream into a pillow without the scrutiny of beautiful brown eyes to judge me.

----------

I laid face-down on my bed until Patton called me out to say goodbye to Roman sometime later.

When I walked out to the front door, though, no one was there except Peanut. I sighed and knelt down to his level. "Why do you have to leave?" I scratched behind his ears, which he leaned into affectionately. "Oh, who's my favourite boy?"

"I thought I was."

I jumped and spun around to face the source of the voice. Roman was leaning against the wall, grinning down at me. "What the hell! Don't sneak up on me like that!" I stood up.

He laughed and shook his head. "C'mon, tell me I'm at least top 5."

"After that? You're lucky if you're even top 20." He pouted and pushed himself off the wall, suddenly very much in my personal space.

"Is there anything I can do to change your mind?" he asked softly.

He was close enough that I could feel him breathing. My hands itched to reach up, to touch. I started to lean in, just a little bit, and he did too, and then...

"Oh!" Patton shouted from the living room. "You fixed the Christmas lights!"

Roman made a noise that sounded a little too close to a growl and leaned away from me. I shuffled a few steps backwards awkwardly. God, we were so close. "It was the least I could do," he said as Patton came into view.

"Oh, that is just so sweet of you!" Patton said.

I watched quietly as the two hugged and said their goodbyes. Over Roman's shoulder, Pat gave me the same knowing look from earlier. I felt a hot wave of embarrassment rush through me from head to toe. How does he know? What is he seeing that I'm not seeing?

Roman left, closing the door behind him and Peanut with a final "Later losers!"

I could feel myself beginning to miss him already.

Ugh.

Patton turned to me, slowly, cautious like he was dealing with a wild deer. My stomach dropped. "Now, kiddo-"

"Nope." I fled immediately, past the living room with newly fixed Christmas lights and through the hallway and to my room, ignoring the frantic chorus of 'hey!' and 'wait!' coming from Patton behind me.

"Virge, please-"

I closed the door in his face. His sigh was just barely audible on the other side.

"I'm not going to force you to say anything you don't want to say, but please, just listen," he said. It did little to reassure me, but I sat down with my back against the door and stayed quiet. "I know you don't like to talk about the way that you're feeling, but-" he paused. For a moment I thought, hoped, that that was all. That he had given up, and would walk away and let me wallow in my misery in peace. But no, of course not. This is Patton we're talking about. "But I see the way you look at him, and the way he looks at you. So I guess what I'm trying to say is... Why didn't you just tell me you two were dating?"

What?

What?

I flew to my feet and whipped the door open.

"We are not- Why would you-"

"Whoa, whoa," he said with his hands up, startled. "I'm sorry, I-"

"Why would you even think-"

"I'm sorry! I shouldn't have assumed, I'm sorry."

I ran my hands over my face in defeat. "Stop apologizing."

He gave me a sheepish smile. "Sorry," he said, and the tension lifted from my shoulders a little. "Can I come in?"

I moved aside wordlessly and he shuffled past me. We sat on my bed, quietly. Patton spoke first.

"You two really aren't together?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes. "No. I don't know why you would even think that."

"I'm not a total dummy, you know," he said. "I see the way you both stare at each other when you think no one is looking. And how smiley you two are when you're together. And- goodness, if you heard the way that he talks about you!" He spoke with the kind of voice you'd use if you were reading a fairy tale to a child.

Softly, I asked, "How does he talk about me?"

He smiled. "Like you're the only star in the entire sky."

I huffed out a half-laugh, because weirdly, that sounded exactly like something Roman would say. I could even imagine the look on his face as he'd say it, all whimsical; the look he gets when he's talking about a new musical he wants to see or a song he heard that I just had to listen to right this second. Oh, that look. That boy. I fell backwards onto my bed, face in hands. "What do I do, Pat?" I asked.

He dropped onto his back next to me. "Well, what do you want to do?"

"I don't- I don't know. I've never felt like this before." The admission felt heavy on my tongue, but it was true. Never, not for anyone. This was a brand new feeling crafted especially for Roman, forged in golden smiles and brown eyes and all things beautiful. My heart ached with it.

"Don't you want to tell him?"

I looked over at him with a frown. "I can't do that." Anxiety bubbled in my gut at the very thought of it. "What if he didn't feel the same? I would ruin everything."

Patton looked like he wanted to say something, but after a second he shook his head and smiled. "A gesture, then," he said with finality, like he made the decision for me.

"A gesture?" I asked.

He nodded. "Something grand, and just romantic enough to show your feelings without giving them away. If he feels the same, he'll understand and be forced to say it first. If he doesn't, he'll just think it was a really nice thing for you to do."

"Patton, that's... actually really smart."

He grinned.

"How'd you even come up with that?"

"I told you I'm not a dummy!"

With that, he left me to simmer in my thoughts. A gesture, huh? Could that actually work? What would that even be?

There, torn between my fear of rejection and my fear of disappointing Patton, I began to brainstorm.

Christmas was coming up, and I had an idea.